Presidential Secrecy

Before Roosevelt became President of the United States, he served in the Navy Department. One day, a friend asked about the Navy's secret plan to build a base on a small island in the Atlantic Ocean. Roosevelt deliberately looked around, then lowered his voice and asked: "Can you keep it a secret?" "Of course you can." "Then," Roosevelt said with a smile, "I can too."

More on Article

At a meeting to formulate the U.S. Constitution, a congressman said: "There must be a provision in the Constitution: the number of regular troops shall not exceed 5,000 at any time." Washington said calmly: "Mr. The suggestion is indeed very good, but I think there is another one: the number of foreign troops invading the United States should not exceed 3,000 at any time."

Never seen again

The youth. Lincoln enlists the militiamen in San Francisco, Illinois. The commander was a short man, just over four feet tall, while Lincoln was extremely tall, much taller than the commander. Because Lincoln himself felt tall, he was used to walking with his head lowered and his waist stooped. The superior was very angry when he saw his stooped posture and brought him in to scold him. "Listen, Uncle," the captain shouted, "keep your head high, this guy!" "Yes, sir." Lincoln replied respectfully. "It needs to be raised a little higher," Shang said. "Do you want me to be this wife forever?" Lincoln asked. "Of course, this guy, do you even need to ask?" The boss was getting angry. "Sorry, sir," Lincoln said with a sad face, "Then I have to say goodbye, because I will never see you again!"

Praise for the Beard

A noble lady He arrogantly said to the French writer Maupassant: "My novels are nothing great, but to be honest, my beard is very beautiful. Why do you have such a big beard?" Maupassant replied calmly: "At least it can give people who know nothing about literature Something that compliments me."

Shaking his head

During a meeting of the British Parliament, a member of Parliament saw Churchill sitting in the seat shaking his head in disagreement. The congressman said: "I remind everyone that I am just expressing my own opinion." At this time, Churchill stood up and said: "I also remind Mr. Ceremony that I am just shaking my own head."

Wittmen is a famous lawyer graduated from Harvard University and was elected as a state legislator. Once he wore country clothes to a hotel in Bishton, and was spotted by a group of gentlemen and ladies in the lobby who wanted to tease him. Wittemen said to them: "Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to wish you happiness and health. In this advancing era, can't you become more educated and smarter? You just look at my clothes. Looking at me, I couldn't help but misjudged the person. For the same reason, I thought they were gentlemen and ladies. It seems that we were both wrong."

Refreshing the record

Once, A reporter asked President Taft what his exact weight was. "I won't tell," Taft replied in a thunderous voice, "but you know, Speaker Reed was also asked, and he replied that a truly well-bred man should not weigh more than 200 pounds. But I This record has been broken, reaching 300 pounds.”

President’s Clothes

Thomas Jefferson, the third president of the United States, always regarded himself as a member of the civilian population. When he was president, he rode alone to the suburbs of Washington every afternoon to roam and have extensive contact with the people. One day, Jefferson met a Connecticut man. This man saw Jefferson riding a tall horse and wearing ordinary clothes. He thought he was a horse dealer, so he started chatting with him. As we talked, we talked about the newly-appointed president. The other party said: "Jefferson spent money lavishly. He wore rings on every finger. He sold his clothes, and the money he got back could buy two watches on a plantation." Jefferson laughed and said: "The clothes the president usually wears are not even beautiful! If you don't believe me, I will go with him to meet him." When they rode horses to the foyer of the White House, the servant hurriedly greeted Jefferson: "Mr. President!" The man who was traveling with him was startled. Got to be stunned.

Time to face the war

One night, Washington was sitting by the fireplace chatting with a guest. The fireplace behind him was burning too brightly. Washington felt too hot, so he turned around. Sit down facing the fireplace. A guest present joked: "My general, you should withstand the fire of war. How can you be afraid of the fire of war?" Washington smiled and replied: "You are wrong. As a general, I should face the fire of war and accept the challenge. , If I turn my back towards the flames of war, won’t I become a defeated general who runs away from the battlefield?”

Make way for the fool

One day, the great German poet Goethe was walking in the park, and he happened to be walking in the park. On a narrow path, he met a critic who opposed him. The arrogant critic said to Goethe: "You know, I never give way to a fool." The quick-witted Goethe replied: "But I'm just the opposite." After saying that, he stepped out of the way and let the critic pass.

I think they are contagious

Lincoln hated those people who came to the White House to talk and ask for a job. One day Lincoln was feeling unwell, but there was a guy staying by Lincoln's side, ready to sit down and have a long talk about death. Just then the president's doctor walked into the room. Lincoln winked at the doctor, stretched out his hands to him, and asked: "Doctor, what are the spots on my hands? I have them all over my body. I think they are It can get infected, right?" "Yes, it's very easy to get infected," the doctor said. After hearing this, the guy stood up immediately and said, "Well, I can't stay any longer now. Mr. Lincoln, I have nothing to do. I just came to visit." After the guy left, Lincoln laughed in the room.

Patience for 15 Minutes

After Lincoln’s wife Mary Todd Lincoln became the wife of the president, her temper became increasingly violent. Not only did she spend money freely, but she also often showed violence to others. One moment she scolded the tailors for charging too much, and the next she scolded butcher shops and grocery stores for being too expensive. A businessman who had suffered enough from Mary came to Lincoln to complain. Lincoln folded his arms and listened carefully to the businessman's story with a wry smile. Finally, he reluctantly said to the businessman: "Sir, I have been tortured by her for 15 years. Isn't it going to be over after just 15 minutes?"

Counterattack

A poet turned to the British writer Oscar Wilde for help when his work was not noticed: "These shameful guys! They actually cover up their abilities with silence. Mr. Wilde, how should I deal with them?" ?” “Treat others in their own way.” Wilde replied softly.

Just choose one

Someone went to the White House to visit the 26th President Theodore Roosevelt. Roosevelt’s youngest daughter Alice jumped in and out of the office, interrupting them from time to time. conversation. The man complained: "Mr. President, can't you even control Alice?" Roosevelt said helplessly: "I can only do one of two things well. Either, be a good president of the United States; or, be a good steward. Alice. Now that I have chosen the former, I can do nothing about the latter."

Only 20 minutes

In 1910, after Theodore Roosevelt left office, as William. ·President Taft’s special envoy attended the funeral of King Edward VII of England and arranged a meeting with the German Emperor after the funeral. The Kaiser arrogantly said to Roosevelt: "Come to me at 2 o'clock, I can only give 45 minutes." Roosevelt replied: "I will be there at 2 o'clock, but I'm sorry, Your Majesty, I can only give 20 minutes." Minutes."

Mrs. Humor

In 1948, Dewey and Truman ran for president of the United States. In the opinion polls, Dewey was far ahead and sure of victory. When he was preparing to celebrate the victory, he asked his wife: "How do you feel about being on the same bed as the President of the United States?" His wife replied: "It is such an honor and I can't wait." Unexpectedly, Dewey failed in this election. The wife said: "Excuse me, am I going to Washington, or is Truman coming here?"

Kant's surprise

An acquaintance was saying goodbye to a woman, and Kant asked him: " Is this your fiancée? "Yes." The acquaintance replied, "Are you surprised by my choice?" Kant said with a smile: "No, I am surprised by her choice."

"Who can test me?"

Someone asked Getrich, an American university consultant, why he, a great scholar, never received a doctorate.

He replied: "Who can test me? Dear sir!"

The accounts are clear

When Coolidge first took office as president, the officials in charge of the White House took him on a tour of the White House. The official pointed to a burnt beam and said that it was burned by the British army during the War of 1812, and suggested that it should be replaced as soon as possible. Coolidge thought about it and said, "Okay, but don't forget to send the bill to the King of England."

What comes, what goes,

Bernard Shaw celebrated the release of a new play performance, I sent a telegram to invite Churchill to watch the show: "I have reserved tickets for you today. Please come and give me advice. You are also welcome to bring friends, if you have any friends." Churchill immediately replied: "I cannot attend the first performance. If the script can be performed twice, a friend asked Dumas: "It took me a whole day to write. How can God still have energy? " Alexandre Dumas said: "I don't write novels, but novels control themselves in me." "What's going on?" p>

Dad was married long ago

Once Freud said to his eldest daughter: "I feel that I have been worrying about one thing in the past two years. I think that I am not beautiful enough. Not to the husband. I didn't take it seriously. In my eyes, it was very beautiful. His daughter smiled and replied: "But you can't marry me, dad. I'm already married." ”

Ask the Lady

Faraday was the founder of modern magnetism, but before the invention of electric lights, electric motors, and telephones, many people still doubted the usefulness of electricity. A noble lady After Faraday's lecture, he said sarcastically: "Professor, what is the use of these things? Faraday said humorously: "Madam, can you predict the use of a newly born child?" "

Answer all your questions

The British scientist Darwin happened to be sitting with a beautiful lady at a banquet. The lady said in a joking tone: "Mr. Darwin, I heard that Am I also included in the assertion that human beings are transformed from monkeys? Darwin politely replied: "Of course!" However, he was not transformed from an ordinary monkey, but from a very charming monkey. "

Using birds as a metaphor for people

Musician Sibelius and a critic were walking in the park. At this time, the birds were singing gracefully on the branches. The critic said: "They are the only ones who sing. He is the most talented musician in the world. "After a while, a crow flew over, and Sibelius said: "It is the best critic. ”

Laughing at me

French celebrity Poquet made fun of Americans for having too short a history, saying: “When Americans have nothing to do, they often like to miss their ancestors, but when they think of their grandfather’s generation, they I had to stop. " Mark Twain responded: "When the French are fine, they always want to find out who their father is, but it is difficult to find out. ”

The way you comb your hair

President Dwight Eisenhower was bald. His Secretary of the Treasury, George Humphrey, was also bald. When they first met, Eisenhower was cordial with him Afterward, Humphrey often said that he would never forget Eisenhower's easygoing and approachable style.

When the President was speaking at a White House piano concert, his wife Nancy accidentally fell down on the carpet with her chair. The audience screamed, but Nancy got up nimbly. , returned to his seat amidst the warm applause of more than 200 guests. At this time, Li inserted a sentence: "Dear, I told you that I should only perform this when I don't get applause." "

Reply

During World War II, Goering, one of the leaders of German fascism, asked a Swiss officer: "How many of us can fight? "500,000." "What will you do if I send a million troops into your country?" "Then let's take two shots each." "

Confidential

The reporter asked Kissing about the situation of missiles and submarines. Kissing shrugged and said: "My trouble is that I know the number, but I don't know what the number is. Not confidential. The reporter immediately said: "It's not confidential." Kissing asked: "Isn't it confidential?" So how much is it? "The reporter could only smile "hehe".

Lee's ambition

Lee is the oldest president in the history of the United States. He has repeatedly deftly fought back against his opponents' attacks on his age. After he announced that he had "Alzheimer's disease and will live longer", he suddenly appeared again at a rally campaigning for the Communist Party and the Party and said: "For now, I'm afraid I won't be able to run for office in 1996." President, but this does not rule out the possibility of running for president in 2000.” At this time, the audience stood up, and even his old enemies applauded.

Hope for permanent peace

In June 1961, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and Soviet leader Khrushchev met in Vienna. At a luncheon, Kennedy noticed that Khrushchev had two medals hanging on his chest and asked him what medals they were. Khrushchev told Kennedy: "That is the Lenin Peace Medal." Kennedy said humorously: "I hope to wear it forever!"

Self-mockery

Franklin wanted to do an experiment: Electrocute a turkey with electricity. Unexpectedly, after turning on the power, electric current passed through his own body, knocking him unconscious. After waking up, Franklin said: "Good guy, I wanted to kill a turkey, but I almost electrocuted a fool."

Screaming with joy

The third American The 16th President Lyndon Johnson loved playing with small animals. Once, in front of the camera of a photographer, he grabbed his little hunting dog by its ears and picked it up until the little dog screamed incessantly. He also said: "I like to hear them bark." After the National Animal Lovers Association learned about this, they marched in protest and accused Johnson of cruelty to animals. Johnson had to "clarify" this fact in public. He explained ingeniously: "I bet that the sound the dog barked was not a cry of pain, but a cry of joy."

Beautify the language

Former President of the United States When Truman spoke in public, he always said "hell" and "fuck you" unconsciously. It is said that a well-known Democratic woman once asked Mrs. Truman to persuade her husband to speak more clearly because she had just heard Truman accuse a politician of speaking "like horse manure." After hearing this, Mrs. Truman said without surprise: "I don't know, it took me many years to beautify his language to this point."

Accompanying

1962 In 2001, the Kennedy family visited France. Jacqueline (Mrs. Kennedy) can speak fluent French, and the French people and President de Gaulle are very fond of her. On his last day in Paris, Kennedy told reporters at a press conference at the Palais de Chaillot: "I don't think it would be appropriate to introduce myself to everyone here. I am accompanying Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris. Man, I feel honored for this.”

It’s also a speech

The American aircraft inventors, the Wright brothers, are a pair of good brothers who are good at thinking and working hard. But they are a pair of brothers who are the most unsociable, and what they hate most is giving speeches. Once at a certain banquet, after three drinks, the host asked Dal Wright to give a speech. "This must be a mistake!" Big Wright said repeatedly, "The speech is the responsibility of his younger brother." The host turned to Little Wright. So Little Wright stood up and said: "Thank you all, my brother has just given a speech."

The biggest discovery

The British chemist David was once the husband of the great scientist Faraday. He supported Faraday's discoveries and provided assistance. Of course, he himself also made three important achievements in science - the electrolytic separation of alkali metals and alkaline earth metals, the determination of chlorine as the element, and the invention of the safety lamp. But when people praised his discovery, he said: "No! No! The biggest discovery of my life is Faraday."

It's too late

The humorist Benchley, in The article modestly mentioned that it took him 15 years to discover that he had no writing talent. As a result, a reader wrote: "It's too late to change my career now." Benchley wrote back: "Dear, it's too late. I can't give up writing because I'm too famous."

Signing with his legs ?

A writer in the United States went to a magazine to collect royalties. His article has been published, and the royalties should have been paid long ago. But the cashier said to him: "I'm so sorry, sir. The check has been written, but the manager hasn't signed it yet, so I can't get the money."

"Why didn't he sign for the payment that should have been made long ago?" "The writer became a little impatient. "He injured his foot and was lying on the bed. " "ah! I really hope his leg gets better soon. I want to see which leg he used to sign! "

Make another bed

Mark Twain liked to lie in bed reading or writing. One morning, a news reporter came to visit him. Mark Twain asked his wife to make this When someone invited him to his bedroom, his wife objected and said, "Shouldn't we get up? What does it look like to lie down on the bed and let others stand? He thought for a while, then agreed and said: "I didn't think of this, then it's better to ask the servant to make another bed!" "

Hide your age

A wealthy bachelor around 60 years old fell in love with a woman much younger than him. He went to consult the French satirist Voltaire. "I I want to marry her, but I'm afraid that if I tell her my true age, she will be disappointed and won't marry me. So I want to tell her, I am only 50 years old..." "That won't work! Voltaire replied, "She should be told that she is already 70 years old." "

Reporter Spring and Autumn

Lazareff, the chief writer of Paris Evening News, once told a group of college students about his experience and said: "A journalist spends the first half of his life reporting. Things they couldn't understand, and the rest of his life was spent hiding facts he knew too well. "

Empiricism

Anne, a writer who has published two novels, was arguing with Mike, who loves literature. Anne finally couldn't help but said irritably: "No, Mike, I don't know. What is a novel. Because I haven't even written a novel. "No such thing," Mike said. "This argument is really poor empiricism." Think about it, I have never laid eggs, but I know the taste of egg rolls better than a hen. ”

Essence

When Canadian diplomat Chester Langing was running for provincial parliament, he had eaten milk from a Chinese wet nurse when he was a child and was attacked by political opponents, saying that he had certain Of Chinese ancestry. Lang Ning retorted: "We grew up drinking milk, so we must have cow blood in our bodies!" ”

Decline

The American composer Gershwin is a very humble man. He is famous far and wide, but he still wants to compete with Verdi, the Italian composer and author of "La Traviata" He studied composition. He traveled across the ocean and came to Europe to visit Verdi. After seeing Gashvin, Verdi humbly declined and said, "Gashvin is already a first-rate person, so why bother being second-rate?" What about the popular Verdi? ”

Columbus’s Fantastic Metaphor

After Columbus discovered the New World, people held a banquet in his honor. Some nobles attending the party thought that he discovered the New World entirely by accident. Columbus took out An egg said: "Guys, who of you can stand this egg on the table?" "The nobles were standing left and right, but they couldn't stand up, so they had to ask Columbus for advice. Columbus picked up the egg and knocked it on the table, and the egg stood up. The nobles were very unconvinced and said that we would also stand up. Columbus smiled. Said: "The problem is that none of us smart people thought of doing this before me. "

Forget

Someone asked Surates: "Mr. Surates, have you ever heard of..." "Wait a minute, friend," the philosopher immediately interrupted him. , “Are you sure that everything you are going to tell me is true? "That's not true. I just heard what others said." "I see. Then don't tell me anything unless it's a good thing." I would like to ask if the thing you are talking about is a good thing? "On the contrary!" "Oh, then maybe I need to know, so as to prevent harm to others." "Well, that's not really..." "Well, okay!" Sucrates finally said: "Let us forget this matter!" There are so many valuable things in life that we don't have time to pay attention to things that are neither true nor bad and there is no need to know. "

Belongs to

The great American painter Schiller, one day went with a friend to visit a millionaire in London. As soon as he walked into the gorgeous living room, he found that there were A painting he painted many years ago. He looked at it and felt very dissatisfied, so he took out the brush and paint and used a quick brush to modify it.

"What are you doing?" When the owner saw it, he was shocked and said, "Who dares to scribble on my painting!" "My painting?" Siler replied calmly, "I thought I paid. Is that what happened? ”

Under a heavy reward

British Prime Minister Churchill was anxious to rush to the House of Commons for a meeting, so he called a taxi. After the car arrived at its destination, he got out of the car and said to the driver: "I will be delayed here for about an hour, please wait for me." "No," the driver firmly refused, "I have to rush home, so I can listen to the radio." Listen to Churchill's speech." When the Prime Minister heard this, he couldn't help but be greatly surprised, so in addition to paying the fare at the price, he also gave him a considerable tip. The driver looked at the unexpected income and quickly changed his mind. He said to the passengers: "I thought about it, I'd better wait here to be sent back. What the hell Churchill!"

The Gardener's Story

An American woman went to Paris tour. One day she saw an old man watering the garden of a villa. His diligent and serious attitude made the American very fond of him. She thought, the French are really the first-class gardeners, and it is difficult to choose just one in the United States. Now that they have met by chance, why not take one of them back to the country? So she walked up to the old man and asked him if he would like to go to the United States to be her gardener. She could give him a high salary and pay for his travel expenses. He continued to brag about the United States for a while, as if there was gold everywhere and foreigners could make a fortune there. "Madam," the old man replied, "it is quite unfortunate that I have another job and I cannot leave Paris for a while." "Resign them all. Fortunately, I will compensate you. In addition to the gardener, there are also What's your side business? Is it raising chickens?" "No," the old man said, "I hope they don't choose me again, so I can accept the job." "What do you choose to do? President." "Yes..." "I am Anli and the President."

Imitation

Once, Hollywood held a birthday party for film performance artist Charlie Chaplin. Before the banquet ended, Chaplin sang an Italian opera interlude with a lyrical soprano. A friend present was amazed: "Charlie, we have known each other for many years, but I never knew he could sing so well!" Chaplin replied: "I can't sing at all.

This is just a parody of Enrico Caruso!