Montessori

Maria Montessori

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Everything we do for children will bear fruit,

Not only affects his life, but also determines his life.

This question reminds me that when providing psychological counseling to adolescent children, we usually ask the children a question: When they were children, were their grandparents or their parents?

This issue is very critical and often plays an important role in the psychological development of children.

I have shared with you many times in Q&A a psychological concept that the establishment of an attachment relationship is very important. It is no exaggeration to say that it will even affect a child's life.

The normal attachment relationship is mother-infant attachment. It is a lasting emotional connection between the baby and the mother. The baby will show an emotional experience of safety, comfort and satisfaction when getting along and having physical contact with the mother. Mother-infant attachment develops from the child. It has been initially formed from birth to about 2 years old.

If the care recipient suddenly changes, the baby may feel rejection and resistance. In addition, whether the baby forms attachment with the mother and the quality of the attachment will affect the child's emotions, emotions, and personality traits, including some social behaviors and the formation of basic attitudes toward interacting with people.

In fact, early social attachment has a great impact on children’s later personality characteristics. If the attachment relationship is well established, that is to say, children with secure attachment style will have high-quality traits when they grow up. People with self-esteem tend to enjoy trusting and lasting relationships.

They are also good at seeking social support and have a good ability to share their feelings with others. If the child lives with grandparents for a long time and the parents and the child are separated for a long time, this will cause the child to A psychological sense of strangeness and unfamiliarity. This sense of strangeness and unfamiliarity will cause children to resent their parents and will be difficult to repair.

In addition, raising a family across generations will weaken the role of parents in family education. When parents lack normal emotional communication and parent-child interaction, the child will not have the opportunity to express his feelings to his parents. It feels like parents don’t have the opportunity to express their love for their children.

After a long time, there will be a psychological gap between parents and children. This is why we said in the question: Children will be unfamiliar with their parents.

In fact, children have lost their basic psychological belonging and psychological dependence at this time. If they are in this situation for a long time, it will actually affect the child's personality and psychology. It is very likely that the child will develop mental disorders due to lack of emotion. Produce emotional and personality deviations.

It leads to some psychological and behavioral disorders, lack of love for people and things, or more extreme, violent tendencies, and other problems.

Therefore, children are in a secure attachment period before the age of 6, especially babies before the age of 3.

If you cannot be with your parents often due to various reasons, how should you remedy the fact that it has already happened?

Objectively speaking, the younger the child, the greater the possibility of remediation. It is actually more difficult if the child reaches adolescence, so parents should try their best to spend time with their children no matter how busy they are at work or for whatever reasons.

Girls should get as close as possible, caress and hug as much as possible. In fact, the love of parents cannot replace the love of grandparents.

Even if you are away from home or in a foreign country for some special reasons, you can still maintain frequent contact with your children through various forms such as phone calls, video chats, photos or letters.

Come back as often as possible to have more contact with your children, so that your children can feel that although their parents are not around, they are caring for them all the time.

We say that your child will not get close to you after you give birth. You have to spend time with, care for, understand, and get close to you, so that your child will slowly get close to you.