Recently, Lao He saw an exclusive interview on "How to have a happy life" on the pilot program of Phoenix Satellite TV, which introduced the research results of Harvard University for 80 years. The clearest conclusion we get from this study of Harvard University is that the closeness of a person to his family, friends and people around him is the key factor to determine his health and happiness. "We find that people who are satisfied with their interpersonal relationships and those who know that they can get physical and mental support when they need it, so they feel safe. These people are physically and mentally healthier in their later years. "

However, how can we establish a healthy and good intimate relationship with our spouse, family and people around us, so as to have a happy life?

Many years ago, CSI went to Hong Kong to attend a dharma meeting hosted by Master Xing Yun, and heard a famous saying of Master Xing Yun: Give people confidence, give people joy, give people hope and give people convenience!

There are many Buddhist commandments, such as the Five Commandments, the Eight Commandments or the Ten Commandments, which are often difficult for ordinary people to remember or carry out. However, the key word "making people happy" is indeed the method (or breakthrough point) for us to learn and practice. It is indeed simpler and clearer than talking about many great truths to reflect on whether our actions (including body behavior, language behavior and changes in mind, consciousness and thinking) have made people happy every day.

Today, CSI saw "Top Masters, All Extremely Altruists" written by Mr. Zhou Zuoluo in the circle of friends, which was very enlightening and very much agreed with the author's point of view. At the end of the article, he summed it up with a famous saying by Mr. Liu Run: Top masters are extremely altruistic, and they always try their best to give, not try their best to take. This mode of thinking can be said to be an important guide for us to establish and maintain healthy and good interpersonal relationships.

It is very worthy of your friends to read and think carefully!

Attachment: Top experts are all ultra-altruists.

You may have heard this sentence, but you may not understand it thoroughly.

Today, I share a thinking mode called "value exchange", which is closely related to interpersonal and business. I believe you will be very inspired after reading it.

First, more than 90% people are asking for thinking.

Value exchange, this is a sentence I heard when I was a freshman.

At that time, there was inspirational chicken soup on the Internet saying, "Don't focus too much on interpersonal relationships, because the essence of interpersonal relationships is value exchange, so you should focus more on self-improvement."

I have heard this sentence and have been practicing it.

But I recently found that our understanding of this mode of thinking is so superficial that we only regard it as chicken soup.

The reason why I feel this way is that I have been writing about learning methods for nearly half a year, and I have received many messages from readers one after another.

Some of the messages you read really want to answer his doubts, and some of the messages you read simply want to hit people, which makes you feel very uncomfortable.

It's ok once or twice, but a large number of such readers make me break out in a cold sweat. So I began to think, what is the essence behind this matter? Why do I hate replying to some news after reading it?

So I looked through all these messages that would make me uncomfortable and found a common feature: they only have themselves in mind.

Their logic is: "This matter is very important to me and helps me a lot, so you must help me."

But what's important to you to me?

Don't think my words are too cruel. This is the survival law of this society. One thing is important to you, but what does it have to do with me?

Genetically speaking, each of us is selfish and wants to ask others for more value. It doesn't matter, but why are others willing to provide you with value? Others are selfish!

You all know how to get more value from others as much as possible. Others are human beings, as selfish as you are, and they want to ask you for more value!

Unfortunately, this truth is difficult for people who are too self-centered, because there has never been anyone else in their world, and there is only themselves in their world.

Think about whether there are such people around you. I have been asking you for value, but I have never provided you with any value.

I have done such stupid things myself, such as the following behaviors:

(1) Join an excellent club but seldom speak.

I have joined many excellent clubs, but I seldom stay silent for a long time. I only speak in groups when I need help.

Later, after understanding the thinking mode of "value exchange", I was shocked into a cold sweat. How old was I? It turns out that I have been asking for value from others.

If everyone is like me, and everyone only wants value, who will provide value?

No one will be willing to provide you with value unless you provide value to others first.

Now as long as I have time, I will provide more value to others in the group, which has helped many people, and some of them have provided me with a lot of value to express their gratitude.

(2) Always disturbing others.

I have met several such people, and they will keep asking you for value and asking you to help me do this and that, but they will never provide you with any value.

Are you worried about such a person?

Even a friend, such a blind request will make you doubt life, and you will wonder if this boy is a simpleton. Is a friend a toolbox?

These are two common examples, but there are many such examples. If you look closely, you will find that basically everyone has done such a thing. I will sum it up in one sentence:

Take blindly, never take the initiative to pay, only remember when cramming.

Second, why should we take the initiative to provide value?

(1) Everyone is genetically selfish.

Although there are many selfless people in this society, I sincerely respect them.

But genetically, everyone is born selfish.

There is a famous book called selfish genes, which tells us that "we are just gene carriers." Even if we have such altruistic behavior, the ultimate essence is self-interest and the immortality of genes. "

So when you ask others for value, others are thinking the same thing as you, how to ask you for value.

If you can't provide value to others, why should others provide value to you?

For example, Zhihu account started some time ago, and Zhihu is a platform for value exchange. You have brought a large number of high-quality users to it, and it will recommend your articles to more people and help you build your personal influence.

And if you don't provide high-quality users for the platform, but also pull other people's users to your other platform accounts, what can people do?

But if your article is really valuable and brings many high-quality users to the platform, even if you ask for some value, people will turn a blind eye.

(2) Everyone has reciprocity.

We have to provide value to others, and others can provide value to us. This is the exchange of value.

But you may have questions. I provide value to this person. What if this person doesn't provide value to me?

This involves a psychological theory called reciprocal psychology.

Psychologists have found that most people have an emotional tendency to be unwilling to owe others a favor.

Once we benefit from others, there will be a pressure to owe each other. If we can repay each other's equal or overestimated interests in time, we will be freed from this psychological pressure.

This kind of psychology may come from our cooperation and mutual trust in the hunting era. If someone helps you, you don't help him, and he won't help you next time you are in danger.

So the ancestors without reciprocity gradually died out, and only those ancestors with reciprocity and mutual help survived in the long evolutionary history.

This is a game of survival.

This survival game still applies today. Although we are no longer in danger of survival, there is a huge gap between people.

Most people who have made great achievements in shopping malls and officialdom have this kind of reciprocal psychology. If others help you, you should also be grateful, so that everyone can help each other further.

(3) A project with valuable space is a good project.

Two days ago, I read an article by Liu Run and wrote the basic logic of business. One of the viewpoints is that "to judge whether a project has an opportunity, we must first look at whether the project has created a' value space'.

What is value space?

For example, suppose you find a business model that can earn1.500 million. You can give 500 million to consumers, 500 million to partners and 500 million to yourself.

This is a good project with valuable space. If you have such a good project, everyone will want you to succeed.

But if you can't provide any value to consumers and partners, you treat people like fools and want to extract value from them. This business model is doomed to be short-lived.

Why is Alibaba so great?

Think about how much value it provides to this society. Although it may not be enough to make the world have no difficult business, businesses have benefited from it, and consumers have also benefited from it.

As long as you can provide great value to others, everyone will expect you to succeed.

Third, how to exchange values well

After talking about the importance of value exchange, let's talk about how to do a good job of value exchange and realize the gathering of contacts and the success of business.

(1) Always pay attention to and cultivate the thinking of value exchange.

For example, the example of doing accounts I mentioned earlier, ordinary people never think so deeply, they only care about one thing, "How to ask for more value from the platform?"

His platform is not stupid. Why should I help you? You have to provide value to others before others can give you some feedback, right?

So, do you want to output high-quality articles to the platform? Is it necessary to bring more high-quality users to the platform? Do you ask for less value from each other?

If you do this well, the platform has no reason not to help you. It will push your article to more readers and help you build your personal influence.

The law of value exchange is almost everywhere. You must pay more attention and gradually develop the thinking of value exchange, so that your road will be smoother and smoother.

(2) Be an active giver.

It is not enough to exchange valuable ideas. You should be an active giver.

Give me an example that impressed me very much.

Once I wrote in an article that I hope to have the opportunity to learn how to wear with you. Then most of the messages below ask me how to learn how to dress, but one message is very eye-catching:

Yes, he gave me value.

Do you know my mood at that time? Thank you very much. I've been looking for giants, and then I saw this message. I just like it.

Although I haven't provided him with any value, this friend paid it first, and it will be my responsibility to be useful in the future.

There are many such examples. I have a friend who works in the media. He knows a big brother. He has seen through this big brother and wants to work from the media, but he has never been in contact with him and will not do it.

So he took the initiative to share some related dry goods with this big brother. As a result, eldest brother was very grateful and immediately gave him a red envelope. Although it is not much, it is his heart, but this connection is established.

But what if you are an ordinary person and can't provide value to others?

I'll give you three scenes of Amway:

(1) Join the excellent community, with more output and more services.

Many people join clubs and don't like to talk. How can they provide value to others if they don't talk? No matter how good you are, it has nothing to do with others.

Others, as soon as they join the community, try their best to promote themselves and want value. You don't provide value to others. Why do others provide you with value?

But if you often speak and share your valuable knowledge or some rare resources with everyone, even if you are not so powerful, people will like you very much because you have provided value to everyone.

If you feel that there is nothing to share, you can also provide services to everyone.

For example, in the community where I live, every time after class, my friends take the initiative to synthesize the sounds together, and even some friends take the initiative to use Iflytek to convert the sounds into word-for-word drafts and send them to everyone.

I love such people.

This is a very clever method. Excellent circles are hard to come by. Building your network here is the most cost-effective way to strengthen your interpersonal relationship.

I learned this from others, joined the excellent circle, and then offered value to others.

2 For the big boss, it can provide wealth value.

If the other person is so powerful that you can hardly provide any value to the other person, then there is another way for you to provide wealth value.

For example, reward his articles, such as signing up for his courses.

I know many people will say, this is not pure, can't people talk about money?

Yes, you can also provide other values. The question is, can you provide such values to each other?

Don't think this is vulgar, it is the most real value, and no one will refuse it.

(3) Meet the needs of the boss for self-realization.

If you can't provide value and don't want to pay, there is another skill that is very useful.

There are many bosses who are not short of money at some level, or don't care about money at all. At this time, there is one thing that they are very concerned about, and that is self-realization.

It is also the highest demand level of Maslow's demand principle.

Everyone comes to this world, in addition to survival, but also thinking about the meaning of life, looking for their own sense of existence.

If you can provide this value to the big boss, he will be happy to help you.

How?

Never say you owe me, never say you should help me.

Be humble, praise each other, and then express your doubts, just like a lost lamb needs the light of a great man.

In my message, many readers did well. They first affirmed the value of this article, then told me what it inspired him, and finally put forward some puzzles, implicitly demanding value.

I will be very cheerful and share everything I know with him without reservation.

Above, share with you.

Finally, I end with a sentence from Liu Run:

Top players are extremely altruistic. They always try their best to give, not try their best to take.

end