A letter from parents to a distant daughter.
My beloved daughter:
It has been two years since we each started a new life; Brand-new environment, strange language, strange culture, and sudden problems that need to be dealt with every day make me feel at a loss, which is a bit like the dizzy feeling of information explosion just after China's reform and opening up in the 1980s. I can't help secretly worrying about you. Can you cope with this kaleidoscope world?
But your composure and calmness surprised me. In fact, young people are far more capable of accepting new ideas and things than their parents. This is because their inherent way of thinking is easily broken when it is not fixed, but in the eyes of mothers, children are always immature, inexperienced and inexperienced. I am relieved to see that your rented cottage with an area of less than 10 square meter is warm and tidy, and there are many new friends around you, so that you can arrange your study, internship and job search in an orderly way. That clever and distressing little girl has grown into an elegant and intellectual woman.
I am most gratified that we can chat, talk about life, talk about opinions, talk about emotions and talk about women as good friends; It's refreshing to chat with you. Your opinion can give me a lot of young and active ingredients, but it is less childish and green. I realized that now that you have spread your wings, you can fly as high as you want; I just need to look at you from a distance.
But please don't bother, based on the experience of these two years, my mother still wants to say a few words to you:
1. Don't compare first, learn first; Studying abroad gives you a good opportunity to learn about different cultures. Different historical development, different beliefs and different cultural backgrounds will inevitably have different ways of thinking and behavior, which may be quite different from your culture. Don't think about it for a while? Are they that strange? In fact, there is no difference between good and bad, just different. We should learn the new culture as a kind of knowledge. I have observed that some China people who have emigrated for many years still think that foreigners are stupid and do not know how to be flexible and should not take advantage of them. And I am complacent about taking advantage of my cleverness; As everyone knows, the original intention of ancestral culture has been lost, which makes the image of China people obscene.
2. Don't jump to conclusions, think first; Only by close contact with western cultures can we understand their differences, but if we are in a foreign land and unconditionally force ourselves to change to adapt to the environment, will there be a strong? How can people not bow their heads under the eaves? The feeling of injustice, which is very painful; In fact, the values formed by your cultural background over the years are basically impossible to really integrate. Any culture has something to learn from. Only when you really realize that you should and must change yourself under different circumstances can change be painless. To change yourself, in fact, change doesn't mean compromise, but you are objective and open, and don't stick to a rigid world view.
3. Don't be chauvinistic, true civilization is equal; China has a civilization history of 5,000 years, but a long history does not mean a high level of civilization. The progress of mankind needs the support of civilization. No matter the length of history, the prosperity of a country must have its reasons. Don't always take 5,000 years of history as the trump card. Your every move shows your level of civilization. Learn the excellence of different cultures with an open mind, carry forward the civilization of our own culture, show our splendid culture of 5,000 years to the world, and don't let others look down on China people.
4. Don't just take it, pay it; What is the purpose of studying abroad? Many people go abroad to broaden their horizons and live an imaginary good life. In fact, any good life requires hard work, but no matter where you live, you must first have a sense of social responsibility, love this country, do your due duty and make due contributions to this country, instead of just enjoying good welfare, just making more money, being sincere and simple, and putting integrity first; As for choosing where to live, the world is so big, just choose where you like to live, and it has nothing to do with love or patriotism. We are responsible for going abroad. We should show the excellence of our culture, learn the essence of local culture, discard its dross and make contributions to world progress.
You are full-fledged, fly! Wings are used to fly. Your journey has just begun. There are storms ahead, and there must be rainbows. But remember, no matter how far you fly, no matter what you meet, home will always be your safe haven.
Your forever good friend, mom.
9.26
Letter from parents to their far-married daughter Part II
My dear friend:
Hello!
I didn't see you again until I went to see your sick mother that day. We haven't seen each other for over a year. Although we also send messages to each other on holidays, we know little about each other's lives. I knew you had a boyfriend before I went to your house. I really wanted to find a chance to talk with you, but I didn't have enough time until I went to see your mother.
When I saw you, you were still so thin and your face was very bad. Maybe it's because your mother is ill and you are tired. Besides, your father is away on a business trip, and it must be very hard for your mother to take care of you alone!
In your home, we sat opposite each other and looked at the familiar and slightly unfamiliar faces in front of us. I suddenly feel as if we are not who we used to be. Suddenly I didn't know what to say, so I asked what happened to your boyfriend. You brought me a photo, and I saw it. It was taken by you and a foreign friend. There was an indescribable smell at that time, and I immediately thought of it. A few years ago, a relationship between you and that former foreigner was hurt by that person. It can be said that that incident has changed you a lot in the future. Are you leaving home again? You told me about you. He is German. You said he was a good man. You plan to get married next year. I listened, my heart sank. In the future, you will all quit your jobs, leave your families and hometown and start over in another country. Because you can't speak German and he can't speak Chinese, you decide to live in an English-speaking country. To tell the truth, I hope you are happy, but if so, I am really worried that he will bring you happiness and worry about your future life.
My dear friend, I really want you to stay, but I can't. I know that unless you give up on yourself, others will not touch you. It pains me to think that you are going to marry far away. Think of our two dragons together in the zoo? Playing with beads? How comfortable! How fun it is to go shopping together! How intimate it is to chat together! However, when you are so far away from me, it feels like someone has taken something from me and it is empty ... I can only say:
I wish the bride who is about to get married far away. I hope that God can give you happiness and that your lover will never change his opinion of you.
The bride who is about to get married in the distance, I tell you, I will visit and take care of your parents from time to time. Please don't worry.
The bride who is about to get married in the distance, I hope that since you have chosen, don't give up easily. This love is not easy, so cherish it.
Bride who is about to be married far away, I ask you to remember that there is your home, relatives and friends who love you. If you are in trouble, come back and we will all help you.
Digen
9.24
Letter from parents to distant daughter 3
f f:
You are going to marry someone you love in another country. Aunt will certainly give you the best wishes, wishing you a loving husband and wife and a happy life. There is also China's traditional blessing: a hundred years of harmony, early birth of your son. Wait, wait, wait.
However, the purpose of writing this letter is to tell you something about marriage and tell you my understanding and thinking about marriage in generations. Open the door to marriage and let you see the true colors of marriage before you walk in.
Qian Zhongshu once said a famous saying: Marriage is a besieged city, people inside want to come out and people outside want to go in. For women, what is marriage, which makes many women go in willingly and come out without hesitation. Of course, some people, such as Liu Xiaoqing, have entered the marriage again, just don't know if this is the last stop of her trip in and out of the besieged city. For some special people, stars and rich people, marriage is never the last stop, it has been going on all the time.
Open the door to marriage and see what marriage is. There used to be a host of CCTV, Zhang Yue, who hosted Half the Sky for many years. She has a point that has been put forward many times. When you get married, life is trivial. ? Yes, the first stop of getting married turned out to be trivial not to go to the lobby. In fact, this little thing has long been known, but? I can't recognize the true face of Lushan Mountain because I am there. ? . It is insignificant triviality that obliterates some people's patience and confidence and makes marriage a chicken rib. Throw, not willing to give up. Stay, it's boring. This is the most common situation in marriage, and people in it don't have the courage to think about it. Cracked eggs make China's small armed forces mighty, wave after wave.
The most famous third of the three poems about the bride written by the poet Wang Jian in the Tang Dynasty describes the triviality of marriage. Come to the kitchen three days after the wedding and wash your hands to make soup. I don't know the taste of mother-in-law. Let's make the taste of good sister-in-law first. ? You see, just married for three days, the beautiful wedding dress is still there, but you have to go to the kitchen to do housework, wash vegetables and cook for your family. I don't know the smell of my mother-in-law. In order to please my mother-in-law, I have to let my aunt (my husband's sister) taste it first, adding salt to the salty one. If you meet a kind mother-in-law, it's easy to say. When you meet a naughty and picky person, the family goes to war?
Of course, in most modern marriages, two generations don't live together and can fly away with their mother-in-law. However, people always have to eat, three meals a day, soy sauce and salt itself is a trivial matter. Your generation of post-80s children, the only children, have been busy studying for exams since childhood, and their parents have contracted housework and are unwilling to let you work. Every meal has to go through many procedures, such as picking and choosing vegetables, washing vegetables over and over again, cutting meat, and sometimes cleaning up fish. In my experience, cleaning fish is the dirtiest, greasy and dangerous job in the kitchen. There are sharp thorns on the fish head and gills, and it is common for fingers to bleed. As the saying goes, fish is delicious but difficult to clean up. Knife work in the front, cooking oil in the back, cooking in the pot, frying by hand, frying in oil. You have to endure the buzzing noise of the range hood and the smoke and fire from the explosion of cooking oil. You see, there are many processes in cooking a meal. After dinner, I have to wash dishes, wipe tables and sweep the floor. If it's once, twice or ten times, it's ok, but it will take a year, ten years, year after year, until the end of my life. This is just the kitchen. The living room and bedroom we live in are clean and tidy, and they are no less trivial than the kitchen.
Philosophers like to explore the meaning of life. Of course, the answers are varied. For most mothers nowadays, especially the post-80s generation, or the meaning of life is to cook well, take care of the family and let the husband and children eat well. And myself, of course, is endlessly immersed in triviality.
Trivial is a blunt knife, which can't sharpen people's patience more and more. At this time, another emotion will appear in marriage. That's caring.
If the trivial work every day is exchanged for respect and cherish, for the smooth life of the husband and the progress of the children, for the harmony and happiness of the family, women will feel at ease. This is one of the reasons why many marriages can survive. But how many women have met men's ignorant arrogance? It seems that women don't respect and cherish cooking, but take it for granted. The so-called male chauvinism in traditional culture is the root of this situation. ) a little dissatisfaction may lead to verbal violence, even fists and feet. Domestic violence is a crime. Domestic violence is the largest hidden criminal group in today's society, but it is rarely punished and detained? I once interviewed the police in a reeducation-through-labor camp and asked if there were any domestic abusers among the detainees. They replied that there was hardly any.
If you encounter a man's heartless betrayal, your wife will struggle at home, while the man will look for flowers and pick wild flowers outside? This trivial moment is worthless and even becomes the object of ridicule. Many extramarital affairs are beautiful when they are in love, but hard-won marriages often collapse after only a short time, just because the bride can't stand those trivial things and can't enter the kitchen. Nowadays, the society has put forward higher requirements for women, getting into the hall and getting into the kitchen.
If you meet a man's incompetence and poverty, even if it is insignificant, it will not be insignificant. All trivial things should be based on economy, and money should be used to buy them.
Nowadays, the dispute between men and women in the family is not limited to the marriage parties, but sociologists and feminist workers have participated in the discussion of this issue. It is said that according to statistics in western countries, the value paid by women at home is not lower than that of men working outside. In terms of money, men should pay women wages. If there is a salary, a woman's contribution to the family can be calculated and quantified. We can be equal and calm. It's just that these theories are in the discussion stage and have not been implemented. I am puzzled, if love, marriage and housework can be quantified, calculated and traded, the value of emotion will rise or fall. In the modern society where everything is commercialized and materialistic, the family is probably the last occasion that can barely keep warm and affectionate. If this position is also lost, the tradition can be described as a complete collapse, and I don't know whether the society is progressing or regressing.
The result of the dispute is no result. In constant calculation, time passes like water, one year, ten years, more years? How many families live like this. Then, another kind of emotion came out, grievance.
I see many people writing about their mothers, how to bear the burden of humiliation, how to work hard, and how to have no regrets. In fact, I believe that such a dedicated mother is wronged, but her children don't know it. However, the accumulated grievances will find channels to vent and accumulate into negative energy, which will erupt once they encounter the environment.
Endless complaints make women dissatisfied.
Constant quarrels turn women into bitches.
Finally, at the peak, complaints and quarrels turned into growls and bitches.
We often see bitches swearing in the street. You know, they used to be shy girls and shy young women. Hard life and years of lovelorn forged them into bitches. Behind every bitch, there is at least one problem man.
Of course, you will never have such a marriage. The direction of marriage is in the hands of people, and more importantly, in the hands of women. You met the right person at the right time. Love transcends national boundaries and races. Although, once, people didn't think highly of you. However, the charm of dialectics is that everything has two sides. Let alone people. Your once shortcomings have now become advantages. Growing up in a single-parent family, not being rich since childhood, makes you know how to be grateful and satisfied. You are cowardly, timid and even a little humble. You are generous and forbearing, and you can bear grievances silently. You are not as arrogant and overbearing as many girls today. You are reserved, gentle and considerate. Every time I think of you sitting next to me and listening to my aunt tell you the truth of being a man, I feel so warm. ) these qualities that are not optimistic now are exactly what he likes. Perhaps, when God created women, women were like this. But because the reality is too skinny, women have become like men, making men afraid and far away. It is easy for you to get this love. It seems accidental, but it is inevitable.
He is an engineer, just a wage earner. However, because different environments and regions have different perceptions of labor value, you have no economic confusion. When the economy is liberated, people will have cool, calm and solemn capital.
Even trivial kitchens and halls will have different results and feelings in different moods.
I read a book Song of Youth when I was a child. People of our age have basically read this book. But my difference is that decades later, from the beginning, what impressed me the most was neither Lu Jiachuan's all-powerful revolutionary behavior (there are too many such books) nor Lin Daojing's ups and downs love legend (my own legendary feelings). What I still can't forget is a plot of cooking in the book. Professor Wang, the father of our good friend, entertained us. A professor praised Wang Xiaoyan's mother, saying that she could cook and even a bunch of cabbages could cook delicious dishes. (to the effect). At that time, I felt very strange. How can a cabbage gang make delicious food? I have been cooking since I was a child. I should be a cook. I used to think about this question, but I couldn't figure out how to make Chinese cabbage delicious. Later, I saw a dream of red mansions, in which there were many ways to talk about various dishes. Later, I quit my job at home and put a lot of energy into cooking. I don't have to run around like an office worker and want to cook something delicious. I realized that a cabbage gang can really cook delicious food. But we need good side dishes, good spices, good mood and good living environment.
The kitchen is the stage and the housewife is the commander in chief. Command oil, salt, sauce, vinegar, meat, fish, fruits and vegetables to make plates of delicious and healthy dishes. Do it affectionately and seriously, and the piano will be romantic and beautiful. Then share it with your lover, that is the most beautiful realm of life. The old man said that life is alive and food and clothing are safe. I am lucky to be able to cook a good dish by myself. At present, there are various events in the world. In fact, in the final analysis, the best thing is that people who love each other enjoy food together. When you watch TV to express people's happy life, you are either enjoying beautiful scenery or tasting delicious food.
The task of politicians is to ensure that people have such safe living conditions. In the end, all economic recovery, upsurge, political game, confrontation, compromise and reconciliation are for people to ensure people's food safety and peaceful life.
If quantified, it is the most cost-effective thing for housewives to cook and stir-fry without effort and intelligence. Your grandmother, my mother once said, what's the big deal about cooking? One minute to study, two minutes to graduate. We may not be big shots, and we may not win the Nobel Prize. However, we can cook well, cook a bowl of rice, and enjoy it with our loved ones. The sweetness and happiness at our fingertips don't need a prize at all! That is the medal of happiness given to us by life.
Triviality becomes interest, care becomes love, and ultimately it will be human dignity and extravagance.
Now many people are discussing the true meaning and rationality of marriage. There are more and more such discussions, and even many experts and scholars have been studying this issue all their lives. Whether marriage is reasonable is constantly being discussed. Historical materialism holds that no system has ever existed and will not exist forever. Up to now, human society has experienced various political and economic systems. Marriage has also evolved from various forms to monogamy today. According to the theory of evolution, marriage is bound to disintegrate. In marriage, you don't have to pay attention to these discussions. Just manage your marriage well and let your husband love you forever. This is the true meaning. The true meaning of marriage is not in the discussion of experts and scholars, but in the hands of men and women in marriage. Love and know each other. Having a unique marriage is the true meaning of marriage.
It is said that love lasts for seven years. Having said that, I want to tell you, don't just give in in marriage. In many failed marriages, the woman just devoted herself, lost her independent personality and herself, and finally lost her marriage. Men are looking for lovers, not nannies. Love yourself and love others.
Playing tricks is a woman's godsend weapon. If used well, it will make you invincible in marriage. Of course, there is a question of degree. Playing tricks is not disgusting. Pretending for a long time will make men hate and stay away from it. Gas is like zero-degree water. Pure water is below zero and cold ice is above zero. You will frostbite yourself and your lover. Grasp this degree, always make yourself charming, and marriage will naturally be long and profound.
Marriage is a woman's second reincarnation, a dance of two people. On this stage, whether it is elegant waltz, passionate jazz dance or graceful national dance, it depends on men, but also on women. All you have to do is keep a normal mind, be good at dancing with long sleeves, dance with dignity, happiness and the future.
You will do it.
aunt
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