Sex life, sexual knowledge, sex Q&A with Li Yinhe

Every Tuesday and Friday, Yinhe Q&A (Li Yinhe public account, ID: liyinhe6666) will be there!

Hello, Mr. Li, I am a 19-year-old female college student. Due to my relatively introverted personality and my many worries in life, I have yet to have a true love experience. Moreover, the university I am currently studying at is a normal university, and most of the people around me are girls, which makes me more likely to be nervous when facing the opposite sex, let alone my performance when facing the person I like. This summer, while practicing driving, I met a boy from the art department who was two grades older than me. He was good-looking, but we only had a few exchanges at first when I was pretending to be calm. Due to the difference in driving practice time, there is not much overlap. But through very few conversations and other people's words, I learned that he is a very sunny boy. Because he is an art student, his handwriting is also very beautiful, and he is also pursued by many girls, but he has never had a virgin before. (Looking at his current status, he probably doesn’t have a girlfriend yet) He is also in a normal university, and we are in a different school. What worries me is that I like him very much now, probably because of his appearance, but this makes me feel that I am quite superficial. At the same time, when I like someone, even if it is his little The advantages will be infinitely magnified in my heart. Indeed, when I see his photos and think about him now, I feel very happy, and I really want to know him better. Therefore, I have been hesitant to actively add his WeChat, but I I'm afraid that he won't agree to join me. Secondly, I'm afraid that he has a girlfriend or has other sexual orientations, so I'm particularly conflicted now. But I really want to get to know him. It would be nice to become friends, but is this an unnecessary social relationship? I am very confused now. I hope Teacher Li can give me some advice. Thank you.

Li Yinhe: It is natural to like someone because of their appearance. There is no question of how deep or shallow you are. There is no depth in love, you just like someone. You can take the initiative to establish contact so that you can learn more about him (his friendship status and his sexual orientation).

Teacher Li, we have known each other since I was young, and it has been more than 12 years now. My family also knows about our relationship, but they don’t know that as I grow up, we have developed into such a complicated relationship today. . He is married and has children. There is a deep gap between the couple and they have not had sex for several years. Being morally supreme and conservative, I have chosen to maintain such an intimate relationship with him (not having sex yet) for more than a year. The two of us are happy together, but I am always suffering in my heart. He will not marry me or make any promises to me. I am unwilling and will not touch me. We are currently in a different place. He was just being nice to me, and would give me money regardless of anything in return, but of course I never accepted it. Every time I mentioned the nature of my role to him, he would just remain silent. Even now that I am of marriageable age, my heart trembles when my friends around me get married. When he is busy, he doesn't even make basic phone calls. When we argue, no matter who is at fault, he just tries to coax me and doesn't pay much attention to what I really think. I voluntarily spent my precious time trying to experience a relationship with him, but he was always unable to do so. The torment in my heart was always there, and I didn't want to hurt anyone. I want to sleep with him but I know that one day we are destined to separate. If that happens, things will be more complicated and difficult to handle. Teacher Li, should I continue to maintain it? Does he really like me? Thank you always.

Li Yinhe: He just uses you to comfort his shortcomings of marital disharmony. But since he won't marry you and doesn't really love you or care about you, I suggest you give up on him and find true love elsewhere.

Hello, Teacher Yinhe. My girlfriend (she is T and I am P) broke up with me a few days ago. At that moment I was very sad and agreed. Later, I carefully thought about our every detail and found that I still needed her very much. After a few days, I bought her. I go to her if I like snacks, and she also meets me. During the conversation, she said decisively that it was impossible for us. She was tired after five years. And she actually told me that she had cheated on her (also with a woman, they were said to have slept together), and they had something to talk about. But I always thought she was doing this to forget me, and I was sure she still loved me. I told her that I had reflected on her feelings and would pay more attention to her feelings in the future, and that she did not have a couple ring with that girl. She had given me many small couple's items before.

After my repeated pleading, she promised to notify me as soon as possible after breaking up with the girl. If I still liked her at that time, she would consider getting back together with me. She was afraid that it would be unfair to the girl. But the girl's sexual orientation is of the opposite sex, and I'm not sure whether they had sex or not. There are a lot of words, a bit long, and a lot of details. I would like to ask if there is still a possibility for us to get back together? If so, will we repeat the same mistakes and be hurt more deeply after getting back together? Thank you Teacher Yinhe for your patient guidance.

Li Yinhe: If the girl is heterosexual, there is a high possibility that they will end up dead. So the possibility of you getting back together is quite high. It seems that she doesn't like long-term one-on-one relationships. If you are afraid of making the same mistake again, you should have a deep discussion with her about this issue and explore a more open relationship with your relationship as the main line, that is, allowing her to go out occasionally for a change. Still with you.

Hello, Teacher Yinhe. I am the mother of a two-year-old child. Ever since I got pregnant, my husband has lost interest in me, which makes me very confused and confused. We had always been harmonious and normal before getting pregnant. Now we have been living in different places due to work reasons, but every time my husband comes back, he has various reasons to refuse sex. We also communicated about this, and he said that he was frightened when I was pregnant and gave birth and had a psychological shadow. Having known him for ten years, I know that he has no habit of masturbating. My question is: He is only 33 years old, how can he solve his physical problems? Am I going to stay a widow like this? Last year, we went on a trip for a week, but on the seventh day, he expressed something, but it was not successful and it was not over yet. He said he didn't feel anything anymore. May I ask Teacher Yinhe, what is going on? I have been very depressed and I hope the teacher can answer it.

Li Yinhe: Your husband has ED (erectile dysfunction), and the causes are complicated. This situation is like a disease, and you should seek professional treatment. A professional doctor will find out the cause and treat it. The success rate is still very high.

Teacher Li, I am 48 years old, and my husband and I have had very little sex in the past year or two. He is a little unable to do what he wants, and he has also discussed seeing a doctor. Because of this, I feel depressed, often complain, and it starts to affect the harmonious relationship between the two of us, but I don’t want a divorce. When I chat with male netizens, we sometimes talk about sex, and I feel very attracted to it. Sometimes I impulsively want to hook up but don’t dare. I have never found that I have such a strong desire in this area before. What is going on? What should I do?

Li Yinhe: Men and women have different sexual desire cycles. Men peak at the age of 20 and then slowly decline, while women’s sexual desire remains strong in their thirties and forties. The first choice is to ask your husband to seek medical advice. Many men still have sexual desire at an advanced age. If he really can't do it and doesn't want to, you can get his consent and resolve the issue with others.

Teacher Li, some feminists in China believe that giving birth to a woman is a disadvantage (such as affecting her career and having a child, etc.), so they believe that when a woman gives birth, her husband or her husband’s family should provide monetary compensation. In addition, they believe that men and women have unequal inheritance rights. Women in families with both sons and daughters generally do not inherit any money. The family will only provide financial support to their sons to buy a house. Therefore, women should ask for a bride price when they get married to ensure that men and women can enter society. economic equality. What do you think of these views?

Li Yinhe: This is a demonization of feminism. These views are not feminism’s propositions. Feminism only advocates equality between men and women, and there should be no ideas and practices that think men are superior to women. Men and women should co-produce and raise children together, and should not leave all housework to women. Inheritance rights should be equally divided between children. At present, in cities it is basically possible for children to inherit their parents' property equally. The situation you mentioned mostly occurs in rural areas, and asking for more betrothal gifts does not solve the problem of inequality between men and women. It is more like a transactional marriage in a traditional male-dominated society.

I want to talk about my parents. I found out that my dad had cheated on me. Although I don’t know if he is still mentally loyal to my mom, as a daughter, I still cannot accept it and find it quite disgusting. My mother must have been aware of it to some extent, right? Maybe it was because I wasn’t married yet and wanted to give me a complete family background as much as possible (she is a selfless and dedicated housewife). I really want the three of us to have a good life, but my father’s behavior makes me feel that my mother has paid so much for him in vain. I want to encourage my mother to get out of this marriage and live for herself in the future. Teacher Li, what do you think?

Li Yinhe: A man who cheats is bullying a woman. There are two ways for women to cope: one is to endure the humiliation and continue to be bullied; the other is to pursue their own happiness and fulfillment.

You should respect your mother's choice. No matter what she chooses, she can only bear or enjoy the consequences of her own choice.

Hello, Mr. Li! If a boy has not had sex with his wife after two years of marriage, what kind of mentality does that have? He said that there is nothing wrong with his body because he does not dare. He is timid, afraid of his wife, and would not dare to ride a roller coaster.

Li Yinhe: This person is an extreme example of the lack of sex education. You can find sex education textbooks and study them carefully. It is best to ask a sex education teacher for special guidance. It should not be difficult to learn, because 99 out of 100 men can learn it. The remaining ones have organic erectile dysfunction and need treatment, and most of them can be cured. .

Teacher Li, I was chatting with others on an international gay communication software out of curiosity, but in fact I am a girl who wants to improve my English, but a foreigner kept asking me out and asked for a room. What should I do? What to do?

Li Yinhe: Because it is a dating app for gay men, as long as you tell him that you are a woman, he will give up.

Original title: This is the demonization of feminism//Yinhe Q&A 68

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