The so-called "Phoenix Man" refers to a man who gathers the strength of the whole family, works hard for more than ten years, and finally becomes "golden phoenix flies out of the mountain nest", thus bringing hope to a family transformation. After they entered the city, they married a peacock girl (synonymous with city girl) and lived a city life. However, due to the brand left by their original rural identity, their love, marriage and family with Peacock Girl have caused various problems.

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Interpretation of Phoenix Man

Phoenix man, as its name implies, "a golden phoenix flies out of a ravine" refers to those men who came from poor families (especially in rural areas) and went to college through hard work and stayed in the city to work and live after graduation. The cruelty and hardship of life left a deep imprint on their hearts, which made them generally have the spirit of hard work that people with good family circumstances do not have, and also brought them career development. But when they choose the urban women around them and join hands with them to enter the marriage hall, many negative factors appear.

For example, they often have a heavy sense of guilt about their parents (including brothers and sisters, even the whole village and family) who have worked so hard to provide them with education, and thus derive a strong sense of responsibility, thinking that improving their lives is the unshirkable responsibility of themselves and their wives, otherwise they will be "ungrateful" and will be "poked in the spine". Driven by this idea, the interests of small families, the mood of wives,

For another example, men who grew up in rural areas are inevitably influenced by feudal ideas that favor boys over girls. Some of them have three or four or even seven or eight sisters. They have witnessed how desperate generations of rural people are about "spreading incense" since childhood. When they have children, they have unrealistic expectations about the gender of the children in their wives' bellies. If they are not born as expected, their parents will be disappointed.

Judging from the posting on the Internet, most of the people who denounced "Phoenix Man" were "Peacock Women". These people spend enough time online and are good at weaving emotional stories. So after a few strong posts, "Phoenix Man" naturally became a "rat crossing the street, and everyone shouted".

They think that "Phoenix Man" is self-abased, difficult to serve, and too concerned about his parents, which breeds two concepts of "discrimination against women" and "extended family" and becomes the chief culprit in destroying marriage. In this regard, someone came out and retorted: "How many Phoenix men have you contacted? Is it true that there is no marriage breakdown and domestic violence for peacock women to find peacock men? " It can be seen that the fundamental reason why this urban-rural marriage is easy to break down lies in the different living backgrounds of both parties, not just the responsibility of one person.

As we all know, after 1958, China's urban-rural dual household registration system gradually formed, which not only absorbed rural resources in the form of "scissors difference" economically, but also created two national identities politically, providing the soil for ethnic discrimination.

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Advantages and disadvantages of Phoenix Man

1, born in poverty, born in a mountain nest with a phoenix. Because of this, he will cherish everything he has. In particular, he knows the difference between his wife and rural women, so he cherishes his wife very much.

2. People who are smart, diligent, smart and have experienced tempering have stronger resilience in the face of various difficulties in the future, much stronger than many tens of thousands of disciples in the city;

3. Phoenix Man has achieved all his achievements by his own hands, but young people in many cities are still gnawing at the old;

4. Being stingy with what you have and afraid of losing everything and returning to the original shape.

5. Individual Phoenix men will constantly calculate their own efforts and gains. In other words, they pay only to get it; 6, frugal life, long adaptation period to luxury goods;

The key problem of Phoenix Man is that city dwellers are very sensitive to the subconscious discrimination of rural people. They think that "people in the city are also people, and people in the countryside are also people. Why should we look down on them?" ! "This sensitive point is not big, but it is difficult to deal with. It is often the root of contradictions, but it is often hidden deep.

Full of warmth and desire, hunger and cold stole the heart. People lack ambition, but horses are thin and hairy. There is nothing wrong with the old saying.

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typical character

He Jianguo (Guo Xiaodong) in the new wedding era.

Deeds: Born in a poor rural area in Shandong, only one child in the family can go to college. At the same time, He Jianguo and his brother He decided to decide their future fate by drawing lots. He Jianguo, who wanted to go to school too much, derailed, entered the city and became a white-collar worker, while his brother buried his youth dream forever, stayed in his hometown and became a farmer. He Jianguo married Xiaoxi, who is a local and his parents are intellectuals. His family is superior and his heart is simple. After marriage, the relationship between them is very good, but the founding families have more and more unreasonable demands on Xiaoxi and his family. The founding of the People's Republic of China, out of guilt for parents, required Xiaoxi to obey unconditionally, which brought a lot of pain and trouble to Xiaoxi. At his strong request, Xiaoxi, who was pregnant, went back to his hometown for the New Year with him. The rough journey made Xiaoxi lose her child and suffer from habitual abortion. Daughter-in-law's infertility has become a major knot in the founding of the people's Republic and the family that values future generations. ...

Double-sided tape is played by (figure)

Deeds: Born in the northeast rural area, he stayed in Shanghai after graduating from college. I bought a house with the help of my husband's family, and I lived a small life with my Shanghai wife Hu Lijuan, who only admired Yuanyang but not immortals. However, with the arrival of Yaping's parents, this duplex house, which was originally full of warmth and interest, has become different. Different ideas between the north and the south and between urban and rural areas have collided into a situation where two generations are almost incompatible. But under the eyes of Yaping's parents, Yaping can no longer show her previous affection for Li Juan, and the world in Li Juan is becoming more and more desolate ... Yaping's father's serious illness and Yaping's brother-in-law's laid-off make her situation even more difficult. Exhausted, he had to cheat his wife's help and support through calculation and means. Li Juan finally borrowed more than 100,000 yuan from her family to Yaping and gave birth to a lovely son. Whether it is the tragic ending of Yaping's family violence against Li Juan in the novel or the seemingly warm ending of Yaping's mother's death several years after Yaping broke up with Li Juan in the TV series, Li Juan took her son to see the old man for the last time, which seems to tell us how difficult it is to reconcile some contradictions in one's life.

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Analysis of Phoenix Man

Phoenix man's problem is actually a common problem for men. For women, "does he love me?" , is the first important question. It is not impossible for a man to be dead set on a woman, but it will not be much easier. Women should be careful not to be confused by things that look very touching. For men with curiosity, they often do something to please women, just to get the bait thrown by their prey. Whether this behavior is sincere or deliberate is the boundary between love and non-love. Having said that, I will talk about the first question of Phoenix Man, that is: selfishness.

There are selfish men and women in both urban and rural areas, which are not unique to Phoenix men, but stand out among Phoenix men. Phoenix man is a phoenix man because of his poor background and his cleverness and hard work. So all the achievements of Phoenix Man are made by himself. It is difficult for a person who grew up in a rich family to understand the Phoenix man's desire for wealth, his miserliness about what he has, and his fear of losing everything and returning to his original shape. This kind of emotion, coupled with cleverness, can easily become scheming. No matter how Gu Xiaoxi and Hu Lijuan think that their Phoenix husband loves them, it is undeniable that after all, when their marriage changes, men will benefit (this calculation is unfair). This is also the marriage of Phoenix Man. Phoenix man always keeps calculating his own efforts and gains. To put it another way, they only pay for it, just like He Jianguo did for his family, in order to make himself more confident when ordering Gu Xiaoxi to do things for his family. As for who needs the efforts of others more, he has already made it clear. He will call Gu Jia in the middle of the night, because "she doesn't think my parents are my parents, and her parents are not my parents".

The other side of selfishness is xenophobia. Phoenix man has an extraordinary understanding of one thing, that is: what is his own and what is others'. So they will instinctively judge the distance between people around them and themselves. Among them, one person is special, and that is his wife. Because marriage can be the most intimate or it can disappear completely in an instant. Whether Phoenix Man can be saved depends on whether he can understand the truth of husband and wife integration. If not, it generally doesn't matter. When it comes to blood relationship PK, the Phoenix man's heart is near and far, and the consequences are unimaginable.

The formation of the characteristics of Phoenix Man is really due to the huge gap between urban and rural areas, social debt and so on.

But what I'm talking about here is only aiming at the marriage and family problems faced by outstanding men from rural areas, and deeply analyzing women's fear of agriculture-related marriage, which has nothing to do with society.

Here, we can think about why rural women are basically harmless to agriculture-related marriages. Excellent rural women are welcomed and respected by people, while rural men, on the other hand, are revered by women.

There are two major contradictions.

1, the concept of rural extended family.

2. In rural areas, son preference is serious.

The above two points are what women are most afraid of, and they have no influence on the marriage of rural girls after they enter the city. It is extremely harmful to the marriage of rural men after entering the city.

In many marriages between men and women who love each other, the intervention of these two concepts leads to the breakdown of small families. The tears of people who have experienced it make more and more girls talk about agriculture (marriage).

Inferiority is the second problem of Phoenix Man. This problem is not big, but it is difficult to deal with. It is often the root of contradictions, but it is often hidden deep. In the face of an inferiority complex, everything you do will be wrong. When you flatter him, he becomes arrogant and forgets how powerful he is. Despising him will arouse strong self-esteem and have explosive and uncontrollable consequences.

This kind of behavior is understandable. From nothing to a little, a person is bound to burst into confidence, lose his position and forget what he used to be. It is not surprising that once the old man is exposed, he is ashamed and angry. Is that people who live with him will have a hard time. I don't know when it touched his sensitive nerve, and then everything started to go wrong until it finally broke out.

Inferiority and conceit are two sides of the same body. A person's strong sense of inferiority shows extreme conceit instead. Inferiority makes it haggle over every ounce, and conceit makes it despise. This is why Phoenix Man is selfish. They always feel that everything they insist on is good and right. They don't allow others to refute and comment, let alone put themselves in others' shoes, let alone tolerate others' mistakes.

This narrow view of values is inseparable from its own value standard and measurement system. It is impossible to look at things with a big picture and love, and it is impossible to share and change. It's no use talking more. The more he talked, the more resentful he became, which eventually led to the breakdown of the relationship. What is even more frightening is that many people are afraid to face up to the problem because of inferiority and conceit, and they are unreasonable and unable to communicate. It must be for some special reason to choose this kind of person as a husband, so Peacock Girl herself may not be worthy of sympathy.

Phoenix man, who does housework before marriage and cares nothing after marriage, simply wants these two things: "marriage" and "wife" and then gets "boy" If a woman can't tell this apart and marries him, there will be many things after marriage. Especially when boys can't be born, how can Phoenix man tolerate the existence of such a wife and the environment of being an only child now? Under this condition, because the original intention has not been achieved, everything is wrong, let alone a good life.

A confident person does not have such values. I will not impose my ideology on others. So this kind of person should be excluded from Phoenix Man. It is wrong to say that all rural people are like this.

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Phoenix man's own voice

"Phoenix Man" 1: "I think" Phoenix Man "should refer to the kind of rural man with bad character, then I don't think I am; If it broadly refers to rural people who come to the city, then I don't mind the name. Normal work and life, economic independence, buying a house by myself, did not bring a burden to my girlfriend's family. "

"Phoenix Man" No.2: "You said that Phoenix Man took care of his parents too much, and I was so angry that I couldn't speak. We should take good care of our parents both legally and ethically! Especially elderly rural parents. Everyone will get old. When you and I were children, we both wanted to get rid of our burdens, but at the same time we hoped to have children to honor when we were old. Why? "

Phoenix Man No.3: "Although I am not a prince, you are not a princess. We are all civilians. How can an urban civilian and a rural civilian become two worlds, incompatible with each other? If you are a princess, that's good. It's a pity that you are just a small jasper. Why don't I deserve you as a promising young man? Why does it seem that I have touched your light? Why am I not as good as you? So please don't look down on my folks, because you are also looking down on me. "

"Phoenix Man" No.4: "I don't agree with the shortcomings of Phoenix Man that you summarized. Who says people from the countryside feel inferior? I never feel inferior. I firmly believe that the background of living in the countryside has benefited me a lot. There are many young people coming out of the countryside around me, and half of them are in various state organs and key departments. "

Phoenix Man No.5: "Actually, the difference is just a question of who has the right to speak. I don't agree with the title of Phoenix Man. I can proudly say that I am the son of a farmer, and all children from the countryside can proudly say so. Just like a great man, I ask myself, life in the countryside makes my childhood life full and happy, and it is more suitable for quality education than children in most cities. "

The sixth issue of Phoenix Man: "In fact, I personally think that Phoenix Man should be the product of agricultural civilization and commercial civilization. Sorry, too many Peacock Girls complain when they meet inappropriate people. I was born in Lezhi, Sichuan, Marshal Chen Yi's hometown in 1984, and I have been exposed to some foreign educational ideas and life concepts for a long time (in junior high school). Later, I found something strange: the original western life scene has a shadow in the Book of Songs. Zhu in Song Dynasty imposed a series of thoughts on others. Nevertheless, isn't Marshal Zhu De (from Yilong, Sichuan) loved by people all over the world? Since ancient times,' Phoenix Man' can't represent all college students from rural areas. Phoenix Man's wish that all his relatives are rich is good, but his way is wrong. Although I am also from the countryside, my classmates have called me a philosopher and thinker since junior high school. I prefer to see the essence of things, and I long for truth. What I really want to say is that the reason why' Phoenix Man' appeared is the failure of the whole education. Everyone talked a lot of nonsense here, but they didn't touch the essence of the matter. You think: If I read as the teacher said, I'm afraid I'll only be like the biggest group of bookworms created by China at present. Fortunately, I know that I should read more books written by different people (including foreigners) and know the opinions of opponents, so that the truth will follow. Look at' Phoenix Man', but I am better at mastering technology.

By the way, education in our country only pays attention to achievements, not to moral education and comprehensive quality. So they are just a group of nerds who have never explored the truth and are unwilling to accept it. This is caused by the current education in China. The deeper reason is that the serious imbalance between material civilization and spiritual civilization in the current society makes the precarious ideological achievements of China's education go up in smoke. From this point of view, I am glad that I have been exposed to Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism and foreign ideas, and I have been able to sublimate from them and master a survival skill. In Lu Xun's words, I should say to' Phoenix Man' and' Peacock Woman' that it should be' mourning their misfortune and angering them'. Finally, I want to say that I come from a peasant family and my father is over 60. He graduated from primary school and has emphysema, but I'm sure he's not.

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Why do Phoenix men and Peacock women have contradictions?

Different classes-one's birth cannot be changed, but one's fate can be changed through the efforts of the day after tomorrow. The quickest and most fundamental way is to learn knowledge and enter the university. This way is the most effective and expensive: for family members and even the whole village, it is not easy for them to earn money, and most of them just farm, so the only way to increase their income is for the whole family to scrimp and save for more than ten years; For himself, when he was a child, he had to give up the happy time of playing and devote himself to his study. He just came out of the countryside and came to the university in the city. The life he experienced was very painful. Changes in the environment have brought about various maladjustments. Poverty made him the first suspect that his dormitory was stolen, and his isolation from fashion made him ridiculed as "outdated".

After these experiences, they finally took root in the city and lived a completely different life from their ancestors. Their years of hard work are full of hardships. Can you believe it? Watch it took me eighteen years to have coffee with you. Marrying a peacock girl is a milestone in their lives, not because they made money by marrying a peacock girl. Marrying a poor boy in his village shows that he is worthy of your rich woman and that his boy has the qualities that a rich woman needs.

It's a pity that the brand of the countryside is still on them (the worst is the preference for boys over girls and male chauvinism). In fact, marrying Peacock Girl is a part of their life, and it is a stage from rural people to urban people. In the university, society and family, his rural customs and concepts collide and merge with urban concepts all the time. The contradiction between Phoenix man and Peacock woman is really the embodiment of collision. Husband and wife understand each other, tolerate each other and compromise with each other. What is the gateway to get through? Your Phoenix man will gradually turn into a city dweller. This change will be slow and difficult. The more he touches the core, the harder it is to shake it, but it is not impossible, because he has to adapt to urban life, not the city to adapt to him!

When the next generation comes, children will absorb the advantages of Phoenix man and Peacock woman, and those so-called bad qualities will disappear with time.

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Code of Rural Phoenix Men's Association

Phoenix is a beautiful and arrogant animal. It is really inappropriate to describe it with some men who came out of the countryside because of their good studies. However, since everyone has accepted this term, let's pass it on.

Eight Personality Traits of Phoenix Man:

1, Phoenix men live in groups. Although he may live alone in the city at present, he has a strong psychological dependence on his extended family. Although his body lives in the city, his soul is still wandering in their hometown, their village and their home.

Phoenix Man was born in this world for the purpose of supporting his parents, so no matter where he goes and what kind of person he becomes, he always remembers that it is his bounden duty and obligation to give everything to his parents and extended family. The sense of responsibility was once the most prominent advantage for Phoenix Man to attract women, but this sense of responsibility without upper limit and right is often his fatal weakness.

3. Phoenix Man feels guilty about his wealth. As long as he lives a little better and his parents and brothers don't, it's a crime. Because social animals are one, they should live and die together, share weal and woe, and share wealth.

4. Phoenix Man is extremely conceited and inferior. They don't want to know who they really are. They live in the expectation of others and their own reverie.

5. Face is something that Phoenix Man values very much. Sometimes it is more important than happiness in real life. A large part of the reason why Phoenix Man works hard to make progress is for the sake of face, the face of himself and his extended family.

6. The most important people in Phoenix Man's mind are parents, followed by brothers and sisters. Girlfriend or wife or something.

7. The concept that men are superior to women is still very strong in the minds of Phoenix men. Although keeping pace with the times now, it will be manifested in the form of alienation, such as "men are the mainstay and women have to support them", but the meaning in the bones has not changed, that is, men are the heads of the family and women should listen to men, not the other way around.

8. Phoenix man was fed up with the crime of poverty in his early years, so when choosing a partner, he would never choose a rural woman with a poor family, but try to choose an urban woman, especially one with relatively rich family conditions and better conditions.