There was once a question on the Internet: When did your family make you feel cold?

There is a high-like answer that reads: Now.

What is so disappointing is that a question with only a few words has attracted 210,000 attentions, over 48 million views, and more than 8,000 people tearfully wrote about the pain they suffered in family relationships. And sad and angry, weeping every word.

There is an ancient saying, "The lamb kneels down to breastfeed, and the crow feeds back."

It is true that family love is the most inseparable emotion for Chinese people, and it is also inherent in each of us. care. To a certain extent, friendship and love can be chosen and given up independently, but family love is not our choice.

This is why, once a loved one raises the knife of harm in the name of love, we will be defeated.

In the face of reality, we have to admit: the people who hurt you the most are often your closest relatives.

For this reason, never overestimate family affection, let alone underestimate human nature.

Keeping boundaries is the best way to get along with family members.

01. To overestimate family affection and not set boundaries is to wrong oneself

Sanmao, who has always lived a carefree life, once said,

"The warmth and warmth of human relationships are just like Flowers bloom and fade.”

Isn’t this also true for family ties?

Perhaps it is because of seeing through the emotional fetters in the world that Sanmao understands how to get along with family better, and is able to righteously say such words as "Invite relatives to be neighbors, and relatives and neighbors often become enemies." .

Although he is lonely and arrogant, he has a transparent and pure life because of this.

Anita Mui, the superstar of the generation, is a myth in the Hong Kong music scene and is even supported as the "daughter of Hong Kong".

What is unexpected is that such a proud daughter of heaven has been praised throughout her life. Family love hurts.

Since the age of 4 and a half, Anita Mui has started a career as a cash cow that lasts for several years. In his early years, he performed on stage in a theater with his sister, and started singing on stage at the age of 11. After he became famous, he gave his mother a year's salary in advance to invest in his brother's business, but ultimately lost all his money. After seeing her brother lose Anita Mui's trust, Mei's mother took over from her son and continued to exploit her daughter, and also used her name to borrow money.

In the end, Anita Mui became furious and announced to draw a clear line with her family:

“I want to draw a clear line. My reputation and reputation are very important because many people will give me face. I have I owe you a lot of favors!"

As the saying goes, "A favor with a friend is a enemy of a friend."

This sentence also applies to family relationships.

If you cannot keep the boundaries of family ties and give in step by step in your own territory, what you give up in the end is your own life.

2. Unconditionally give in to family affection, which can make everything worse at first, or destroy your own future at worst

The psychology master Hellinger once said: "A good family must have A sense of boundaries. ”

A clear boundary can keep you and your loved ones in your own comfort zone, allowing you to work independently but grow together.

Losing boundaries means that your own boundaries are constantly being violated.

As dissatisfaction accumulates bit by bit,

wait until the moment it breaks out, Like a wild horse running wild, hurting others and yourself.

I think of the recent troubles of my good friend Ziqing:

After years of hard work, Ziqing finally took root in Beijing and brought her mother from the small town to live in peace and happiness. It should have been It was a happy event, but it made relatives jealous. They came to borrow money many times and would inevitably sneer at him if he refused.

Zi Qing's mother was soft-hearted, always secretly wiping her tears behind her back, and using her private money to support her relatives. Zi Qing found out that she felt sorry for her mother, so she had no choice but to cut her flesh. Ziqing felt particularly heavy when she thought about squandering her frugal money on relatives.

Finally, unable to bear it anymore, Ziqing broke up with her relatives. The two families no longer maintained the so-called relationship, but their lives became peaceful and comfortable.

It is good for relatives to live in harmony, but if you maintain superficial harmony at the expense of your own interests, it will not be worth the gain.

Although Ziqing’s experience is terrible, it will not destroy her life.

A relative who doesn't know how to distinguish boundaries can be like an annoying louse. Although it won't cause serious injury, it will always upset you.

If you don't give in, this louse may transform into an untimed bomb and become a landmine that destroys the road of life.

The TV series "Double-sided Tape" is adapted from the novel of the same name by the famous female writer Liuliu. It tells the story of a family relationship that crosses the line and leads to tragedy.

"Phoenix Man" Yaping and Shanghai girl Lijuan were once inseparable, sweet and affectionate.

But the arrival of the mother-in-law completely broke the warmth of the family. The mother-in-law always interferes in the young couple's new family, causing discord between the couple.

The TV series ended in a comedy, but the prototype of the protagonist Li Juan was eventually killed by her husband's violence, and her husband was sentenced for it.

The mother-in-law's wanton overstepping of boundaries and the daughter-in-law's intolerance ultimately resulted in a tragic life-long loss for the three families.

As the saying goes, "When the water is full, it overflows; when the moon is full, it loses." The same is true for the feelings in the world. No matter how close the relationship is, a moderate distance should be maintained and clear boundaries should be drawn.

Since family love is a destination that we cannot choose independently, we should take the initiative to create a suitable space for it.

3. To get rid of the shackles of family ties, you need to keep the boundaries

The German philosopher Immanuel Kant said: "The beginning of wisdom is knowing the boundaries. If you lose the boundaries, you will lose wisdom."

In family relationships, if you want to get rid of the shackles of family relationships, you need to stick to your own boundaries and refuse others' wanton transgressions.

As professional debater Pang Ying said in the program "Qi Pa Shuo",

"Don't let family ties be kidnapped by tragedy, only then can our family ties be free."

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It is true that Chinese people have always put filial piety first, respecting the elderly and loving the young, and they cannot let go of family affection.

But if someone hurts you under the guise of "family affection" and you tolerate it,

This is not filial piety, but stupidity!

There is only one word difference between filial piety and stupid filial piety, but the difference is a thousand miles away!

May you be lucky enough to enjoy family happiness, and be rational and not trapped by family ties.