When I can calmly and unhurriedly explain my topic full of extreme personal consciousness at this international seminar, I can't help but recall the long and short roads that our old and young contemporary literature has gone through:117 years after 949, several typical works in the ten-year Cultural Revolution, the "scar literature" and "reflection literature" after the Cultural Revolution, and today's "root-seeking literature" and "urban consciousness"

I thought I was a writer who was far away from all literary trends, but in fact I benefited from all literary trends. Every time I break through the "forbidden zone" in a life-and-death way, it opens the way for my creation and makes me free and unburdened in the past battlefield. I am a lucky child, and I can calmly consider my own problems under the cover of my predecessors or peers.

It should be admitted that in the past few years when I started writing, I was not thinking rationally, but just groping for action, driven by an invisible and unclear idea. It was not until a long time later that rational thinking appeared. The lightning flash lit up the past and later roads, and I made a fatal action with this short and bright light. Now, it seems that it is time for rationality to shine again. I found that my literary proposition is-

Every man is his own worst enemy.

The original intention of this proposition is to make a show on a pampered girl who has no worries about food and clothing. Her conflict with the outside world can be said to have subsided, but she is restless. Externally, she is quiet, but inwardly, she is very noisy and always goes to war. She made trouble for herself and tortured herself. She can only draw a little kindness from the crowd to warm and calm her turbulent state of mind. This girl represents and symbolizes myself for a long time. She is closely related to my own life. My childhood was quiet and harmonious, but full of lonely times. Therefore, when I face the sudden change of life, what I lack is the action of fighting against the outside world, and I am more meditation. The war inside me is more intense and harsh than the external struggle. I have more knowledge and experience about this kind of war and I know its power. Sometimes I even think that a person's happiness or misfortune depends on the outcome of this war. However, the times we live in are so noisy and turbulent. In order to improve our situation and stop those useless idleness, it is inevitable to devote great energy to dealing with the world.

Much like this life process, when I wrote about that girl's restless heart, the torrent of life rushed behind me. Sometimes looking back, I feel ashamed of many lives that have not yet fought against the outside world. I seem to be too laid-back and extravagant. So I abandoned my beloved symbol, tried to join hands with the ordinary life that faced the reality and struggled for survival, and tried my best to understand the difficult struggle at this difficult time. This is a departure and hike for my creation and life. This time, my inner conflict was temporarily released and rested. I put aside these tiring psychological wars for the time being and pay attention to a broader life and a large-scale battle in a broader world. People constantly struggle with the outside world for survival and ideals, and I follow this struggle enthusiastically. When I faced these struggles myself, because I was timid, I just avoided, blindfolded and curled up in a small shack, waiting for good luck to fall from the sky. Now, because I am out of this fight and have a sense of security, I can safely open my eyes and follow the depths. Only then did I discover the nature of these struggles. It turns out that the struggle with the outside is so linked to the internal war, and it is originally the same battlefield. I seem to see such a battlefield, where people are fighting with two opponents at the same time. One opponent is suffering and fate, and the other opponent is himself. Those who are opposed to me often become one with me who is struggling, but I often rebel and collude with the forces of fate. People are really caught between Scylla and Charybdis, and life is really an arduous struggle. At this time, when I look back on my life, I realize many false images and misunderstandings. In the fierce battle between yourself and your heart, the external force and reaction are always there. Only by uniting with the outside world will the war be ignited internally. or vice versa, Dallas to the auditorium The strength and reaction of the inner world are also in the same place as the struggle of the outer world. Internal imbalance will lead to external war. Extend this experience to the Cultural Revolution that passed away soon. If everyone who suffers from it can calmly and deeply reflect, who can get rid of it? This flame, which has been burning for ten years, can be said to be ignited by 800 million kindling. If I attribute this experience to my insignificant fate, then if I sat at my desk one night many years ago, I gave birth to a moment of hesitation and finally gave in to that hesitation, then being a writer is a relaxed fantasy. Everyone's own has played a role in his destiny, everyone's own has participated in his destiny, and no one can forget his own. Therefore, the struggle between man and himself is eternal and painful.

When I came back to my heart from the struggle between people and the outside world, I found that the struggle between people inside me and myself was not the "juvenile worry" of a few years ago. This struggle is carried out in a more comprehensive and profound sense of human nature, and contains more solid problems and contents. This kind of struggle not only applies to a well-fed leisure class, but also always exists in all life from the bottom to the top. This struggle is not for a few people, but for all mankind, whether consciously or unconsciously. People are born, always facing themselves and confronting themselves. I feel that the struggle between people and myself I am facing has suddenly sublimated and even has some great significance.

A person facing the world, facing all kinds of disasters and changes that may happen at any time: volcanic eruption, glacier sinking, war, plague, hunger, disease, can join hands with everyone and fight together. But he is lonely in his heart, outsiders can't give any assistance, pioneers can't give any inspiration, and he has to struggle and explore on his own. And a person's inner disasters are so numerous and harsh: selfishness, inferiority, pride, cowardice, cruelty, timidity, childhood ignorance, youth turmoil, sexual erection and depression, and so on. How many struggles do people have to go through before they can make a fortune? This is an eternal war. No matter what stage human civilization has reached, it is difficult to get rid of it, even worse. However, it is gratifying that when a person is fighting alone, almost all people are fighting alone, so he is not all alone. This war is shared by mankind, and it can provide experience and comfort to each other on countless different battlefields. I think my literature will be a series of hard and difficult contacts for these lonely battlefields, providing each other with news and telling people that they are not alone, and the whole human race is behind them. At the same time, you can also draw strength and wisdom and let your inner war be defeated. This may be an illusion, but I tried my best.

This is a troubled world, and there are still many unsolved problems for mankind. As I speak, thousands of refugees have been displaced, the desert has swallowed up the oasis, the war is still going on, the earthquake is threatening people, and women are calling for equality ... Just because I am so concerned about my inner struggle doesn't mean that I will turn my back on all this. I believe that a person and a nation must have a keen and brave spirit of introspection, which will be a powerful guarantee for people to become real people and for the nation to become an excellent and powerful nation. If you want to introspect, you have to face up to yourself and fight with yourself unremittingly, so that people can truly become magnificent and great, face all kinds of severe challenges from nature and survive from generation to generation.

That's all. Thank you.

1August 25th, 986 Shanghai