I also keep seeing such videos or reports. When tutoring homework, parents yell and scold, children cry, and everything becomes messy. What's more, my mother is so angry that she is hospitalized with a heart attack. Think about what a fierce "war" it is, but the result is both sides lose. Since then, when children think about homework, their parents feel pain when they think about homework!
In fact, all the reasons are that parents are not clear about their orientation. Whether homework is a child's business or a parent's business, this parent will say, "Do you still need to answer this?" . Well, since we know that doing homework is a child's business, why do parents have "homework anxiety"? They have crossed the line and asked for trouble. Some parents will say that children are young, they don't know how to seize the time, and they don't rush to finish on time; How difficult the homework is now, it won't be without tutoring the children ...
See if all these thoughts are your own worries, and then push them behind. Slowly, the children think: Anyway, there is a mother to worry about when doing homework, and she will remind them when playing for a while. No, there are parents to help. What are you afraid of? Children stay out of it, and doing homework becomes a matter for parents.
So, in the final analysis, the so-called homework anxiety is what you find yourself, and you deserve it. Of course, mothers will say that you can't ignore your children's study. How stressful is it now? So to completely solve (rather than alleviate) parents' homework anxiety, we should first be smart parents, return homework to children, and cultivate children's good study habits (good study habits and learning quality are the important guarantee for children to cope with learning pressure in the future). Parents should do the following:
1. Create a good learning atmosphere. Children should have their own study or a fixed place to do homework. When children do homework, parents should turn off the TV, put down their mobile phones and set a good example. Words and deeds are not as good as example, and example is not as good as culture. If parents love reading and learning, children can naturally enter the learning state quickly. If you just tell your children: Mom and Dad are working so hard, they still have to cook for you and take care of you. They are exhausted. Just watch TV and play with their mobile phones. We are adults. You have to do your homework well and be worthy of us! Think about whether the child can take it orally and concentrate on his homework.
2. Make preparations before learning: To the dismay of many parents, children's problems come out just after they sit down and start learning. They need to drink water, pee, find an eraser, and pick up comic books ...
Then mothers need to help their children develop good habits, that is, before doing homework, they should finish all the preparations such as drinking water and urinating and empty them.
3. Don't turn accompanying the baby into "staring" at the baby's homework. Many parents have gone into a misunderstanding. As soon as a child writes homework, his mother sits and stares at him, pointing out that this word is wrong and that question is wrong, and reminding him that his sitting posture is not correct, which not only causes resistance, but also is not conducive to the cultivation of concentration. Don't sit and stare at him at other times except when the child needs to tell him how to sit, hold the pen and write.
What a mother needs to do at this time is to do her own thing quietly and intently, and set a good example for her children. However, it is necessary to inform the children in advance that they should finish their homework carefully, and learn to think when encountering problems. It is really impossible to do other things first, and then they can ask their mothers for help and analyze and solve them with their mothers. This not only helps to cultivate children's concentration, but also helps to cultivate children's independent thinking ability and prevent them from developing the habit of dependence. Mothers should never step in, just guide and let their children think for themselves. When children see the fruits of thinking, they will become more and more confident.
4. Help children to establish a sense of time and the habit of completing their goals in stages. As parents, we must understand the laws of physical and mental development and learning characteristics of children at different ages. For primary school students, it is unrealistic to concentrate on doing one thing for a long time. According to psychologist Sean's 2-second theory, if a task can be started quickly within 2 seconds, the completion of the next task will be high. On the contrary, if it is more than 2 seconds, it will cause slack and brain delay. Therefore, it is necessary for children to understand that it is easy to do homework before it is difficult, so that children can decide the order of doing homework and learn to make plans. After completing a subject or a task, we should give encouragement in time, such as taking a break, sticking small red flowers on the finished homework, or drawing five stars on the scoreboard, so that children can gain a sense of accomplishment and cheer for the next task!
5. establish a positive link. When a child makes a mistake, don't shout and shout, guide slowly, and don't let the child associate doing homework with being scolded, which will cause fear for fear of making mistakes. It's best to let the children check their homework by themselves, and don't contract the task of checking homework again. When you say "finish the paper and check it well, ah" during the exam, will the children? Do you believe it?
When children finish their tasks, they should be encouraged to do the following in time:
1. Encourage the process, but not the results. For example, today, I saw that you have been very attentive and didn't run out, so that the homework was completed quickly and well.
2. Encourage quality, not talent, don't say "You are so smart", but say, look, you worked hard today, so you didn't make any mistakes.
3. Encourage concreteness rather than vagueness, for example, don't say that you are great, but specifically say, "I see that you are sitting in a correct posture and your handwriting is getting better and better." "I see that you have read the questions carefully and thought hard, and you have come up with every question by yourself, and there is nothing wrong with it."
4. Encourage not to link things unrelated to your study.
When urging their children to do their homework, many mothers will say: Write quickly, you can watch cartoons, eat snacks, play games, and so on. Then the children will link the learning objectives with these things, and will deal with them in order to achieve these goals.
Mom should say, are you happy to concentrate on your homework and write so well today?
do it again next time, right? Now you can do what you like!
Only by giving children specific and clear encouragement can they understand what they have done and how to do it, and the quality of homework can be guaranteed, and doing homework is a happy thing.
Finally, it is emphasized that the mother should remember that doing homework is the child's business, and he should take responsibility by himself and try his best not to shout, urge or nag. Some children are so playful that they forget their homework as soon as they play. When they think about it, they blame their mother for not urging them. There is also a side of playing, while the mother is urging, the child is not anxious or dry, and he will deal with you with "playing for a while" and make you anxious!
So in this case, let the children learn the lesson and take responsibility for themselves. When it's time to rest, let him make his own decision: either stay up late or turn off the lights and sleep at his own risk (wait for criticism at school). I have instructed several parents in this way, saying that children are still afraid of being criticized. It is very late, and they cry and write without parents' nagging, and they will have a long memory once.
At this time, parents need to be determined to refuse their children's unreasonable demands, such as helping to write, writing on their behalf, calling the teacher to plead, helping to lie, etc.
Generally speaking, accompanying the baby is a "technical job". To become a smart mother, mothers need to learn more and grow with their children. As the saying goes, "Parents take a small step to grow, and children take a big step to change".
Parents should not expect too much from their children. A mother in Wu Hanyou was so angry that she swallowed seven sleeping pills because of an argument over helping her son with his homework. The mood gradually calmed down, and Ms. Xu began to feel groggy, which made her a little scared and quickly told her husband. Subsequently, her husband immediately sent her to the Fourth Hospital of Wuhan for treatment. Murphy's law tells us that the more you are afraid of something, the more you will come, and the more you expect, the harder it will be to achieve anything. To educate children, we should not expect too much from them. Often, the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment. There is a saying in psychology that you can because you believe in it. Parents' attitude towards their children's grades is a kind of psychological suggestion. For example, when a child gets 59 points, his parents say that if you work harder, you can catch up with someone. On the contrary, a child who has scored 1 points for a long time will get 99 points one day and be punished when he comes back. This child will feel inferior. Children who have been nervous for a long time are prone to malfunction during the big exam. Therefore, instead of forcing the child to take the first place in the exam, it is better to encourage him to surpass himself and become better. Accept the imperfections of children. Every child is an apple bitten by God, and you should know how to appreciate the advantages of children. Adler, a famous Austrian psychologist, pointed out that parents' negative language will deprive children of hope. For example, I often say to my children: Look at other people's children and get a hundred points every time. Parents just compare their children's shortcomings with others' strengths, but ignore that their children also have their own advantages. Blind comparison psychology will destroy children's self-confidence and easily lead to their timid character. Educate children and control emotions with reason. When parents discipline their children with emotions, the children will not listen to you. For example, when getting up in the morning, some children are used to dawdling and don't get up after asking their mother to shout three times. Wait until mom really gets angry, then get up quickly. After a long time, you will find that the degree of your yelling is inversely proportional to the degree of your child's obedience. The more you yell at him, the less you listen, and slowly you will confront your parents and learn to solve problems with emotions. The correct way is to let go of emotions, understand the child's thoughts and try to understand his inner feelings. Make an agreement with him in advance that you must get up at 7: 1, and don't dawdle. When communicating, parents often look at their children, because eyes are the windows to the soul. When he lied one day, you can see it at a glance. Reward system, list a table, score his daily behavior, and agree how much the total score exceeds after half a year, and reward gifts to bring motivation to children. Accompany your baby to do homework and avoid yelling. In recent years, accompanying your baby to do homework has always been a pain point for parents. Some of them have a cerebral infarction and heart disease because of accompanying their baby to do homework, and the parent-child relationship has become increasingly tense. To this end, the headmaster of Huanggang Middle School expressed his views and did not appreciate parents tutoring their children's homework every day. My child just entered the first grade, and when she came back, the teacher also assigned a lot of homework. I only read the questions to her and let her think for herself. We will also discuss interesting topics together, such as two different shapes of water, which cup has more water? I deliberately told the child the opposite result, and then let the child's father evaluate it. The child's father will announce the correct answer, and then slowly analyze with the child why it is this answer. In this way, children have deepened their impression of this problem through independent thinking and discussion, and they are not afraid of making mistakes when they encounter similar problems in the future. Parents had to relax, but the big deal was that their children didn't finish their homework well and were criticized by teachers in class. I can't help but lose my temper with my child. Remember to apologize to my child. If you yell at my child carelessly, remember to calm down in time and apologize to my child. A timely "sorry" from parents can make children change their mood and behavior track. In the book The Power of Apology, the 3R principles of apology are mentioned: regret, responsibility and remedy. Expressing regret is the best first step. You can say: I'm sorry, baby. It's mom's fault that she lost her temper with you today. Mom shouldn't do this. Secondly, take the consequences for your actions and don't pass the buck. For example, we yelled at the child for dragging his homework. We can say: I shouldn't be angry with you. I'm sorry for not considering the reason why you are slow. Finally, to remedy the damage caused by our yelling, we can tell our children: I will try my best to control my temper in the future and stop yelling at you. Will you forgive my mother? Parents' sincere apologies can heal the scars left in their children's hearts because of yelling, and they can feel our hearts when they educate their children next time. Don't underestimate the child's psychological endurance. The child also has self-esteem. Maybe he will take the initiative to do his homework. Mr. Lu Xun said that when he was young, he was not treated as a human being, but when he grew up, he could not be a real adult. As for accompanying the baby to do homework, my suggestion is that parents should learn to let go and give her the opportunity to finish her homework independently. In fact, it is often parents who really need to be "educated" in the process of raising children. In the world, there are no children who can't teach well, only parents who don't know how to discipline their children. They can't choose which family their children are born in and what kind of parents they have. But as parents, they have a choice. The road to raising children has a long way to go. Parents will always walk on the road of learning, constantly learn from experience and enrich themselves!
"anxiety" is an emotion that everyone will have. For adults, some anxiety is not a big deal. After all, adults have already had their own unique ways to relieve anxiety, but for children, they simply don't know how to release their anxiety. Some time ago, a friend asked me this question. Their children have a big problem, that is, they always show a few anxieties when they write their homework. Once someone approaches or bothers him, he is extremely manic and nervous.
Even her parents do. For this reason, she even wants to negotiate with the teacher to cancel the children's homework, but obviously the teacher will not agree to this method. After all, homework is something that every child must experience in life.
In fact, it is very simple to solve children's anxiety when they are doing homework. Parents can completely customize their children's homework schedule every day, just like the class schedule when they are in class. When children see such a form at home, they will have an inexplicable sense of familiarity in their hearts, which will greatly improve his learning effect and may even make him forget what he is doing at home at this time.
When children think that they are still at school, they naturally don't feel anxious about doing homework. However, parents should pay attention to one thing, that is, to control the time for children to do homework. When making the curriculum, it is best to know the daily homework of children first, and make sure to leave enough rest time for children in the middle.
In addition, after the child finishes his homework, please give him enough free time. This is the so-called study method of combining work with rest. If you only arrange the study time and forget to give your child rest time, then his anxiety will only get worse and worse, and may get out of control in the end.
In addition, parents can also combine homework with games, so that children can feel fun from homework instead of the so-called pressure, so that they will not feel that homework is