Soul Dialogue" 2007-05-14 20:48 Xi Murong "Soul Dialogue"

Before going to bed every night and after waking up every morning, I can't help but want to ask myself one question Question:

"What is it that I want?"

What is it that I want to grasp? How can we create a concrete image for it? How can we clarify its context?

The leaves of the maple tree outside the window have turned into a brilliant golden red. Another year is coming to an end, and the days are passing so fast! This goes on day and night, but I still haven't found the answer to my question. I have never been able to describe to you my mood at the moment in a few simple and clear words.

And you know how grateful I am and how much I cherish this moment! My heart has always been filled with a kind of hazy joy, a kind of hazy happiness, but I just can't say it out. Several times when the words come to my lips, I just can't say them out. It seems that there is a vague warning: if I say them, some things will happen. Some wonderful feelings will disappear.

And tonight, at the moment when I picked up the pen, a sentence suddenly entered my heart:

"There are always some things in the world that we can never explain or explain clearly. Yes, I must accept my own insignificance and my own powerlessness. "

Yes, before fate, I must admit my insignificance and powerlessness. I, who have always been competitive, am here. There is nothing left to argue about and control over.

That is to say: In this world, there are some things that you cannot draw an accurate picture of, once it becomes accurate. The most beautiful and cherished thing about it will disappear. There are some things that you cannot define in simple and clear sentences. When that definition appears decisively, its original gentlest and most touching qualities are gone.

So, I finally understand. I finally know that all the anxiety and uneasiness that have been bothering me for so many years are actually unnecessary and unwarranted! Because, there are some things in the world that are really unexplainable and do not need to be explained!

It turns out that if I want to paint and write poetry, it must be because I have a desire to paint and write in my heart, and it must be because my life can benefit from these two creative activities. , I get great joy and comfort; therefore, this is really a need of my own and a natural phenomenon. Why should I have to come up with a perfect and complete answer? The thing itself should be the most natural answer.

Actually, you have always understood and seen clearly. You have always known me, because you have always thought:

"There is nothing more beautiful than nature." Beautiful, more frank and sincere. "

Isn't it? If all things could grow, thrive, and mature according to the principles of nature, how many quiet and beautiful harvests would be added to this world!

A philosopher once told me that there are three types of people in the world. One is extremely sensitive. Therefore, when every phenomenon occurs, this kind of person can immediately make the correct response. To cope with various changes, they rarely make mistakes and therefore have no regrets or regrets. There is also a kind of person who is very slow. When he encounters any phenomenon or change, he is unaware of it and only wants to immerse himself in walking his own path. Therefore, even though he misses countless opportunities in his life, he never notices his own mistakes. Mistakes, therefore, there will be no regrets and regrets.

Then, the philosopher said: All artists belong to the middle class and do not have the acumen of wisdom, so they often make wrong decisions. However, he was not mentally slow, so his life was always filled with a feeling of regret.

However, it is because of this feeling of regret that human beings have produced so many beautiful works of art.

This philosopher is the same age as me, but his hair has turned gray due to his rich thoughts, but his face still retains a childlike enthusiasm.

Every time I talk to him, I always have the feeling that there is nothing to hide. It seems that whether it is my bad or my good, he can clearly see it in his eyes, and no matter how hard I try to hide or hide it, Revealing it has no effect at all, because he completely understands my essence.

So, is this the case for you too? No matter what kind of appearance appears in front of you, whether he is unprepared or fully prepared, can you still see through it? In front of you, will I always be the simplest version of myself?

"There is nothing more beautiful, more frank and more sincere than nature."

However, such a simplicity, such a nature, costs thousands of It takes one day and night, thousands of days and nights of tears and regrets to be conceived, it takes many trials and errors to filter it out, it takes many efforts of restraint and pursuit to get it, it takes tens of thousands of words. It can only be described!

What is "natural"? It should just be a kind of serious and hard-working growth. It should be nothing more than that. However, who in this world can truly know such serious and hard-working growth? Does anyone fully understand? Who can absolutely believe it? Who else? Who else can carefully clarify, describe, and remember everything for you from beginning to end?

No, no one, not even myself, in this world, I believe no one can carve out every detail and every trace of euphemistic thoughts in the process of growing up. No one be able to do this.

Many traces worth cherishing have disappeared in the years, in the wind and clouds. I ignored some intentionally or unintentionally, and forgot some more intentionally or unintentionally. Then, gradually and slowly, I transformed into the me I am today, the me standing in front of you. As you said: a simple and natural me.

However, I spent the first half of my life preparing for such a kind of simplicity and nature! I have spent decades preparing to meet you today. Please, please cherish it. Dear friend, I ask for nothing from you, I don’t ask for your praise, I don’t ask for your compliments, I don’t ask for your flowers and applause, I only ask for your understanding and cherishment.

We can only come to this world once, and we can only have one name. I am willing to use thousands of words to describe this kind of warm and hazy joy that can only be found in the human world. I am glad that I can be the kind of person in the middle. I do not envy Shangzhi, because they do not have setbacks or make mistakes. Although they do not shed tears, they also lose the happiness and comfort when they get the chance to make amends. .

In fact, the years have been passing away. Today’s gains will always turn into tomorrow’s losses. Today’s atonement cannot undo yesterday’s mistakes. Today’s hazy happiness will also turn into tomorrow’s hazy happiness. Sad, but no matter what, I always lived seriously and hard.

In any case, through my paintings and my poems, through these traces of my serious and hard work, I can finally get an echo, a kind of cries, and finally find that I It turned out that I was no longer alone and lonely.

Then, I can't help but ask myself:

"Is this the result I want?"

I want to grasp it Yes, is it just this kind of hazy joy and happiness when I write tonight? Is it just your understanding and cherishment?

"What exactly do I want?"