Fu Cong fell in love with Mila, the daughter of American violinist Menuhin, and revealed the good news to his parents in a letter at home. His father wrote a long letter to Fu Cong, telling him how to treat love and choose a lifelong partner.
August 29, 1960
Dear children, the good news reported on August 20 made us indescribably happy and excited. You have embarked on a new stage in your life journey and begun to take on new responsibilities. We want to congratulate you, bless you and encourage you. I hope you will use the same perseverance, confidence, and piety as you do with the art of music to learn the most profound lesson in the art of life. May you be as successful in this art as you are in the art of music! If you have any problems or worries, always seek advice from one or two upright and experienced middle-aged and elderly people, think carefully, and then make a decision. Do not rely solely on impulse: as long as you can do these things, we will be relieved.
The requirements for a lifelong partner, just like the requirements for everything in life, should not be too harsh. There are always pros and cons to everything: if we pursue you too eagerly, you feel a heavy burden; if we pursue you less closely, you feel not passionate enough. A gentle person can sometimes appear cowardly, and a strong person can appear almost authoritarian. Too much fantasy would be unrealistic, and the capable housekeeper wife would find it tacky. Where are the people who have only strengths and no weaknesses? Are there any perfect people or things in the world? Ask yourself, how perfect are you? You must have considered this type of question more than once. I think the most important thing is your intrinsic kindness, gentle nature, and open mind. With these three things, everything else can be gradually cultivated; and with these three things, even big or small storms will not turn into tragedies in the future. Being an artist's wife is more difficult than being anyone's wife; if you don't understand this in advance, even if you know that "you are too harsh on others and too lenient on yourself", it will not be easy to learn to be wise, considerate and tolerant. As long as he can solve the trivial matters in your life for you and is interested in your career, you don’t have to expect too much about academic study and so on. It still depends on how your life is after marriage. The two sides must first learn mutual respect, understanding and tolerance.
It is dangerous for the other person to regard you as her whole world, but it is also very precious! Now that you have discovered it, you will surely wake her up slowly; it is best to make insinuations instead of bringing it up directly, and make her feel that it is to maintain her independence of personality and expand her world view. If you have already thought of Olivier's story, ask her to read the book carefully once or twice, and ask her to pay special attention to that episode. Like Jacqueline who only knows love, love, love! The person is just a character in a fairy tale. Not only can she not get love in the real world, she can't even survive because she knows nothing but love, has nothing, and loves nothing. Such a narrow world does not look like one world! How can you get happiness with such a one-sided outlook on life! Regardless of men or women, only by focusing their interests on career, learning, and art, and trying to put aside their small self, can they be happy and feel that life is meaningful. Unexperienced girls often have an absurd dream, thinking that the emotional climax during love can be maintained after marriage. This is a delusion that violates the laws of nature. As an old saying goes, "The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water"; another saying says, "A husband and wife respect each other like guests." It can be seen that only calm, reserved, and gentle feelings can last; the meaning of the other sentence is that the couple will eventually become a relationship of close friends, which is what we call lifelong partners. If both parties can deeply understand this before getting married, they will lay the most reliable foundation for the future and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and pain.
You are a person whose life is art. You are also a person who values ??truth, justice, personality, etc. above all else. You are also a person who takes pleasure in work. I don’t need to nag you. I miss you already. I have expressed these beliefs and tried my best to instill them in the other party. I just want to remind you of a few points: First, the most powerful argument in the world is practical action, and the most effective education is leading by example; never ask others for things you can't do; first criticize yourself for the mistakes you have made, and first Change your own. Second, never forget the many mistakes I made when I was educating you. If my past mistakes can help you avoid the same mistakes, my sins can be alleviated a little; the pain you have suffered will not be inflicted on others, and you will not suffer in vain. In general, although you can give advice to others, don't give people the impression of "teaching others". Anyone who had an unhappy childhood is particularly fragile and sensitive. If you think about yourself, you will know how to be gentle and cautious when dealing with your lover.
I believe you take the issue of love more solemnly and seriously than before; during this testing period, I hope you will treat everything with a more serious attitude, especially to cultivate a kind of responsibilities after marriage. Loyal, solemn, and pious mood!