A colleague called me two days ago to discuss that Sister Deng’s mother, with whom we usually have a good relationship, had a heart attack and was hospitalized. She asked me if we could go visit her together. I thought about it for a long time and decided to forget it and let’s not make a special trip to visit.

Am I just worried about money? Although it is also a consideration, it is not necessarily the case. Visiting the old man, spending a few hundred, can further deepen our relationship, but I have other concerns.

Sister Zhu from our unit is Sister Deng’s child. Last year, Sister Zhu’s father was hospitalized for cerebral thrombosis. The leader of the unit took several people to the hospital to visit. Sister Deng also went along. Because they were close to each other, she secretly gave the old man a thousand yuan on her own. Sister Zhu also expressed her gratitude afterwards.

However, a few months after the incident, Sister Deng’s father also fell ill and was hospitalized. Sister Deng had a character that she couldn’t hold back when something happened, so she told her to the work, but Sister Zhu only asked I didn't go to the hospital to visit him due to his condition. Sister Deng once mentioned this to me tactfully, and I heard her dissatisfaction with Sister Zhu for not being "reciprocal".

In fact, for middle-aged people in their forties, their parents are also in their seventies or eighties. They are plagued by chronic diseases and geriatric diseases. It is very common for them to be hospitalized, and even being hospitalized several times a year is not new. If everyone "moves around" for this, it will be a burden for everyone. Is there a leader when you come and go [laughing and crying]? If someone stumbles and is rude, it will cause trouble to both parties.

I had surgery for varicose veins a few days ago, and my mother was admitted to the hospital for a few days. Sister Zhang, the cleaning lady at the unit, heard about it and called her to ask the hospital to take a look. I told her that the hospital would not allow it due to the epidemic. She was not allowed to come to visit her, and she was not allowed to come. As a result, after I finished accompanying her and went to work, Xiao Zhang still bought nutritional supplements and forced me to deliver them to the elderly. I felt that it would be bad if I refused, so I had no choice but to accept them. When we were chatting at the corner of the corridor, our colleague Sister Li and Brother Dong happened to pass by. The two of them looked at each other, which was a little meaningful. Did they think I was "receiving a gift"? [Face covering]

Sometimes it is not appropriate to create a small circle in the workplace by favoring one over the other. Colleagues should be united and friendly but do not need to be too close, otherwise it will cause small misunderstandings, and paranoid people will also do this Cheating.

I once made a special trip to visit my old classmate’s lover when he was hospitalized and left a message of gratitude. When my son’s high school entrance examination was over half a year later, my classmate specially sent him a gift for his entrance into college and even treated us to a meal. Why! It felt like she had "caught" an opportunity to repay her [face covering].

As ordinary people, we can often bear the glare of others, but we cannot bear the kindness of others to us. We are afraid that we will make a mistake and let down the affection of others. Therefore, unless it is absolutely necessary, we do not want to disturb or trouble others, and we do not want others to spend material and financial resources on us. It is a debt of gratitude, and we should keep it in mind to reciprocate.

Therefore, the relationship between people must be well controlled. It cannot be cold and cold, and it must not be too hot and burn the other person [laughs]. Just right is the best - when you need me, I will lend a helping hand, live your life normally but keep enough distance. Giving help in times of need is to help those in need. Forget it as a courtesy or even as icing on the cake. If you extend it to others, they may not really like you.

Not putting a psychological burden on others because of your kindness is also a kind of perfection, and it is also a kind of kindness that makes people comfortable and relaxed [laughing and crying]

This problem is very common, almost This is a problem that everyone will encounter and cannot avoid, because we live in a humane society and pay attention to courtesy and reciprocity.

If Zhang San’s mother is sick and hospitalized, Li Si, who is Zhang San’s good friend, will definitely want to visit her. Li Si has repeatedly considered that if he doesn’t visit, he will be embarrassed to speak to Zhang San in the future. , let alone calling him brother, after careful consideration, Li Si decided to visit his friend's mother, and gave Zhang San a thousand yuan from his modest salary to show his sincerity. Zhang San was very happy to see Li Si coming. He also saw that Li Si gave him a thousand yuan, so he was too kind but had no choice but to accept it. Zhang San's idea was that if he didn't accept it, his good friend Li Si would lose face, so he had to accept it temporarily and look for opportunities to return the favor later. After Zhang San's mother was discharged from the hospital, Zhang San treated Li Si to a banquet as a thank you, which cost four to five hundred yuan. Through this incident, the relationship between Zhang San and Li Si took a further step, and they reached the point where they could talk about everything. A year later, Li Si's father suddenly fell ill and was hospitalized. Li Si didn't want anyone to know about the visit, but his good friend Zhang San soon found out and visited his friend's father, taking a thousand yuan and other gifts. Afterwards, Li Si also entertained Zhang San once.

There are countless such worldly affairs, which add a heavy ideological burden, especially a financial burden, to the parties involved. In this case, no matter how close the relationship is, a certain distance must be maintained and enough private space reserved. Don't do things that are icing on the cake. If relatives and friends encounter difficulties that cannot be avoided by natural disasters and man-made disasters, they should help and provide help in times of need. The advantage of doing this is that you and others no longer have to worry about debts.

First line: The cat steps on the cat's head tiles. Second line: We sincerely invite friends.

I especially like Wang Zhi's sentence in "The Fourteenth Year of Chenghua" The mantra is "you help me, I help you."

Therefore, if someone you know well, such as a parent or relative at home, knows that they are hospitalized, they will probably express their feelings mentally or materially. Of course, if the relationship is normal, when someone informs you that you need to join them, you can go with them generously; if someone informs you to visit them together, you can go with them neatly. If no one informs you, just pretend you don't know, so as not to embarrass each other.

Not to mention good friends.

However, special hospital visits may leave hidden dangers if not handled properly. So, I usually do this:

If we have a good relationship, when we know that the other person’s parents or close relatives are hospitalized, whether the friend tells me in person or someone else tells him, he will After knowing the situation, contact the friend as soon as possible, ask about the situation, find out what you can do to help, and then make an appointment for visitation (whether the patient is convenient for outsiders to visit and when can visitation be made). Because:

1. This is a must to respect the privacy of friends and patients. For one reason or another, friends and family sometimes don't want others to know about their illness.

2. This is a must to respect the relevant regulations of the hospital. The hospital has clear regulations on whether patients can receive visits and at what time. Appearing in the hospital at inappropriate times may affect the doctor's treatment of the patient and the patient's rest. Visitation is not possible.

3. This is necessary to avoid buying the wrong gift during a visit. After understanding the situation, we can determine how many gifts to give and what kind of gifts to buy based on the condition. Otherwise, it is really better not to send fruits and milk to diabetic water.

4. Others. There are differences between men and women, and some diseases are really not suitable for the opposite sex to visit.

Of course, as a good friend, if the other person refuses to visit, you should also express your feelings, explain when you are free, and be available when needed, and send a red envelope to the other person at the same time. . If your friend's parents are hospitalized, ask your friend about the situation every once in a while. Of course, if you are a friend's wife (husband), as a member of the opposite sex, you can skip this operation directly. Otherwise, there may be hidden dangers.

Personal experience, for reference only.

Maybe it’s because I have a cold nature. From a human perspective, I think it will indeed leave hidden dangers.

For example, if your friend’s father is sick and you go to visit, then if your friend’s mother is sick, should you go and visit? If you don’t go, will your friend think, Hey, my father was sick last time? He's here. Is it because he doesn't come this time because he has any thoughts about me? For another example, in society, people cannot have only one good friend, but may have many. Then the question arises: if other friends’ parents are sick, should you go to visit? If you go, there is nothing wrong with them. If I can't go, will this friend have any thoughts? You see, when other friends’ parents were sick, he went to visit them. Why didn’t he come when my parents were sick? Was there something wrong with me, or was there a disconnect in his heart.

In addition, if you visit your friend’s parents, if one day your parents are sick, will you have expectations about whether they will come to visit? Even if you are not expecting them, you can still understand them. , but will there be a murmur in your heart? In addition, will it also create a burden on the other person's heart because you have visited his parents and they have to visit your parents?

Actually, maybe I’m overthinking it, but if something happens to me, I don’t want to visit each other. It seems really pointless. You can just call and say hello. Don't laugh at me, I really have low emotional intelligence [I want to be quiet]

I am also quite naive, and I don't understand what the hidden dangers will be. Nowadays, there are more only children, so if you don’t have a few close friends, do you still expect others to help when your elderly relatives are sick? I think people who think like this generally have poor finances or have many brothers and sisters at home. Everyone has their own way of doing things, so I won’t make any comments. I don't have any ideas.

When dealing with such things, just follow your own feelings. Don't think too complicated. Being a perfect person is not only too tiring, but you may not have true friends who respect you in the end.

If you have a good relationship with your friends, you should visit them. That’s human nature! If one day your parents or a close relative is sick and hospitalized, and a friend comes to visit, wouldn’t you be very touched? Compare your heart to your heart, and the same principle applies! !

In today's society, the relationship between people is indeed quite complicated. Even colleagues and friends who have good relationships should be "reciprocal" in favor of others. If they are not careful, they will hurt each other.

There were once three friends who had conflicts and broke up unhappy because of this unclear personal relationship.

A’s father is ill and hospitalized, and B and C discuss visiting him.

Person B wanted to take money and Person B wanted to buy some gifts. There was no discussion and they had to go their separate ways. B took a thousand yuan, and C only bought a gift of more than 100 yuan. A felt that C was a bit stingy, and there was a rift in their relationship.

Soon, B’s mother also fell ill and was hospitalized. C treats B the same as A, and only bought more than 100 yuan in gifts. But A has some control over B. Because A and B are in the same unit, and A is a small leader, he feels that B is taken care of in the unit. When A's father is hospitalized, B takes one thousand yuan for granted. A takes it for granted. Should B's mother be hospitalized and still pay it back? So A only bought a gift of about 300 yuan but did not take the money.

Afterwards, B expressed his dissatisfaction with A in front of C, and also leaked to C what A said that C was stingy. The rift between the three of them is getting bigger and bigger, and now they are no more than passers-by.

Therefore, if my close friend’s parents are sick and hospitalized, it is appropriate to make a special trip to visit them. However, improper handling may leave hidden dangers.

My husband had this experience. The mother of one of his comrades was sick, so he specifically informed her.

At that time, this person in my family was working in a provincial capital city. He and his comrades were recruits at the same time, and they were fellow villagers. We usually had a good relationship, but there was no marriage ceremony. He was specifically notified that he must go and have a look. In order to do his best as a landlord, he specially treated the buddy to a meal, bought some gifts, and went to the hospital to visit him.

Who knew that the money was spent, but the relationship between the two became worse and worse. The brother seemed to be complaining, and it was difficult to deal with this kind of thing. My husband discussed it with me in private, probably because His comrade said he was too stingy for not paying my husband when he visited the hospital. Otherwise, there really is no other reason.

My husband didn’t care about his comrade’s behavior and said it was up to him. If he thinks so, next time he won’t spend a penny! Because I spent this money without expecting the other party to regret it. I also spent a lot of money on travel expenses, dinner expenses, and gifts. Do I still have to set a certain amount for others?

These days, the maintenance of all relationships is linked to interests. Economic interaction is required to promote emotional integration, especially with friends who have good relationships.

Some people, especially men, like to make a fuss about their behavior in order to show the intimacy of a relationship. For example, if their friends' parents are undergoing surgery in a hospital hundreds of miles away, in order to save face for their friend and show that they value the other person, some people will not hesitate to drive there and back and send them a big gift package.

I don’t agree with this behavior because I feel the pressure is too much and I can’t bear it. Just imagine, others have made such a big sacrifice, and they definitely need a different kind of reward from you. If someone else's parents are sick, no matter how busy and tired you are at work, and you can't spare time, you still need the same kind of reward. If in your life There are too many situations like this, which is equivalent to putting heavy shackles on yourself and trapping yourself.

The consequence is that you always look for opportunities to repay, and have to satisfy the other party’s unreasonable demands. Some even break your own principles and bottom lines. If you don’t do something, you feel you owe a favor, and if you do something, it goes against your own heart. . If this kind of emotion accumulates too much, resentment will arise in the heart. If you resent the other person for a long time, the relationship will become estranged and then break up.

The so-called no profit, no early start! In life, you must be wary of behaviors that go against common sense. Just keep light communication with others, and do not cause trouble to others or burden yourself.

The ancients said that the friendship between gentlemen is as pure as water. This is really a wise saying. Thank you for your support

It is necessary for good friends to care about each other, but do not visit your friends’ parents or close relatives when they are hospitalized.

I think the other person doesn’t want to owe his friend too much, so he just wants to visit in passing. Going to visit specifically will make people feel too enthusiastic and uncomfortable. I think so.

Some people don’t like to be disturbed and don’t want others to know what illness they have. This is one aspect.

On the other hand, if a close relative or parent of a close friend has been hospitalized and visited, they will think you are very considerate. If she is seriously ill, for example, she wants to borrow money from you, So should you borrow it or not? Some people, if you visit them, they will keep borrowing money from you.

My eldest brother-in-law is like this. When her daughter was sick, one of his comrades went all the way to Hangzhou and helped a lot. As a result, after returning home, he always borrowed money from his brother-in-law. The eldest brother-in-law and the others felt embarrassed not to lend him the money. The amount was relatively large and the frequency was much better, so they felt quite embarrassed.

The questioner asked: Why do you say that a friend with whom you have a good relationship has a close relative who is hospitalized and has to make a special trip? Are there any hidden dangers to visiting?

I think friends should forget about it and go to see their close relatives or parents who are hospitalized. And if you are going specifically to visit, then don't disturb them, don't go and see them, there will be a lot of trouble.