Ting has always been a cheerful and thoughtful woman in my mind. She does things neatly and swiftly, showing the demeanor of a strong woman. A few days ago, he suddenly sent me a message and asked me if it was convenient for me to answer the phone and wanted to chat with me for a while. On the phone, she changed her usual refreshing and clear tone, and talked about her family, marriage, and problems related to her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law intermittently. Only then did I realize that there was so much unknown sadness hidden under her strong appearance, which made me feel a little distressed.

She and her husband fell in love and got married freely. Their relationship had always been good, and there had been a period of happiness. This happiness ended a few days before the pregnancy and delivery, when her mother-in-law came to take care of the confinement child, and the situation began. A sea change has taken place.

Ting's mother-in-law has been strong all her life, and her husband and son have to obey her. Suddenly, a species called daughter-in-law appears, and she is no longer so obedient. The old lady has a bad mentality. In order to train her daughter-in-law well, she performs The Legend of Zhen Huan at home every day, doing one thing overtly and another secretly. My son does one thing when he comes home, and another thing when he goes to work and faces his wife. Taking the time to talk about Ting's faults in front of his son, he finally said: Take care of your wife.

As soon as her son shows any doubt or disobedience, or goes against her opinions, the old lady will start to cry, make trouble, and hang herself. Forget mother, you unfilial son, I raised you in vain, let me die quickly, and I will no longer be an eyesore to you...

When Ting's husband heard this accusation, he felt like he was struck by thunder. Thousands of arrows gather the heart. Therefore, in order to maintain his "reputation" as a "filial son", he gave up his own principles of life, did not know right from wrong, and did not distinguish between good and evil. In order for his mother to live well, he turned his back on his wife and started hugging her thigh: I am filial to you. I listen to you. If you tell us to leave, we will leave. So the couple separated when their son was less than one year old.

Ting asked me: Why is my husband so stupid and filial? Doesn’t he know who I am when we have been in love for so long? Why doesn't he believe me when it comes to these things, but he believes in his mother? I thought about it and said to her: All the distrust is because you once loved him more than he loved you, and all the foolish filial piety is because the love is not deep enough or true enough.

Ting said, I don’t rely on him financially, and I can’t rely on him emotionally, so what’s the use of having him?

Maybe one day, Ting will really leave her husband and live a spiritually free life. Is this the result that his husband and mother-in-law expected?

02

After running this public account, I met too many similar families and saw many giant-baby boys who only obeyed their mothers. To sum up, it is mostly because of the kindness of upbringing that has bent the backs of many young and middle-aged people. They have upheld the filial piety and dare not owe or violate their parents at all. They do everything their parents hope for and would rather die of exhaustion. Even if my wife dies, she will never let the old man suffer any injustice.

As a result, many old people use filial piety to switch from "persuading" to "pressuring" their sons and daughters-in-law. In order to control their daughters-in-law just like they control their sons, they even ignore principles and right and wrong, forcing them to compromise or divorce. ...There are many people who have such "sexual encounters", and the reason is because their daughter-in-law is not obedient.

Why do such old people often succeed in forcing them? In fact, to put it bluntly, it is because the woman loves the man and does not want to embarrass her husband, but the man loves his mother more, so this happens. When the woman compromises or refuses to compromise, she starts to stage various fights, and even develops into divorce.

Dear, all this is actually because he doesn’t love you much. If he really loves you, he can’t bear to see you being wronged and indifferent, and he can’t bear to see you trampling on your own dignity to satisfy other people’s unreasonable troubles. , let alone see you heartbroken and hurt, still going your own way, knowing it is not your fault but taking no action, and not protecting you at all.

The so-called beautiful memories and love you once had are just an illusion of love created by you alone. They are completely different from true love.

When there is a conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he can put aside right and wrong, just to fulfill his filial hat and ignore your feelings. Simply put, it is because of lack of love and selfishness.

A man who truly loves you will have a minimum sense of responsibility and protectiveness, which will give him the courage to argue with his parents.

03

Let’s talk about it now, what are foolish filial piety and filial piety?

The essence of foolish filial piety is actually a kind of moral release without principles and without seeking reasonableness. The nurturing kindness of parents is greater than heaven and earth, so everything in heaven and earth is inferior to filial piety. But parents also make mistakes, even many and serious mistakes.

Filial piety is different from filial piety. In terms of tradition and morality, we must recognize the kindness of our parents. However, parents' efforts and dedication should not be "profit" at a cost, let alone a tool to capture foolish filial piety. If one is bound by foolish filial piety, loses principles and decisions, makes mistakes, and makes mistakes, the whole life may be in chaos. pace.

"Book of Rites" says: The greatest filial piety is respecting relatives, the second is not being humiliated, and the next is being able to support. Simply put, great filial piety means that your moral character and achievements are outstanding, so that your parents can be respected by others; secondly, your words and deeds will not make your parents criticized by others; supporting your parents is already the lowest level of filial piety. .

True filial piety has never emphasized that children must obey their parents, nor has it given parents such rights. Too many parents demonize filial piety and use it as a weapon to control their children's free will and life; too many children misunderstand filial piety, thinking that filial piety means they must obey their parents, and everyone suffers in the end.

To treat true filial piety, you have the courage to reject the argument that I am all for your own good.

To our parents, we should be filial but not disobedient, respect their choices and lives, and be able to take care of them when they are old, but this does not include putting our own life choices on things. The ability to think independently and even thoughts are given together.

It is a man’s responsibility to be filial to his parents, to love his wife and children, and to succeed in his career. Don't be immersed in filial piety and ignore other things that a man should bear.

Women, when choosing love, remember to bring your heart, not just your eyes and ears. Learn to discover true love and leave the whirlpool of unknown people. If you have stepped into this chaos, then please give yourself the ability to be independent and the courage to walk out with dignity.