China is a country of etiquette. Gifts are mysterious and exquisite, which can be regarded as a practical science. If you don't learn this knowledge well and don't know how to repay it, you may not be able to do things well or do great things.
Therefore, if you want to learn to do things, you must first learn to give gifts to others, and giving gifts requires you to pay for it yourself. Saying yes is not necessarily true, but in order to do things well, you often have to do it. Since "doing", we must "do" well, and we must send the ceremony to the right place to do things well.
The following are the problems and methods that must be paid attention to when giving gifts:
(1) to whom?
On the surface, this problem will not be a problem, but it is actually a big problem. Because there are not a few people who choose the wrong gift-giving object in daily social life, such as giving gifts, but things have not been done. Because the other person is not the key person, even if you send a gift, it is useless.
Gifts should be given to key people, but not to Zhang Sanyi and Li Siyi. Wang Wu also received a little. As a result, the gifts were divided and scattered, and the weight was very light. Sometimes it may not play a profit-driven role. Needless to say, there are many people to send, and it is inevitable that people will talk too much and leak the news, which will do harm to what they want to do.
Therefore, before giving gifts, we must weigh the advantages and disadvantages of "important people" and find out who has the leading role in this matter. Give gifts to people who are essential to this job. When the gift is delivered to the idea, the thing to be done may be solved. On the contrary, if you give gifts to minors, you may not get the corresponding results.
(2) What to send
After deciding who to send it to, consider what to send. The so-called "good" here is not based on your own preferences, but on the preferences of the other party. Therefore, before giving gifts, we should analyze what kind of gifts the superior likes according to his daily life preferences. For example, some people like drinking, some people like smoking, some people are elegant, they are interested in antiques, calligraphy and painting, thread-bound books, and some people just like money, which is very popular in Fiona Fang. Give him whatever he likes. You know, only when you give the other person a gift that he likes very much will he be heartbroken. As long as the other person is really excited, he will show his housekeeping skills to share your worries and help you work.
(3) How much to send
The number of gifts given to people is mainly defined according to three aspects: First, according to the weight and interests of the things to be done, how many gifts are appropriate for each other. If things are big and you have vital interests, you will send more; If things are irrelevant, you can send less. The second is to determine the weight of the gift according to the difficulty and liability risk of the other party. If things are difficult, or the other party's responsibility is risky, then the gift to be given should be more important, otherwise it can be less. The third is to determine the "level" of gifts according to the social practice of giving gifts at that time. For example, during the "Cultural Revolution" period, a dozen dollars for cigarettes and wine was an expensive gift, but now we are far from that. Generally speaking, giving more gifts is related to the average social wage level on the one hand and the social atmosphere at that time on the other. Therefore, the weight of the gift should be just right, not only to achieve the purpose of doing things, but also to save, so as not to lose more than gain.
(4) the method of giving gifts
Everyone will be happy if the gift is good and appropriate. If it is not delivered well, it will be blocked for several days. Therefore, only by mastering the gift-giving skills can we draw a beautiful full stop for the whole gift-giving process. The biggest headache for the giver is that the other party is unwilling to accept it or refuse it sternly. It is very embarrassing for the giver to politely refuse and then send it back afterwards. So, how can we "nip in the bud" and take a ride? The key lies in whether the reasons are sufficient and whether the excuses are well found. There are usually seven ways to give gifts:
1. Borrow flowers to offer Buddha. If you send a local product, it can be said that it is from your hometown. Give some to each other to taste. There are not many things and no money. They didn't buy it on purpose. Please let him accept them. Generally speaking, if the recipient refuses to return the gift because of his kindness, it is estimated that he will relax and accept your gift.
2 dark Chen Cang. If you send something like wine, you might as well say that someone gave you two bottles of wine to have a drink with the other person and let him prepare to order. So you drink a bottle, get a bottle, give the gift, and the relationship will be closer. Wouldn't it be wonderful not to show traces?
Lend a horse to lead the way. Sometimes you want to give a gift to someone, but the other person has nothing to do with you. You might as well choose the birthday and wedding day of the recipient and invite several acquaintances to send gifts to congratulate you, so that the general recipient will not refuse. When I learned that this idea was your idea afterwards, it would definitely change my view of you. With the help of everyone, it is the best policy to achieve the purpose of giving gifts and making friends.
④ Replace trees with flowers. Lao Zhang has something to do with Xiao Liu Qu. He wants to send some gifts to clarify, but he is afraid that Xiao Liu will refuse to refute it in person. Lao Zhang's lover and Xiao Liu's object are very familiar, so Lao Zhang used his wife's diplomatic means to let his lover visit with a gift, which succeeded in one fell swoop, and the gift was accepted, and the matter was done, killing two birds with one stone. It seems that sometimes direct attack is not as effective as circuitous movement.
⑤ Say borrow first. If you send some money and goods to people with poor families, sometimes they are too proud to accept help easily. Send something, it may be said that it is idle at home, let him take it first and buy it later; If you send money, you can say that you will take some flowers first and return them later. The recipient will think that you are not giving alms, and you will be happy to accept it later. In this way, the purpose of your gift is achieved.
6 borrow chickens to lay eggs. A student owed his teacher a debt of gratitude and always wanted to repay him, but there was no chance. One day, he happened to find that the calligraphy and painting embedded in the teacher's mahogany frame was actually rubbings, which didn't match the elegant furnishings in the room. It happens that his uncle is a well-known calligrapher in China and has this calligraphy and painting at hand. He immediately brought the calligraphy and painting and put it in the frame. The teacher not only didn't object, but also liked it very much. The purpose of giving gifts to students in return has finally been achieved. If you can't "send charcoal in the snow", "icing on the cake" is also a good policy.
⑦ Highway bridge. Sometimes gifts are not necessarily bought with your own money, and then sent in big bags and small bags. In some cases, human feelings are also a gift. For example, you can buy things with ex-factory price, wholesale price and preferential price through some relationships. When you buy these things for your friends and colleagues, they have accepted your "kindness" as a gift at the same time. You didn't spend a penny, just put in some human feelings and efforts, and the effect you received was the same as giving a gift. Because the recipient paid the money, he felt at ease when he received something, and he had no worries; Love is not good, enjoy yourself.
In our daily life, we often meet people who are suffering from being unsociable. He always tries his best to compliment and say nice things when dealing with people, because he thinks everyone likes to hear nice things. Who knows, many people don't want to make friends with him, let alone speak from the heart, and at most they just deal with it casually. What is the reason? In modern communication, people undoubtedly like to listen to good words, but compliments are not equal to good words, and moderate compliments are good words. If you mistakenly regard flattery as a kind word, regardless of the object, time and scale, you always try your best to find a lot of good words and compliments in communication, and even regard flattery as a kind word, then the response you get will often be counterproductive.
It is true that everyone has a desire to be appreciated by others and wants to be praised by others. Moderate praise is essential in communication. However, we must not forget that people are more eager to be frank and sincere, and they want to associate with humble and honest people. This requires us to correctly realize that good words are not equal to compliments, and good words cannot be separated from compliments. A proper compliment is a kind word. A kind word can make new friends fall in love at first sight. There is always friendship between old friends, which is an indispensable "lubricant" in communication.
So, how to accurately grasp the compliment and make it become a real kind word appropriately and elegantly, and get twice the result with half the effort? (1) Pay attention to the object of communication.
In interpersonal communication, we should pay attention to the age, culture, occupation, personality, hobbies and characteristics of the communication object, which varies from person to person, and grasp the discretion. Be sure not to flatter or flatter each other at will, especially new friends, and be more careful. For example, you say to a girl who is worried that she is too fat: "Your figure is really beautiful!" "Girls will think that you are making fun of her and will be very upset.
But if you say this to a girl who is proud of her good figure, it can increase her goodwill and trust in you. In real life, there are still many people of insight who like to make friends with "afraid of friends" and like to be outspoken. The more you point out his shortcomings, the more he likes you, but the more you praise him, the more he hates you. When dealing with such people, compliments need to be cautious.
(2) Pay attention to the timing of polite words
In communication, it is very important to grasp the opportunity and say good things. Compliments, in particular, should conform to the atmosphere and conditions at that time and have certain "restrictions" constraints. When you find that the other party has something worthy of praise and compliment, you should be good at boldly praising and complimenting, and never miss the opportunity. A compliment at an inappropriate time is tantamount to doing the opposite, and the result can only be counterproductive. It did not achieve the desired effect, and even had some side effects. At the same time, you should also remember that when your friend discovers his shortcomings and is ready to correct them, you praise his shortcomings and will never satisfy your friends.
The old adage "Friends have the friendship of persuasion" is also the code of conduct for modern communication.
(3) Pay attention to the scale of compliment
How to grasp the scale of compliment often directly affects the effect of compliment. Appropriateness, leaving no trace and proper praise are the secrets of success. Using too many flowery words, excessive compliments and empty flattery can only make the other party feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable, even embarrassed, disgusting and disgusting, and the result is counterproductive.
If you say to a friend who writes well, "Your handwriting is the most beautiful in the world!" " "The result of your compliment can only embarrass both sides. But if you say, "Your handwriting is really beautiful! "Your friend will be very happy. Maybe he will introduce his experience in practicing calligraphy!
Of course, if the degree of compliment is not enough, it is not a compliment, and it will not achieve the expected purpose.
Praise needs sincerity, leaving no trace.
Sincere attitude is the key to the success of communicators. In communication, we must try our best to show the sincerity of compliments and sincere feelings. You know, there is no beauty to praise, so it is better to avoid talking about it.
Compliment is an excellent aspect of a conversationalist. Grasping an appropriate compliment is undoubtedly the first step towards the ranks of conversationalists and an indispensable step in modern communication.