1, don't bother others: seldom ask for help, take care of yourself, even if you have to, you have to hesitate for a long time before you speak.
2. Worried about negative evaluation: I am very concerned about my evaluation in the eyes of others, afraid of not being liked and not confident.
3, take the initiative to apologize: I am afraid of conflict, so whether it is my fault or not, I will have a good time first, hoping to calm myself down quickly by apologizing.
4, rarely express ideas: often hide real ideas in your heart, rarely speak boldly and directly, afraid that if you don't speak well, you will be attacked or attacked.
5, silently bear: in the face of scolding or misunderstanding, don't argue, just want to close yourself, and it is very accurate to establish a real intimate relationship with others.
6, so I can't refuse: I don't know how to refuse others, and I often promise things I don't want to do because I can't open my mouth.
7.8 There is no principle at the end. I hope to keep a good relationship with others as much as possible, so I may unconditionally agree to any request of others, or even shrink back.
8. cater to others: even if there is an unreasonable point of view, it will be refuted, and it may even be vaguely agreed according to the situation.
How to get rid of the correct personality? What are the reasons for the ingratiating behavior?
1, please explain the reason.
When I was a child, I didn't get enough love and attention and felt insecure. From my childhood experience, TA felt: What must I do to make others love me?
2. Why are you invited?
Because in such a growing background, flattering behavior has become a demand signal, representing: I am so good to you, can you be good to me?
3. The real you are fine
Now you are very good, and you will be a child next time. You really need to rely on others in your childhood. You must accept this and your past before you can let it go. But, more importantly, you have grown up now. You have the ability to do anything. You're amazing. You are not fragile at all.
4. Build a life with a sense of boundary.
Many flatterers long for an environment where others can understand your needs and respond without asking. But in essence, this is called "unclear boundaries." Others can be responsible for him, and he can also be responsible for others. This behavior only exists between parents and minor children.
But one of the main signs of adults is to establish a complete border, be independent and be responsible for themselves. Only children will constantly care about whether others pay attention to him or not, and will ask others to meet their own needs. Therefore, it is very clear to build a life with a sense of boundary.
5. You deserve to be loved.
I hope all girls know this. You don't need to please others, you deserve to be loved. Even if, even if you take 10,000 steps back, you really feel that no one loves you, then you still have yourself.
6, others say no, boldly refuse.
The most important step for a likable person is to dare to tell others. This is actually an important performance of giving priority to yourself.
7. insanity is a rare experience. After refusing, you should also refuse to feel guilty about refusing, and don't regret it because of your guilt.
Guilt is normal. Everyone has it. In other words, you can enjoy the guilt now, which is also a rare experience. When you get used to refusing, you may not feel so guilty. Maybe it's more luck, it's luck, it's the feeling that you took the first step.
8. Cherish time and improve yourself.
High-quality solitude can earn too much compared with pleasing others. With your own time, improve yourself more! Mei Bi's psychology book with three high scores in her life;
"The Road Few People Walk" Douban 8.3 points
If you can solve the problem, you will become a problem. If you feel pain, read this book.
"The courage to be hated" Douban 8.6 points.
This book has refreshed the knowledge of many people. I hate the courage to accept myself and separate the subject. It seems that China people are trying to please the public, but it is actually penetrating.
"Be Me" Douban 8.8 points
Mr. Aron's autobiography shows a straightforward, ordinary and frank idol. If you have the trauma of family of origin, you might as well read this book and see how the author handled it.