Once upon a time there was a magical frog named Qiqi and an elephant named Dangdang. They are good friends.

One day, the pair of good friends found a piece of candy. They swarmed up and grabbed it together. The little frog made the elephant smaller, and the little frog swallowed the elephant like a pest. After a while, I finally got the candy.

After several days, the magic disappeared, and the elephant burst the frog's belly. As soon as the elephant came out, the frog died, and there were no more magic frogs in the world.

Teacher’s suggestion: It would be more exciting if the content was expressed in more detail! (The process of "grabbing" and "catching" can be written in more detail)

『Revision』 1/2 Frog and Elephant

Lin Shuying, Class 4, Experiment 2, Primary 3, Jingning County< /p>

Once upon a time, there was a magical frog named Qiqi and an honest elephant named Dangdang. They were a pair of good friends.

One day, this pair of good friends were playing in the countryside. They found a candy in the grass, and they swarmed over and grabbed it. The elephant grabbed the candy and was about to use its long trunk to put the candy into its mouth. The frog jumped into the elephant's nostril and snatched the candy again. The elephant and the frog fought for the sugar, but no one got the sugar.

At this time, the frog used magic to shrink the elephant. He opened his mouth wide, stretched out his tongue, and swallowed the elephant into his stomach like a pest. Finally, the frog finally got the candy.

After several days, the frog's magic disappeared. So the elephant burst the frog's belly. As soon as the elephant came out, the frog died. From then on, there were no magic frogs in the world. (280 words)

"Good words" The magic swarmed up to grab it, stretch out and burst

"Good words" - I saw him opening his mouth wide and sticking out his tongue, like Swallowed the elephant into its belly like a vermin. ——So, the elephant burst the frog’s belly.

"Highlights" The writing is correct and the imagination is rich.

『Original Manuscript』 2/1 Sea, Land and Air Vehicles

Lin Yuhan, Class 4 (4) of Jingning County National Primary School

Twenty years have passed in the blink of an eye. , I am now a scientist. Recently, I invented a land, sea and air vehicle. This car can be driven on land, sea and air.

This morning, the doctor asked me to come to the laboratory. I got dressed and came to the laboratory. The doctor pointed to a picture on the computer and said: "There is a tornado in Xinjiang. I hope it will Can you arrive in time and rescue the residents there?" After listening to the doctor's words, I hurried to the garage and drove out of the "Kadi". After several hours of flight, I finally arrived in Xinjiang. I arrived there. , I saw many residents, they were all waiting for me, but they didn’t know there would be a tornado there. I looked up at the sky and found nothing unusual. After a while, I found there was wind in the corner of the sky. I thought, there must be a tornado. It was a tornado. I told them to come quickly, but they said it was such a good weather. Where did the tornado come from? It took a lot of effort to convince them. They got on the flying car with me and soon arrived at the laboratory. I can become a celebrity.

Haha, this is my story with him. Are there many stories about him and me?

The teacher’s suggestion: pay attention to the use of punctuation marks; highlight the key content of the exercise: the characteristics and functions of land, sea and air vehicles.

『Revision』

2/2 My "Caddy" car

Lin Yuhan, Class 4 (4) of Jingning County National Primary School

Twenty years passed in the blink of an eye. Now, I am a scientist. Recently, I invented a land, sea and air vehicle, which I named "Cady". The "Kadi" car can drive on land, sail on the sea, and fly in the air.

One morning, Dr. QQ “knocked” me into the laboratory. I got dressed and quickly came to the laboratory.

Dr. QQ pointed to a weather picture on the computer and said: "There will be a tornado in Xinjiang. I hope you can get there in time and rescue those residents." After listening to Dr. QQ's words, I hurried to the garage. I drove my Cady car with the remote control. So, I drove a "Kadi" car and arrived in Xinjiang after only a five-minute flight.

When I came to Xinjiang, I saw many residents waiting for me curiously. I explained my purpose of coming, but they didn’t know that there was going to be a tornado here! They said that with such good weather, where did the tornado come from? I looked up at the sky and saw nothing unusual. After a while, I noticed the wind was picking up. I thought: It must be a tornado. So, I told them to get in my "Kadi" car quickly, but they just didn't listen to me. It took a lot of effort for me to convince them, and they followed me into the "Kadi" car. After a while, the tornado really came.

Haha, this is just a little story about me and the "Kadi" car. In fact, there are many more stories between me and the "Kadi" car! (480 words)

"Good words" In a blink of an eye, I found that driving was curious and unusually persuasive

"Good words" - When I came to Xinjiang, I saw many residents waiting there curiously I. ——It took a lot of effort to convince them, and they followed me into the "Kadi" car.

"Highlights" Rich imagination and interesting.

『Original Manuscript』

3/1 The World of the Future

Zhang Xuanhao, Experimental 2 Primary 5 (6) Class, Jingning County

Today , Teacher Ye’s composition class had a lesson on “The World of the Future”.

Now, we have flown from 2010 to 2090. Our current mobile phones have screens, and our current computers automatically shut down. If you want to shut down, just say "shut down" and the computer will shut down. It will shut down automatically. Our current highways are all in the sky, what about the ones that are hovering? Our cars are all flying in the sky. People can fly in the sky, the houses here can walk, and the houses here can also talk. What is more interesting is the air conditioner here. If the air conditioner senses that the room is very hot, the air conditioner will automatically turn on. If the temperature of the room is If it's warm, the air conditioner will automatically adjust.

Do you think 2090 will be fun?

Teacher’s suggestions:

The narrative should be clear; the expression should be as detailed as possible; pay attention to the use of punctuation marks.

『Revision』

3/2 The World of the Future

Zhang Xuanhao, Experimental 2 Primary 5 (6) Class, Jingning County

The Future What does the world look like? Come with me to the world of 2090!

Now, I have flown with you from the world of 2010 to the world of 2090. The mobile phones used by people here have screens, and making and receiving calls is like having a face-to-face conversation. The computers here are highly automated and very convenient to use. Computers turn on and off automatically. If you want to turn it on, just say "power on" and it will turn on. The same goes for turning it off. What’s more interesting is that the air conditioner here has a better ability to sense temperature than people. If the air conditioner senses that the room is very hot, it will automatically turn on the air conditioning; if the air conditioner senses that the room is very cold, it will automatically turn on the heating. Come.

The roads here are all built on the sky, and our cars can hover in the sky as we wish! And people can fly freely in the sky, so we have many opportunities to get close to birds. What’s even more interesting is that the houses here can not only walk, but also talk. They are as affectionate as us humans.

The world in 2090 is wonderful. Do you think it’s fun? (370 words)

"Good words" Feel free to fly in the air as you wish

"Good words" ——The roads here are all built on the sky, ours The car can hover in the sky as it wants! ——What’s even more interesting is that the houses here can not only walk, but also talk. They are as affectionate as us humans.

"Highlights" Rich imagination and interesting.

『Original Manuscript』

4/1 I make friends with gods

Xu Chenxi, Class 7, Experiment 2, Primary 4, Jingning County

"Are there gods in the world?" I have thought about this question before, have you ever thought about it? I am going to fly to the sky today and make friends with the gods.

My friends and I made a pair of wings to help me fly into the sky. When the wings were ready, I put them on, walked up the hillside and jumped off. Then, waving my hands up and down, I flew into the sky.

Wow! Heaven is so beautiful, like a magnificent palace and a sweet dream... I walked around in Heaven and suddenly heard someone talking, "Today, I stole a lot of good wine from the old man Jade Emperor." "Tsk, I also stole a lot of fresh jade liquid from the Jade Emperor's eldest princess!" "You guys are all useless!" Suddenly, a "monster" with red hair stood up and said, "Look , I stole a lot of gold and silver jewelry from the old man Jade Emperor, let's go to the human world to have a good time and have fun!" After hearing these conversations, I was very angry and decided to report them to the Jade Emperor.

One day, the Heavenly Court held an emergency meeting, and I secretly followed it. The Jade Emperor said at the meeting: "Yesterday, our Heavenly Court lost a lot of things. Did that god steal it? "I originally wanted to report them, but if I report them, do I have any evidence? I'd better go home!" So, I put on my wings and flew home.

Teacher’s suggestion: reflect a certain theme.

『Revision』

4/2 Heaven and Earth

Xu Chenxi, Class 7, Experiment 2, Primary 2, Jingning County

"The World Are there any gods on earth? "I have thought about this question before, have you ever thought about it? I think there must be gods in the world. How I want to fly to the sky and meet the gods!

So, I made a pair of wings and I wanted to fly to the sky. The wings are ready, I can't wait to put them on and walk up the mountain. I stood on the top of the mountain and jumped down, then waved my hands up and down. After a while, I flew into the sky like a bird.

Wow, heaven is so beautiful! The splendid palaces, the spacious and clean streets, the carefree gods... I seemed to have entered a sweet dream. I walked around the heaven, and suddenly I heard an immortal talking, "Today, I stole a lot of good wine from the Jade Emperor." "Hey, I also stole a lot of good wine from the Jade Emperor's eldest princess." Where's the fresh jade liquid?" "You guys are not practical!" Suddenly, a "monster" with red hair stood up and said, "Look, I stole a lot of gold and silver jewelry from the Jade Emperor. Let's go to the human world to have a good time and have a good time!" I was very angry after hearing these conversations and decided to report them to the Jade Emperor.

The next day, an emergency meeting was held in Heaven, and I secretly followed it. The Jade Emperor said at the meeting: "Yesterday, our heaven lost a lot of things. Did that god steal it?" I wanted to report it, but I had no evidence! I thought: "These gods are not good things. I'd better go home!" So I put on my wings and flew back home.

People say that heaven is good, but what good is there? The best is not as good as our warm human world!

(510 words)

"Good words" I can't wait to wave the splendor, spaciousness, cleanliness, freedom, sweetness and happiness

"Good words" - the magnificent palace, The spacious and clean streets, the carefree gods... I seemed to have entered a sweet dream. ——"Look, I stole a lot of gold and silver jewelry from the old man Jade Emperor. Let's go to the human world to eat and have fun together!"

"Highlights" The sentences are smooth and the truth is combined. Rich imagination.

『Original Manuscript』

A whimsical story on 5/1

Ye Yongfeng, Experiment 2 Primary 4 (7) Class, Jingning County

Hei Manan Eight is a magical snake whose skin is very exquisite.

I want to become a black man, because if I bite someone, they can escape, but if they are hungry, I can smell their breath and chase them, and they can close the door. Well, I can also enter their house and eat them. They can go to the sky on a spaceship. I can also enter the spaceship and go to the sky with them. I can also breathe in the universe because its lungs can produce oxygen. If others escape to a kind of In a house made of glass, they can't breathe. If he dies, if I bite others, others will be as miserable as him!

Therefore, others don’t like to go up the mountain for fear of being bitten by the black man. I remind everyone not to be bitten by the black man! Otherwise, he will be eaten by Hei Manba.

Teacher’s suggestion: Pay attention to the use of punctuation marks; some contents and sentences are unclear and should be corrected.

『Revision』

A whimsical story on 5/2

Ye Yongfeng from Experiment 2 Primary 4 (7) Class of Jingning County

Hei Manan Ba is a magical snake, and I always dream of turning into a black snake.

On this day, I really became a black man. Heimanba's hobby is cannibalism. After becoming Heimanba, I really want to taste cannibalism. So, I bit A and A ran away. However, A happened to be hungry at this time, and I smelled his hungry breath. So, I chased to A's house, and A hurriedly closed the door. A felt safe, but I turned into a gust of wind and entered his home and ate him. Seeing this, B got on the spaceship and went to the sky. I chased after him. I can breathe in the universe because my lungs can produce oxygen. With the same result, I ate B. C saw this and fled to a house made of glass. He couldn't breathe and died. If I bite others again, they will be as miserable as ABC!

However, I still want to remind everyone, don’t be bitten by the black man! Otherwise, I will become a "cannibal".

(300 words)

"Good words" The magical taste creates miserable reminders

"Good sentences" - Hei Man Ba ??is a magical snake, I have always dreamed of becoming a black man. ——However, I still want to remind everyone, don’t be bitten by the black man!

"Highlights" Rich imagination.

『Original Manuscript』

6/1 Becoming a King in a Whimsical Way

Ye Chenhao from Experiment 2 Primary 4 (3) Class of Jingning County

My dream Just become a wise king without doing anything.

One day, the detector discovered that the sea level in Shanghai was gradually rising, which would lead to the entire China being submerged. Some of the southern ice in the Arctic is melting, and several oceans will be flooded. In summer, global temperatures will rise, easily causing the earth to turn into a desert.

It is necessary to start creating an "Earth" in 2009. First, use modern science and technology to bring astronauts and scientists to Mars, and some robot inventors will remain on the earth. Invent many robots to help us in 2070. This earth must first create an atmosphere to prevent air from leaking out. Then plant many trees inside so that there will be air. Where there are trees there will be water.

By 2070, this disaster has come, and the water will submerge the earth. The robots are dispatched to rescue those trapped in the water. But there is still a crack in the earth on Mars, and the water and fire are about to reach the "earth". These robots appear again and block the water and fire. The robots are almost running out of power. This crack has also been repaired.

As long as you persist, there is hope.

Teacher’s suggestions: Some sentences are wordy and redundant words can be deleted; the expression of meaning should be clear and clear, and attention should be paid to the logical connection between things; the content before and after should correspond; the content must correspond to the title .

『Revision』

6/2 Become the king by whims

Ye Chenhao from Experiment 2 Primary 4 (3) class in Jingning County

Mine The dream is to be a wise king without having to do anything.

One day, the detector reported to the "King of Wisdom": The sea level in Shanghai is gradually rising, which will cause the entire China to be submerged; the global temperature is rising, which can easily cause the earth to turn into a desert; Some ice in the south of the Arctic is melting, which will cause several continents to be submerged...

After receiving the report, the "King of Wisdom" thought deeply: a Mars must be created in 2010. "Earth" modern science and technology base, ask astronauts to send scientists to Mars, and let scientists build a second global village on Mars; some inventors stay on the earth, ask them to invent many robots; the outer layer of the earth must also Create an atmosphere to prevent air from leaking out. If you plant trees in the atmosphere, there will be water when there are trees, and there will be air when there is water...

In 2070, disaster will befall the earth, and water will submerge the earth. I saw the "King of Wisdom" dispatching robots to rescue those trapped in the water. However, a crack appeared in the global village on Mars. Seeing that the fire was about to burn the earth, these robots blocked the fire again. When the power of these robots was about to run out, this crack was repaired. The earth was saved, and the "King of Wisdom" asked scientists to transfer some earthlings to Mars. From then on, there was peace and prosperity on the earth.

My dream came true, and I had a whimsical addiction to the king. Haha, comfortable! (500 words)

"Good words" Wisdom gradually leads to inventions and cracks to resist addiction

"Good words" - My dream is not to do anything, just to be a capable person The wise king. ——The dream came true, and I had a whimsical addiction to the king. Haha, comfortable!

"Highlights" Rich subject knowledge and strong awareness of protecting the earth.