Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have nothing to do with each other in the past few decades. Because one man becomes a family member, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a complicated triangle. Many men don't know how to handle this relationship, which leads to deepening conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. A wise husband must learn the following twelve precepts so that his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be harmonious and harmonious. If he still needs to practice at home, Mom and Dad, please decisively change~

Husbands who don’t want to be angry and want to have the deep love of the mother’s ocean and the passionate love of the wife’s fire at the same time, then okay Take a look at this twelve commandments!

The first commandment: Don’t have the concept of “all parents in the world”

Many husbands seem to have this concept and like it The first reason they keep saying this is their respect for their parents and their "filial piety". Especially after the wife has been wronged by her mother, this sentence appears most frequently. She knows that her mother is wrong, but she only dares to say to her: "There are no bad parents in the world. No matter how wrong she is, she is still my mother. You Just be patient!" So the wives had nowhere to vent their anger, so they could only cry secretly. In this kind of family, because women cannot get the protection of their husbands, their love for their husbands will gradually fade away until they become disappointed in the marriage. Some may run away from the marriage, while others may tolerate it and turn to fight back, which will eventually lead to women in this kind of family. Everyone in the relationship is scarred.

Husbands who cling to this concept are asked to answer the following questions in order:

The first question: There are parents in the world, right? ?——You must be right!

The second question: Is there a *** in the world?——You dare not deny it, right?

The third question: ** * Is it possible to have children? - You can't deny it, right?

The fourth question: Does *** become a parent if he has children? - Is this question still necessary? < /p>

The fifth question: Are there any perfect parents in the world? - Can you deny it?

The sixth question: There are all perfect parents in the world, right? - You What's the answer?

Of course, I'm not saying that your parents are a *** if they make mistakes. If your answer to the sixth question is still yes, it can only mean that you are a ***! If If you are not a ***, you should know that the most influential person on traditional Chinese thought is Confucius. Although this Confucius left a lot of dross, there is a saying that is a wise saying: No one is a sage, and no one can make mistakes. I wonder if your parents are human beings who always say "there are no bad parents in the world"? If you think not, then I have nothing to say!

The second commandment: From the day you get married, Please take the initiative to wean yourself

After every woman gets married, she hopes that the man she entrusts with her life will mature and support the family in a responsible way. But many men forget the role reversal and always think that they are still their parents' good children and always want to rely on their parents for everything, whether it is housework or finances. One of the most obvious signs is that he does not want to live alone without his parents. His most high-sounding reason is: I want to take care of my parents! A man who still lives with his parents after marriage actually has not changed much from before marriage, because he knows that with him When my mother is with her, she is reluctant to let her do housework, and my wife dare not assign housework to her in front of her. She is still living the same life as before marriage, with clothes on her hands and food on her hands, and only two women doing it for him. Busy, where have I seen him do anything for my mother?

I once saw an article written by a sister, saying that because her husband was asked to share the housework, he told her: "I am still the one in this world. Mom is the best to me!" Apart from feeling funny, I can only despise this kind of man who sings "Only mom is good in the world" every day! My only answer to this kind of man is: "Don't get married, go home and be with your mom. Live the rest of your life!"

The third commandment: Don't be afraid of being labeled as "unfilial" by others and you will lose the principles of life, and only follow the orders of your parents

In China Under the influence of thousands of years of feudal thought, "filial piety" has become a supreme virtue and the most powerful shackles of patriarchal society. Therefore, in order to maintain their "reputation" as a "filial son", men often give up The principle of one's own life is not to know right from wrong, good from evil. Especially when there is a conflict between the wife and the mother, they think it is the wife's responsibility without asking any questions, and help the parents blame the wife. In this case, the man does not stand in a just position to maintain family harmony, but will only blindly ask his wife to bear the humiliation and compromise to maintain the superficial peace of the family.

The fourth commandment: Please take the initiative to help your wife integrate into your family, instead of helping your family exclude her

At this point, all husbands may complain: Since they married their wives, they will return to the family. How can your family reject her? But although some men do not have such thoughts subjectively, they are actually doing such things, making their wives feel like an outsider in your home and being rejected everywhere.

After a woman gets married and enters a completely unfamiliar environment, she will inevitably feel at a loss and naturally develop a sense of defense.

In this family, only her husband is the closest person to her. Although some behaviors of other people in her husband's family may not be malicious subjectively, they will be considered by her as actions that hurt her. At this time, she needs to do a good job for her husband. As a bridge of communication, please don't blindly accuse her of being "sensitive, careless, small-minded..." This will only make the distance between your wife and her family further and further, and eventually exclude her from this big family.

There is also a kind of man who, when his parents find fault with his wife in front of him, in order to appease his parents' resentment and anger, he will echo their parents' words and say something bad about his wife, although you may not necessarily think so in your heart. Yes, but this kind of behavior gives your parents a psychological hint that if you are not satisfied with your wife, your parents will become more and more dissatisfied with your daughter-in-law, and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will occur more and more frequently. When you said something bad about your wife in front of your parents, you and your parents hugged each other, but your parents even more rejected your wife and treated her like an outsider.

There is also a kind of man who is even more stupid. He likes to look at his wife through colored glasses and doesn’t like his wife talking about her parents’ affairs. Even though her wife’s intentions are good, stupid men will also think that her wife is If you are uneasy and kind, you are scheming against your parents. The most hateful thing is to say to your wife, "Don't mind our family's affairs!" If you think that your wife and you are not "family", your parents may treat your daughter-in-law as a child. Should we treat each other as a family?

The fifth commandment: If your mother and wife complain about each other in front of you, please don’t act as a messenger

As the saying goes, "If you can hide it from both sides, you can't." A man who knows how to do double-crossing is extremely smart. Not only can he cleverly eliminate the dissatisfaction between two women with each other, but he can also please each other on behalf of the two women and make the two women like each other better. Promote harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The men passed on from both ends are very stupid. Many mother-in-laws and daughters-in-law do not originally have much conflict, just some small frictions. However, after the man in the middle conveys it, the small frictions will also create "big sparks", making the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law difficult. Conflicts become extremely sharp and complicated, and some women are too weak-minded, so they will form "difficulties" that can never be solved. The final result is that the man who spreads the message will be put into deep water and hot fire.

The Sixth Commandment: Give your wife the opportunity to be a good person, and leave the opportunity to be a bad person to yourself

Some men always like to sneak in secretly to their parents and brothers and sisters behind their wives’ backs. Spending money, regardless of whether the money given is within the scope of one's obligations, and regardless of whether the money given is more or less, just looking at the fact that it is behind his wife's back is beyond stupidity. You will make your parents think that their son is in charge of the family and has nothing to do with his wife, or they simply think that his wife is a miser and is reluctant to give him money, so the son only gives money behind his wife's back, and he will naturally feel resentment towards his wife. , your behavior is to make your wife become a "evil person" and you become a good person. Many women will be angry when they know that their husbands have done this behind their backs, so men will accuse their wives of being "unfilial". Little do they know that what women hate is not spending money for their parents-in-law, but what women hate is that men act behind their backs. This kind of behavior, firstly, disrespects oneself, and secondly, makes one's parents-in-law misunderstand oneself. As long as it is within the scope of obligations, please give it generously in front of your wife to let your parents understand that your daughter-in-law knows and agrees to this; or ask your wife to come forward and give it to your parents to let your parents know the status of your daughter-in-law in your family. , let them worry about disrespecting your wife even if they want to, and your life will be much easier. If it is beyond the scope of your obligations, please discuss it with your wife. If your wife agrees to give, it is a sign of affection, and if she does not give, it is a duty. You should not have anything to complain about.

The Seventh Commandment: Please don’t yell at your wife in front of your parents or order her to do anything for you

When some men don’t live with their mothers, what? He does all the housework, but once his parents are around, he starts to become awe-inspiring. Not only does he no longer do housework, but he also likes to shout around and order his wife to do this and that. It seems that otherwise, he is not enough in front of his parents. It shows that he is a "gentleman".

A man shouts at his wife in front of his parents and behaves domineeringly, which seems to be very face-saving. However, this kind of behavior not only makes his wife feel tired, but also implies to his parents, or your parents may interpret it as: You You don't care about your wife at all. She has no weight in your mind at all, that's why you disrespect her so much! Think about it, even you disrespect your wife so much, do you still expect your parents to respect this daughter-in-law?

The Eighth Commandment: Please don’t quarrel with your wife in front of your parents or family members

There are no couples in the world who don’t quarrel. Quarrel is also a way for many couples to communicate, but quarrels are also What hurts the relationship between husband and wife the most, especially quarreling in front of parents, not only hurts the relationship between husband and wife, but also hurts the relationship between one's parents and the other party.

Many parents hope to see their sons and daughters-in-law live happily together. If they hear their sons and daughters-in-law quarreling, they will be very sad or think that their presence has affected the relationship between you and your husband. It is a burden to you, and even worse, you may think that your wife does not want to support you and is deliberately quarreling with you to vent her anger, which will create a gap between you and your wife.

There are also some parents who are afraid of chaos in the world, or some parents who protect their shortcomings. When you quarrel with your wife in front of them, they will jump out to help you deal with your wife. Once they get involved, This transforms the "internal conflict" between you and your wife into a more complicated "conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law." If it is a conflict between husband and wife, it should be easy to resolve, but if other people and relationships are involved, it will be difficult to resolve. Much more. The most serious consequence is that your parents will find reasons to sow discord between you and your wife! They may even constantly encourage you to be tougher on your wife in order to completely suppress your wife, and will tell you that "women need to be beaten to learn." "Be good", if you are a foolish and filial man and listen to their instigation and beat your wife, you and your wife will be considered to have severed all ties with each other, and you will not even be far from the door of the prison!

The Ninth Commandment: Please don’t worry about your mother being jealous, so you don’t dare to show respect and care for your wife in front of her.

Many young couples are very affectionate when they are not in front of their parents. Men will He showed his compassion and love for his wife without hesitation, and his life was sweet and warm. Some men even happily pour water for their wives' feet, but when their mothers are around, they don't even dare to pour a glass of boiling water for their wives! Instead, they ask their wives to do this and that for them, in order to express their gratitude to them. My mother showed that she can "control" her wife, which satisfies her vanity of "my son is very capable"!

Ultimately, it's because men didn't understand the difference between the two women towards him. Love is two completely different kinds of love, one is family affection and the other is love. They are not opposites, not an either-or zero-sum equation. Subconsciously, I think that if my love is given to one party, the other party will be jealous. .

I think there are very few daughters-in-law who are jealous of their mothers-in-law just because their husbands are nicer to them. However, there are many mothers-in-laws who are jealous of their daughters-in-law. They hate seeing their sons being kind to their daughters-in-law. If they see their sons showing a little bit of love to their daughters-in-law, they will be filled with jealousy. She thinks that her daughter-in-law has robbed her son and her son's love for her, and she will even cry and scold her son with snot and tears for "taking a wife and forgetting her mother"! This kind of mother's love is extremely narrow-minded. He is just using the name of love to satisfy his possessive desire for his son! But in order to comfort his mother, the foolish and filial son deliberately ignored and ignored his wife in front of her. He did not dare to get too close to his wife, and even when he was sitting down, he would always stay close to his wife. Keeping a distance of more than one meter, getting along with each other as if they were "ice" with female colleagues in the company, and the tone of speaking to his wife has become harsh and rude, and he even bosses her around... What a man does in front of his mother is actually He is committing crimes based on love and brutally trampling on his wife's self-esteem and feelings!

The tenth commandment: Please do not pursue egalitarianism with relatives and let them develop the bad habit of getting something for nothing

Although This is a materialistic society, but it is impossible for everyone to completely give up their family ties and ignore the life and death of their loved ones. If you have the ability, you can support them out of brotherly love so that your brothers and sisters can have a good life. Of course, there is nothing wrong with providing development opportunities or improving the quality of life; but some men ignore the actual situation and sacrifice the interests of their small families to help them. First, they practice egalitarianism with them in terms of money and material, and even have to fight if they are heavily in debt. He pretends to be fat and satisfies their greed again and again; the second is to simply let them live in his own home and let his wife serve them for him, without allowing his wife to complain at all...

There are also some As a man who came out of the countryside, he was the only one in the four villages to go to college. So under everyone's praise and adulation, his vanity was extremely inflated, and he soon became so confused that he didn't know how much he weighed. He felt that he was omnipotent and had boundless power, and he arrogantly wanted to improve the fate of the whole village! So Li Ergou asked for help in finding a job and he immediately agreed; Zhang Sanwa asked for a bride price when marrying a daughter-in-law. , even if he didn't have it, he had to borrow money to save face; Wang Er's relatives of Mazi's family came to the city to see a doctor. In addition to inviting his wife to stay at his home and entertaining his wife with wine and food, he also had to accompany him to the hospital all the way. ...If his wife fails to entertain him well, he will blame his wife for losing his face and affecting his noble image in the hearts of his hometown people...! I wonder if you are tired of such a man? If you are tired, just leave by yourself. Come down to the altar, since you are not a god, it is too cold to be high up!

The eleventh commandment: Please honor your parents well, and do not transfer your filial obligation to your parents to your wife

Men often say to their wives: It was not easy for my parents to raise me, so you must honor my parents! I don’t know what kind of logic this is? It was not easy for your parents to raise you, so, your parents When they are old and sick, you should be serving tea and water in front of the bed, you should welcome them, and you should take care of them in every possible way! The person who has the obligation to honor and support them is you, not your wife! Why do you think your mother serves them for you? After a bowl of rice, your wife or even your future wife owes your mother ten bowls of rice? Your mother washed a piece of clothing for you, so your wife owes your mother ten pieces of clothing? Your mother cooked a meal for you, Your wife should cook for your mother for the rest of her life...? Is your purpose in marrying a wife just to find a substitute for yourself who respects your parents?

The twelfth commandment: Please treat your parents and Parents-in-law treat everyone equally, don't let your wife "marry her husband and forget her mother"

Nowadays, there are more and more only children in China. In families where a girl is born, the parents also love her, love her, pamper her, Pamper her, let her get an education, hold it in your hands for fear of falling, hold it in your mouth for fear of melting, and give her no less love than a boy. But after her daughter got married, she didn’t dare to ask her daughter and son-in-law for living expenses, she didn’t dare to ask her daughter and son-in-law to live with her daughter and son-in-law confidently, she didn’t dare to ask her son-in-law to bring her tea and water... She didn’t even dare to ask her daughter and son-in-law to go home to celebrate the New Year with her. The couple in their thirties are watching a TV, listening to the sound of firecrackers outside, looking forward to a call from their daughter... If the wife has passed away, the situation will be even more bleak... As a daughter-in-law, there is no reason to stop her husband. Honor your parents-in-law, similarly, as a husband, there is no reason to prevent your wife from honoring your parents-in-law.

You can ask your wife to honor your parents by saying "I am old and I am old". Can you do this yourself and treat your parents-in-law with the same attitude? Also, can you ask your parents to be kind and respectful? Do you treat your wife with the attitude of "I am a child and I am a child"? Like this article? Share this article with more people~ ,