In this life, the biggest enemy is not others, but yourself.
In life, we will always meet someone: you talk to him about feelings, and he will reason with you; You reason with him, and he plays rascal with you. Many times, we can't restrain ourselves from arguing with each other in time, so we often hurt our feelings and fail to tell the truth.
Zeng Guofan wrote in his family letter: "If you complain about heaven for no reason, it will not be allowed; If you treat others for no reason, others will not accept it. "Whenever you are wronged, don't argue in a hurry. Not only will it not help solve the problem, but it will also make things worse.
People get along with others, seeking comfort, not winning or losing. The biggest stupidity of people is to argue with others.
It is a "disease" to like to wrangle. Mr. Wang Meng wrote the short story Eloquence in his early years.
The novel tells the story of a patient suffering from "eloquence" seeing a doctor.
The doctor said politely to the patient, "Please sit down."
The patient said, "Why do you want to sit? Are you going to deprive me of the right not to sit? "
Helpless, the doctor poured a glass of water and said, "Please drink water."
The patient said, "It is one-sided to talk about the problem like this. Not all water can be drunk. For example, if you mix potassium cyanide in water, you must never drink it. "
The doctor said, "I didn't put poison here." Don't worry! "
The patient said, "Who said you put poison? Did I falsely accuse you of putting poison? Did the indictment of the procuratorate say that you poisoned it? I didn't say you poisoned, you said I said you poisoned, and the poison you poisoned was more poisonous than poison! "
Seeing that the conversation could not go on, the doctor decided to change the topic to ease the atmosphere: "It's a beautiful day today."
But the patient continued to argue: "Pure nonsense! Just because the weather here is good doesn't mean that the whole world is good today. For example, in the Arctic, the weather is very bad today, the wind is blowing, and icebergs are hitting in the long night ... "
The doctor couldn't help saying, "This is not the North Pole. When I say the weather is fine today, I generally mean local, not global. Everyone understands this! "
The patient immediately retorted, "What everyone understands must be correct? What everyone thinks is right must be right? "
The doctor was speechless and said, "You go."
The patient said, "You have no right to order me to go. This is a hospital, not a public security organ. You can't arrest me. You can't shoot me. "
The patient retorted every word and argued all the time. The doctor couldn't see him at all. And he himself forgot that the really important purpose of this trip is to see a doctor, not to talk glibly with others.
The novel describes the scene in a specific situation, but there are such people in reality, just with different names, which is what we call "lever essence"
What is "the essence of leverage"? As the name implies, they are particularly fond of wrangling. They often deliberately oppose others and get pleasure through eloquent arguments.
The logic of the essence of leverage is to importune and make trouble without reason. No matter what others say, whether it makes sense or not, it is the opposite, and it is refuted for the sake of rebuttal.
Franklin said: "Argument and rebuttal may bring temporary victory, but you can never win the respect of the other side through this superficial victory." This kind of person only enjoys his own pleasure, regardless of other people's feelings, which is a very selfish behavior.
1. Like wrangling is also a curable "disease".
They must manage their time and wait for no one; Be good at sophistry when making trouble without reason.
One day, they will pay the price for their actions and pay a painful price.
Less wrangling is the highest way to live.
People who love to wrangle always feel that the other party is wrong and what they say is right. They tend to be aggressive and put their opinions above others. The more you argue with him, the more powerful he is.
Last year, a video called "Hot High-speed Railway Female Crying Flight Attendant" became popular on the Internet. It happened that a flight attendant was on the G52 1 train from Beijing to Wuhan. She walked up to a female passenger, who refused to show her ticket, refused to cooperate and argued with the flight attendant.
The two sides are deadlocked and deadlocked.
Finally, the female passengers got more excited when they crossed the bar, pushing and shoving the female flight attendants, and cursing some ugly words, with a bad tone that was abhorrent.
The stewardess, who has always had a good attitude, couldn't help it any longer. She was so angry that she cried loudly.
A 5-year-old child next to her couldn't stand it anymore and advised her to say, "Aunt, it should have been like this. Everyone has to check in, and every train has to check in. "
She immediately replied to the child: "Don't interrupt the adult's business."
2. People who love to wrangle often have a low level of cognition.
They will not agree with your point of view, but find fault everywhere and find a sense of existence from it.
Laozi said, "If you are straight, if you are clever, if you are clumsy, if you argue." Being a man and fighting less is the highest way of life. Zeng Guofan seldom quarreled with others in his life and was generous to others.
In his early years, Zuo was outspoken, honest and sharp-edged, and he was embarrassed by his repeated remarks.
However, instead of arguing, Zeng Guofan paid more attention to it and praised: "I am not as good as Zuo Tang Zong in fighting."
And tell relatives and friends not to make bad friends with them.
So many talented people followed him and helped him achieve something. People who are good at wrangling will only make people bored; Only those who quarrel less can go further and further.
People who don't fight are the most worthy of friendship. Zhou once said, "There must be indisputable wisdom in life." It is not only a kind of generosity, but also a kind of wisdom not to wrangle when something happens. Read a very philosophical story:
A young man asked the master, "Master, what is the secret of happiness?"
The master said, "Don't argue with stupid people."
The young man said angrily, "Master, I don't agree that this is a secret!" " "
The master smiled and said, "Yes, you are right." People who don't quarrel never quarrel about meaningless things. These people often lead the most transparent lives.
Since ancient times, scholars have despised each other, and there has been constant debate among different schools.
But Hu Shi never cared, but often talked about his opponent's theory in substance in his speeches.
Because he knows that it is better to resolve conflicts silently than to argue with others. Hu Shi once wrote in Mr. Almost: "Everything is almost the same, so why be too smart?" Things in the world are not black and white. The victory in words is not the final victory, but often wins the truth and loses feelings.
It's not worth fighting or even falling out with outsiders. It's not worth it. The eloquence with family and friends hurts feelings and even loses money. There is something profound in Cai Kangyong's way of speaking: "People who know the best way of speaking often give unnecessary victory to each other in conversation, and they know the meaning of giving up." I'm impressed.
Nobody likes to be friends with the "bar spirit". When you meet such people, remember to stay away.
3. People who don't wrangle are the most worthy of friendship.
There is a famous saying in the Bible:
"Why do you see a thorn in your brother's eye, but don't want a beam in your own eye?" The best way to be a man is to reflect on yourself, not stare at others.
The biggest obsession in life is to like to change others; The biggest stupidity of human nature is to argue with others.
Quarrel is an instinct; Not arguing is a skill. Not arguing is not cowardice, but avoiding arguing, which is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.
Because you can never win an ignorant person, it will only be a consumption of yourself.
Ji Bolun said: "The meaning of life lies in the connection between people." In this world, everyone can't live like an island, and they all need help. Wise men help each other, fools tear each other down.
The smarter you are, the more you know how not to argue. Being kind to others means being convenient to yourself.