It's been six years since I ran from the countryside to the capital. In the meantime, there are many so-called state affairs that you have heard and witnessed. But in my heart, I don't leave any trace. If I want to find out the influence of these things, it will only increase my bad temper.-To be honest, it is to teach me to look down on people day by day.

but there is a little thing that is meaningful to me, which has dragged me away from my bad temper and made me forget it so far.

it was the winter of the sixth year of the Republic of China, and the north wind was blowing fiercely. I had to walk on the road early in the morning because of my livelihood. I hardly met anyone all the way, so I managed to hire a rickshaw and teach him to pull to the S gate. Soon, the north wind died down, and the dust on the road had already been scraped clean, leaving a white avenue, and the driver ran faster. Just near the S gate, suddenly there was a man on the handlebar and he fell down slowly.

It was a woman with gray hair and tattered clothes who fell. Iraq suddenly cut across from the road to the front of the car; The coachman had cleared the way, but Iraq's broken cotton vest was not buckled, and the breeze blew and spread out, so he finally took the handlebar. Fortunately, the coachman stopped a little earlier, otherwise I would have planted a big fight and fell to my head and bled out.

yi fu is on the ground; The coachman also stood firm. I knew that the old woman was not hurt, and no one else saw her, so I blamed her for meddling, trying to make trouble by herself, and she also missed my way.

I said to him, "It's nothing. Go your way! "

The coachman paid no attention-or didn't hear it-but put down the car, helped the old woman to get up slowly, stood still by arm and asked Yi,

"What's the matter with you?"

"I broke it."

I think, I saw you fall to the ground slowly, how could you break it? It's just putting on airs. It's really disgusting. The coachman is troubled, and it is asking for it. Now you can go by yourself.

After listening to the old woman's words, the coachman did not hesitate, still holding Yi's arm, and walked forward step by step. I was a little surprised. I was busy looking ahead. It was a patrol station. After the gale, there was no one outside. The coachman helped the old woman and walked to the gate.

at this moment, I suddenly felt a strange feeling. I felt that his dusty back shadow was suddenly tall and bigger, and I had to look up to see it. And for me, he gradually almost became a kind of coercion, and even squeezed out the "small" hidden under the fur robe.

At this time, my energy was somewhat stagnant. I sat still and didn't think about it until I saw a policeman coming out of the sub-station.

The patrolman approached me and said, "Hire your own car, he can't pull you."

Without thinking, I grabbed a handful of copper coins from my coat pocket and gave them to the policeman, saying, "Please give them to him ..."

The wind died down and the road was still quiet. As I walked, I thought, almost afraid to think of myself. Let's put aside the past. What does this handful of copper coins mean? Award him? Can I still judge the driver? I can't answer myself.

I still remember this matter from time to time. Therefore, I always feel pain, trying to think of myself. In the past few years, the force of Wen Zhi, as early as I read when I was young, was like "Confucius said" [2], and I couldn't recite half a sentence. This little incident, unique to me, always floats in front of my eyes, sometimes more clearly, teaching me shame, urging me to turn over a new leaf, and increasing my courage and hope.

July 192. (3)

□ Note

(1) This article was first published in Beijing Morning Post Anniversary Supplement on December 1st, 1919.

(2) "Confucius said poetry": "Confucius said"; "Poetic cloud" means "said in the Book of Songs". Generally refers to Confucian ancient books. This refers to the primary reading materials of the old school.

(3) According to the date of publication in newspapers and the Diary of Lu Xun, this article was written in November 1919.

Diary of a Madman (1)

A certain gentleman, Kun Zhong, whose name is hidden now, was a good friend in middle school. After years of separation, the news gradually disappeared. I occasionally heard of a serious illness a few days ago; When you return to your hometown and make a detour to visit, you will only meet one person and say that the sick person's brother is also. Laojun came all the way to see you, but he has already recovered, and he went to a certain place to stand by. Because of laughter, I produced two diaries, which showed the symptoms of the day. I might as well offer them to my old friends. After reading it, I know that I am suffering from "persecution mania" and so on. The language is quite incoherent, and there are many absurd words; It's not the date of the month, but the ink font is different, so it's not a moment's writing. There are also some people who have a little contact with each other. Today, I will summarize one for doctors to study. It is not easy to remember Chinese mistakes in one word; However, although the names of people are all villagers, they are unknown to the world and irrelevant, but they are also easy to go. As for the title of the book, I will never change it again. I met on April 2, seven years.

-

Tonight, it's a nice moonlight.

I haven't seen him for more than thirty years; I saw you today, and my spirit is particularly refreshing. Only then did I know that for more than 3 years before, I was all dizzy; However, you must be very careful. Otherwise, why does Zhao's dog look at me?

I'm reasonably scared.

2

There is no moonlight today, and I know it's not good. When going out carefully in the morning, Zhao Guiweng's expression of eyes was strange: he seemed afraid of me and wanted to hurt me. There were seven or eight people whispering about me, smiling at me with their mouths open; I was cold from head to toe, knowing that they had arranged everything properly.

I'm not afraid. I'm still going my way. A group of children in front were also talking about me there; The expression of eyes was the same as Zhao Guiweng's, and his face was livid. I think I have any enmity with children, and so does he. I can't help but say loudly, "You tell me!" They just ran away.

I think: What do I have against Zhao Guiweng and the people on the road? Only twenty years ago, I kicked Mr. Gujiu's old running book (3), and Mr. Gujiu was very unhappy. Although Zhao Guiweng didn't know him, he must have heard the wind and felt aggrieved. Agree that the people on the road will be right with me. But what about children? At that time, they were not born yet. Why do they have strange eyes today? They seem to be afraid of me and want to hurt me. This really scares me, makes me surprised and sad.

I see. This is what their mother taught me!

Wednesday

I can't sleep at night. Everything needs to be studied to understand.

Some of them have flailed the magistrate of a county, slapped a gentleman on the mouth, occupied his wife by an official, and forced Lao Zi and Niang to death by creditors. Their faces at that time were not so scared or so fierce as yesterday.

The strangest thing is that the woman in the street yesterday hit her son and said, "Lao Zi! I want to bite you and vent my anger! " He looked at me with his eyes. I was surprised and couldn't hide it; The gang with blue face and fangs all burst into laughter. Chen Laowu dragged me home before he caught up.

drag me home, and everyone at home pretends not to know me; Their faces are all the same as others. When I entered the study, I locked the door, but now I closed a chicken and duck. The more I teach this matter, the more I can't guess the details.

A few days ago, the tenants of Langzi Village came to report the famine and told my eldest brother that a big villain in their village had been killed by everyone. A few people will dig out his heart and eat it in oil, which will embolden him. When I put in a word, the tenant and the eldest brother looked at me. I didn't know until today that their eyes were exactly the same as those outside.

come to think of it, I was cold from the top to my heel.

if they can eat people, they may not eat me.

Look at that woman's words of "biting you a few times", laughing with a group of people with green faces and fangs, and what the tenant said the day before yesterday, which are obviously code words. I can see that his words are full of poison and his laughter is full of knives. Their teeth are all lined up in white and complete, and this is the guy who eats people.

according to my own thinking, although I'm not a villain, it's hard to say since I kicked the ancient family's books. They seem to have ulterior motives, and I can't guess them all. Besides, as soon as they turn against each other, they call people wicked. I still remember that my eldest brother taught me how to do theory. No matter how kind I am, if I turn him over a few words, he will make several rounds. Forgive the bad guy a few words, and he will say, "Make a difference.". I can guess their thoughts there, what on earth; Besides, it is time to eat.

you have to study everything before you can understand it. I remember eating people in ancient times, but I don't know. When I looked at the history, I found that it had no age, and the words "benevolence, righteousness and morality" were written on every crooked leaf. I couldn't sleep anyway. I read it carefully in the middle of the night before I could see the words through the cracks. The word "cannibalism" was written all over the book!

There are so many words written in the book, and the tenant said so many words, but they all looked at me with a smile.

I'm human, too. They want to eat me!

On Thursday morning, I sat still for a while. Chen Laowu sent a meal, a bowl of vegetables and a bowl of steamed fish; The fish's eyes are white and hard, and its mouth is open, just like those people who want to eat people. After eating a few chopsticks, I didn't know if it was a fish or a person, so I spat him out.

I said, "Old Five, tell Big Brother that I'm bored and want to take a walk in the garden." The old five refused and left; After a pause, I opened the door.

I don't move, studying how they manipulate me; Know that they will not relax. Sure enough! My eldest brother led an old man and walked slowly; He was full of fierce eyes, afraid that I would see it, but he bowed his head to the ground and secretly looked at me from the side of his glasses. Big Brother said, "You seem to be fine today." I said, "Yes." The eldest brother said, "Please ask Mr. He to come today and give you a diagnosis." I said, "Yes!" In fact, I don't know that this old man is dressed as an executioner! It's nothing more than borrowing the name of pulse-watching, speculating on the fat and barren: because of this credit, I also share a piece of meat. I am not afraid; Although they don't eat people, they are braver than them. Hold out two fists and see how he does it. The old man sat, closed his eyes, touched for a long time and stayed for a long time; He opened his ghost eyes and said, "Don't think about it. Just keep it quietly for a few days. "

don't think about it, raise it quietly! After fattening, they can naturally eat more; What's in it for me? How can I be "well"? They are a group of people who want to eat people, are sneaky, try to hide, and dare not directly start, which really makes me laugh to death. I couldn't help it, so I burst out laughing and was very happy. I know that there is righteousness and righteousness in this laughter. The old man and eldest brother lost their colors and were suppressed by my courage and righteousness.

but if I have the courage, the more they want to eat me, the more they will feel the courage. The old man stepped out of the door and didn't go far, so he whispered to his eldest brother, "Eat quickly!" Eldest brother nodded. So there are you! This is a great idea, although it seems to be an accident, I also care about it: the person who eats me in partnership is my brother!

it's my brother who eats people!

I'm the brother of a cannibal!

I was eaten myself, but I'm still the brother of a cannibal!

May

These days, I take a step back and think: If the old man is not dressed as an executioner, but really a doctor, he is still a man-eater. On the "Materia Medica" (4) written by their ancestor Li Shizhen, it is clearly written that human flesh can be fried and eaten; Can he still say that he doesn't eat people?

as for my eldest brother, I have not wronged him at all. When he told me a book, he personally said that he could "eat easily" (5); Once again, I happened to talk about a bad person, and he said that he should not only be killed, but also be a "meat bedding" [6]. I was still young and my heart beat for a long time. Not surprisingly, the tenant of Langzi Village came to eat his heart the other day, and he kept nodding. It can be seen that the mind is as cruel as before. Since you can "eat by changing the food", everything is easy to get and everyone can eat it. I used to listen to his reasoning alone, but I also used it indiscriminately; Now we know that when he makes sense, not only is his lips smeared with human oil, but his heart is full of cannibalism.

six

it's dark, I don't know if it's day or night. Zhao's dog barked again.

fierce as a lion, timid as a rabbit, cunning as a fox, ...

Seven

I know their methods, and I won't kill them straight away, and I dare not, for fear of disaster. So they all contacted each other, and they were full of traps, forcing me to kill myself. Look at the men and women in the street a few days ago and what my eldest brother has done these days, and you can realize eight or nine points. It is best to take off your belt, hang it on the beam and strangle yourself tightly; They didn't kill people, but they fulfilled their wishes. Naturally, they all gave a whoop of laughter with joy. Otherwise, I will be frightened and sad to death. Although I am slightly thinner, I can still nod a few times.

they only eat dead meat! -remember what the book said, there is a kind of thing, called "sea b that" once, eyes and looks very ugly; Often eat dead meat, even huge bones, chew them up carefully and swallow them, which is also scary to think of. "Haiyina" is a relative of the wolf, and the wolf is the dog's family. Zhao's dog looked at me the day before yesterday, showing that he was also an accomplice and had already approached him. The old man's eyes are on the ground, so he can't hide it from me.

The most pitiful thing is my eldest brother, who is also a human being. Why is he not afraid? And eat me in partnership? Or have you always been used to it and don't think wrong? Or did you lose your conscience and knowingly commit a crime?

I curse the man who eats people, starting with him; If you want to persuade a cannibal to turn around, start with him first.

Eight

In fact, they should have understood this truth by now ...

Suddenly someone came; He is only about twenty years old, and his appearance is not very clear. He is all smiles. When he nods to me, his smile doesn't look like a real smile. I asked him, "Eating people, right?" He still smiled and said, "If it is not a famine year, how can it eat people?" I knew at once that he was also a gang and liked to eat people; He was so courageous that he insisted on asking him.

"right?"

"What do you ask him about such things? You are really good at telling jokes. ..... The weather is very good today. "

The weather is fine and the moonlight is bright. But I want to ask you, "Right?"

he doesn't think so. With Hu Hu replied, "No ..."

"No? Why did they eat? ！”

"Nothing ..."

"Nothing? Langzi Village is now eating; There are also books that say, red and new! "

his face changed, and he was as green as iron. Open your eyes and say, "Yes, it's never been like this ..."

"Never been like this, right?"

"I don't tell you these truths; In short, you shouldn't say it. If you say it, it's your fault! "

I jumped up, opened my eyes, and the man disappeared. I was sweating all over. His age, much younger than my eldest brother, is actually a group; This must have been taught by his mother Lao Tzu first. I'm afraid I've taught it to his son; So even children look at me maliciously.

Nine

I want to eat people, but I am afraid of being eaten by others. They all look at each other with extremely suspicious eyes. .....

how comfortable it is to walk, eat and sleep without worrying about things. This is just a threshold, a juncture. They are father, son, brother, husband, wife, friends, teachers, students, enemies and strangers. They all form a group, encouraging each other and pulling each other, and they will never cross this step.

Ten

Early in the morning, go to see my eldest brother; He stood outside the hall door looking at the sky, so I went behind him, stopped the door, and said to him with great silence and kindness,

"Big Brother, I have something to tell you."

"Just say it," he quickly turned around and nodded.

"I only have a few words, but I can't say them. Brother, about the savage people at the beginning, they all ate a little. Later, because of different minds, some people stopped eating people and just wanted to be better, so they became people and real people. Some still eat-just like bugs, some have changed into fish, birds and monkeys, until they become people. Some are not good, and they are still bugs. This man who eats people is more ashamed than the man who doesn't eat people. I'm afraid it's far, far worse than the ashamed monkey of bugs.

"Yi Ya steamed his son and gave it to Jie Zhou.