A. The goal of the China men's soccer team tonight is to leave Brazil in Beijing tonight and participate in the upcoming Paralympic Games in Beijing.

B, Zheng Zhi's biggest role is to kick his opponent into Zheng Zhihua on the court.

C. I was in a good mood last night because the national football team lost heartily!

2. Double seat

A, Huaan and touts

Master: one draw, two losses, three losses, four stops, five injuries and six wastes. It is very bold to mention 789.

Huaan: Ten shots and nine deviations, eight passes, seven breaks, six stops, five losses, four noble, three-hearted, two-minded, first-class X L.

Favorite: rough in rough, rough in rough, lose in lose.

Huaan: Indifference and mediocrity fail every year.

Favorite: You can't run and shoot on the court. The small national football team is ridiculous.

Huaan: His opponent punched him in the stomach and kicked him in the crotch in front of him, calling on outsiders to be careful.

B, Li Yu. Meiren Yu

Part I: How worried is the China Men's Football Team?

Bottom line: it's like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Horizontal criticism: no one will shoot.

Matching volume

The first part: Ask China how worried the men's soccer team is.

Part two: It's like a group of prostitutes guarding a brothel again.

Horizontal criticism: always shot

3. Famous aphorisms

1. Cherish life and stay away from the national football team.

2. Smoking is harmful to health and watching the national football is harmful to life.

3. watch the premier league ask for money to watch the national football die.

4. Correct use of digital TV can effectively prevent the national football team.

5. I'm dying because the national football team is not sick.

6. If China can score, I will turn myself in! -Osama bin Laden

If China can score, I will stop nuclear weapons! Ahmadinejad

If China can score, I will reform and open up! Kim Jong Il

If China can score, I will tear down the Yasukuni Shrine! -Junichiro Koizumi

If China can score a goal, my name is michel platini! -Bush

If China can score goals, I will believe in Buddhism! -God

If China can score, I believe in God! -Sakyamuni

If China can score, I will come back! -Maru hit our team on the foot.

The soy sauce party said: We admit that the national football team is darker than soy sauce, and soy sauce has absolutely no rancid smell of the national football team.

According to an insider, the China Men's Football Team is a commando of China city managers.

4. Jingle

The present situation of the national football team: the age is basically fictional, the appearance is basically ugly, the brain is basically rusty, the attack is basically based on walking, the passing is basically based on watching, the stopping is basically based on hands, the passing is basically based on shouting, the defense is basically based on hugging, and there is basically no shooting. The scared goalkeeper kept shaking, the goalkeeper basically had no hands, and losing was basically worrying, just like a group of mad dogs.

5, a laundry list of jokes

A, watch porn

In the evening, I am alone at home. I closed the door, closed the window and drew the curtains. I turned on the TV and tuned to CCTV-5 to watch the China men's football team. I only watched it for five minutes. At this moment, I suddenly found the sound of opening the door. I got up and turned off the TV immediately. At this moment, my friend came in. Seeing my embarrassment, he said, Wow, are you watching porn? I quickly said no.

He turned on the TV and saw the men's football team playing. He said, huh? Are you watching the China football team? My face turned red in an instant and I immediately said, no, no, I'm watching porn! ! ! ! !

B. National team

I heard that your brother plays for the national team?

B: Your brother just played for the national team! Your whole family plays for the national team.

Oh God

Embarrassed God

In 20xx, when an old man was dying, his lips trembled and he said to his grandson, "When the children ... wait ... China football ... qualify, you must write it on ... paper ... and burn it for me. I am also happy below. "

The child said, "Don't worry, Grandpa, I will try my best to live to that day." Grandpa closed his eyes with satisfaction after listening to his grandson.

In 2 1xx, an old man who was dying knelt in front of his grave and burst into tears: "grandson, I have been waiting for the World Cup for so many years, and I am ashamed of my ancestors!" Say that finish, anger toward, the whole body quiver two quiver will not move. Those eyes are still wide open and die unsatisfied! !

Grandson died and went to heaven. One day, he met God, and God said, I can grant you a wish.

He said, "Can you sink the island of Japan?"

God said: this is too difficult, change it.

Sun Tzu added: Then I want China to qualify for the World Cup. "

God wiped the sweat from his head and said, "What's your last wish? Give me the globe and let me have a look.

Crying God

Koreans ask God when they will win the World Cup. God said, 50 years later, Koreans shook their heads and said, not in this life.

The Japanese asked God when he would win the World Cup, and God said, 100 years later, the Japanese shook their heads and said that there was no next life.

China people ask God when they will win the World Cup. God cried and said, I can't see either.

D, national football vest

A man was found dead in the street, wearing a national football vest and feminine underwear with heavy makeup on his face. . .

Before the family recognized the body, pol.ice took off his national football vest in order to maintain the last dignity of the deceased.

E. extorting confessions by torture

The captain asked the police officer, "Did the prisoner confess?"

The policeman said, "No, the prisoner has a hard mouth."

The captain said, "Did you show Princess Pearl to the prisoner?"

The police officer said, "Yes, even the meteor garden. The prisoner did not confess. "

The captain said, "Did you show the prisoner the articles written by beautiful writers?"

The police officer said, "I saw it, too. The prisoner vomited and still refused to confess. "

The captain was annoyed: "Then show the prisoner what Xiaozi wrote."

The policeman said, "Brother, I showed it to the prisoner, too. The prisoner fainted three times, but they all survived. "

The captain was furious: "Then show CCTV's Heroes of the Condor and the legendary swordsman to the prisoners! Put a TV on the left and right. "

Policeman: "Big Brother, this is, this is a bit harsh."

Captain: "No way, tough guys have to fight hard."

A day later,

The captain asked again, "How's it going? Have you confessed? "

The police officer said, "The prisoner was incontinent, but he didn't move."

The captain growled, "Play China football."

Policeman: "Brother, people will die. Do you want to change another one? "

Captain: "Either the prisoner dies or I die."

A day later,

The captain asked again; "Well, did you confess?"

The policeman said, "The prisoner is biting his tongue ..."

6. Media coverage

A, "Walking into Science" and "The national football team washes their feet by the river"

The creatures in the river will die, the residents downstream will get strange diseases, and the plants along the coast will constantly mutate. Is it pesticide residue or biochemical attack? Please pay attention to the special program "Into Science" to be broadcast tonight: "The national football team washes their feet by the river"

B,,, and C Ronaldo in the British "Sun" said nothing and exclaimed that the national football team was invincible.

British Sun You reported (today's newspaper) 1 1: China stubbornly retaliated with two red cards in the men's soccer group match between China and Belgium in the Beijing Olympic Games, but only after the game did China players find that two red cards and two goals were not the same concept, or they lost the game. The players felt aggrieved and expressed the hope that FIFA would change the rules and equate the number of red cards with the number of goals scored. FIFA has not decided whether to apply for this. A FIFA official who asked not to be named said: China's application is very fair.

Ronaldo, a former footballer of the world who is vacationing in Brazil, learned that Belgian players were kicked to death by China players, and he said with a concerned expression. I'm only 23 years old, and I still have a bright future. At least I don't want to be a disabled person. Why did I stay at Manchester United? Thanks to Sir Alex Ferguson, he said to me,' Chris, if you insist on moving to Real Madrid, I will send you to play in the Super League instead of hanging you in the stands like I said before.' To tell you the truth, I'm really afraid of jazz. You know, Jazz is a man of his word, and no one can change his decision. "

Ronaldinho, who is attending the Olympic Games in China, has been feeling a little depressed recently. He felt desperate at the thought of facing China on 13. He complained to the reporter: "I don't know what to do. I just want to do something for my motherland and let the Brazilian Olympic team win the Olympic gold medal for the first time. " But I don't know what to do if the price of doing so falls to China's China Kong Fu. I hope the coach won't send me on the day of the game. I feel sorry for my testicles.