I was particularly happy yesterday because I listened to Fan Deng’s book "Super Rhnomal", which is a book about childhood trauma. This book relieved me of a long time of stress, or an unknown lack of self-confidence. It can also be said that it gives me great hope and confidence. The Chinese name of this book is just a line of words on the picture below, but the English name is super normal. The literal translation of this book in English means: super normal.

Everyone who has been exposed to psychology knows a term called "family of origin." Through self-analysis and self-understanding, we find that the environment of our parents, our family of origin, has shaped our behavioral patterns. For example, harsh parents cause inner self-confidence in children, parents who are indifferent to emotions cause children to be indifferent and lack love, and violent parents and parents who often quarrel cause children to feel insecure, etc... When children grow up, Those who find themselves in bad patterns in social relationships or partner relationships usually continue to satisfy their innermost needs through others under the influence of a deficit psychology, and constantly ask for and create bad relationships, which then lead to unbearable pain. This is indeed the case, including myself. Through understanding myself, I discovered that my mother’s mentality caused me to be extremely nervous. My parents’ strictness also made me constantly pursue perfection. In order to get their approval, I made myself very tired. , and at the same time have extremely high demands on my other half. These are the negative psychology they brought to me. Of course, there are more things that I am dissatisfied with about myself. All of them I attribute to the bad consequences of my parents. I once hated my parents, and the hatred brought tension to the relationship between mother and daughter, which did not help at all, because everything had already happened, and I could only learn to face it, including forgiveness. But I still face my own bad patterns, or some psychological shadows, especially Adler's famous saying "Fortunate people are cured by childhood throughout their lives, and unlucky people are cured by doctors in childhood." With this conclusion, I seem to be carrying the mark of my childhood deeply buried in my heart, and I have been trying to find a way to heal it, but I know that this healing will be long. This is also the reason why I am not really confident inside. I always feel that there is something wrong inside me.

This book gave me hope. At least 75% of people in the world have suffered childhood injuries, which means that all of us are the same, which means that we are all very normal people. It can better explain that basically everyone grows up with love and hurt. But fortunately for us, the harm our parents inflicted on us was relatively minor. In the cases in the book, some of the harm was unbearable for children. In my opinion, we are actually lucky children. The book introduces several classic examples. The one I remember clearly is that the mother of a well-known scholar was a mental patient. She beat and scolded her inexplicably and went crazy for no reason. As a mother, she was not only unable to take care of her children, but she also stayed at home for a long time without any warning. Yelling and throwing things, but this child has grown up in this environment and has faced and accepted it all. He has learned to take care of himself since he was a child and control his emotions and behavior in disordered situations. , calmed his heart, and exercised his strong inner stability. No matter what happened, he could easily handle it. Years of training developed his super ability, and later he became a well-known scholar. A younger sister who has been bullied by her older sister since childhood has lived in horrific beatings since she was born. This environment has resulted in this child's extremely strong observation ability, and her interpretation of people's emotions has given her extremely high emotional intelligence, and finally she became a successful person. business tycoon. There is also a child who has been ignored by his parents since he was a child. Because his brother has this serious disease, his parents put all their attention on his brother and basically ignore him. He struggled at first, but to no avail, he later accepted this reality. Later, he began to learn to take care of his brother, and became a very caring and selfless star doctor. There is also a well-known actor who asked the girl to look like a lovable person because his mother wanted to find a boyfriend. The mask model helped him develop his acting skills. It sounds ironic, but these are true.

This book does not overgeneralize. Children have become relatively successful people through super skills. They also understand their own situations and can selectively get out of the dark side brought by their parents.

These extreme examples let me see that children have developed a set of super skills under great harm. Human beings are still very smart. When they accept a situation, they will develop a set of self-protection abilities to cope with this pattern. When the situation is serious, the more powerful and super abilities they develop. Through these situations, I simply feel that they are not injuries. For children who can successfully cope with them, it is simply a kind of special skill training. This is inspiring.

I was relieved because I saw the abilities I had been trained to have. I found that I was also very keen and had strong emotional abilities. My pursuit of perfection makes me better than other people of my age, and my pursuit of perfection in doing things has made me achieve a lot. I am relieved that I can not define what my parents did to me as harm, but as a different pattern. I feel relieved and feel like I have nothing to be unsure of. I feel relieved and I accept myself more.

Our parents love us, and they have given us a lot. Even if there are some unsatisfactory things, as we continue to accept ourselves, we will no longer deny ourselves or face ourselves better. A little bit of transformation. The premise is to affirm all situations and fully accept yourself. This book makes me very happy. Interested students can listen to it, or buy it and read it. You will find that you are actually very lucky, no matter what kind of parents you face.