Is EQ innate? Many people think that emotional intelligence is a kind of personal charm, which is born rather than cultivated. That's what I thought in my heart. People with low emotional intelligence are born like this and it is difficult to change. Scientific research has proved that people can improve their emotional intelligence through a series of training.
0 1 Improve self-awareness and exercise emotional intelligence
EQ consists of four skills. Mainly personal ability, which is composed of self-awareness and self-management, affects ourselves. In addition, social competence is composed of group consciousness and interpersonal relationship management ability, which is our ability to understand the emotions, behaviors and motivations of others in order to improve interpersonal relationships.
"The so-called self-awareness refers to being able to accurately perceive your current emotions and understand what emotional tendencies you will have when the situation changes." Is to know the truth about yourself Knowing yourself from the inside out is an uninterrupted process. When you have emotions, don't judge or classify them for the time being, and let them develop naturally until they disappear.
Be careful not to deliberately avoid painful things. No matter how small or unimportant this emotion is, we can use it to do something useful.
We should not shy away from our feelings, but set a goal, walk into this feeling and finally cross it.
Learn to capture the physiological reactions accompanied by emotions, such as stomach pain and back pain caused by anger, think about the influence of emotions on your behavior, and understand your feelings.
Everyone has an emotional switch, and knowing who or what will press their switch is one of the strategies to improve self-awareness.
We can record our emotions by keeping a diary every day and find the trigger point of emotions.
Do you know that?/You know what? A famous saying that is considered to have ignited the spark of Greek civilization: "Man, know yourself." Popular but reasonable, I don't know how terrible I am. At all times, we must move forward on the road of knowing ourselves.
02 Self-management ability
The so-called self-management ability is the ability to control your behavior when things happen. We can do some subtle things every day to influence our hearts.
The first step to manage emotions and improve self-management ability is to learn to breathe correctly.
Our brains need 20% of the total oxygen supply to control basic functions, such as breathing, watching, and some complex activities, such as thinking.
Shallow breathing makes the brain lack oxygen, which leads to inattention, poor memory, changeable mood, anxiety, depression, anxiety and lack of energy, and also reduces our self-management ability. Therefore, it is very important to breathe correctly.
When you are stressed or emotional, try this: take a deep breath slowly, inhale through your nose until your abdomen bulges and tightens, and then gently exhale all the air in your mouth. When exhaling, exhale as hard as possible until all the gas in the lungs is exhausted. When breathing, you can put one hand on your chest and the other hand on your abdomen to determine whether you have inhaled enough oxygen. This method is really good and can be practiced frequently.
Deep breathing can control our emotions at important moments. When we breathe, we will return to the present, shift our emotions and feel our existence.
In addition, there is a simple way to achieve this goal-count from 1 to 10. I remember the first time I experienced deep breathing was in a class at Moore University. I was deeply impressed by the teacher's breathing. I think deep breathing is really helpful to our life, relaxing the body and restoring inner peace. Moreover, our usual meditation and meditation are inseparable from deep breathing, and correct breathing is very important.
Improving self-management ability also needs to control self-dialogue. It is the inner voice in the brain that affects our view of things.
How to control or change negative soliloquy?
Change "I always" or "I never" to "just this once" or "sometimes". You should learn to talk about the facts, don't make mistakes again and again, and don't magnify small things infinitely.
Talk about things. Learn to be responsible for your own actions, and learn not to punish yourself for other people's mistakes.
You can find an experienced self-manager and learn his skills. Learn some unique and effective methods that you can't get from other ways.
In addition, we should also admit that change is imminent. Laughing more, setting aside time to solve problems every day and cultivating good sleep are also important to improve self-management ability.
03 group consciousness
Group consciousness refers to the ability to accurately grasp the emotions of others and truly understand their situation.
Pay attention to practice listening and observing, learn to spend some time enjoying the process of life, and prepare the universal question: "What do you think …?" Help us understand a person better.
We need to hone our skills as soon as possible and learn to detect the stable, uneasy or changing emotions in the crowd, so that we can swim in the "social prairie" with ease.
04 interpersonal relationship
Interpersonal relationship management refers to: apply your knowledge of yourself and others' emotions to interpersonal communication, so that communication can be smoother and differences can be solved more effectively.
No one is an island. The weaker your relationship with others, the more difficult it is for you to convey your views. If you want people to listen to you, you need to train your interpersonal management skills.
In the book, the author provides us with many strategies to help us get the maximum benefit in every interaction with others.
1. Be honest and curious.
Being honest means telling others about yourself. Remember, don't simply make a decision and expect others to accept your decision, but take the time to explain the reasons for your decision, including alternatives, and tell everyone why the final decision is the most reasonable.
You should be curious about people. The more you care about others, the better you know them, and the better chance you have to meet their needs without misunderstanding them.
2. Be considerate of other people's emotions and situations, and actively respond to other people's emotions.
Learn to express your concern. When expressing concern for others, don't be shy or slack, and don't hesitate or put it off until next week. Express your feelings and worries with cards, food and other inexpensive but meaningful things, which will make your relationship stronger.
In addition, in difficult situations, we should not only be sympathetic to others, but also explain our ideas clearly enough.
This book makes us clearly understand the concepts of self-awareness, self-management, group awareness and interpersonal relationship management, and understand that the four skills together constitute emotional intelligence. By introducing some practical methods and strategies, we can better understand ourselves and others, thus improving our emotional intelligence. I hope we can all learn something.