It really depends on people. Some people don't care if there is a feeling of love in their lives. They have a stable home, they can watch TV every day, and they can stuff endless food into another person's stomach. In winter, the quilt won't be so cold, someone can help you when you want to move heavy things, and you can face each other bravely when there is power failure in the earthquake, so you feel good and even feel superior to unmarried people.

It really doesn't matter if such a person doesn't feel love, and he doesn't need to be influenced by others to start doubting his marriage.

However, unlike this, some people will feel completely wrong if they don't feel in love. A lady told me that the feeling was that "all the cells in the body can't absorb oxygen, but they just keep piling up waste."

However, another lady "can't describe the pain of marriage in words." One day, she took her two-year-old child to go fishing, and the child asked, "Why do fish have to be put in water? She answered "Fish will die without water" without thinking, and now she suddenly realizes that this is her marital status, and tears are streaming down her face. For such an emotional person, it is necessary to repair the relationship and draw the oxygen of love.

The problem of marital lovelorn is certainly not as fast as that of single lovelorn. The simple slogan "See clearly that he doesn't love you and divorce bravely" may inspire people for a while, but it can't solve the inner entanglement.

Most of the women I have met still want to try their best to save their love before giving up their marriage. But the secret of this matter is that whether love can be brought back depends on wisdom, courage, patience, timing and fate. People who desperately want to call back love but don't know the way will become "dissatisfied women" if they are not careful.

We are all familiar with the disgruntled woman's face. She would say, "You don't even want to talk to me", "You haven't looked at me for a long time", "Why don't you want to do anything with me", "What are you up to recently?" I almost don't know you.

These words show anxiety about each other's distance and a certain sense of demand. If you can't elicit a response from your husband, there will be more harsh words, such as "am I not a good wife?" "I am your wife, shouldn't the wife get some attention from her husband?" "Do you think we are still like husband and wife?" "How long has it been since we had sex?" "You won't have sex again in my life. 」

Why do you start talking in this tone? I don't think this is what anyone wants spontaneously. Forced into a helpless situation by the feeling of lovelorn, it is easy to fall into this role. Once you start to use this tone, the relationship will get worse and worse. This attitude gives people a kind of "what do you owe me?" If the husband has a little humanity and a little moral responsibility for the relationship, he will feel strong pressure. And people's instinctive reaction to pressure is to escape.

People's instinctive reaction to pressure is to escape.

Once again: people's instinctive reaction to pressure is to escape.

It needs to be emphasized three times because most people don't want to take this fact seriously. The other party has obviously avoided you, so you continue to exert more pressure, as if you think that if you don't give enough pressure, the other party will not come back.

As for those husbands who have no sense of moral responsibility and identity in marriage, they only feel that the dissatisfied wife at home is like a squid, always polluting his vision, hearing and feeling with ink-jet juice. They may not feel pressure, but feel disgusted, and the result is the same as fleeing. If you can keep your eyes away from your wife, never touch her, physically as far away as possible.

In any case, the first step to stop the vicious circle is to recognize your own state. Before talking to your partner, imagine yourself facing a camera. What will the broadcast film look like? Facing your husband, does your mouth droop, revealing deep decrees? Are your eyes empty, dark and dissatisfied?

Love is a beautiful and pleasant feeling, which can never be obtained in a dark way.

The image of "female ghost" in China culture is similar to that of a disgruntled woman, that is, the spirit of Yin fills the air. If you want to live in a good way, you must realize whether you have been hollowed out by a loveless marriage, lost the yang of life, and become an empty and bottomless yin state. This metaphor may be a bit exaggerated, but many people who are lovelorn in marriage really become like this unconsciously. Life is no fun, no longer take care of yourself, let yourself waste. Whether in the eyes of your husband or others, you are becoming more and more inaccessible.

Milan? In Kundera's novel The Unbearable Lightness of Life 2, the heroine Theresa had a dream:

I was buried, buried for a long time. You come to see me once a week. Every time you knock on the grave, I come out. My eyes are full of mud.

You always say, "How can you see?" You want to wipe the mud off my eyes.

I always say, "I still can't see, my eyes have become empty." 」

Then one day, you will go on a long trip. I know you went with another woman. Weeks passed, but you were nowhere to be seen. I was afraid of missing you, so I didn't sleep. Finally, you knocked on the grave again, but I didn't sleep for a whole month, and I was exhausted. I don't think I'll ever get out. When I finally came out, you looked disappointed. You said I looked bad. I can feel how ugly my drooping cheeks and tense posture make you feel.

I apologized and said, "I'm sorry I didn't close my eyes after you left." 」

"Really?" Your voice is full of false happiness. "You need a good rest and a month's holiday! 」

Like I don't know what you're thinking! A month's holiday means that you don't want to see me for a month. You have another woman. You left, and I fell into the grave again. I know in my heart that I will wait for you without sleep for another month. When you come again, I will be uglier and you will be more disappointed.

Kundera wrote that Teresa's husband "has never heard anything more painful" and "he thought he could not bear this kind of love any more".

The nightmare of the lonely, such a vicious circle of sadness.

Never wait in the grave, you must try to jump out. To get rid of the fate that is more and more like a ghost, we must tell ourselves: "I want to live." 」

I want to be a living person.

This article comes from "Broken Love in Marriage" published by Ping An Culture. For more information, please go to the blog.