EO is the abbreviation of "Emotional Intelligence Quotient", which was proposed by Daniel Goleman, a professor of psychology at Harvard University in the United States, in a book published in 1995.
Goleman believes that EQ includes the ability to suppress impulses and delay gratification, how to adjust one's emotions, how to put oneself in other people's shoes, the ability to feel other people's feelings, and how to establish good interpersonal relationships. Relationships, cultivating automatic and spontaneous spiritual motivation... Simply put, EQ is a kind of human cultivation and a quality of character.
The following examples all belong to the level covered by EQ:
Automatic and spontaneous
A child with high EO knows how to be spontaneous, do things automatically, read books automatically, Do their homework automatically... Therefore, even if their IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is not higher than others, their grades can still be better than others. At work, it is also important to improve yourself spontaneously. For example, if our mentality is to compete with others. We will think: "I have to work hard because I am better than Lao Wang. Why is he better than me in every aspect?" In this way, you are competing with Lao Wang and you are targeting him. Even if you can do it, , at best, he is as good as him, but not better than him. On the contrary, if it is spontaneous, you think: "Yes, he is good, I want to learn from him, I want to see how far I can do it." On the contrary, you will give unlimited play, even if you can't, you can You will not have any disagreement with Lao Wang, and you will not hate him because of it; Lao Wang will not feel that you are competing with him, and your mentality is completely different. In other words, your interpersonal relationships will also have different results.
Control your emotions
Do you lose your temper? Do you know when to lose your temper and when not to lose your temper? If you were walking and someone drove past you, which surprised you, would you yell? Many people will lose their temper and even be unhappy for a day. On the contrary, is it necessarily good to hold back your temper? For example, when your child is studying and the speakers next door are turned up loudly, and you just tolerate it and don't assert your rights, this is tantamount to allowing others to do things they shouldn't do. Comparing the two situations shows that another characteristic of EQ is knowing how to lose temper appropriately at the right time and with the right person.
Look far
Goleman, the proposer of EQ, gave a very interesting example in the book: The researcher invited a group of children and brought them in one by one room and told them: "There are marshmallows here. You can eat them right away, but if you wait until I go out to finish my errands and eat them when I come back, you can get double marshmallows." He said and left. Some children couldn't wait as soon as they saw him leave, so they picked up the marshmallows and stuffed them into their mouths; other children waited for a few minutes, then stopped waiting and ate the marshmallows too. The remaining children were determined to wait for the researchers to come back. The result of this experiment is that those children who wait patiently are more adaptable to the environment and more likable when they grow up. They are more adventurous, more confident, and more reliable; those children who want to satisfy their immediate desires cannot restrain themselves, and their EQ is relatively low. When they grow up, their achievements in all aspects are lower than those of children who can restrain themselves.
Self-knowledge
Many times, we find that the friends and relatives around us are not good at expressing their emotions. When you go out with him, no matter what you say, he will say: "It's up to you!" As time goes by, you will feel guilty: "Am I depriving this friend of his right to freedom? Am I treating him a little bit? He relies on everything." I, only I am happy/Slowly, the feeling of guilt turns into a feeling of disgust, and you no longer find it interesting to be with him. Facts have proved that people with such difficulties in expressing emotions are also relatively indifferent to other people's feelings. The reason is that he is not capable of understanding his own feelings, so how can he understand other people's feelings? This example tells us that improving one's EQ also includes learning to express one's emotions. For example, you are rushing to go home today. If you can agree to a colleague's request to give him a ride, you should tell him frankly: "I have something important and I can't give you a ride. It's very embarrassing/usually the other person will not be angry because of this. On the contrary, he will feel comfortable being friends with you." .
Interpersonal skills
Improve EQ, including improving interpersonal relationships. To improve interpersonal relationships, you should cultivate what is called empathy—feeling what others are feeling. Many parents who are strict but unkind lack empathy. They care about whether their children are eating, taking a shower, or studying. They will supervise their children, but the children will not feel the care of their parents, only the pressure of the family. On the contrary, strict but kind parents usually participate in their children's activities. They not only ask whether their children have studied or not, but also spend time communicating and talking to their children. As long as you communicate with your child for a period of time every week, when your child has emotional and emotional problems, he will think: "Next week, when I am with my parents, I must tell them." On the contrary, if you The child has no idea when you are with him, he is not ready to mention it to you at all, and even if you show up suddenly, he will not tell you.
In addition, when we talk and quarrel with others, it is a kind of interpersonal communication. When we communicate with others, we have no way to control what others think and feel, and we have no way to predict others' behaviors.
However, we can control our own behavior and emotions, and use this self-control to influence and infect the behavior and emotions of others. For example, when a customer angrily complains about the company's service, if you are busy defending, he will become more and more angry as he talks. However, if you show empathy and let him know that you are listening to him, his anger will be justified. It makes sense that his tone will gradually soften.
So, if we want to improve our EQ, we should also cultivate compassion, and then learn to control our own emotions and change the emotions of others. "What exactly is EQ?"
"How can I know if my EQ is high?"
These are the two questions I am asked most often. Especially when doing training in the corporate world, whenever the important impact of EQ on work achievements is mentioned: "The higher the position, the more important EQ is for success." As soon as the words are finished, some students will always raise their hands in confusion: "No way!? Our boss has a bad temper and gets angry easily. With such a poor EQ, why can't he be the general manager?!"
Good question, this one seems to be "low EQ, high achievement" This phenomenon is actually because we have not yet fully understood the true connotation of EQ. Because whether a person's EQ is high or not is not just about whether he loses his temper.
So, what exactly is EQ?
EQ (Emotional Quotient) is the English abbreviation of "Emotional Quotient", which represents a person's emotional intelligence (Emotional Intelligence) ability. Simply put, EQ is an index of a person’s ability to manage his or her own emotions and the emotions of others.
Let us review the birth process of EQ.
As early as 1920, E.L. Thorndike, a professor at Columbia University in the United States, first proposed the concept of social intelligence, believing that people with high social intelligence "have the ability to understand and the ability to manage others so that they can act wisely in their relationships.”
The first Social Intelligence Test (George Washington Social Intelligence Test) was launched in 1926. Questions on the questionnaire included identifying the emotional state of the characters in the pictures, and judging problems in interpersonal relationships, etc. .
However, in the following decades, the psychology community's efforts in this area came to a halt, mainly because everyone was busy developing and studying IQ tests. At that time, it was believed that IQ (that is, a person's mathematics, logic, language, and spatial ability) will determine each person's ability to learn and be taught, thus affecting future work development and performance.
Until 1983, American psychologist Professor Howard Gardner proposed the "multiple intelligences" theory that has greatly influenced the current education system. He believes that the traditional way of defining "intelligence" (i.e., IQ), which only focuses on mathematics, science, and language skills, needs to be significantly modified, because a person's IQ has a high positive correlation with academic performance in school (the higher the IQ, the better the homework). Good), it has little to do with other aspects, such as work performance, emotions and life satisfaction.
Professor Gardner added several more intelligences to his theory of multiple intelligences, including music, sports, and the ability to understand oneself and understand others. These last two items have made the concept of "social intelligence" once again attract the attention of the education and psychology circles.
The first person to use the term "EQ" was psychologist Reuven Bar-on. In 1988, he compiled a questionnaire specifically to test EQ (EQ- i), according to his definition, EQ includes those emotional and social abilities that can affect our ability to adapt to the environment. There are five major items: (1) Self-EQ (2) Interpersonal EQ (3) Adaptability (4) Stress management ability (5) General emotional state (optimism, happiness).
Then psychologists Salovey & Mayor proposed the definition of emotional intelligence in 1990. They believe that emotional intelligence should be distinguished from personality traits such as optimism, so their definition of EQ emphasizes understanding and using emotions.
At present, another EQ test (MSCEIT) that is widely used in various countries is their latest research result. There are several major issues: (1) the ability to detect and express emotions (2) the ability to imagine emotional states in the mind (3) the ability to understand emotions (4) the ability to control emotions.
The psychologist who really made the word "EQ" go out of the academic circle of psychology and become a catchy daily term for everyone is Professor Daniel Goleman of Harvard University. His book "EQ" (Emotional Intelligence) published in 1995 has been on the best-seller lists around the world, setting off an EQ craze around the world.
Goldman found that a person's EQ has a very important impact on his performance in the workplace.
For example, a survey conducted among employees of the top 500 largest companies in the United States found that regardless of industry, the contribution ratio of a person's IQ and EQ to his success at work is IQ:EQ=1:2, that is It is said that for work achievement, the impact of EQ is twice that of IQ, and the higher the position, the greater the impact of EQ on work performance. In addition, for certain job categories, such as marketing, business and customer service, the impact of EQ is more obvious.
So Goldman proposed his work EQ framework for work performance in the workplace. After continuous testing and revision, Goldman's current working EQ content has 4 major items and 18 minor items.
Want to know whether your work EQ is high? Please come together to check your EQ capabilities for each job.
(2) Accurate self-assessment: Understand your strengths and weaknesses.
(3) Self-confidence: Control your own value and abilities.
2. Self-management (4) Emotional self-control: Able to control impulsive and contradictory emotions.
(5) Frankness: Demonstrate honesty and integrity; be trustworthy.
(6) Adaptability: Strong flexibility, able to adapt to changing environments or overcome obstacles.
(7) Achievement motivation: Have a strong motivation to improve your abilities and pursue excellent performance.
(8) Momentum: Always be ready to take action and seize opportunities.
Interpersonal relationship management skills: 3. Social awareness (9) Empathy: Feel other people’s emotions, understand other people’s perspectives, and actively care about others.
(10) Group awareness: interpret trends, decision-making networks and political operations in the group.
(11) Service: Recognize the needs of customers and other service objects and have the ability to meet them.
4. Interpersonal Relationship Management (12) Leadership: Guide and inspire others with a unique vision.
(13) Influence: Ability to persuade others to accept one's ideas.
(14) Develop the abilities of others: Improve the abilities of others through feedback and teaching.
(15) Initiate change: can inspire new practices.
(16) Conflict management: Reduce disagreements and coordinate the ability to achieve consensus.
(17) Build connections: Cultivate and maintain connections.
(18) Team ability: the ability to cooperate with others; understand the team operating model.
There are so many contents, there are 18 items in total, it is really 18 kinds of martial arts, none of them are simple. And to master eighteen martial arts, wouldn't it be as difficult as ascending to heaven?
Please don’t worry. In fact, as long as a person can have five or six EQ abilities among these eighteen EQ abilities that are particularly outstanding and evenly distributed among the four major abilities, then His performance in the workplace will be very outstanding.
To measure work EQ, the currently widely used scale is the Emotional Competence Inventory (ECI: Emotional Competence Inventory), which has a total of 110 questions. What is very special is that the ECI uses a 360-degree comprehensive Fangfang's data collection method not only asks the person concerned, but also learns about the person's work EQ from his superiors, subordinates, and colleagues. The results obtained are of course more objective and accurate.
So, as long as you master work EQ, you can achieve work success.