Many people fantasize about finding an American husband or a European husband (hereinafter referred to as a foreigner), thinking that they can change their fate from now on and live a happy and romantic life without hard work. From celebrities to ordinary women, in recent years, there have been more and more transnational marriages, and most of them are unhappy. Some of my friends have tried or are in the process of transnational marriages, and they have been very happy. There are also some scars.
Love should be regardless of color, race and nationality, but if your marriage motivation is not pure and you take too many material factors or vanity into account, most of them will end in failure; Others did meet with love, but because they didn't understand each other's cultural differences, it was inevitable to break up in the end.
I read an interview with several couples who finally divorced (all of them were international marriages). One of them was because the woman loved money too much and thought her husband was too stingy. The other is that she doesn't understand the western culture of respecting personal privacy at all. She often opens her husband's letters privately and checks her mobile phone. As soon as she receives a call to find her husband, she will ask the other person about the situation. There is also a man who is a professor in the United States and a woman who is an English teacher in a university in China. She is a master. They don't have the above problems, but the man has high requirements for marriage. He is very interested in economy and culture, especially Confucius, Mencius, Zhuangzi and Daoism in China. He hopes to communicate with his wife, but his wife is familiar with Xu Guozhang's < New concept English > Besides, I don't know anything about other economic and cultural fields, including our own culture, and she is not interested in learning. The American husband thinks that the marriage without spiritual communication is too deep and wants to divorce. The woman doesn't divorce at all. She thinks that she has not had an affair or done anything wrong. Why should she be abandoned? After a long delay, I still got divorced. There are also some happiness. One of my sister's college classmates and one of my friend's colleagues also married an American. After several years of marriage, they are still very happy. The author thinks that if we want to accept transnational marriage, we must understand the cultural differences between China and the West, which are not as simple and general as those written in textbooks.
First of all, Westerners' views on marriage and love are different from ours.
They pay more attention to communication, whether they get along spiritually or not. Just look at their advertisements for marriage. Their advertisements are all about their hobbies and personalities, and rarely mention their economic ability and education. But we seem to care more about each other's work, education, and being a doctor, we have to find an undergraduate or master's student (to be honest, I also have to find an undergraduate or master's student). We also pay more attention to some external things, such as appearance and height. We seem to hope that the combination of love is a mathematical arrangement. My comprehensive score is 9, so I hope you can't be less than 85. Or take it to the balance and weigh it. I am eight-two, so you can't be lighter than seven-two-five, and you are very concerned about whether it matches (so am I). Otherwise, you will feel very poor. Many girls' criteria for choosing a spouse are: "three tall men, highly educated, high income and tall". Look at the advertisements for marriage in domestic newspapers, and most of them are surrounded by these external factors. Generally speaking, they prefer content and knowledge. We prefer the "well-qualified" and the young and beautiful.
I heard a famous saying in China that the ideal of a successful man in his 4 s and 5 s is to get a divorce first and then find someone about the same age as his daughter! But in foreign countries, if you want to find a marriage just because you are young and beautiful, the probability of success is small, and even if you succeed, the possibility of divorce is great.
Secondly, couples in China are more dependent (both mentally and economically), and they can share everything with each other.
Many women even judge the degree of their love by whether the other party is willing to spend a lot of money on her, and even many advertisements are encouraging this expression of "love". It is impossible for foreigners to save themselves to satisfy their girlfriends' material interests. China's husband will do his best to solve many things at home and at work, and many men seem to take care of their wives' families more. Generally speaking, you can rely on each other for everything.
American couples are relatively independent (you can even think that they are heartless). They never think that it costs much to love someone, but they are more concerned about whether two people are happy together. So they will be very stingy, he won't give you any expensive gifts, and some will even make AA with you! On the other hand, western women have been educated independently since childhood, relying on themselves, so most people don't measure their feelings by the amount of money spent by the other side. As for many things at home and at work, they are based on the concept of independence and respect, so you won't see that your other half will spare no effort to help you.
In life, China people pay more attention to material enjoyment; Westerners pay more attention to spiritual enjoyment. At home, many families scrimp and save to buy big houses and televisions, so many boys will give their wives expensive clothes, cosmetics, jewelry and even houses and cars when they fall in love. Americans may spend $1, a month on CDs and DVDs of music and movies, but they all think that shirts with 3 pieces are expensive. < P > Third, they treat their parents in different ways. < P > Marrying China's husband means that basically your parents are his parents, and you can rely on your husband whether financially or spiritually. Foreigners, however, have no responsibility to support their parents. So they don't want to please your parents like China's husband, let alone take care of them. The way Americans give back to their parents is simple holiday greetings, a little gift, no care, no support-although the United States is a society with better welfare, and the elderly are basically borne by the state, this is the point that I don't agree with American culture the most.
Fourth: Americans respect privacy, and even couples can't take it for granted to read his letters.
If you want to help him with his laundry, you'd better ask his opinion first. In short, you should respect his opinion as much as possible. China and his wife are closer, and his is hers. Although it was wrong to peek at the letter above, China's husband's reaction will be much milder.
Fifth, more mature Americans will not get married easily. They should really find someone they like. Only after the divorce, the man usually has to pay the alimony to the woman, and the rich will be given a part of their property. Dating you for half a year or a year doesn't mean that the other person will marry you, so we must cherish ourselves and cherish ourselves.
We are more in pursuit of ideal and noble love, even if the other person doesn't like ourselves, we should pay blindly, and it is fair to think that love should not be reasonable. However, westerners are more practical and pursue fairness. Foreigners will not pay unilaterally to a person. That person doesn't like him. If he thinks about being sad, he will forget it and start over immediately.
Sixthly, China people like to advocate a good wife and mother, while foreigners like women who have their own opinions and have their own lives and hobbies. If you sacrifice everything for this family, Then your marriage will fail.
This is only related to our culture. Since ancient times, women in China have to be obedient and virtuous, so as to win the recognition and respect of their husbands, families and society. Many women are used to sacrificing themselves to achieve their husbands and children, and even what they eat at night must depend on each other first (of course, many women are not like this now in the city). In the United States, it is absolute individualism. Then you must have your own hobbies and life, and you can't turn your whole life around him!
Seventh: Break up-Americans are more rational and determined.
They think that everyone should have the preparation and courage to start over at any time. In China, it is often heard that colleagues or friends are getting divorced. If one of them doesn't want to get divorced, many women cry loudly or staged fake suicides. When I was in the Bank of China, one of our colleagues tried to break up with her girlfriend because she was separated from her girlfriend, and maybe there were other considerations. As a result, her girlfriend cut her wrist and committed suicide, which scared him to never mention breaking up again. Married. But if you are looking for a foreign husband, they will not be so soft-hearted. This will not only be useless, but also make him more determined, because you don't even love yourself, who will love you? Their culture is that they should have the courage to give up and start again at any time, regardless of their work or feelings.
The last one is very important: Chinese and western people have different ways of thinking, and China people are more subtle in expressing their love, and they often don't directly say what they want; Westerners are simple and direct, so you'd better ask any questions directly and let the other person guess, and he can't guess.
Of course, objectively speaking, foreigners also have their strengths, and they respect women more. Whether before or after marriage, they will never force you to do anything you don't want to do, and you don't have to sacrifice anything. They are also more romantic, pursuing high-quality marriage life (more spiritual pursuit). Americans will attach great importance to their families after marriage, and the United States has little entertainment, so most people just go home and stay with their families after work; Successful people will never feel ashamed to take her out even if they marry an unattractive wife. They believe that their own is good.
Generally speaking, if you happen to meet a cross-border romance or you are determined to find an international marriage, you must fully understand, understand and respect each other's culture, and then try to seek common ground while reserving differences. If you are not a mentally and economically independent woman or you don't have the courage and ability to be an independent woman, I dare to predict that even if you are lucky enough to find it, the possibility of failure is far greater than success!
most importantly, I think we should not hold the idea of getting rich through marriage and changing our destiny, but make an idea of being spiritually and economically independent first (Deng Wendi and others did completely change their destiny through marriage, but they themselves are economically and spiritually independent women). We don't need to be strong women, but at least we should be able to support ourselves and become knowledgeable (I don't mean your education; But have good conversation and knowledge, instead of making others think that you are a pale woman with narrow knowledge. Only then can you meet a knowledgeable and cultured man, so that such a woman will not compromise in the face of love, can turn around and leave when she doesn't like it, and can start at any time. I believe you will be very happy whether you are looking for a China person or a foreigner.
Text: Chai Qi.