This is a hilarious collection of hilarious jokes that I carefully compiled! Let you laugh all the time~~~There are always a few that can make you happy. I hope you like it. O(∩_∩)O are all classic hilarious, read it slowly~

1. The principal and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The principal spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Dear teachers and classmates!"

English teacher: "ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!" ! ”

English teacher-_-! After thinking for a moment, he said: "Good morning!"

Principal: "Good morning!"

English teacher:... ==" Khan

2. Say There was a polar bear who had to wear sunglasses to see because the snow was too harsh. But he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he closed his eyes and crawled around on the ground to look for it. He crawled and crawled until his hands and feet were dirty. I was so embarrassed that I found my sunglasses. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, and then I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda

3. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze, which was really boring. He started to pull out his own hair, one, two, three, and finally there was no hair left, and then he died of cold.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird that he would pass by every day. There was a corn field, but unfortunately, there was a fire in that corn field one day, and all the corn turned into popcorn!!! After the bird flew over...it thought it was snowing, and it died of cold.

5. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hair style and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran to the school. Crying outside, he flew up.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. The spider asked: Why? The butterfly said: My mother said.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana in front suddenly felt very hot. He said, "It's so hot." , I wanted to take off my clothes, but he peeled off the skin. Then the banana with the clothes off turned into a dried banana~

8. , three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". Legend has it that as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want in a pit full of valleys. So the three of them decided to give it a try

The first one was a pervert, so he yelled "Woman!" woman! "If he jumped down, there would be a lot of beauties waiting for him.

The second one was a nerd and shouted "Books, books, books, books!" "Then, he jumped into the valley and got a pit full of books.

The third one was an indecisive person. After thinking about it, he could never decide on his favorite. After an hour, he Finally he made up his mind and felt that banknotes were the most useful, so he walked towards the edge of the valley. When he accidentally kicked a stone, he cursed "shit!" "Unexpectedly, the center of gravity was unstable and fell down the valley.

9. As for Xiao Ming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night

Xiao Ming's mother asked worriedly: Shudu Have you finished reading? There is a test tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied readily: Mom, I have finished reading.

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: “Good boy, you will take the test tomorrow.” It's going very well

Xiao Ming cried and said, "Mom, I see, it's over."

10. The panda loves the deer deeply and expresses his love. But he was rejected. Panda yelled~Why? Why is all this happening? Xiaolu said timidly: My mother said that those who wear sunglasses are bad boys.

11. On the way! My feet suddenly felt sore while walking! Why is this happening? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest?

< p>Jin" said to "Coin": My son. When you put on your doctorate hat, your worth will be a hundred times greater.

"Chi" said to "Jin": Sister, the results are out. You are pregnant with twins.

"Chen" said to "Ju": The area is the same as yours. I have three bedrooms and two living rooms.

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, if one is shot and killed, how many are left?

The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? Wasn't the gunshot loud? 80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city? Don't commit. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: "Just tell me how many birds are left, okay? Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung on the tree? No." Are there other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the trees? If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a baby in the belly? Are there any flowers in the bird's eyes? Ten. The teacher was already sweating, and the bell rang, but the student continued to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are afraid of death? Will the student be confident? Say: If your answer is not deceptive, "If the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall off, then there is only one bird left; if it falls off, there is no bird left." The teacher immediately foamed at the mouth and fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone was passing by a crossroads and discovered something super scary. He found that Kakashi and Sun Wukong were actually laughing!

15. A long time ago, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Hahaha, a female ghost farted and died.

16. A female alien who was engaged in biological research came to the earth. After walking around, she felt that human genes had a lot to learn from, so she captured a man and wanted to marry him Bring back textual information about human genes. But the spacecraft is too small to take him away, and the data is too huge to be taken away at once. When she was anxious, the computer help system of the spacecraft said: "This man has a small stick on his body that can solve all your problems..." Then she suddenly realized it, smiled and said to the man with saliva: "... . . . Give me the USB drive!”

17. There was a boy who was crossing the road and was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said: "It turns out that I am a bean paste stuffing, not "Meat stuffed"

18. Brother, stop touching it! If you touch the top and bottom, the hair will fall off. Such tender skin will bleed when you touch it! How do you want me to sell it in the future? These peaches are all fresh, just forget it if you don’t want to buy them!

19. Once upon a time there was a little lamb. One day he went out to play and met a big bad wolf. The big bad wolf said: I will eat you! ! ! The lamb was shocked! Guess what happened? As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was very cold, his heart was very cold, his sword was very cold, and he died of coldness in the end.

21. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road. ! The deer was frightened and ran faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway

22. There was a tomato that was hit by a stone and smashed, and another tomato fell to pieces again. There is another tomato, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, countless tomatoes smashed to pieces, and the last tomato also fell, tap, tap, tap! Ketchup!

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

24. One day, the three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf effortlessly destroyed the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house. The three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, "It's up to you." We give up, do whatever you want. At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and said with saliva: Then tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?

25. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help singing: Yalasuo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: Wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

27. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit bills with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan bill, they bought 1 yuan of candied haws. , they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

28. Someone’s newly installed phone happened to be returned from a movie theater, so people often called to ask about the movies being shown. At first, he always explained nicely that the phone no longer belonged to the movie theater. It's his now, please don't call again in the future. As time goes by, he feels very annoyed, so when he receives such calls, he simply says: "You dialed the wrong number!" This also saves some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other party: "Excuse me, what movie is showing now?" He said as usual: "You made the wrong number!" After a while of silence, the other party replied: "Is it a domestic film or a foreign film?

29. A person climbed the wall and left the school. He was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why don't you go through the school gate? The answer was: Metersbonwe, don't take the ordinary way. The principal asked again: How can you climb over such a high wall? Yes? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.

The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, "Xtep, it feels like flying." On the third day, he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked: Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a mixed suit, and the principal said: You can wear whatever you want! , Semir clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. He said, man, just keep it simple. The principal said I will give you a big offense. The principal said: Why? Say, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory.

Life at 30 is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4,000 yuan from me and said he wanted to have plastic surgery. The result is now complete. I don’t know what he has become, Oh 4,000 yuan.

31. Note to robbers: Our staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator. Thank you. !

32. Are you blind? You can’t see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head!

33. I think I should lose weight! , when I donated blood last time, 100 milliliters of lard actually leaked out.

34. Tourist: Master, is the thatched house over there a toilet? Monk: Except for that thatched house, the rest are. Everywhere is a toilet.

35. The hair is gone and the dandruff is even better!

36. Shit and pee are good friends. One day, Shi was hit by a car while crossing the road. When I peeed, I said: I really want to poop...

37. Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class, and they asked me to wear loose clothes during the training. Is this unreasonable if there are still loose clothes? Why should I sign up?

38. My wife and I haven’t spoken for 18 months, and I have no chance to interrupt her.

39. Thief A: Count today. How much did *** steal? Thief B: No, you’ll find out after reading the newspaper tomorrow.

40. The higher you stand, the farther you pee.

41. Go on your own. Let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own way, and let them find it.

43. Late one night, a young woman passed by. When she was in a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" sound from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so scared that she ran away, and the man behind her was chasing her. At a dead end, the woman lost all hope, knelt on the ground, cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want, I just ask you not to kill me. The man smiled slyly and said, "Really?" Then now you start chasing me. ”

44. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy below: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull! The whole place was silent and creepy!!! Cold~~~

45. If a tiger doesn’t send a cat, you think I’m critically ill!

46. When a person in our dormitory drinks too much, he goes to pee and then makes a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much alcohol! ．

47. When I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister, my sister asked: "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?" ”

48. Someone once came to my aunt’s house as a guest, and she just walked in. My aunt happened to have to go to the toilet.

She quickly greeted the guests and said: "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!"

49. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about a problem, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. He slapped the table and stood up shouting: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid! I spit on your shit

50. When I was young, the popsicle and ice cream sellers usually pushed bicycles to sell ice cream. Once, I heard an aunt in the house shouting: New ice cream, hot. (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks)

51. When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he ate to grow. Big ones. "

52. Once when a KTV requested a song, a girl shouted loudly: Please order me a song "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiegun.

53. One day in the big forest, the fox I was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit ran from a distance. Seeing all this, he came over and said: Fox, fox, how can you smoke marijuana? It is not good for your health. Look, the air is so fresh. Come and join me. Let's run together. The fox thought about it right, so he ran with the little rabbit. As they ran, they saw the elephant taking heroin. The little rabbit ran over and said to the elephant: Elephant, elephant, what are you doing? Take drugs, look at how fresh the air is, come and run with me. The elephant thought it was right, just the two of them were running together, and they saw the lion rolling up his sleeves and about to inject heroin, and the little rabbit was far away. He shouted to the lion: Lion, lion, taking drugs is bad for your health. Look at how fresh the air is. Come and run with me... I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over, slapping the little rabbit wildly. The elephant was trembling. Said to the lion: Why did you hit the little rabbit? He didn’t want us to hurt our bodies! The lion said: Since the rabbit took ecstasy, he asked me to run with him every day.

54. In summer, A giraffe met a rabbit, and she proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: Oh, little rabbit, do you know how nice it is to have a long neck? Do you know how fresh and sweet those top leaves are? Do you know the feeling of drinking water in summer? The refreshing water slowly passed through the neck. Rabbit glanced at her and only said: "Have you ever tried to vomit?" ”

55. Once my brother hit me, and a bag was placed on my head. Later, when my brother wanted to pack something, he couldn’t find the bag, so he took the bag on my head to hold something.

56. Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who played ball for a long time. He said: I am so tired, I feel like my whole body has softened.

57. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. One said: I am so cold. The other said: I am also very cold. The other said: Let’s hug each other, so guess what? What happened next? Then they died of coldness.

58. When I was a child, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard for 60 years and there is no food. Boogers are never thrown away

59. There was a rich man who was looking for servants. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man sent them away because of this. One of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

60. A man saw a big sale in a store and walked in. "What do you want to buy?" "I want to buy dog ??food." “We have a rule that you have to prove you have a dog. "Where is such a provision?" “That’s what it’s like with sale items. "The man spent a long time with the salesperson, but the salesperson still refused to sell it to him. There was nothing he could do. The man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store to buy cat food again and said, "Give it to me. Two boxes of cat food. “We have a rule that you have to prove you have a cat. "It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but in the end he had to go home and bring the cat with him before buying cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole dug out. Go to the salesperson and ask, "What do you want to buy?" “You’ll know it when you put your hand in it. The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it? It's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." ”

61. A man took his friends to visit his grandmother.

While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished them all. As they were leaving, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts," and grandma responded, "Oh! Yeah. ! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the outer layer of chocolate.

Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot". One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish, but the waiter told him that it was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed to the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he was halfway through the meal. Suddenly he found a very small but full-furred one lying at the bottom of the casserole. The little mouse felt disgusted and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was turning his stomach, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" It's the same..."

63. On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Can I give you a toothpick, boss?" "The boss sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself, why did the beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He also sent him away, not too old, and again A beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat. Now only the soup is left." Can you give me a straw?

64. The eldest and second child were on a plane, and the second child got airsick and kept vomiting. One bag was full, so the boss had to go get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The eldest son asked the reason and the second son said, "I saw that this bag was also full of vomiting, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited."

65. A priest is playing golf. , a nun was watching. The first shot missed, and the priest cursed: "TMD, missed the shot!" Hit again, and the priest cursed again: "TMD, missed the shot again!" The nun said: "As a priest, you God will punish you for using bad words." As soon as he finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was it me who cursed, and why did he kill the nun? At this time, the voice of God was heard from the sky: "TMD, I missed the shot too!"

66. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God about their respective football teams. Only when will it be possible to win the World Cup? God said: South Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. God said again: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. The Chinese coach quickly asked: Where are we? God cried loudly: I can’t see him anymore.

67. Three little white rabbits picked a mushroom

The two older ones asked the younger one to get some wild vegetables to eat together

The younger one said I If you don’t go, you will eat my mushrooms when I leave

The two older ones said they can’t do it, so don’t worry, so the little white rabbit went~~~

Half a year passed The little white rabbit hasn't come back yet, and the big one says it won't come back, let's eat it. The other big one said, "Wait a little longer~~~" A year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two big ones discussed, "No need to wait, let's eat." At this moment, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the jungle nearby and said angrily: Look! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms

68. We say that a bear without a tail is called a koala. So what do we call a bear without a penis? The answer is a female bear, because a female bear does not have a penis in the first place.

69. In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven

Xiao Ming asked Xiaohua: "Do you understand music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiao Hua: "Piano."

70. Once upon a time there was a man Went fishing and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.

The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions.

Squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!

Then the man grilled the squid

71. Xiao Ming lost a leg in a car accident,

Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident One leg

Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident

Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident

It screamed in pain Shouting and shouting~~~~~It’s so pitiful

In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog

72. One day, a black poop saw a white poop,< /p>

Black Shit asked: Why are you so white and beautiful?

Bai Shi was very angry after hearing this!

He said: I am not a poop! I am ice cream!!!

73. Once while playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy a candle to continue fighting. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan, it's too hot." Another person said: "Don't turn it on. Turning it on will blow out the candle. Dizzy=="< /p>

74. When I was in college, a classmate of mine had just bought a mobile phone and applied for a mobile card. He called the 1860 manned desk to ask, and he was excited: "Can I ask about your local transmission service..." From the hands-free, we unexpectedly The whole dormitory burst into laughter when I heard the receptionist say politely: "Our local transportation business..."

75.. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.

He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can all wash them together." Eat.”

All the children ran to pick fruits.

When the gathering time came, all the children gathered.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples."

Teacher : "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are all great! Then Amin What about you?”

Amin: “I was washing my shoes because I stepped in feces.”

76. A mentally ill patient screamed: I am the president, you all have to listen. mine!

The attending doctor asked him: Who said that?

Patient: God said so.

Hearing this, a patient next to him suddenly jumped up: I never said that!

77. There is a family, and the whole family is very lazy. The father asked the mother to do housework. If the mother didn’t want to do it, she would ask the eldest sister to do it. If the eldest sister didn’t want to do it, she would ask the younger sister to do it. But the younger sister didn’t want to do it either, so she would ask the puppy to do it. One day a guest came to the house and found the puppy doing housework. It was very strange. surprise. Asked the puppy: "Puppy, can you do housework?" The puppy said: "No way, they don't do it, they ask me to do it." The guests are even more surprised, you can talk!!! Puppy: Shhh! Keep your voice down, otherwise they will know that I can talk and ask me to answer the phone again...!!

78. Lele Youtian He went to the zoo to feed the monkeys...throwing peanuts to the monkeys...but there was a monkey who would stuff peanuts into his butt every time...and then take them out to eat...Lele felt disgusted and ran to ask the director...why that monkey had This kind of strange behavior... The director explained: Because last year, a person threw a big peach for him to eat. As a result, the big peach's seeds could not be smoothly discharged from the buttocks... He suffered miserably... so now he must first Put the food into your butt and measure it, make sure it can be pulled out before you dare to eat...

79. Demon King: "Princess, no one will come to save you if you scream and break your throat!"

Princess: "Broken throat!"

No one: "Princess! I'm here to save you!"

Devil: "What the hell..."

Ghost: "Who discovered me?"

Who: "What does it have to do with me?"

The devil is dead! !

80. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water. The black cat rescued it. The white cat said something to the black cat< /p>

Excuse me...what is this sentence? Answer: Meow...

81. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..."

. "The little white rabbit left dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "

Boss: "I'm sorry, but there's still no one."

"That's it. . . "The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" ”

The boss said happily: “Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!” ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two! ”

82. Fire brigade: Where is the fire?

Caller: My home.

Fire brigade: Where is the fire?

Caller: In the kitchen

Fire brigade: How do we get there?

Caller: Don’t you have a fire truck?

83. Coffee cups and water cups were crossing the road together. At this time, an old man shouted, "Be careful, it's a red light now." "But after a while, the coffee cup crossed the road smoothly, but the water cup was hit by a truck and water poured into it. Why? Because the coffee cup has "ears" and the water cup does not.

84 .Two tomatoes went shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked: "Where are we going?" "The first tomato didn't answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato didn't answer yet, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned around slowly and said: Aren't we tomatoes? ? Can we talk?

85. Xiao Ming and his classmates guessed "Andy Lau"

Xiao Ming shouted loudly: "He is one of the Four Heavenly Kings!"< /p>

The classmate said confidently without hesitation: I know it is "Sun Wukong!"

86. The little penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" ah? "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?" ”

87. Three college students were kidnapped. The bad guys tied him to a telephone pole, and then asked him: Tell me, where are you from? If you don’t tell me, I will electrocute you! College student A: I am Jiaotong University. Yes, college student B: I am from Peking University, college student C: I am from Radio and Television University (Electric Power University)! As a result, I was electrocuted... Han~~~

88. Once upon a time, there was a horse, I entered a bar, sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. The waiter said: You have such a long face...

89. The prisoner was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullet, the first The shot didn't go off, and then he fired the third shot. At this time, the prisoner cried and said, "Brother, please strangle me to death..." .

90. Three people were competing in marksmanship, with a black man holding something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man’s head. , then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces. He blew the gun and said: I'm Zorro!

The second man is on the black man's head. He placed a cherry, then 50 meters away, he raised his hand and shot the cherry to pieces. He blew the gun and said: I'm007

The third person is on the black man's head. I put a sesame seed on the top, and then from a distance of 100 meters, I raised my hand and shot the black man's head in pieces. He also blew the muzzle of the gun and said: I'm sorry

91. Xiao Wang works in the human resources department on the 10th floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the 9th floor... Today, classmate Xiao Wang called the human resources department to ask him: "Is Xiao Wang here? "

The colleague who answered the phone said: "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel department. ”

Classmate Xiao Wang: “Ah! ? , when did it happen, why didn’t I know, before I had time to send him off? "

"It doesn't matter, you can go find him below."

92. My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and came home a beautiful woman in a few days! When she entered the door, she looked confused. The husband said: “What? Don’t recognize me? The husband was stunned for a moment, and then said in surprise: "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home."

”

93. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms, making a hug, and stepped forward with a kick. The man fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: It’s already the third piece of cake. , who did I offend? Is it so difficult to bring a piece of glass home?

94. I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon, and suddenly someone said that I was not a man. I got angry, and I said, you They said I wasn’t and I took it out to show you. The girls all laughed. One of them was the best and said, “Just take it out and I took it out.”

95. A little boy went to the countryside. He spent the holidays with his relatives who lived on a farm. The child had fun and saw many things he had never seen before. When he returned home, he told his mother everything. Said, what impressed him most was a sow with piglets.

What did the sow do? The child said: "The piglets chased the sow and then they turned the sow over. Start tearing off the buttons on its belly. ”

96. Mom: “Son, son! Come! ‘It is too easy! 'What is it? ”

Son: “‘This is too simple’. ”

Mom: “Why don’t you tell me it’s simple?” ”

Son: “Ah, it’s just ‘too simple’!” ”

Mom: “You think I won’t hit you, right?” "

After finishing speaking, he taught his son a lesson.

Then, the mother asked again:

"What do you mean by the word 'what'? "

Son: "'What'. ”

Mom: “I said: What does ‘what’ mean? "

Son: "'What'! "

After that, the mother taught her son another lesson...

After the punishment, the mother asked again:

"Okay, I will ask you again, be good. Just tell mom and it'll be fine. "

Son: "Yeah U_U~. ”

Mom: “I often hear people say ‘fuck’. What does it mean?” "

Son: "(Woo)..."

97. The rogue said: "People call me rogue, which sounds nice! "

The warrior said: "People call me warrior, which sounds nice! ”

The master said: “People call me Gaoren, which sounds nice! ”

The swordsman said: “You guys chat, I’m leaving first

98. The student from the Normal College said: I am from the “Normal College”

Railway College Students from the Vocational College said: I am from the "Iron College"

Students from the Vocational College said: I am from the "Vocational College"

Students from the Technical College said: You guys chat, I'll leave first Yes!

99. White Jade said: My name is Bai Yu.

The green jade said: My name is Biyu.

Red Jade said: My name is Hongyu.

Apricot Jade said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first

100. Zhang Liangying said: “The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Ying”

He Jie said: "The fans who admire me say: My idol is called Jie"

Zhou Bichang said: "The fans who admire me say: My idol is called Chang"

Li Yuchun said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first

101. I took my youngest son to attend a friend's birthday. After the dinner, we all went to karaoke. My youngest son volunteered to sing for the protagonist. Applause was everywhere.~I Sing a song for uncle to shorten his life==". The crowd was in an uproar. I looked back at the screen "Prayer".