In the workplace, some people have a serious "please" personality, and they are embarrassed to refuse any request from others, no matter whether they can do it or not. I have been thinking in my heart: forget it, don't live up to people's expectations; Let's talk about it first Maybe you won't call me next time.
Over time, people with "please-type" personality have more and more workload, and they are too busy to live in the workplace.
1. The psychological root of embarrassing refusal
Embarrassed to refuse others is generally in two situations: first, good nature, weak nature; Second, I want something, and I am eager to get something to repay my efforts.
Especially newcomers who have just entered the company always want to help others a little, leave a good impression on everyone, and help them when they encounter difficulties or get promoted in the future. If you refuse, you may offend others and affect your development in the unit.
In fact, this is not to see the essence of things clearly. The key person who decides whether you can make progress is the unit leader. If the person in charge says hello, you are good. Therefore, we often see people with poor mass base and poor popularity, but they are still promoted. That's the reason.
Within the system, if you don't concentrate on promotion, as long as you don't make mistakes in principle, do your job well, and don't please anyone, it can be regarded as a carefree living method. Don't worry that you turned him down today, he will give you a hard time tomorrow.
There is no need to compromise to please everyone.
2. Under what circumstances should I refuse?
What should I refuse and what should I not refuse? But it should also be adjusted according to the actual situation. Generally speaking, the following three situations can be refused.
1. Reject anything that violates the regulations.
When interviewing for public examinations, I often have such a question: As an administrative law enforcement officer, your relatives and friends have violated the rules but asked you to intercede. What should you do?
Our answer is always that we will stick to our principles and never violate the law. In practical work, you will also meet some leaders who ask you to do something illegal.
At this time, don't dare to refuse because the other party is a leader. He is a leader and knows the rules and regulations a hundred times better than you. What you are asked to do is to get rid of him, and even some leaders throw the pot directly to their subordinates as soon as something happens.
Heart and stomach are separated, so we must learn to protect ourselves at the critical moment.
Xiao Zhang of our unit is a small official in the personnel department and has done a good job in this respect.
At that time, an old director who was about to be promoted asked Xiao Zhang to check other people's personnel files. The old director is not the direct leader of Xiao Zhang, but they have a good relationship in private. I thought Xiao Zhang would agree, but I didn't expect him to say, "The file can be checked, but please go through the formalities first."
When the old director asked about the formalities, Xiao Zhang said that he wanted to find the signature of the director of personnel department and the leader in charge, and he had to issue a written explanation. Whatever you want, the old director said, well, I'll come back another day, but I haven't checked the file since.
In fact, many times, the other party is just a temptation. It's best to be flexible, but if not, give up. Never foolishly take any leader's words as an imperial edict and let them do whatever they want.
Especially in confidential, confidential, archival, financial and other risky positions, we must adhere to principles and never take chances. Once something happens, we are likely to put our future in the line.
If you refuse at first, someone will certainly not understand you, and even sacrifice others' good impression on you, but after a long time, everyone will know that you are a principled person.
In the case of unclear boundaries, people will naturally choose the most beneficial way for themselves. If a person knows how to refuse and has principles, he will be less and less kidnapped by human feelings and his work and life efficiency will be much higher.
2. Reject what you can't do
Everyone wants to be strong and worshipped. When others want something from us, we will have a strong sense of self-worth and need. When the mind is hot, we will agree, but we often ignore our own strength.
Some things are beyond our control. The result of being brave for a while may be that the expenses may not satisfy the other party, and in the end, it may not be possible to make unreliable complaints.
It is better to tell the truth from the beginning than to make the other person full of expectations and extremely disappointed. At best, he was embarrassed at the time and could get along well afterwards.
3. Refuse something that takes a lot of time and energy.
Some things have limited abilities. Do we promise or not promise what we can do? Still have to look at people and things.
The first is to look at things. If such a thing can exercise our core strength in the workplace without delaying our work, it can naturally help. For example, participating in the venue layout and reception of important meetings can expand the knowledge, familiarize yourself with the process and brush the sense of existence. This kind of work can be pushed or not; Such things have no gold content, so they have to work overtime and finally make a wedding dress for others. Refuse and refuse.
The second is to look at people. If the other party has helped us, or knows how to be grateful, you can lend a helping hand without affecting yourself, but if the other party is a person who only talks empty words and actually treats others as fools, we must resolutely refuse.
You can be kind, but your kindness can't be cheap.
3. How to cleverly refuse
1. Sincere attitude and soft tone
Some people are used to being emotional when refusing, or using blunt words such as "resolutely no" and "absolutely no", which is easy to offend people.
Once rejected by a good friend, he was interrupted before he finished. He said, "I won't help you. If you don't want to ruin our relationship, then don't talk. " I was a little embarrassed at that time, not because he refused, but because his words made me uncomfortable.
Fortunately, I understand that his personality is so straightforward, and I don't care. What if it's someone I don't know well? Will there be a gap?
Rejection itself can easily lead to unpleasant emotions, but a friendly attitude will alleviate this emotion.
When someone starts talking, we shouldn't refuse immediately. We can wait patiently for him to finish with a smile, then sincerely express empathy with words such as "I see, you are right" and "It's really a lot of work, and it's not easy for you", and then politely refuse, which will make the other party feel more acceptable.
Sometimes a smile is the most powerful weapon. When you refuse others with a gentle tone and a gentle smile, the other party will think that what we refuse is something, not people. Although it doesn't help, human feelings are still there.
2. The reasons for refusal should be sufficient.
The reason for refusing is very important. A good reason will not only offend people, but also make people embarrassed to bother you. When you don't know how to refuse each other, try these three methods:
First, the excuse that this happened before won't work.
My colleague once asked me for help, saying that a friend of one of his friends wanted to park in my classmate's compound, which is the kind of long-term parking. My classmate is just a small clerk in that unit. If you want to stop, you must find a leader who is in charge of parking. Besides, it's not my colleague's own difficulty. I have to help someone I don't know every four or five people. It is not appropriate to think about it.
So, I told him that someone wanted to park in my classmate's unit before, but my classmate found a leader but failed, because he was nervous about parking and wouldn't let foreign vehicles stay for a long time. This gang really can't help. In this way, colleagues can't say anything, let alone have any emotions.
The second is to clearly inform the other party of the relevant regulations.
This comparison applies to superior leaders or senior colleagues who don't know the situation. It involves sensitive and responsible work, such as stamping, reimbursement, borrowing confidential documents, and inquiring files. , you can clearly tell the other party the processes and rules to follow and act according to the rules. If anyone wants to simplify the process or standardize the operation, you can tell him some typical negative cases caused by incomplete procedures, and at the same time show that it is not aimed at him, but his responsibility, and ask him to understand.
Third, expression is really weak.
A friend of mine was admitted to a public institution after graduating from a master's degree and became the person with the highest education in their unit. An old colleague asked him to write a paper for his professional title, but he politely refused. It's not that he can't write, but writing a paper is a waste of time. If everyone asks him for help, once he starts, he can't finish it. If he refuses any one, he will offend others. It's better to say that his major is wrong and he can't write by himself.
You may also be forced to accept copying, printing, sending materials and writing materials to other departments. When you don't want to do it, you can also say, "I'm sorry, it's a small matter, but I have something urgent at hand now, and the leader has something urgent." I have to wait for a while, I'm afraid I'll delay your business. "
However, some people are persistent and will say, "Don't worry when you are busy." . At this time, you don't have to reply in a hurry. What should you do? The next time he asks you the result, he will say that he worked too much and was ignored, and then he was busy. Delay once or twice like this, and the other party will understand what you mean.
3. The compensation method is reasonable.
We may feel uneasy after rejecting others, especially those who have helped us. You can use some folk remedies at this time.
For example, if the other party asks us to help him write a paper, we can provide him with some materials and website references, or offer to help proofread it. The other party turned to PPT for help. You really have no time. You can give him some PPT templates for him to use.
In short, children who cry in the workplace have sugar to eat, and children who don't cry can only eat dumb losses.
The result of being a good baby in the workplace is often that you become a doormat, a trash can and an old ox. Leading colleagues always think of you first when they have any hard work, because they know that you won't refuse only if it is assigned to you.