There is a man who has studied "love" all his life and even wrote a long best-selling book "The Art of Love". But he has experienced several marriages, divorces and infidelities in his own life, and his lover index is not enough! Does he love too much? Or does he really not love ...

This person is Erich Fromm (1900- 1980).

Freud had a real descendant, and he was Fromm. Because, they are all surnamed Fu, and they are all "Fu Jiaban". Of course, apart from the surname, there is not much similarity between the two.

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Fromm's life

Fromm was born in an Orthodox Jewish family in Frankfurt, Germany. Parents strictly implemented the national family planning policy and gave birth to a baby. From an early age, Fromm studied Talmud, read the Bible and listened to the stories of prophets. This constitutes an important part of young Fromm's life.

Although his parents love him very much and regard him as the apple of their eye, he still feels lonely. He misses the king next door day and night, hoping that "something can save him from this loneliness". He wants to steal it, but he dare not.

19 18, studying jurisprudence at the University of Frankfurt, Germany. After studying for two semesters, I don't like it very much, because it doesn't help to pick up girls.

19 19 After the summer vacation, he entered the University of Heidelberg to study sociology (1922, with a doctorate in sociology). During this period, I came into contact with Marxist theory. This learning experience is also very important to Fromm's theoretical development, because his theory is called psychoanalytic sociology.

From 65438 to 0923, he entered Munich University to study psychoanalytic theory, and was quickly brainwashed by psychoanalysis. Fromm found the answer to a puzzling and frightening experience when he was young in Freud's theory. So he eagerly read Freud's works and regarded Freud as his idol.

1934, she moved to new york and became Liu's milk tea sister and Wang Leehom's alumnus. She entered Columbia University to work with Karen Horney and Harris Tucker Sullivan, both of whom belonged to the neo-Freudian school, and then became stiff.

Died in Logano, Switzerland.

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Interaction with Freud

Unfortunately, I searched through his biography and found no experience of his direct encounter with Freud, nor a history of mutual regret. I have to say that this is really a sad thing because of the lack of writing materials.

But!

He tried to analyze Freud by psychoanalysis, which is equivalent to directly breaking ground on the head of the prince (see chapter 12 for details).

More importantly, he tried to reconcile Marxism and Freud's theory with humanism. In this way, he attracted many followers, because both Marxism and psychoanalysis have a large number of fans, so he can find supporters.

He devoted his whole life to revising Freud's psychoanalytic theory to adapt to the mental state of westerners after the two world wars. Because of his experience in sociology education, he tried to combine psychoanalysis with sociology and founded "Psychoanalytic Sociology". Fromm is also considered as the founder of psychoanalytic sociology.

Fromm witnessed the outbreak of World War I and World War II. When he saw that nationalism made ordinary Germans irrational, even the relatively stable Britain and France were equally irrational, he was very confused and left a deep imprint on his heart. He began to reflect: why is there such an irrational behavior of human beings as war?

I can't figure it out! The more I think about it, the more annoying it is. It is better to pick up girls!

1926, Fromm married Frida, who was 10 years older than her. Holding more than three gold bricks in his hand. Frida and Fromm's mother look alike and behave like their mother. More importantly, Frida was an internationally renowned psychotherapist at that time.

Karen Horney, older than Fromm 15 years old, was Fromm's lover and later broke up. Horney is also a mother and an internationally renowned psychoanalyst. Fame is even above Fromm.

Freud: Fu Xiao, you have a heavy Oedipus complex ~

Jung: Your Anima must be mismatched?

Adler: Don't feel inferior. Have a bowl of poisoned chicken soup that I made for you myself.

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Sociological theory of psychoanalysis

This theory holds that reasoning ability is our unique advantage! It separates us from nature and knows that we are independent beings. However, once the reasoning ability is used, it will put us in a contradictory situation: because of the reasoning ability, we know that we have to work hard to survive, but at the same time we also find problems that we can't solve through reasoning:

First: by reasoning, we will know that we will eventually die. However, we invented the term "reincarnation" to solve this problem.

Second: Through reasoning, we find that life is short and we can't change history. But we always comfort ourselves with "the era we live in is the most civilized era".

Third: Through reasoning, we find ourselves lonely. So we try to find friends and companions.

Therefore, the human mind that has learned reasoning is a contradictory body, which makes us inevitably wander between two extremes. If you are inclined to the negative side, such as dying, short life and loneliness, it is easy to develop into mental disorder; If you are inclined to the positive side, such as samsara, civilization era, and seek synchronization, then you are a normal developing individual. To put it bluntly, society is such a choice: are you looking for the bright side, or are you stuck in the dark?

Human needs

Healthy individuals find the meaning of life and the value of existence through reasoning. And if the value you find is consistent with human needs, then congratulations, you have properly solved the unity of your own needs and human needs and found the road to unity with nature.

So, how can we achieve the unity of human needs and natural development? The main way: love!

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Fromm's most popular book is The Art of Love (1956). This book has always been one of the most frequently borrowed books in the library (the other is: dream analysis), because many people think that they can pick up girls after reading it! But after reading it, they are generally a little disappointed, because if we follow the method in the book, there are really almost no girls/men who can't get laid.

I'm not being sarcastic! The real reason is that when you think it is not difficult to pick up girls, you have no motivation to pick up girls.

Everybody, is single dog in a hurry? Then I hope I can tell the core content and operation method quickly? As the saying goes, you can't eat hot buns if you are impatient. Take your time.

what is love ?

Fromm believes that love is a process of unification with someone or an object other than yourself while maintaining its independence and integrity. Many people will say, this is too simple, my boyfriend/girlfriend and I often "unify" in bed! However, Fromm stressed that this kind of unity not only happens in bed, but in all aspects of daily life! That is, you must first maintain your independence and integrity, and then try to truly understand, respect and support another person (or n people).

How important is love?

Love is the only way for individuals and the world to become one, and it is also the only way to gain individuality and integrity. Love needs to share and communicate with each other, and also needs to maintain individual uniqueness and independence and freedom.

How to love?

Fromm believes that love includes four basic elements:

(1) Care: That is to say, you are willing to care and take care of each other and always think of each other. Although this is the most elementary element, it is already difficult for many people.

(2) Responsibility: a willingness and ability to pay. Love is giving, not taking. Willing to give for each other is true love.

(3) Respect: that is, respect each other's original characteristics and don't try to change each other. To love someone, you need to unconditionally accept her/his strengths and weaknesses.

(4) Empathy: Being able to look at others from their perspective, that is, thinking from his/her perspective. Many of us just look at the problem from our own perspective, and it is difficult to jump out of the limitations of our own vision.

Everybody! If you just think about how to trick people into bed every day, then the failure of picking up girls is a high probability event! And if you change your mind, you can really achieve the four elements of love put forward by Fromm. I believe there is almost no one you can't pursue, unless your competitors read my article earlier and do the above four things better!

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But! As said at the beginning of the article: Fromm, who put forward this theory, has been married and divorced several times in his life and has countless lovers. This seems to show that he has never really "loved" ...

Solomon paradox?

In fact, Fromm's theory also explains this characteristic of himself. He said that when the two sexes just started to determine the relationship, it was the "attack period" of love, and then the "recovery period" when love disappeared. And passion will always pass! We either admit that love disappears and muddle along; Or change the object and find another passion! Fromm obviously belongs to the latter!

Some words sound really cruel!