Children need to adjust their expectations when they are repeatedly frustrated. Parents should never ignore their children's behavior. Children will have different problems at different stages and should be solved with them. Here are ways to adjust your expectations when your child is frustrated.

Children are repeatedly frustrated and need to adjust their expectations 1. Expectations are reasonable. Even if they fail, their psychology can be restored, and their indomitable nature will make them more frustrated and brave. If expectations are too high and there are too many setbacks, children will doubt their abilities, thus shaking the foundation of their strong psychology.

Don't be a source of stress for children.

In the last chapter, we talked about the expectation effect (pygmalion effect), which means that as long as parents give their children expectations, their children will develop in the direction expected by their parents. However, this expectation must be combined with the reality of children. It is only a directional guidance and positive psychological suggestion, not a blunt instruction. Otherwise, expectations will become pressure, not motivation.

Many parents put forward very specific requirements for their children, such as how many points to take and where to take the exam. This goal will cause particularly great psychological pressure on children. Some parents' expectations are too high, which even causes their children's psychological imbalance and even collapse.

I have a friend's cousin. Her son's grades have been in key middle schools. Admitted to Beihang University and Beijing Institute of Technology is no problem, but the "goal" she set for her son is top universities such as Tsinghua and Zhejiang University. On the day of filling out the college entrance examination volunteer form, the boy said that he couldn't fill out the Tsinghua and would definitely fail. She said angrily, "How will you know if you don't try? Finally, there is a sprint time, and you can get in if you work hard! " Because he couldn't beat his mother, the boy reluctantly reported Tsinghua University as his first choice.

But before the exam, he collapsed because of too much psychological pressure. On the day of the college entrance examination, he hid in a basement for a day and a night. His family was so anxious that they called the police to find him. It took the boy several years to get back to normal, but he said he didn't want to learn anything. Her mother regretted it, but it was too late. There are many such things.

I have a friend in America. She and her husband both graduated from Ivy League schools, so they also admitted their son to Ivy League schools. Their son/kloc-was admitted to Harvard University at the age of 0/8 and committed suicide by taking poison in the dormitory in the first month. The child left a suicide note, which read: "Don't you just want me to enter an Ivy League school? I was admitted to Harvard and gave you enough face! You are happy, but I am not happy. I refuse to live! " Fortunately, the boy was found early and was rescued. His mother said to me regretfully, "My son 18 committed suicide. It took me 10 years to slowly recover his body and mind. He was only willing to make a girlfriend when he was 28 years old. "

These frustrating examples are all caused by parents blindly setting goals for their children. Parents have the obligation to help their children establish personal expectations, but the expectations must be reasonable, so that even if they fail, their children's psychology can be restored. If expectations are too high and there are too many setbacks, children will doubt their abilities, thus shaking their psychological foundation. The most important thing is that parents themselves should not be the stressors of their children, but should stand with their children and face the goals they want to achieve. Only in this way, in the face of pressure and setbacks, they will not feel lonely and will have greater strength to overcome difficulties.

Children expect too much from themselves, and parents should help them adjust in time.

There is a saying that "the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment". Some children are more demanding of themselves and will study harder; Some children are not very strict with themselves, so they are not very active in their studies. However, personal expectations are not as high as possible. If children's expectations are too high and beyond their abilities, they will often be hit repeatedly because they can't reach their goals, resulting in frustration and loss of confidence.

In real life, many children have too much yearning for college. They think that anything is possible as long as you work hard! So they will set unrealistic college entrance examination goals for themselves and pay sweat and tears in blindness and impulsiveness. Because they are eager for success, there will be many unreasonable places in their learning methods, so they are defeated again and again.

If the child is found to have this kind of eye use, parents need to communicate with the child in time, fully understand the child's learning situation and predicament, and jointly establish appropriate goals according to the child's actual situation. When making specific goals, we must consider three points: first, we must have an objective understanding of our learning foundation; Second, we should make clear the advantages and disadvantages of our current learning methods and make appropriate adjustments; The third is to set goals in stages, step by step, and steadily improve.

There is a boy who has a very good grade in Grade One, is a key high school in the city, and is expected to be admitted to a top university in the future. However, something unexpected happened in the sky. He fell ill as soon as he entered the second year of high school, and he had to rest at home for half a year. He will be able to go to school next semester in Grade Two. Because of his high self-esteem, he doesn't want to repeat it. He hopes to go straight to the original class. His parents disagreed with his decision. They think that the boy has recovered from a serious illness. In this case, his grades are bound to drop sharply, and the most important thing is to hurt his confidence.

The boy refused to listen to his parents' advice and insisted on entering the second year of high school directly. As expected by his parents, he found that he didn't understand a lot in class and was under great pressure. Fortunately, his parents have given him a "vaccination", so he set his goal very low, as long as he can keep up with his work. Because of his relaxed attitude, he quickly found a learning state and caught up. By the end of the term, he had taken more than 20 students (50 in the whole class), entered the top ten in senior three, and finally was admitted to a good university.

It is worth mentioning that children are highly nervous and psychologically sensitive when approaching the big exam. At this time, most parents will not put pressure on their children, but hope to let them relax. However, sometimes parents' casual words can easily convey inappropriate psychological expectations to their children and have a bad influence on them. For example, some parents want to decompress and relax their children, so they say something like this: "I don't blame you for not being admitted to my parents." We will review it next year. " It is disgusting for children to say so. They will think that it is obviously a denial of their ability for their parents to think about next year before going to the examination room.

Other parents "shouted slogans": "Come on! Mom and Dad are waiting for your successful return! " This will increase children's psychological burden and make them more nervous. Children with poor grades are even less emboldened.

Another example is: "remember your goal, success or failure depends on it!" " "In this case, the role of exams in life is overemphasized, and it has no positive effect except to make children's mentality more unstable. There is also: "Your model test results are good, and the teacher said that it is no problem to take the Tsinghua Peking University! "Even if children really have the strength to be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, parents can't say that. Parents are not children, and the high expectations that are bound to be obtained are likely to affect the normal play of children.

Although parents are "external forces" in children's study and life, they are indispensable forces. Smart parents don't choose to be stressed, but to be the motivation of their children. He won't be the captain of his life instead of the child, but will keep a certain distance and be a beacon to guide the child to drive safely. Goals, like coordinates, play an important role in children's learning. If there is a problem with the target, the child can easily deviate from the direction and be disturbed. At this time, mature parents will give their children spiritual support and emotional comfort. They will calmly observe the child's state, soberly help the child realize his misunderstanding, and let the child get rid of confusion as soon as possible and sail to the route again.

The child has been frustrated many times and needs to adjust his expectations. 2 netizen mother: My child is five years old. Recently, he likes playing chess with his father. My rule is, win or lose, I can only play two games a day. The problem arises. After losing the first set, the child felt indifferent and wouldn't cry. If the second set is lost, the child will cry for the next set. Of course I don't agree. At this time, the child's father will blame me, saying that the child cried because he limited the number of plates. Just let the child eat another plate. I feel helpless. Children can't face failure calmly. How can I guide them?

When a child loses at chess, he will cry and make a scene. This is the performance of his unwillingness to make progress, which is gratifying. But it also reflects another problem, that is, children's ability to resist blows is not strong, and their ability to withstand setbacks is weak.

The reason why children can't afford to lose is largely related to their parents' educational methods.

Have a lot of friends. When a child cries, they will voluntarily surrender, just like your husband: either they lose to the child intentionally in the game, or they will stand up and solve the problem for the child. In life, they also love their children very much, feeding and dressing, doing homework and carrying schoolbags basically replace most of the children's things.

Actually, this is not good. Parents arrange things to replace their children, and life is smooth and smooth, so that children are not allowed to experience setbacks, which not only makes them lose the opportunity to start work, but also makes them lose the courage and ability to face setbacks directly, which is harmful to their growth.

On the contrary, parents need to consciously frustrate their children.

First of all, parents should set an example and pay attention to their words and deeds. Adults' attitudes and ways of dealing with setbacks will have a subtle influence on children. You can use your own life experience and personal experience, as well as the stories of celebrities to educate and guide your children, so that they can understand that it is normal to suffer setbacks, and it is most important to be optimistic and actively seek solutions.

Secondly, we should be brave enough to let go and let the children face the difficulties themselves. He fell, don't rush to help him, but encourage him to get up; Don't tell him the answer directly to the homework he can't do, but let him think more. Only in this way can children gradually learn to face everything in life independently.

If you think that children are less frustrated, you should consciously create opportunities for "frustration". At home, let him help you wash dishes and sweep the floor and do some small things that you can; Holidays, take him to climb the mountain; Take him for a morning run in winter and encourage him to fight the cold.

Even, you can "artificially" set up some obstacles. Five-year-old children can be given some difficult situational training. For example, what should he do if he gets lost in the street? What should he do if he has an argument with the child? In different situations, gradually improve children's courage and ability to overcome difficulties and setbacks.

In addition, parents also need to learn "negative" education properly. When playing chess, there is no need to deliberately lose to him, parents should win; Don't let him be the protagonist in every game activity; Even if a child successfully completes a task, he can deliberately "pick holes" and point out his subtle shortcomings; When he makes mistakes, punishing him appropriately can also make children feel frustrated and improve their self-regulation ability.

What you need to pay attention to is that when cultivating children's frustration ability, we should pay attention to enough. Don't rush for success. Setting obstacles with too high difficulty will only damage children's self-confidence and enthusiasm, and make them have serious frustration and fear. This is not good.