There is a saying that goes well: tolerate ovarian cysts for a while and take a step back to treat breast hyperplasia. If the consequence of being polite is that you will get sick out of anger, then you have to consider your own health and not do it for what is not worth it. People sacrifice their emotions. What's more, those who don't respect others have no psychological problems at all. How can you bear to see bad people in good health and live a long life, while you, a good person, are plagued by diseases?
Book Introduction
The author of this book is the famous Yang Tianzhen. Maybe you have never heard of her name, but you must know Fan Bingbing. After all, she was the national goddess back then. Her reputation as a Four Danshuang Bing can be said to be heard all over the country. But what did Fan Bingbing rely on to become a first-line actress? Probably because of that genius "Fan Ye" character. At a time when female stars are all dignified, virtuous and beautiful, the handsome "Ye Fan" has become a breath of fresh air as soon as he appears on the scene.
The idea of ??"Fan Ye" comes from our protagonist Yang Tianzhen, Fan Bingbing's former agent.
She is very flamboyant and has a personality. She went to a rant conference and suddenly wanted to do the split on the stage. There was no reason or explanation, so she did the split on the spot in an expensive evening dress.
She has a very hard-working attitude. She went to work as a career mentor in a girl group show. Faced with these young girls, she asked "Do you want a successful life or a happy life?" Matters of the heart.
She knows she is fat but is still confident and even created her own plus-size women's clothing brand.
She knows that many people hate her but doesn't care. She still completes her work with high quality, because she wants to use her strength to make others respect her even if they hate her.
How did she become so arrogant and yet so successful? Come and learn her new career ideas together!
You will get
1. How does she deal with her emotions under the pressure of work in the entertainment industry?
2. How does she win the support of her partners every step of the way in Vanity Fair?
Hello dear friends, long time no see, I miss you so much
The author of the book I want to share with you today is the famous Yang Tianzhen. Maybe you have never heard of her name, but you must know Fan Bingbing. After all, she was the national goddess back then. Her reputation as a Four Danshuang Bing can be said to be heard all over the country.
But Fan Bingbing's only successful work is the "Golden Lock" in "Huanzhugege". How did she become a first-line actress?
Probably because of that genius "Fan Ye" character. At a time when female stars are all dignified, virtuous and beautiful, the handsome "Ye Fan" has become a breath of fresh air as soon as he appears on the scene.
The idea of ??"Fan Ye" comes from our protagonist Yang Tianzhen, Fan Bingbing's former agent.
In addition to Fan Bingbing, the artists she has single-handedly promoted include independent women Zhang Yuqi, My First Half of Life Ma Yili, little vlog princess Ouyang Nana, etc. All of them rely on personality to get out of the circle.
By chance, she took her artists on a variety show called "My Agent and I". This variety show made many people discover that the real power behind those shining stars The person is actually her. This person who was supposed to be behind the scenes suddenly came to the stage, and people saw more of her.
For example, she is very flamboyant and has a personality. She went to a rant conference and suddenly wanted to do the split on the stage. She didn’t even have a reason or explanation, so she did the split on the spot in an expensive evening dress.
For example, she has a very hard-working attitude and works as a workplace mentor in a girl group show. Faced with these young girls, she asks, "Do you want a successful life or a happy life?" Heartbreaking question.
For example, she knows she is fat but is still confident, and even created her own plus-size women's clothing brand.
For example, she knows that many people hate her but doesn't care, and still completes her work with high quality, because she wants to use her strength to make others respect her even if they hate her.
I never understood how she could be so arrogant and successful before. After reading this book, I discovered Yang Tianzhen’s unique guide to doing things. In her world, the most important thing is her own feelings, and the second most important thing is the feelings of her work partners. Comments from other netizens are classified as unimportant, or they are something she is unwilling to spend time dealing with.
So how does she take care of her own feelings, how does she take care of the feelings of her work partners, and how does she succeed with these two points?
Let’s first talk about how Yang Tianzhen takes care of his own feelings. In fact, there is only one secret, which is to be direct.
Where is she directly reflected? That is, she dares to say "I hate you!" and "None of your business!" to people's faces.
This is too reckless! But Yang Tianzhen firmly believes that this is a good solution for everyone.
What? When you hear this, you may feel very ridiculous. How can it be better to tell people "I hate you"?
But the question is, please think about it carefully, why do we think it is bad to say this in person?
Ah, you may have some instructing faces of elders, and perhaps some famous quotes from successful people, appearing in your mind now. They are always telling you to keep your emotions and anger hidden, and to control your emotions. Keep your emotions in check, otherwise you are not considered an adult.
But if you take a closer look, you will find that the true identity of many so-called successful people is nothing more than success lecturers, who make a living by selling this kind of thick and dark science. Theories sell best-selling books and lectures, and career achievements may not be as good as those of you and me.
As for the elders, they always like to brag when facing us juniors. After all, really powerful people want to break their time into several petals and spend it. Calculated, they may make money every second. With tens of thousands of dollars, why waste time on us?
Therefore, at this time, you should listen more to what the truly successful person Yang Tianzhen said. Anyway, she thinks these words are all nonsense and does not understand what real communication is at all. In the workplace No one can completely get rid of emotions.
For example, the person you hate is most likely someone who gets angry when you see them and feels like you can’t communicate with them, right? In fact, there may not be any reason for this. It's just that your natural aura is inconsistent. God has arranged that this person will be your enemy in this life. What can you do?
But if you are destined to have such a fate, your boss will ask you to work on a big project with him. When it's time for a meeting, you say something east and the other person says something else. You think it's good to do this, and the other person thinks it's good to do that. You can't get angry. You have to maintain a cooperative attitude at all times, understand the other party wholeheartedly, and even make appropriate concessions. Then you spend most of your time controlling your emotions, right? How do you do this? Just confirming the plan will probably take a year and a half, right?
Help, by the way, if you could really do this, or if the other person could do this, you would have been good friends holding hands long ago. How could you get to the point where you hate each other? ?
In short, having to deal with annoying people, going to work is like visiting a grave, and depression is like a work-related injury.
Therefore, protecting one's emotions is the prerequisite for starting a job, and Yang Tianzhen's approach is to be straightforward and tell the person "I hate you!" and then let the person decide whether to have sex with him or not. ***thing.
This actually completes a communication, because in this case, the right to choose is handed over to this person. If the other party decides not to, then the two of them have a tacit understanding to take a step back and ensure that decent. If you decide to do it, then the other party is actually mentally prepared to face all possible situations, and will also have some scruples in behavior. It is better for two people to consciously control their emotions than for one person to madly anger us out of ignorance.
In addition, Yang Tianzhen believes that the sense of boundaries in communication like this is very important.
For the other person, dislike means that we don’t want to spend even a little time on this person. Telling the other person “I hate you” will make the boundary clear, which can improve each other’s efficiency.
For our potential homosexual friends, this sentence "I hate you" can give them accurate signals, allowing them to avoid putting us together with each other, which also gives us convenience .
To the wider public, this is actually our statement, stating our bottom line and the three views that we cannot accept, and euphemistically informing everyone that we are different and do not want to work together. If this is unacceptable, please take a detour.
For ourselves, aren’t we working hard just to be able to have financial freedom and emotional freedom one day? Since work is ultimately about freedom, why not let yourself live a little more freedom now and make good use of our right to say "no".
As for telling people in person, "It's none of your business!", it's even easier to understand.
You must have had this experience in your life. For example, your child’s grades are not as good as other people’s children. During the Chinese New Year, there will always be unsighted relatives nagging you. , let’s talk about your child’s grades in a moment. Seeing that you and your husband are both good at reading, how come the child you gave birth to doesn’t have as good grades as my family’s xxx? After a while, he said, "Hey, I heard that your child can't calm down in class. Do you want to take some medicine?" He even engages in pyramid schemes to sell you so-called smart drugs that he found from nowhere, without even realizing that he has offended us.
Faced with such people, Yang Tianzhen’s advice is to just say it back: “It’s none of your business!”
Because they obviously don’t realize that the way they speak makes them We are very uncomfortable, and it is not just once or twice, but continues to be so without changing. This shows that they do not care about the feelings of the people listening, they only think about themselves, and even want to harm you under the guise of caring about you.
To be fair, we have no obligation to care about their feelings. We even have to embarrass such people in public, so that we can become famous in one battle and avoid future troubles. People tend to bully the weak and fear the strong. The more you give in, the easier it is for the other party to gain an advantage. If you are stubborn, the other party will be afraid of you and want to please you in everything. Not only that, you also need to show off to others at this time and tell them not to treat you as a weakling.
But I also understand you. We have been taught to be polite and good children since we were young. How could we do such an rude thing? But to be honest, as people have grown up, it’s time to wake up. Politeness is something that always makes others comfortable but makes oneself uncomfortable. Since when do the most polite people suffer the most? The other party is obviously very rude, but we still have to create a harmonious conversation atmosphere when the other party is not cooperative. Why?
There is a saying that goes well, tolerate ovarian cysts for a while, and take a step back to treat breast hyperplasia. If the consequence of being polite is that you will get sick out of anger, then you have to consider your own health, and don't do it for what is not worth it. People sacrifice their emotions. What's more, those who don't respect others have no psychological problems at all. How can you bear to see bad people in good health and live a long life, while you, a good person, are plagued by diseases?
We mentioned above that we should take care of our own feelings, establish good boundaries, and directly respond to people we dislike when we face them. So, what about when we face people we like? How can we take care of their feelings and maintain a good relationship with them?
Yang Tianzhen believes that taking care of other people's feelings means having love.
And love means putting an end to correct nonsense like "drink more hot water" and completely giving up discussing "who is right and who is wrong" in cooperation.
Why is "drink more hot water" correct nonsense?
I believe many people will have this question. Drinking hot water is obviously good for the body, such as promoting digestion and absorption, detoxifying and beautifying, etc. Why is this sentence so unpopular?
Knock on the blackboard! Because when everyone knows that "drinking more hot water" is good for you, this sentence has no additional information and becomes correct nonsense.
But what is the inner expectation of the person you are talking to?
For example, when a girl tells her boyfriend that her aunt is in pain, has she not known to drink more hot water after living for more than 20 years? Do we need to tell her? At this time, it needs to be made clear that the matter of aunt's pain cannot be solved, otherwise it would have been solved long ago and would not be delayed until now. Then she could only endure this pain silently. In the process of enduring it, the only thing she wanted was to be seen, understood, and comforted.
If the other party always says uninformative words to the other party when he wants to be seen, understood, and comforted, and even feels that he is particularly reasonable, then why is the other party so unreasonable and unreasonable? It's like in the game, your teammate has low health and sends you a signal for help, and you say, you should do this and that and you won't have any remaining health. The question is, why are you saying this at this time? What's the point? use? What's more, not only does it not increase health, but it also gives you a big move to severely hit your teammates. This not only accelerates the death of teammates with residual health, but also gives the enemy an opportunity to take advantage of it. It would be strange if your relationship didn't break up like this!
In fact, there are many such correct nonsense. For example, when we are anxious about whether tomorrow's activities will achieve the expected results, there are always people who like to say "don't be afraid", "don't be nervous" and "it doesn't matter".
The question is, will I stop being nervous if you tell me not to be nervous? Not only does it deny our emotions, but it also gives useless suggestions, which seems to have done something, but in fact it just adds to the trouble for us. Just like this, if we get angry, we may get the reputation of being a dog biting Lu Dongbin and not recognizing good people.
Regarding this matter, whether it is us or our colleagues or friends who are emotionally broken, the correct approach is to let us or our colleagues or friends say it until we feel comfortable. If you say it, you can relieve tension and anxiety, why not? If we are more capable, we can also effectively help the other person's mood improve by constantly affirming the other person, such as using more words such as "You are great", "I believe in you", "I will definitely support you", etc.
Therefore, communication is not only a verbal exchange, but also an emotional exchange. Don't rush to solve the problem, first see the other person's emotions. When the emotions are resolved, sometimes the problem disappears.
Not only correct nonsense like "drink more hot water" should not be said, talking about "who is right and who is wrong" will also affect the relationship.
For example, in the question "Drink more hot water" just now, do you really want to say "Drinking more hot water is right, I'm right, it's her balabalaba, so what?"?
If you don’t understand some of the requirements of your partners in the workplace, do you also want to say, “Oh, why do our partners think like this? Do they understand? What should I do?” Only then can you tactfully remind them that what you said is wrong?”
To be honest, if you really say it, you will be finished!
Where is the end? Many people don't quite understand why, and even think that they are particularly principled.
In fact, Yang Tianzhen concluded that talking about "who is right and who is wrong" will bring at least three disadvantages.
First, talking about "who is right and who is wrong" will cause communication to enter an endless loop.
If you think you are right, then the other party is wrong, but the question is, is the other party willing to be the wrong party?
No one is willing, which is why we think it is very courageous to dare to admit mistakes, but we should not be lenient on ourselves and strict on others. Considering that everyone is unwilling to admit that they are wrong, the next The situation can be predicted, that is, both sides will fall into a struggle for the right to speak in the dialogue. In the fight, they may forget why they were fighting in the first place, and only use their emotions. To be honest, at this point, what’s the point of communication?
Second, talking about “who is right and who is wrong” reveals how little we know.
There are differences between people. This difference is reflected in the amount of information or knowledge that each person has.
For example, your knowledge is a circle and my knowledge is another circle. The less overlap between the two circles, the less knowledge we have and the less knowledge we have. Difficulty understanding each other.
In other words, there is no right or wrong between you and me. It is just because we know each other too little that we mistakenly think that the other person is wrong.
In real life, we often forget that doing this requires professionalism because the things we discuss seem very ordinary, which is not something we take for granted.
For example, many people think that communication is not something that people are born with, but in fact, according to what we have said before, there are actually so many ways in this matter that we did not know before learning. . And this counter-intuitive knowledge is the circle of professionals.
Third, talking about "who is right and who is wrong" blocks more possibilities.
Right means that you are 100% on this matter, but in the process of cooperation, this rarely happens.
The most common thing is that you put forward an opinion of 70 points, and the other party put forward an opinion of 90 points. If you can combine the two opinions, instead of having to choose one, it may actually be born. Better ideas.
Regarding these three points, Yang Tianzhen also gave his own solution.
First of all, don’t try to convince the other party that you are right, don’t use your own opinions to overwhelm or conquer the other party, but stand on the same front with the other party and make the other party feel that everyone is just using different methods. If you use this method to solve problems, your resistance will be much smaller.
Secondly, we need to ask ourselves more, is this really that simple?
After realizing the gap between us and professionals, we need to immediately supplement the knowledge in the other party's field and try to expand the part that can achieve the best knowledge in a short period of time. For example, if your girlfriend's aunt is in pain, then you have to supplement your aunt's relevant knowledge, and even make your girlfriend feel that you know better than she does. This can greatly promote the other party's recognition of you.
Finally, fully absorb the opinions of both parties, compare and contrast details repeatedly, and use the perspective of progress and movement to sort out and confirm.
Because not everyone knows clearly at the beginning what I want to do with this thing. The truth becomes clearer with more debate. We can have a general direction when we start communicating, but during the communication process, we need to constantly fine-tune specific goals and methods.
For example, Yang Tianzhen will constantly ask the other party's needs and cut the needs into very specific points: "Do you want this content to be strong or gentle?" "Do you want the ending of the copy to have a sense of certainty or an extension?" "Should I start with a story or a set of data?"
In this way, the other party's needs will gradually become more detailed and concrete, and the details will naturally become clear. .
More importantly, when our handling method is infinitely close to the other party's default, a sense of trust in communication will be established. People always prefer things that look like themselves.
Okay, at this point, let’s review what we have learned before.
For Yang Tianzhen, the most important thing is his own feelings, and the second most important thing is the feelings of his work partners.
How to take care of your own feelings? That's direct. Just dare to say "I hate you!" and "None of your business!" to people's faces.
Taking care of your partner's feelings means having affection. It is to put an end to correct nonsense like "drink more hot water" and completely give up discussing "who is right and who is wrong" in cooperation.
Have you learned these 4 tips? Use it actively in your life! I look forward to seeing your successful examples and sharing your experiences in the comment area!