I am 32 years old. I've been divorced for four years. My son lives with his ex-husband. After the divorce, I embarked on the road of blind date, and I dated three objects intermittently, but I didn't have the courage to marry them.
Let me start with how my ex-husband and I divorced. I am a stay-at-home mom. My ex-husband drives a long-distance van and is often away from home. Whenever I need him, he is not around. For example, I am sick, my child is sick, and he is basically outside and can't come back.
My ex-husband belongs to that kind of honest man. I have been married to him for several years, and I seldom talk at ordinary times. I never thought he would betray me mentally (he said he had nothing to do with that woman, but I saw their chat records), and my ex-husband called her baby. He said it was a normal social address and that I was narrow-minded because we often quarreled about it.
I have a big temper. Knowing this, I didn't let him go out to work. He's great. He tried every means to cheat me out of money and then disappeared with me. Later I learned that he had taken the woman on a trip.
I divorced him in a rage. It turns out that the child lives with me. At one time, I had an operation and he gave me my son. My parents always advised me not to have children, saying that it would be difficult to get married in the future. In fact, I had several blind dates at that time. When I told those people that I had a son, I didn't want to accept it.
Besides, I didn't have a job, and I lost the fight for custody of my son, who was awarded to my ex-husband. Since he married that woman, my heart has died.
I have been dating actively for four years, but I don't know what happened, but I just can't meet a man who makes me move. Having been with three people, I always feel that it is not suitable for marriage. I'm seeing someone now, too He has a good condition and usually won't let me work. Food and clothing are all his money, and he is also very good to me at ordinary times. He is also married for the second time and has two daughters.
Recently, I learned that my son had a bad life there and was injured, so I decided to take him to live there. But he strongly disagreed. He used to say that he loved me, but why can't he accept my son? I am willing to accept his two daughters. Why can't he accept my son?
He asked me to choose between my son and him. I don't think he loves me. I'm disappointed and sad. Can't a woman regain happiness after divorce? Why are all the men I meet not true love? What should I do?
Xia Mo replied:
Marriage not only needs love as the foundation, but also needs to pay attention to the right family. The so-called appropriate collocation is not limited to the collocation of appearance and economic conditions, but also lies in spiritual equivalence.
Women are also being chosen by men when choosing a spouse. In other words, women need to have some "capital" to defend their values.
Many divorced women find it difficult to get happiness for the following reasons: 1 Not good at summing up, not summing up the reasons for the failure of marriage and their own shortcomings from the last marriage; 2, the economy is not independent and likes to rely on others; 3, I don't know what kind of marriage I need, and I don't pursue it; 4, no ability to love, no self-confidence, do not believe that they can regain happiness.
Romain rolland once said a very classic famous saying: "In marriage, everyone has to give and take back something: this is the law of supply and demand."
The first marriage, the way you get along with your ex-husband is too cold, and you get together less and leave more all the year round, which makes the marriage in a cold state for a long time. Without economic independence, women are in the state of full-time mothers for a long time, that is to say, they have no jobs and depend on men's lives. In marriage, I lack a kind of confidence.
At present, in this relationship, you are still dependent and have not maintained your personality and economic independence. That you don't have enough weight to speak in this love.
Whether in love or marriage, economic ability determines a person's status and whether she can get the right to speak and be respected.
So, what kind of woman is easy to regain happiness after divorce? First, both economy and personality can remain independent. Second, keep your initial heart, improve yourself and gain self-confidence. Third, I know exactly what kind of marriage life I want, and I would rather not have it. Fourth, don't fall in love and get married easily, and then consider entrusting it for life until you see that a man is sincere.
I suggest you learn to be a good mother first, and then consider looking for love. Only if you can support your children with your own ability and give them and yourself a stable life can you love with confidence in a relationship.
After divorce, women need to find themselves first, face life in a positive and sunny way, live a wonderful life and constantly improve themselves. When you are good enough, you can attract the appreciation and admiration of better men, and it is easier to gain true love and happiness.