What does family of origin pua mean?
Pua, born in a family, refers to controlling you through ridicule, suppression and denial in the name of love and with the slogan of being good to you. The logical chain of PUA is this: you are not good enough, you are not worthy of love, and you need to be better to be worthy of love.
1, since childhood.
Bad comments from parents are the hardest blow to you. No child is willing to admit that he is inferior to others. They want to be affirmed by adults, and their understanding of themselves often comes from the evaluation of adults. People who are often attacked by their parents tend to feel inferior and fall into self-doubt and self-denial. In severe cases, you will suffer from mental illness, which will lead to many extreme behaviors.
2. Being asked since childhood: You should be sensible.
Being sensible is often an illusion, and its foundation is inferiority. Dare not. I dare not be selfish, willful or unreasonable. Many people with low self-esteem care about being sensible all their lives, but never know themselves. They suppress their own needs and only dare to say "good", "ok" and "it doesn't matter". They often please others, finish their tasks seriously, and live a well-behaved life, but they are often inseparable from themselves. Han Daqi, a famous writer, wrote in the article "Behind being sensible is a deep sense of inferiority": "Being sensible is a poison. Once this impression is formed, it will kidnap you and stick to it. Because I knew long ago that as long as a Xiong Haizi did something warm-hearted, he would be praised. And if a sensible child does something out of line, his parents will be disappointed, and all previous efforts will be wasted. Therefore, sometimes we must stick to the end with the aura of "sensible" and be patient. I found that behind being sensible is a deep sense of inferiority. I feel that I may lose at any time and dare not fight, so I have been living carefully. "
3. "I worked so hard for you."
Growing up, we all carry a lot of expectations. Therefore, parents often pin their hopes and spirits on their children and keep saying that they should let them know. In their view, only by making children feel guilty can they have more motivation to learn. "You are the hope of our family." "You don't have to worry about us, you can live well." "We did all this for you." "We go out early and come back late every day for you."
How does family of origin pua escape?
In the face of PUA, what we have to do is by no means forbearance. Because the emotions that are not vented will never disappear, but will be buried alive, and one day, they will erupt in an ugly way. You know, as an adult, you can make your own choices and decisions. Believe in the power of change, realize that inferiority is not your own fault, but has external influence, and believe that you can change yourself through the day after tomorrow. If you are an inferior person, I want to tell you that it is not your fault. You are important and worthy of being loved. You don't have to be so sensible. Of course, I hope you can 100% believe that everyone has the power to change, you can change and get rid of inferiority.
Why do families of China descent like PUA so much?
Because PUA's children are the most obedient. This is the power of PUA. PUA will blend into your blood, become a part of your body, and even become the source of your strength. Oriental education advocates that heaven and earth are teachers, kings, ministers, fathers and sons are sons, and they dare not disobey the orders of their elders for a moment. In fact, this is completely unnecessary. The sooner they finish "killing their father", the sooner they can get rid of the shackles and get a new life. Born into a poisonous family, it has poisoned generations.
Can family of origin heal itself?
Yes, you can get rid of the influence of your family and cure yourself through your own efforts. If you want to get out of harm and learn to heal yourself, you must first find your own "inner child". This child is his childhood self, and his childhood was hurt by his family.
1, unload the burden and face the "inner child"
If you want to get rid of the shadow of the past, I think what you have to do is to unload the burden and forget the unhappiness and pain of the past. You should find the "inner child" and fight against this inner child. Face the most painful and ugly self in the past, and believe that you will win in this confrontation! The more recommended method is to write to your past self, to the family that hurt you, or to talk directly. Speak your truest thoughts, not just keep them in your heart. This is not to make you feel sorry and comforted by people who have hurt you in the past. In fact, it's just to unload those responsibilities that don't belong to you and let the people who are really responsible take responsibility.
Step 2 ask questions and guide yourself
It is also important to find your inner child and ask questions at the right time. In order to find out your inner child, you can ask yourself the following questions: What psychological needs did you have when you were a child? Among them, what are the needs to be met? When you were young, what often made you feel negative? What motivates you the most? Have you ever made a decision that affects your life? I believe that if you can find the answers to these questions, then you can gradually find the inner child. In the process of answering these questions, you have taken a big step forward, because you dare to face the worst side of yourself in the past, which is already remarkable.
3. Keep moving forward and give yourself a sense of security.
The last point is also very important. You need to keep moving forward, and actions can make you forget the child in your heart; And the results after the action can increase your confidence and security. Everyone has their own different possibilities. You can choose a road that you don't dislike and can work hard for. Because your actions can help you focus on the present and the future, instead of just staying in the past. In fact, he "forced" all this on himself.