Sometimes we are unhappy, not calm, not calm, not free and easy, all because we care too much about other people's feelings, a criticism, a small matter, all in our hearts, and let the outside world control our mood.
Some time ago, my son was interviewed in kindergarten, and the teacher said that the child's pronunciation was unclear and he couldn't understand what he said. This is a great blow to us adults. To be honest, although I usually think that my son can't pronounce many words clearly, there is basically no problem in his communication with his family, so we also think that the child will naturally grow up. But when the teacher said this, the whole family began to worry. First of all, I wonder if it's a physical problem. I went to the hospital for examination twice, and the doctor diagnosed that there was no problem. That's a matter of practice the day after tomorrow, so I go to the hospital for rehabilitation training in the scorching sun every day regardless of my three-year-old son's feelings. When I was waiting outside the recovery room, I saw my parents with the same expression as me, either anxious or helpless or tired, and some of them had lost their eyes. It suddenly occurred to me that my son was healthy and smart since childhood, especially in memory and numbers. Every child is different, and it is impossible to develop in a balanced way in all aspects. Is it normal for a certain ability to be stronger and weaker at a stage? Why does the teacher's words make us feel that there is something wrong with the child? Must receive treatment. Do these so-called experts really know my children? Why do other people's opinions affect our judgment so much?
Calm down and think about it. In fact, most of our mistakes are spent most of our time on other people's opinions.
Why do we care so much about what other people think?
1. We are all "social people" and we all want to have contact with other people. We must correct our thoughts in other people's opinions, balance our actions, and be a qualified "social citizen". If possible, it is best to be an "emotional intelligence expert". Especially in China, a relationship-oriented "different group", we need to grind away some unique ideas to cater to the views of the whole society. When our skills are not big enough to be "masters", most people have adopted the survival law of preserving our sanity, thus gaining a foothold in society.
2. The education we received since childhood is all "red and professional" political education. Our education system is more about cultivating "talents" who can adapt to social competition than cultivating us into citizens with independent personality who can think rationally. This also makes us lack a new environment and the cultivation of independent thinking ability since childhood.
Today, the humanistic quality can't keep up with the pace of economic development, and the tendency of social comparison is becoming more and more serious. The "rich second generation" and "official second generation" promoted by some media in the form of attracting attention have played a bad negative demonstration role. People no longer advocate hard work, but constantly compare themselves to satisfy their vanity. The opinions of others often affect their inner thoughts.
1. People who are easily influenced by others often do not build up too much self-confidence, lack self-identification and acceptance, tend to internalize things, and always feel that others have a view of "I am not good enough" for themselves.
I don't have the ability to listen to myself and think rationally. Too much pursuit of superficial achievements, ignoring personal feelings. This is often a perfectionist without strength matching.
Some people say that if you are a tree, others' attitude towards you is a gust of wind. If you care about other people's opinions, it means that any gust of wind can shake you violently and even blow you down.
So, how can we not be that tree that cares too much about other people's opinions?
1. Live in the moment and focus on what you are doing. Whether it is work, life or interpersonal communication, we should take it seriously, don't be perfunctory, and slowly cultivate self-confidence. With self-confidence, there is a firm capital inside.
2. Get rid of perfectionism and affirm your own value. Don't blindly keep up with the joneses, you should understand that the ruler is short and the inch is long, give full play to your strengths, accept your shortcomings, be really kind to yourself from the heart, know yourself, and then be yourself.
3. Be a conscientious person, be good at thinking and learn to refuse. Read more books about spiritual growth and psychology, record your own reflective growth, keep learning and practicing, listen to other people's opinions and bravely say no to them. Learn not to run away from life and not to accept it easily.
Finally, end with a famous saying. I hope we can find that brand-new self, listen, adopt, think and refuse.
"If you live for other people's opinions, you are dead." Carlos Slim He Lu