"Helping Lu Yao Up the Mountain"

Author: Gao Jianqun

1

Lu Yao and I are emotionally brothers. We once had After a while, our relationship became as close as the closest brothers. The same two lonely travelers met together and we had a conversation about life and life issues. We both experienced the happiness of life at that moment. We should all be looking forward to the arrival of a period of heart-to-heart communication. However, this possibility is no longer available. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. The disappearance of a member of the human race is a loss for the entire human race. When the death knell tolls for him, it also tolls for me. The moment I received the bad news, I was immediately struck down by a powerful blow, and my chest was filled with grief. I used the words "It is extremely sad to lose something of its kind" as my condolence message and posted it at No. 71 Jianguo Road. From then until now, I can't say a word except what I have to say in life, I only feel pain. At a time when his age and career were at their peak, he shouldn't just let go and die. Lu Yao's sudden death deeply shocked me. I am painfully aware of the coldness and cruelty of the God of fate, of the weakness and fragility of life, of the fact that a living person has a reason to become a puff of ashes the moment we speak, of the concept of time and a The horizontal bar between the concepts of period can be crossed casually. Although our predecessors have long told us that since you are alive, you are always under the threat of death, and the ultimate winner is death, not you. This is a tragedy among human tragedies that is powerfully resisted but unable to solve. It is the fundamental meaning. tragedy. But, my friend Lu Yao, did he die a little too early, a little too hastily? I remember when I was a child, meningitis was prevalent in the world, and a neighbor's child would die from time to time. At that time, I was confused and envious looking at the people around me who lived long lives and those who died. I wondered how long they could live. Age, in itself, is a remarkable achievement, worthy of admiration in itself. During this period of time, the distrust of fate and the feeling of being as lonely and helpless as a grass in the wind took control of me again. I often want to commit suicide as a way to defy death, change and defy death.

2

In the early 1960s, a major event occurred in the history of human conquest of space. A Soviet major named Gagarin flew into space on a spacecraft. That night, on the desolate and barren northern Shaanxi Plateau, on the playground of a county middle school, stood a student named Wang Weiguo. Hungry and humble, he looked at the night sky and the moon with tears in his eyes. In an instant, he realized all the tragedy of the life of him and his fellow villagers. At this moment, he had the idea of ????walking out of the yellow land and heading towards the world. Big world ambitions. Many years later, in his novella "Life", which caused a strong sensation and was called "the tragedy of youth and passion" by Japanese critics (Lu Yao believed that this was a fair evaluation of "Life"), Named his ideal character "Gao Jialin". He placed his dreams and blessings on this land on this character.

3

His childhood was poor, and this poverty was associated with humiliation. In daily life, he seldom mentioned his childhood. His experience made him package himself to avoid injury in order to fulfill the role assigned to him by life. But when he relaxes himself, when he suddenly falls into a kind feeling, he suddenly recalls his childhood. He once told me about the time when his father sent him to his uncle's house. They came to Yanchuan from Qingjian to get food. After handing him over to his uncle, his father said to let him stay here for a while and then he would pick him up again. The miserable peasant boy sent his father to the village entrance with tears in his eyes, and watched his father's rickety shadow walking towards the mountain road, and then being blocked by a cliff. Only then did the tears she held fall out. Then, he burst into tears because he already understood that his father had adopted him to his uncle, but he forced himself not to reveal this when he saw him off.

4

Under such kind feelings, Lu Yao often falls into memories of his first love. I think he was probably a queue-jumping young man from Beijing who wore two pigtails and a red dress. He jumped up and down and loved to perform in art shows or something like that. After completing "Life", he returned to Yan'an from Ganquan. I didn't know where I got him two boxes of Chinese cigarettes, and then two more. He pumped greedily. That night, Yan'an City was covered with moonlight. The two of us walked up and down the street like sleepwalkers until midnight. "A big event is about to happen in the Chinese literary world!" he said, referring to the package of "Life" manuscripts. Suddenly, he talked about his first love. Talking about how he accompanied her back to her cabin on a snowy winter day after the art team rehearsed their program. "While walking through the squeaky snow, I accidentally touched her hand with my hand. I was a little timid, afraid that she would blame me. But who knew, she grabbed my hand tightly with her hand instead." . Lu Yao said. He also said that after "Thrilling Scene" won the award, he had just returned to the room where he was staying when he suddenly received a call from a strange woman.

"Who are you? If you are fine, I will hang up!" At this time, the voice of fate came from the other end of the phone line: "Do you really not remember me? A familiar old friend!" The speaker was wearing a red trench coat and was waiting for him at the phone booth across the road. He dropped the phone, ran downstairs like crazy and crossed the street. "I wonder why the car didn't run over me!" Lu Yao said. During their brief contact, the lady said that she had been to Xi'an before and had wandered around that residential building for a long time, but she did not have the courage to ask what number he lived in or to knock on the door. "Any house without flowers and plants on the balcony is me." "She later married a naval officer!" Lu Yao said to me.

I don’t know how much truth there is in the story Lu Yao told, especially the subsequent encounter. But he did have such a first love, and he loved her with a terrible and awe-inspiring love.

5

During 1983, he returned to Yan'an. It was a day in late autumn and early winter, and the earth was filled with chills. As soon as he saw me, he grabbed my hand, his face was ashen, and he said that these days, the only thing that was going through his mind was, "Lu Yao, how serious your suffering is!" He stayed in Yan'an for three days. In order to comfort him, I stayed with him in the hotel for three days. I said: "A writer will never be defeated! At best, come back to Yan'an. I will always be your friend." Three days later, on that frosty morning, I took him to Dongguan Station by car and put him on the long-distance bus. Some days later, I wrote a poem for him, which was first published in "The Star" and later included in the first chapter of my collection of poems.

You have a friend

: A person walks alone on the earth,

: Sometimes inexplicable worries arise in his heart.

:You want to find a passerby to share your heart with,

:But, everyone is busy.

:

:Call me, call me! I will come,

:like a bird landing on your shoulder,

:my poems full of friendship,

:will turn into The chirping of birds.

:Naturally, our life is infinitely beautiful,

:There are always more songs than sorrows.

: However, who can guarantee that,

: We will not be mocked by fate.

:

:I woke up one morning,

:Life suddenly took on a weird rhythm,

:Your wife Follow others,

: How lonely you feel for a moment!

: About work, about housing, about gas tanks,

: About the uninvited guilt,

: and all the uncomfortable things ,

: Including unreasonable constraints imposed on you by your boss.

:

:Sometimes you will pull out a gray hair,

:Bemoan the tragic shortness of life;

:Yes Sometimes you will look at the wild geese in the sky,

: longing for them to take you away with them.

: Believe it, I will understand you,

: I am your trustworthy friend,

: No matter you fall into the abyss of pain,

: Or he wandered into a deserted hill by mistake.

:

:Maybe you only have one friend left,

:That’s me, and I will hold your hand tightly.

:I will give you comfort and friendship,

:I will give you advice and brotherly help.

:My poetry is my wings,

:I will roam beside you day and night,

:Whenever you call me,

:I will step into your mysterious kingdom.

: Endless human love,

: It is the bond that maintains us,

: Between sincere friends,

:Don’t worry, who will owe someone a favor.

:

:A person walks alone on the earth,

:Sometimes there will be inexplicable worries in my heart.

:Believe it, I will come,

:Like a bird landing on your shoulder.

:

Speaking of poetry, let me say something incidental. After "Life" was published in the magazine, Lu Yao brought the magazine to me. He said a little unnaturally, "You won't mind if your poem is used in it!" I said, I wouldn't mind, I would be honored. "However," Lu Yao then said wittily: "It was a character named Huang Yaping in the book who occasionally read your poems, copied them into his notebook, and gave them to Gao Jialin! You should go after her!" After that, We all laughed.

6

Readers reading this may think that we are equal. I would say the reader is only half right. Yes, in terms of personality, we are equal, especially for me, the independent and uninhibited character brought by my mother's belly, I am not willing to let anything restrict me. However, on the technical issue of literature, I have always regarded him as a mentor, and his famous saying of "Being harsh on yourself" has always been a warning whip for me to spur myself on.

In this land of northern Shaanxi, he will always be the first violinist. Several times when he returned to Yan'an, he said to a group of us in a mocking tone: "What are you all busy with? Worrying and being aggrieved about some unworthy things. Why don't you put these aside and write your own works for a day?" It takes a month to write two thousand words, and then it takes another month to revise and copy it out. After you publish a few novels, there will be nothing you can do." His words always taught me a lesson.

7

Lu Yao himself is a character full of contradictions. Perhaps, he himself is more exciting, more complex and more unique in literature than any character in his novels. Unfortunately, he died young and could no longer express all of this. This is a loss for the entire human race! Loss to the overall interests of mankind! I have told Lu Yao many times, I said, if you are allowed to undergo a big blow, get off the current track of life, and move toward inner self-examination, there will definitely be something more exciting than "Life" and "The Ordinary World" Great works appear. This time, the blow that fate provided him was illness, but unfortunately, he could not defeat it. Let me curse my fate with infinite regret and sorrow.

During my illness, I visited him three times. Two times were in Yan'an and one was in Xi'an. The first time I saw him, I brought him a Hongtashan that I couldn't bear to smoke given to me by the Luochuan County Party Committee Secretary. His wife said that the doctor would definitely not let him smoke. I said, as long as he is Lu Yao, as long as he is alive, he must smoke. Sure enough, he happily took my cigarette and started smoking. The first thing Lu Yao said was that this is the tragedy of a writer, and I am willing to exchange everything I have for it (referring to my body). He told me to take good care of my health and to go to the hospital for a comprehensive check-up. He then asked about my child, and he said she should be in fourth grade. He said that the disease had completely changed his outlook on life. He loved everyone in the world and everyone was his friend. When he said this, there were tears in his eyes. I sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand tightly. He said don't do this, it's contagious. But I held on stubbornly until I left. Seeing him curled up in a ball on the bed, so skinny that he was so thin, and this depressing room, I was reminded of the last scene of Julien Sohel in prison in "The Red and the Black". I finally couldn't hold back my tears. "How did you get yourself into this state!" I said. The second time, I accompanied Comrade Wang Jucai to see him. The third time was in Xi'an. I came back from Beijing and stayed in Xi'an for a few days. I asked Yuancun to lead the way to see him. After failing to see him, the doctor asked him to leave a note. I said in the note: Brother Lu Yao, all my friends wish you well. You are a strong person and you will definitely cross this threshold. I will pray for you.

A few days later, I went to the Provincial Writers Association for a meeting. Went to visit but still couldn't see him. On the night of the 13th, I heard the leader of the Writers' Association who saw him say that Lu Yao was in good condition and could eat four or two meals a day, so he probably wouldn't be in any more danger. Later, Guan Sheng came and said that Lu Yao once talked about me and said "Jian Qun is a good person"! These were the last words Lu Yao left for me. Thank you, dear friend. I left Xi'an on the 15th and passed by Huangling, where I was giving lectures. I happily told my friend that Lu Yao was much better and that he had finally crossed the threshold. Unexpectedly, on the third day, he actually let go and passed away.

8

When "The Ordinary World" was about to enter the actual creation stage, Lu Yao had several long all-night conversations with me about the general outline of the novel. He said that this kind of long conversation is beneficial and can help him improve his works and characters. I remember that at that time, he also set the overall title of the novel as "Toward the Big World" and the titles of the three parts as "Loess", "Black Gold" and "Big World" respectively. How he was inspired to choose "The Ordinary World", a title that is both comprehensive and profound, I don't know. If I write this out now, it may provide some information for literature. Historical data. Later, I accompanied him to Huanglingdiantou Coal Mine and conducted interviews in the mine for several days to collect materials in order to achieve an accurate depiction.

Lu Yao is an important novelist in new era literature. I think my evaluation should be fair. As an inspiring image, Lu Yao will continue to stimulate the dreams of the new generation on this yellow land. I think this is also certain.

9

Northern Shaanxi, this piece of scorched earth, this desolate northern wilderness illuminated by the Big Dipper. I have always firmly believed that various factors make this a place where heroes and epics are produced. One of the reasons is that material poverty breeds people's rich spiritual imagination. A beggar's dream is the richest. After reading Pushkin's "The Story of the Fisherman and the Goldfish", a primary school student ran barefoot to the Yellow River and waited. Such a goldfish appeared, and a middle school student stood hungry under the night sky, imagining that the moving star carried Major Gagarin. This kind of imagination is the compensation given to people in northern Shaanxi for their suffering. I once accompanied a secretary of the prefectural party committee to the countryside. When the guest house asked for his opinion on the food, he said with relief, I am a beggar, what else can I dislike about such food! Just because of his words, I have been in awe from then to this day. There are only two reasons. I think this is due to the blending of ethnic groups. That is, as far as the road is concerned, he clearly has the characteristics of ethnic minorities. I once looked at the tufts of hair in his ears and said that he must have Hun ancestry (another friend of mine, the outstanding essayist Liu Chengzhang, bluntly admitted that he had Hun ancestry).

Marx said that national integration is sometimes a driving force for historical progress. The distinct advantages and disadvantages of the people of northern Shaanxi may only be explained by the blending of ethnic groups. The third reason, I would say, is the influence of history on real life. It can be traced back to Mao Zedong in his glorious 13th year, to Liu Zhidan and Xie Zichang, to the Spartacus-style tragic hero, Li Zicheng, who was rampant in the world, and even far away. Gongsun Xuanyuan, a demigod figure dating back to the barbaric period of the nation.

In my novel "The Last Hun", I tried to analyze this type of human psychology. There was an epigraph in the novel. After seeing the critically ill Lu Yao, I became furious at the injustice of fate, so I changed the epigraph to another sentence to express my contempt for fate and my protest against death. This sentence is: "Let me die like a white swan after singing!" I saved the original inscription and dedicated it to write here.

“In this remote corner of the earth, there live some strange people. They are stubborn, they are innocent and kind, their hearts are higher than the sky and their lives are thinner than paper. Neurotic, they have dreamed of heroes for generations and created legends with themselves. They are a wonderful combination of the characters of Spartacus and Don Quixote. They are the last knights living on this plateau, despite the mounts on their crotches. Lost two thousand years ago. They call death "going up the mountain", birth "falling grass", and the process of survival itself "suffering".

10

Written here. I can't help but regret that, in addition to all the glittering advantages, Lu Yao has one biggest shortcoming, which is that he has too many desires. He doesn't understand that he must relax firmly when he should do something in life. He didn't understand the principle of not chasing two rabbits at the same time. As a result, he fell ill first before catching the rabbit. This made it difficult for him to live in harmony with the surrounding environment. I think it was a difficult childhood. In addition to giving him many good qualities, it also brought him shortcomings. Northern Shaanxi is a land where "the saint's sermons were missed here", which brought this group of human beings a vibrant creative spirit and Spartacus style. The two passions of Don Quixote. At the same time, it makes us lose a little bit of the golden mean.

11

My hon. When my friend Lu Yao was still alive, one day he said to the world: "Who can criticize me! "I said: "One day, let me comment! He said: "Perhaps, you can comment!" "So, now, with infinite love and brotherhood, and a serious attitude of historical materialism, I will use my form to comment on you and summarize you. Can you accept it? "Why don't I comment on you while you are alive? What are these words for you? No matter you are happy or not at the time! "I think at the moment.

Let us cry. If we can't cry, then because of Lu Yao's death, let us learn to cry and use crying as a weapon to deal with this desolate world. Unamunuo said : “We must learn to cry. Perhaps, this is the highest wisdom of mankind. "Of course we cry mainly for the dead, but perhaps half of the reason is because we are still in the world and entangled with all the trivial matters of life. In weeping, we will temporarily forget the pain. Keep walking, as for me , I hope that after finishing this short article, my hand will no longer tremble when I pick up the pen.

"Go first to become a god", I got this sentence from the old men basking in the sun on the street. This sentence is full of wisdom and wisdom. The optimistic attitude of the people in northern Shaanxi was expressed in a calm tone. This sentence made my grief a lot less. The road ahead is a happy one. Let us express our condolences and ask all friends who are suffering from Lu Yao's death to express their condolences.

Brother Lu Yao, which hilltop on this Loess Plateau would your soul want to live in? Please start playing the suona, please raise the soul-inducing flags, and let us help you go up the mountain...