How to avoid the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

How to avoid the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law refers to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a family. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a special and difficult interpersonal relationship. It is generally easy to become dysfunctional. Therefore, there are many issues that need to be paid attention to when getting along. The following is about how to avoid the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. How to avoid the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law 1

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the beauty of creating distance

Since I got married, many people have asked me about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I have discovered that in today’s society, the problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is still there. It is very common, and many problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will also evolve into marital problems. Many married women say that if they do not get along well with their mother-in-law, it will affect their relationship with their significant other. I see that the Internet is full of endless discussions about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. War, I often wonder how smart girls today can deal with this thorny issue that has existed for thousands of years.

The first and most important point is: "Don't live together." Because living together will definitely cause friction in life, and seeing each other for a long time will have the "beauty of distance." Think about it, if you live at home every day, your parents will definitely talk back and quarrel when you see them! But if you go to study or work in another place and only go back once in a long time, your relationship with your parents will be particularly good and you will feel homesick for the same reason.

In fact, I am surprised that in today's society, many people live with their parents-in-law (or are required to live together), because almost all my friends are small families, and there are very few The situation of living with parents-in-law, but after seeing many people discussing it online, I realized that there are actually many people who have no choice but to live with parents-in-law.

Filial piety means respect rather than obedience

Some people will use the word "filial piety" as a reason to live together, but if If you are not happy living together, it is not filial! Isn’t it filial to someone who doesn’t live with you? It's not like this partiality covers the whole story.

If the partner you meet does not want to move away from your original family and just wants you to adapt to his family, you should actually consider carefully whether he is a mama's baby or is too dependent on his original family. Heavy, or just for convenience, because someone helps him do housework, pay for water and electricity, and save rent... So, is he a person with no shoulders and no sense of responsibility?

I think filial piety should be more appropriately defined in terms of "mutual respect", rather than that younger generations must "obey" their elders, or that elders must rely on majesty to order younger generations. In this era, "respect" is actually the form of true love. If you need to obey, surrender, or command or control the other person, such a family relationship will also make people feel very stressed and unhappy.

I often laugh and say that "filial piety" and "Mama's baby" are two different things. We appreciate a person who is filial to his parents and polite to his elders, but it does not mean that he is not independent, has no own ideas, relies on everything, and "Children" who obey their parents or use their parents as a shield. After reading more about the problems that many people encounter with their babies, you will find that "Mama's baby" and "Mama's baby" are actually a kind of biological relationship. They depend on each other and drag each other down. In fact, they are all problems of not being independent enough.

You have to make it clear at the beginning that you don’t want to live together.

Many people will ask: “How do you move out if you don’t live together?” In fact, if you don’t want to accept it at the beginning, don’t compromise. If you accept it, how can you easily change it later? It's easy to live together, but it's hard to move out!

So if you really don’t want to live together, you have to make it clear from the beginning. If the other person still forces you, or feels that you are making him unfilial and unloving enough, then you can also admit it. Understand that the other person is actually just someone who cares about your own feelings. Even if you are wronged together, things that will make you wronged will continue to happen in the future.

I think when you get into marriage, there are really a lot of ugly things to say upfront, that is, what you want and what you don’t want, your principles, your bottom line, the lifestyle you want, and your family The division of labor and financial planning must be explained clearly before marriage, so as to avoid quarreling over these matters in the future when practical problems arise one by one. Therefore, it is more important to have knowledge first.

Many people will say that it is not easy to buy a house in today's society, so they have to live with their parents-in-law. However, not every couple has to buy a house at the beginning. They can rent a house according to their ability. Renting a house is much easier and there will be no pressure at the beginning. The main thing is that the couple should have their own space and create their own family, so that they can truly have the feeling of belonging to their own family, instead of relying on others and sharing space with others without having their own privacy.

The most beautiful distance is not the closest distance

Not only the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also interpersonal relationships. The best and most beautiful distance to get along with a person is not the closest distance.

Even if you are getting along with your significant other, you don’t have to be together 24 hours a day, and you have to be aware of his whereabouts at all times. You have to do everything “together” to have a good relationship. In fact, everyone needs their own space. Once in a while, they can be alone and busy with each other's own affairs. The relationship will be better when they meet, and it will be less likely to quarrel over trivial matters and become a situation where "both hate each other".

When people get along with each other, many living habits and values ????are different. Maintain a good distance of friendship and do not have to be unhappy over some small problems in each other's living habits, so treat mother-in-law as a "female" "Friendship" relationship, we just need to feel love and friendship happily and positively, and don't be unhappy because of the differences in each other's lives. Isn't this great? How to avoid the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law 2

1. Even if you don’t live together, you still care and greet me

Even if you don’t live with your mother-in-law, you still have time to send a text message or make a phone call Say hello. In fact, these "little efforts" can make the elders happy. Wouldn't it be great to prepare gifts to surprise them during the holidays? Gifts are absolutely indispensable, and they are small things that can be solved with money.

Keeping care and greetings at a good distance will make the family relationship better. When you live together, you will only see what is not good enough about each other and what is not pleasing to your eyes. But if you see each other for a long time, everyone is very happy, so naturally you will not find faults, right?

In particular, many parents who have children are prone to have different parenting concepts with their elders. Unhappiness may arise in raising children, so they should not live together to increase the chance of friction.

2. Understand the mother-in-law’s personality and prescribe the right medicine

I think the most important thing is not to regard the mother-in-law as an imaginary enemy. Many times she means well and cares, but the expression of The method may be wrong, or you may not know how to convey it, leading to some communication misunderstandings and mutual misunderstandings.

Many problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are caused by a lack of understanding of each other. Because of their different personalities, there will always be friction when they get along. If there is poor communication, small problems will arise. It will become a big problem.

For example, my mother-in-law knew my personality very well from the beginning. I am a person who speaks directly when I have something to say, is not good at duplicity, is not very good at guessing, and is not very good at understanding hints (that is to say, I She is a careless girl, and her thoughts are really not delicate)

So when my mother-in-law communicates with me, she doesn’t mince words and speaks directly. I also tell her what I have in mind (of course, I have to express it politely), so if I understand the other person's personality and communicate, there will be no misunderstandings.

So if my mother-in-law needs anything, she will tell me directly. Our straightforward personalities are actually very similar. She also thinks that I communicate well and is not afraid of saying the wrong thing to make me think. too much. (Because I just don’t think enough!)

Many people are afraid to speak their thoughts when facing their elders, especially when facing their mother-in-law, which makes many girls suppress their thoughts and just think To accommodate or cooperate. But in fact, I am not happy in my heart, and it is not what I want. I think this is too hard, and if you cooperate painfully for a long time, the other party will think that this is what you want, so why bother?

3. Be polite to yourself

When facing my parents-in-law, my own way is to "be polite to myself". It is not to suppress myself or pretend to be someone else. I still keep my own ideas and practices, but I will express and communicate in a "polite" way.

Again, there is no disadvantage in being "sweet". If your mother-in-law is nice to you, you must not hesitate to say thank you. Say it loudly and make her feel warm. Being sweet doesn't mean being hypocritical, it means knowing how to say nice things and knowing how to put gratitude on your lips. I think this is also a kind of "polite".

Also, you must know how to "praise", praise your husband (her son) in front of your mother-in-law, and praise your mother-in-law in front of your husband, hey! In this way, you can take care of both sides at the same time, and everyone will be happy.

Also, you need to let your mother-in-law know how good you are to her son and how much you pay. This is very important. Let her know that you take good care of her son. To be more precise, her son depends on you to take care of and take care of her, so she will know to treat you better. After all, her son will spend the rest of his life. It’s up to you! (laughing)

My mother-in-law's most wise saying is: "I have to be good to my wife, and she will be good to my son." So my mother-in-law is very good to me, and I am also very good to her son. . Isn’t this a win-win situation? How to avoid the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law 3

(1) No matter how unreasonable her mother-in-law is, do not quarrel with her

Even if your mother-in-law is wrong again, if you start a fight with her, it will be your fault. . This is not to ask you to be an ostrich. Although you are a new-age woman and can defy all stereotypes, please don’t forget that this is China. This society still does not tolerate disobedient people. Although quarreling with your mother-in-law is not necessarily considered disobedient, in China In the eyes of others, as a junior daughter-in-law, it is disobedient for a daughter-in-law to quarrel with her mother-in-law!

They will think you have no tutor! If you say you don't have a tutor, the target is not you alone, but your parents as well. Do you want to hear your parents being discussed for their own reasons?

(2) Don’t speak ill of your mother-in-law in front of your husband

We don’t like our mother-in-law to speak ill of ourselves in front of our husbands. Similarly, as a mother-in-law, we don’t like our daughter-in-law to speak ill of her son. Chatting in one's ears.

Especially nowadays, many men are very foolish and filial. Even if he knows that his mother-in-law is wrong, he will still say that you just have to endure it, that's his mother!

(Unfortunately, it seems that many wives now, including myself, have encountered such a gnawing husband!) In this case, you will not achieve your own goal by saying bad things about your mother-in-law, and it will be even worse. It may make your husband feel disgusted with you.

After all, if you love your parents very much and your husband talks bad about them in front of you, can you guarantee that you won’t jump eight feet high? But this does not mean that we have to swallow our mother-in-law's domineering attitude. At this time, we need to use our wisdom. You can create an opportunity for your husband to see with his own eyes how your mother-in-law bullies you. If possible, you might as well be As her husband shed tears of grievance, she left the rest to her husband.

If your husband is still so insensitive, then don’t be polite and take out the anger your mother-in-law gave you on him! If such a husband doesn't treat him to a "sandwich biscuit" and still takes care of it, he would be really sorry for his filial piety!

(3) Don’t speak ill of your mother-in-law in front of outsiders

Some people may scold me. Is there anything wrong? I am angry with my mother-in-law, but I can’t tell my husband or outsiders. Is there any justice? Yes, this seems very difficult to achieve. Just look at the bloody and tearful accusations of sisters in the forum, and you will know how many bitter and tearful wives there are in the world! And when my friends usually get together, the person they talk about the most seems to be the evil mother-in-law at home! Chinese wives are miserable!

But the outsiders here refer specifically to people who know both themselves and their mother-in-law. It’s okay to complain in the forum, but if you speak ill of your mother-in-law in front of these people, you are not afraid of being criticized. One day, did your words reach the ears of your mother-in-law after being embellished with jealousy? Of course, family scandals should not be made public, but more importantly, don't be looked down upon like Xiang Lin's wife.

Even if you know that your mother-in-law speaks ill of you in front of outsiders, don't retaliate with tooth for tooth or eye for eye. If you do this, what's the difference between you and your mother-in-law with a long tongue? A smart daughter-in-law will do this: If my mother-in-law talks bad about me in front of others, I will talk about my mother-in-law's good things in front of others in a high-profile way!

Don’t worry that this will substantiate the charges your mother-in-law accuses you of. Please believe in the saying "Justice lies in the heart of the people." Your mother-in-law criticized you in every possible way, but you repaid evil with kindness. Which one is right and which one is wrong? Is it clear at a glance? When those people tell your words back to your mother-in-law, look at her and she won’t die of shame!

(4) If you live with your mother-in-law, don’t run back to your parents’ house just because you are angry

When I write this, I actually envy having my parents’ house to go back to. My sisters, because my natal family is out of town, I basically have no natal family to return to, but this saves my parents from worrying. Although sometimes you feel wronged and run back to your parents' home, it feels quite relieved when your husband humbly comes to take you home. Maybe your parents won't scold him, but they may at most condemn him with their eyes, but have you ever thought about your husband's feelings?

If this happens too many times, every man will be annoyed and decide not to tolerate your problem in the future, and this trick will not work. Especially for a daughter-in-law who lives with her mother-in-law, don't resort to this trick easily. If your mother-in-law tells you: Don't come back after you leave this door!

Or your husband wants to show his authority in front of your mother-in-law and say this to you. Are you ready to walk out of the house without hesitation and without looking back, or are you ready to put down your luggage and go back to the room? Cry? Even if you can get out and eventually come back, aren't you afraid that the first thing your mother-in-law will say to your husband after you go out is "divorce her"?

(5) Respect your mother-in-law as much as you love your mother, but do not base it on repayment.

Many times, as daughters-in-law, we always think that as good as we are to our mother-in-law, her mother-in-law must be as good to us, or even better. But in fact, I think respecting your mother-in-law is more about respecting your mother-in-law from the bottom of your heart. After all, your mother-in-law is the elder. She has worked hard to raise your husband. For this reason, you should respect your mother-in-law and love her. , just like you love your own mother.

But you can’t ask your mother-in-law the same way you ask your own mother, let alone ask your mother-in-law in return, because she gave you the most caring son in her life to take care of you, which is the greatest reward for you. If you think about it this way, then many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships can be good.

Especially modern young women with higher education should understand this truth deeply. Only love and respect that comes from the heart and has no grudges can lead to a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

(6) Sometimes you have to learn to be coquettish in front of your mother-in-law

There is no need to be as strong as a shield in front of your mother-in-law, and you can’t rub a grain of sand in your eyes. Pay attention to small things and your career in big things, so that your mother-in-law will worry about you because of your life, and even more admire you because you have your own opinion.

(7) Don’t be intimate with your husband in front of your mother-in-law

That will make your mother-in-law jealous. Your mother-in-law has carried your husband since he was a child, but when your son grows up, how many I will kiss my mother on the face for the first time - so be careful, if you want to be affectionate, close the door and let you go.

(8) Always stand on her mother-in-law’s side in front of her.

If there is a conflict between your husband and your mother-in-law, you must criticize your husband and comfort your mother-in-law. Because many mothers-in-law will think that some changes in their sons are due to having a daughter-in-law, so be sure to let your mother-in-law know that you are on the same side as her, so that she will help you when you have difficulties in the future.