? Borders are everywhere in life and exist in tangible or intangible ways. Tangible boundaries let us know the scope and constrain our behavior, such as national boundaries and fences; Invisible boundaries exist in individuals' minds. Because of different personal understanding and cognition, the scope of boundaries is easily blurred. When the boundary is unclear, there will be confusion in behavior, and it is easy to cause contradictions if you don't know what to do as something improper. Therefore, knowing that there are boundaries between people, and strictly observing the boundaries, we can establish a harmonious relationship.

The most common unclear boundary often happens between relatives. The conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and Separate child care are typical problems caused by unclear boundaries. In our traditional concept, family members are not independent, independent individuals who are responsible for their own choices and behaviors, but a mixed whole. Individual boundaries are not respected, which shows that parents can interfere in their children's lives, from food, clothing, housing and transportation to career choice and partner choice, everywhere, and often in the name of caring or being good for you. There is also a kind of unclear boundary, which shows that parents are extremely dependent on their children. They must let their children participate in their own situations and make decisions, and impose their own responsibilities and emotional management on their children. Children have to bear many people's emotions and lives, and often feel tired, and going home is no longer a sweet and happy feeling. This situation is also beautified as: Because we are a family.

? In the name of care and love, it is difficult to deal with the violation of the boundaries of relatives. If you are not careful, it will lead to family conflicts, even quarrels and broken feelings. Because of this, the solution that is often seen is: escape or bear. Avoidance will show that children spend less time with their parents, or change the subject, or avoid the important, etc. These methods can avoid conflicts, but they do not solve the problems, and the problems will accumulate. Another solution is to bear, which means that children bear all the consequences of decisions, so that children have to deal with more and more things and gradually become overwhelmed.

Neither escape nor commitment can solve the problem well. Is there a better solution? The answer is: to rebuild the border. There are two magic sentences that can effectively establish boundaries. You can keep them in mind and practice them repeatedly to form a conditioned reflex. These two sentences are: this is my business and this is your business. These two sentences clarify the power to deal with problems, who owns the decision-making power and who should bear the responsibility. You don't need to be loud or tough, you just need to draw a line gently and firmly and tell each other whose business this is, so you can avoid mutual interference. It will be difficult to talk at first, but this is the real solution. If you try more, you will definitely apply it well.

boundaries are the basis for us to deal with other people. If we learn to draw boundaries, our life and work will be invincible.