Since this book was published in 1936, it was very popular and sold 40 million copies in almost 10 years. Many celebrities have read this book. It not only covers interpersonal communication, but also includes speech, work, life and various forms of interpersonal relationships. In order to write this book, Carnegie used information and impurities related to interpersonal relationships, weekly magazines, newspapers, family courts, ancient philosophy and contemporary psychology. I even spent a year and a half searching through the books and missing things in various libraries, studying the biographies of unclear characters, exploring the treatment methods of great figures of all generations, from Caesar to Edison, and reading the biographies of these great men in detail. , studying the daily lives of these people, there are hundreds of biographies of Theodore Roosevelt alone, we are determined to do whatever it takes to find out all kinds of practical information related to the theme of "how to win friendship and influence others" in each era. Thoughts, it took 3 years to successfully write this book.

Carnegie’s 30 principles of interpersonal relationships, such as not criticizing, blaming, or complaining; giving others sincere appreciation and gratitude, etc.

This Eight goals this book helped you achieve?

1. Break out of your own fixed thinking, think in new ways, generate new perspectives, and discover new goals.

2. It’s fast and easy to make new friends.

3. Be popular.

4. Make others think the same as you.

5. Increase your influence, your persuasiveness and your ability to accomplish things.

6. Handle other people’s complaints, avoid disputes, and keep your interpersonal relationships smooth.

7. Speeches can be made better, and conversations with people are lively and interesting

8. Among colleagues, arouse everyone’s enthusiasm for doing things

John D. Rockefeller In his heyday, he said: "If the ability to get along with people could be bought like sugar and coffee... I would pay more for this ability than many things under the sun." Money.”

Those abilities that you have “habitually wasted”! The sole purpose of this book is to help you discover and develop these abilities, and benefit from them. Professor John Fengben, President of Princeton University, said: "Education is about cultivating abilities that can meet various life situations."

1. If you want to make full use of this book, you must first meet one indispensable condition. This condition is very important. If it is missing, you will not benefit much even if there are hundreds of other conditions. If you meet this condition, you can still achieve unexpected results even if you don't read this suggested article.

What is this magical condition? Quite simply, it is a deep desire to learn: a firm determination to improve one's ability to deal with the world.

How do you develop this need? Always remind yourself how important these principles are and how they can help you enter a richer, happier, and more satisfying life. Always tell yourself, "Most of my popularity, happiness and sense of value are based on my skills in dealing with others."

2. If you want to learn the ability to deal with interpersonal relationships, you need to read this article carefully and for a long time. This reading method saves time and is more effective.

3. While reading, you may wish to stop and think frequently. Ask yourself when and how you should apply these principles.

4. When reading, you can pull down the annotations that you think are important. When reviewing, it will be faster and easier.

5. If you want to make full use of this book, don’t think that browsing one article is enough. Not only do you have to read it from cover to cover, but you also have to spend a few hours reviewing it every month. Read this book every day and keep the many improvement methods in mind. Remember whether these principles can be refined. Only constant review and application can form a habit. There is no other way.

6. When reading this book, remember that you don’t just want to get some information. You want to develop a certain habit, or you want to start a new lifestyle. Of course, this It takes time and daily application.

7. Make an agreement with your spouse, children or employees that if they find that you violate certain principles, they will punish you by a few cents or a few dollars, and find ways to make the learning process more interesting. .

8. The president of a Wall Street bank, how he used a set of efficient methods to improve himself and became one of the most important bank financiers in the United States. His success was attributed to a set of efficient methods. . His Habit Record records everything he does every day. Compare, reflect, re-evaluate and evaluate every week. Go through each interview, discussion, or meeting over the course of the week step by step.

I asked myself:

Did I make any mistakes at that time?

What did I do right—and could I have done better? How to improve?

What did I learn from that business experience?

During this weekly review, I discovered that I had made many mistakes, and therefore I was often depressed. As time went by, the proportion of mistakes I made became less and less.

This method of self-analysis and self-education lasted for several years and brought me many benefits. This method has enhanced my ability to make decisions—and it has also given me a lot of help in the process of interacting with people.

1. Give yourself a deep desire to master the various principles of interpersonal relationships.

2. Read each chapter at least twice before moving on to the next chapter.

3. When reading, always stop and ask yourself how to apply the suggestions in the book

4. Underline the key points

5. Each Review once a month

6. Apply these principles immediately when you have the opportunity, and use this book as a work guide or manual to solve daily problems.

7. Gamify the process of self-training. Ask others to point out your mistakes, and you will give them prizes.

8. Review your work process every week to see what mistakes you have made, where you can improve, or what lessons you have learned.

9. Write notes at the back of this book to show when and how you applied these principles.

Animals that are rewarded for good behavior learn faster and have better learning effects; animals that are punished for bad behavior have poorer learning speed and learning effects. Recent research It shows that this principle also has the same result when applied to people. Criticism will not change the facts, but will only cause resentment.

More evidence that we all fear blame. The shame and anger caused by criticism often demoralizes employees, family members, and friends, and does nothing to help the actual situation that should be corrected. Lincoln "took no blame and kept silent tolerantly." His most famous saying was: "If you don't judge others, others will not judge you."

Don't judge others' methods and methods of doing things. You are not the person they were at the time. Things will be different depending on the scene; the objects we deal with are not absolutely rational animals, but things full of emotional changes, prejudices, pride and vanity.

Benjamin Franklin was not tactful when he was young, but later he became diplomatic and good at dealing with others, and thus became the U.S. ambassador to France. The secret of his success is: "I don't talk about others. Say bad things about everyone, but only say good things about everyone.”

Let us remember: The objects we deal with are not absolutely rational animals, but things full of emotional changes, prejudices, egos and vanity. Only less intelligent people criticize, accuse and complain about others - a lot of stupidity indeed. But being considerate and forgiving requires discipline and self-control.

Carlyle said: "A great man shows his greatness by his behavior towards little people."

Let us try to understand others instead of scolding! Let's try to put ourselves in their shoes; why they do what they do. This is much more beneficial and interesting than criticizing and blaming, and it makes people feel compassionate, patient and kind.

There is only one way to motivate people to do everything. Have you ever thought about this? Yes, there is only one way, and only this way can make people willing to do everything. The only way to get things done is to give you what you want.

What do you want?

According to Freud, we have only two motivations for doing things; sexual impulse and the desire for greatness.

John Dewey, one of the most knowledgeable philosophers in the United States, put it another way. He said that the most profound driving force in human nature is the desire to be important. Remember this sentence , "Hope is important. This sentence is very important and will be mentioned often in this book."

What do you want? There are not many. It is undeniable that there are a few things that you really want to have. The things that most people need include:

1. Maintenance of health and life

2. Food

3. Sleep

4. Money and the things money can buy

5. Security of future life

6. Sexual satisfaction

7. The happiness of children

8. The feeling of being valued

The above needs are not difficult to satisfy - except for one of them, People have a deep-rooted and urgent desire for this need, no less than the need for food and sleep. It is what Freud called "the desire for greatness" or Dewey called "the desire to matter."

Lincoln once mentioned in a letter: "Everyone likes to be praised." William James also said: "The most ardent needs in human nature are the most eager to be affirmed." He doesn't use the words "want, need, or," but uses the word desire.

I think I am born with the ability to arouse people's enthusiasm. The best way to encourage people to maximize their abilities is to appreciate and encourage them.

Criticism from elders or bosses is the easiest way to lose a person’s ambition. I never criticize others. I believe that rewards are the driving force for people to work. Therefore, I like praise and hate nitpicking. If you say that I What I like: Praising others sincerely and generously.

In middle age, I have had extensive contact with people at different levels from all over the world.

"Shabu said: I have found that no matter how great or noble people are, like ordinary people, they can work harder and achieve better results when they are affirmed."

Carnegie even He also did not forget to praise others on his tombstone. The epitaph he wrote for himself is this: "Here lies a man who knows how to make people smarter than him happier."

Praise to Rockefeller Say: "We're not always as good as we were at our peak."

What is the difference between admiration and flattery? It's very simple. The former is sincere, but the latter is not; the former comes from the bottom of the heart; the latter is just a verbal statement. The former is selfless, while the latter is entirely for oneself; the former is loved by the world, while the latter is for the world. Hated.

Mexico's Chabot special officer saw the bust of General Guavaro Obregon, which was engraved with the hero's wise words: "The enemy who attacks you is not terrible. The scary thing is friends who will flatter you."

No! I am by no means asking you to flatter me. On the contrary, I am advocating a "new way of life." I repeat: What I advocate is a "new way of life."

King George V of England wrote 6 mottos on the wall of the library of Buckingham Palace. One of them is: “Teach me not to give or receive cheap compliments.” That’s what flattery really is—cheap compliments. I have seen a saying about flattery elsewhere, and it is worth mentioning: "The flatterer is telling others what kind of person he is."

Emerson said: "Use The language you can use, because you can only speak the words of your own essence.”

When we don’t think about certain issues, we usually spend 95% of our time thinking about them. For problems related to ourselves, if we don't think about our own problems for a while, and think about the opinions raised by others, we don't have to deliberately try to please others. Because words that are deliberately meant to please others will be looked down upon before they are spoken, one of the most often overlooked virtues is praise. Sometimes you need to learn to praise others for family, friends, lovers, ordinary people, etc.

In your daily life journey, don’t forget to leave a little warmth of praise for the world. This small spark ignites the flame of friendship. Hurt others not only cannot change them, but also cannot inspire them. The following is An old adage: "You only live once, so whatever good and kindness you can contribute, let me do it now, without hesitation or neglect, because you only live once."

Emerson said: "Everyone I meet is more or less my teacher, because I learn something from them."

If this is the case It is correct for Emerson, and it is even more true for us. Let us not always think about our own achievements and needs. Let us try our best to discover the advantages of others. Then don't flatter them, but sincerely appreciate them. Be "sincere and generous with your praise," and people will treasure your words in their memories.

Why mention our needs? How childish, absurd, and yes, you are paying attention to your own needs, but no one is interested except you. We are just like you, only paying attention to our own needs!

Therefore, there is only one way to influence people, which is to mention their needs and let them know how to get them.

In his illuminating book Influences on Human Behavior, Harry Overtree writes: “Behavior arises from our basic desires, whether in business, family, school, or politics. The best advice for those who think of themselves as lobbyists is: First arouse the desire of others. Anyone who can do this will be with the world. Such a person will never be lonely.

The following is Henry Ford's advice on the art of interpersonal relationships: "Successful interpersonal relationships depend on your ability to capture the other person's point of view." It is also necessary to take into account the different perspectives of both you and the other person.

This is really a golden saying, and I would like to repeat it again: "Successful interpersonal relationships depend on your ability to capture the other person's perspective; also, looking at one thing must take into account the different perspectives of both you and the other person."

If you come to the conclusion that you need to pay attention to other people's opinions and look at problems from other people's perspectives - if you only learn this, it is likely to cause obstacles to your career.

Paying attention to other people's opinions and arousing other people's desires cannot be interpreted as "manipulating others to make them do things that are good for you but harmful to them." Rather, it should be said: Both parties Can profit from this.

Let us repeat Professor Overtree's wise advice: "You must first arouse the desire of others. Anyone who can do this will be with the world. Such people will never be lonely."

William Winter once pointed out: "Self-expression is the most important need in human nature." From the psychological needs to business transactions, don't let others think that it is our patent, we might as well let them Tempt those ideas yourself, and remember: "First arouse desire in others. Whoever can do this will be with the world. Such a person will never be lonely."

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Next update - Principle 3: Arouse desire in others (six ways to make others like you); Principle 4: Listen and encourage others to talk more about themselves (How to arouse other people’s interest) ; Principle 5: Talk about topics that interest others (how to make others like you immediately); Principle 6: Make others feel that they are important sincerely (how to make others think the same as you);