Text/Shijian Xingchen

With the development of the times and society, children’s education has attracted more and more attention. But compared with school education, family education still has a long way to go.

The reason is that with the development of society, people's work pressure has increased and family education time has decreased. Compared with before, the traditional family structure and marriage and family concepts have undergone profound changes, and family functions have weakened. Problems such as the absence of tutoring work and the disconnection of family traditions and culture have become increasingly prominent.

The result is that the priority of children’s education is no longer a problem that most parents and family education consider, but has become a concern for teacher education and school education.

Note: What are first principles?

Aristotle’s original words: “In every systematic exploration, there is a first principle. This is the most basic proposition or assumption that cannot be omitted or deleted, nor can it be Violation. ”

Elon Musk’s original words: “Boring everything down to the basic nature of a matter and then reasoning from there is different from reasoning by analogy—copying what someone else did and then adding a little bit more. Change. ”

In one sentence, the first principle is to go back to the essence of things to think about problems, rather than analogies. In layman's terms, it means that you don't need to refer to existing experience, but start thinking from the source.

The first principle of education, that is, what is the essence of education?

The good book I want to recommend to you today is "Wise Parental Love" by Suhomlinsky. Although the title of the book is "Parental Love", the content of the book also contains suggestions for teachers, school education, and advice for young men and women before marriage.

Now let me talk about the insights I gained from the book in terms of "parental love".

Part 1: Parenting Pedagogy

1 It is the civic duty and social responsibility of parents to train and educate their children

Regarding this point, I My previous thought has always been: Educating one's children well is a good thing for yourself, your children, your family, and society, so it is something a person should do well. But it has never been so clear.

"A family is the smallest country, and a country is like thousands of families." As the song goes, the future and destiny of the family are closely linked to the future and destiny of the country and the nation. In this regard, when each of us gives life to another person, it also means that we have a responsibility to the society, the people, and the country. This responsibility is to send a true citizen to the society.

Mencius once said: "The foundation of the world lies in the country, the foundation of the country lies in the home, and the foundation of the family lies in the body."

2 Pay attention to the appeal of spiritual power

The spiritual power described by Suhomlinsky refers to "love". He believes that love is the greatest wealth of mankind. With love, there are means of education.

The spiritual power of this love first comes from the sincere love of parents. A young child will begin to understand the world from how his father treats his mother and how his mother treats his father, and form his or her initial concepts of good and evil.

The educational power of love lies in the fact that love is a beautiful obligation between people. Love means using the heart to perceive even the smallest spiritual needs of people. This ability to perceive people with the heart cannot be conveyed in words. It can only be shown to children through the example of their parents.

The second spiritual power of this love is to form a delicate, sincere, positive and clear family interpersonal relationship with parental love as the core. A family full of love and a good atmosphere is the best school to cultivate children's ideological and moral growth. In this warm school, children will learn to share and care, learn to think and act, learn to be diligent and enterprising, learn responsibility and responsibility, learn to be grateful and give...

Suhomlinski believes:< /p>

The most educational spiritual wealth is the mutual care and respect between family members.

3 Pay attention to the driving force of behavioral education

Speaking of this, I have to mention the documentary "Mirror" - China's first documentary that deeply explores family emotional education.

The film takes intergenerational emotional issues as the starting point, presents sociological samples of three families through objective and calm real records, and re-examines the problems faced by Chinese families in today's era from the new perspective of lack of emotional education. Emotional issues such as parent-child relationship and intimacy.

Behind "problem children" there is often a problematic family education model. Children are a mirror of the family, and the family is a mirror of society.

“This film is a mirror to me personally! Why does everyone become what they are today? I think this is a very important question. If you can answer why I am what I am today. , Including my personality, after you understand it, if you become a father or a mother, you will be more natural, calm and successful!" Director Fan Yongdong is also a father. He sees himself clearly through this "mirror", He saw his parents clearly and cut off the relationship with his father, which was the ultimate form of rebellion. However, during the two years of filming and production of "Mirror", he finally opened up his heart.

This documentary caused a great response. The principal of the High School Affiliated to Renmin University made a shocking statement after seeing this: Some parents are not qualified to be parents! Yu Minhong even said: Chinese parents never think that they are wrong! To educate children, we must first educate parents.

In this book, Suhomlinsky specifically mentioned the behavioral education of parents, which is similar to the ancient Chinese saying "Teaching by example is better than words." In order for behavioral education to have good results, parents must insist on self-education.

Suhomlinsky believes:

To educate children is to educate yourself. Parents' self-education is a powerful means of influencing their children.

By their very nature, children’s understanding of happiness is selfish. In their eyes, it is only natural for their elders to create happiness for them. Until they experience for themselves that labor and sweat are the most important sources of joy in their lives, they will always think that their mother and father live only for them. And this kind of personal experience will never happen spontaneously. It requires adult inspiration.

Dostoyevsky believed:

The family is built with uninterrupted labor of love.

Tolstoy:

Understanding the difficulties and needs of others is educating yourself. This is the best and most intuitive example.

If in a family, in the eyes of young children, the young father is always caring and helping his wife in every possible way, and the wife's busyness and hard work gradually become his busy and hard work, then the family will become an opposite. A school where children receive their emotional and moral education. No one deliberately taught them, but while educating himself, my father cultivated the qualities of diligence, kindness, enthusiasm, and carefulness in his children.

The previous point mentioned the important role of spiritual power. If you want to give full play to the role of spiritual power, you cannot do without parents constantly giving "love" to the family through self-education. Therefore, parents’ self-education firstly lies in love education, with love for partners as the core, and further expanded to love for family, friends, and society.

The kind of person you want your children to be, you must first be the kind of person you want to be.

Part 2: Wise Parents: How to use the authority of parents?

1. Combine clarifying the truth with requiring obedience

In Chinese education, whether it is family education or school education, children are often required to "obey" and "obey." He is a good baby and a good child.

In education, this process is indeed indispensable, because a child must first develop the habit of obedience, and then this habit will be reflected in his consciousness, and then he will gradually understand the principle of obedience. If the child's willful behavior is not checked, he will gradually develop the habit of misbehaving, which will become a matter of course over time.

But after the child becomes sensible, in order to achieve a better educational effect, it is best to explain the truth to him instead of blindly requiring the child to be obedient and obedient.

One thing to note here is that when parents require children to be obedient and obedient, the parents' request must be "reasonable" and not "tyrannical".

2 Parents’ educational opinions must be consistent

When educating children, parents must stand on the same stand without arguing. If grandparents are involved in the child’s education, , the same is true. Family education and school education should also maintain consistency in educational opinions.

Not to mention two generations, even couples often have differences on the issue of educating their children. However, this disagreement must not be expressed in front of the children. Either we must discuss and unify the opinions in advance, or we must make a final decision before educating the children.

If there is a dispute in front of children, on the one hand, the children may choose a side that is beneficial to them, on the other hand, they may not listen to anyone else. Either way, the authority of parents and the effectiveness of their children's education will be greatly compromised.

3 Say more "should" and less "can't"

This should be easy to understand. Say to your children more "you should be brave" instead of "you can't cry" . This is to prevent children from accumulating too many negative experiences.

But it’s really hard to do. During my postpartum period in the second half of 2016, I read this book and reminded myself of this. My child is now three years old, but what I often say is still "Don't put your toys away." "It's a mess", "You can't eat your hands"...

Suhomlinsky said:

Parents' rights are mainly reflected in encouraging, guiding and cultivating children's good behavior behavior rather than frequent stopping and correction.

Based on my personal experience, I would like to remind everyone to pay attention to this point.

4 Pay attention to the heart rather than being simple and crude

Parents should be very cautious when applying their parental authority, learn more about their children's hearts, and explore the boundaries of their own rights.

Grasp the boundaries of your own rights, and do not cross the boundaries at will to rashly and simply interfere with the child's heart. The less violent interference with children, the fewer secrets children will have, the more frank they will be with their parents, and they will not be estranged from their parents no matter how old they grow in the future.

Today’s article, this part of the content I personally compiled, may be more applicable to children. After all, I am the mother of a 3-year-old boy.

As mentioned at the beginning of the article, there are other contents in this book. It is suitable for readers who are new parents, young readers who are preparing to get married, and school leaders and teachers.

In the last part of the book, "Letter to Son" and "Letter to Daughter", a *** selected thirty letters written by Suhomlinsky to his children. It involves labor and effort, thinking and action, mediocrity and extraordinary, interest and persistence, ambition and belief, pop and art, university and reading, restraint and freedom, love and spouse selection, and also educates sons on how to get along with husband and wife, and how to treat mothers and women. , how to use time, etc.

Interested readers can read it by themselves. I will not explain it in detail here, but you are welcome to leave a message for communication at any time.