Book title:? The original version is in German,

The English translation is titled:

The Education of Children

Chinese translation The class book is titled: "Children's Personality Education"

Author: [Austria]? Alfred? Adler?

[Austria] Alfred Adler

Method: Listening to interpretation + reading interpretation text

Three major psychologists in the 20th century: Freud, Jung, and Ade Le

(Who are the three major psychologists of the 21st century?

From January 1, 2001 to December 31, 2100, in this century , what kind of big psychology will appear? If I live to be a hundred years old, maybe I can write down the answer! )

?

Preface Part

1. Adler believes:

Human personality structure is formed in childhood. To solve a person’s personality and psychological problems, we must start from his childhood. Therefore, helping children Forming a normal and healthy personality is the primary and core issue in educating children.

My own thoughts:

The saying "Character determines destiny" must have its truth. If childhood personality cultivation is so important, it is indeed best for us as parents to Start studying these books before you have children.

2. Modern developmental psychology has confirmed that when children are about 5 years old, the basic construction of personality has been completed. (The development of the entire life after that is just the repetition and adjustment of this personality model.)

My own thoughts: "You will see your age at the age of three" is another sentence that is often heard and seen, at the age of 5 If the basic construction of personality has been completed, what will happen next in life? How does modern developmental psychology confirm this?

I would like to ask, what do you mean by personality?

Personality, personality, an individual’s internal behavioral tendencies and psychological characteristics in social adaptation to people, things, and oneself.

Performed by: the integration of abilities, temperament, character, needs, motivations, interests, ideals, values ??and physique. It is the unique psychosomatic organization of an individual.

Back to this book, the two tasks to be completed in this book are:

1. How to interpret the psychological motivation behind the child’s behavior

2. How to guide Children face the challenges of growth in the right way

Task 1: How to interpret the psychological motivations behind children's behavior?

1. The unity of personality and the four main life styles

1. In layman’s terms, the “personality” of psychology is “personality”.

Everyone has their own unique and relatively fixed personality. Personality is always stable and has obvious tendencies.

2. Most people may be accustomed to thinking that what each of us becomes is because of what happened to us.

(I feel that many times we analyze people and things from this perspective. For example, the reason why she is so domineering is because she was the only child in the family since she was a child, and her parents pampered her. Or, he is so domineering now The reason for his low self-esteem is that he had a serious illness when he was a child)

Adler didn't think so. He said that personality is only based on the person's subjective view of the facts. What determines each of our ideas and actions is not the facts themselves, but our views and understanding of the facts.

(Remembering the example given by Ichiro Kishimi in "The Courage to Be Disliked", the well water has a constant temperature of about 18 degrees. This is an objective number, and it is the same no matter who measures it. But in summer we When we go to drink well water, we feel that the well water is very cool; but when we drink well water in winter, it feels warm. After all, it is 18 degrees warm water. The well water is very aggrieved. It says, I have always been at 18 degrees, and I have not changed. , I am just an objective fact. You humans live in the subjective world you create, not the objective world)

3. Adler’s theory: Everyone will make his own decisions based on his own opinions. See the facts to understand your environment, find your best solution, and form your own personality model, that is, any basis.

4. The interpretation of an individual’s behavior must be related to the person’s life background in order to objectively evaluate the individual’s personality tendencies. Only by combining his personality tendencies can we gain insight into the real psychological motivations behind specific behaviors. This is especially true for children! Every behavioral activity of a child is not singular, but is an expression of the child's overall life and overall personality. Adler called this phenomenon "unity of personality."

”

5. “What should I do if my child doesn’t eat? "? "What should I do if my child doesn't do his homework? "What should I do if my child doesn't get up in the morning?" "For these children's individual behaviors, there is no single button switch technique. It is necessary to comprehensively recognize and explore the answers based on the specific environment in which each child grows. Looking for a solution to an abnormal behavior in isolation will not only fail to solve On the contrary, the problem may cover up or even exacerbate the child's misunderstanding, resulting in worse results.

For example: an only child who has been pampered at home since childhood may be unable to complete his own tasks independently when he reaches school. "homework", "making trouble in class", "teasing classmates", etc. If the reasoning is based on a single behavior, failure to complete homework may be considered stupid, causing trouble in class may be considered provoking the teacher (xin, four tones), teasing classmates may be considered I think he has bad intentions and bad character.

If we follow this line of thinking, the school should strictly control this child. If it cannot control it, it can only ask the parents to take it home.

However, if we look at Adler's theory of "unity of personality", the reason why a child has these problems is because his abilities have not improved with age, but he has always been an infant and was cared for. In this state, he lacks the ability to be independent.

After arriving at school, he does not know how to handle his own affairs, including being unable to complete his own homework. On the other hand, he is used to being paid attention to and needs. Someone pays attention to him anytime and anywhere. When he feels ignored, he will seek attention by being undisciplined, making trouble, and teasing his classmates, even if it will lead to criticism from the teacher and disgust from the classmates.

This. The root cause of all the child's misbehavior is that he has a wrong life goal: at the age of a student, he hopes to be cared for as meticulously as an infant.

(My own thoughts -? The child next year. He is about to go to elementary school.

In addition to 1. providing him with two or three months of specialized kindergarten transition tutoring in terms of knowledge,

he also needs to be given various psychological guidance in a timely manner:

2. You can set questions and ask Brother Peter, who is already in elementary school, to share the differences between elementary school and kindergarten.

3. You can chat with your children intentionally or unintentionally many times in advance to explain elementary school clearly. What are your goals in life?

4. A sense of ceremony: Invite family and friends to the kindergarten graduation ceremony to make the ceremony stronger)

6. Deller's theory of "unity of personality" is used to deal with the above cases. The method is:

Parents and schools are not trying to stop and punish the child's behavior, but to provide him with understanding and encouragement and help him gradually learn to be independent. Handle his own affairs, improve his self-care ability, help him use the right way to attract the attention of others and strive for his own sense of existence; guide the child to correctly adjust his life goals according to his age and growth needs.

It is not punishment, but encouragement and specific help that can give children the courage to change and gradually grow.

(My own thoughts - many theoretical foundations of the book "Positive Discipline". It should come from this, "encourage more, praise less, criticize less", not punish, not pamper, but treat all children's behaviors "kindly and firmly".

Positive discipline has nothing to do with punishment and control, but guidance, education, training, setting rules, skill development, etc.

The three methods defined in "Positive Discipline" -

Severe Punishment: Children do not participate in the decision-making process. Parents and teachers set the rules and require them to abide by them. Those who violate the rules will be punished. punish.

Permissive type: We don’t have any rules. I believe we will love each other very much and be happy. The children will do whatever they want, and the parents will always meet their requirements. The parents believe that the children will choose their own lives in the future. rules.

Positive Discipline: We work together to make rules that are beneficial to both parties, and we also decide together on solutions that are beneficial to everyone when we encounter problems. )

7. According to Adler's personality development theory, the child in this example is a typical "taking type". Adler believed that when a person grows up to about 5 years old, his inner personality is basically finalized.

(Thinking - what type does my child belong to? Also thinking - not to put a personality label on him, but just use this theory to better analyze the psychological reasons behind his behavior and see how to do better to encourage and actually help him)

8. The four different types defined by Adler - (1) Dominant-Dominating type:? Have influence on the people around you. A strong desire to dominate and dominate, and the need to control others to express one's own strength and self-worth.

(2) Taking type: accustomed to relying on others to take care of oneself, rarely making efforts to solve one's own problems.

(3) Avoidant type: Do not face the problems in your own life and lack the confidence to solve problems by yourself.

(4) Social benefit type: Face life with true confidence, have the courage to solve your own problems, and be good at cooperating with others. Have a strong social awareness, proactively serve the society and contribute their own strength.

(Adler believes that the social interest type is healthy and the most qualified social citizen. Children with the other three life styles may become problem children.)

Social interest type, this type of person They often grow up in good families with a friendly and cheerful family atmosphere. Family members help and support each other, and people understand and respect each other.

(Thinking - I should be more socially interested, how can I create a friendly and cheerful family atmosphere for my children?)

(Thinking - Treating children in "Positive Discipline" All theoretical basis for classification should come from this. )

9. Continue to explore the causes of "problem children". Tolstoy's famous saying, "Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family has its own misfortunes." The extension is - healthy children are all similar, and problematic children each have their own problems.

(Q: How are they similar? How come each has its own problems?)

10. Adler summarized the three main reasons for the emergence of problem children:

(1) Children develop a strong sense of inferiority due to physiological factors or family environment.

(2) Parents or main caregivers overindulge in their children.

(3) Parents’ neglect or rejection of their children.

(1) Overcome inferiority complex, pursue excellence, and gain confidence

a. Inferiority complex is a common and normal psychological phenomenon. Since birth, people have instinctively pursued development, strength and perfection, and a sense of superiority. Because we are not perfect ourselves, this creates a sense of inferiority. In order to reduce the sense of inferiority, we pursue a sense of superiority. Overcoming the sense of inferiority and pursuing a sense of superiority are like two sides of the same coin. They exist at the same time. They are the source of motivation for individuals to pursue continuous optimization and perfection, and they are also the inner driving force for personality development. power. Adler believes that the feeling of inferiority is "the driving force of life development."

Various behaviors in children's growth process also include the motivation to overcome the feeling of inferiority and pursue a sense of superiority.

(I remembered that I bought a bouquet of flowers for my child to take to the kindergarten teacher on Teachers’ Day yesterday. He was unwilling to go in at the entrance of the kindergarten. It is probably because he has been criticized a lot by the teacher recently, and he was psychologically hit. , and as he said, "I'm embarrassed that so many children would look at me." Thank you for patiently accompanying him at the entrance of the kindergarten yesterday, communicating with him gently and patiently, encouraging and thinking of specific ways to help him in the end. After completing this matter independently, I will always remind myself that inferiority complex is a normal physiological phenomenon, especially for children.)

b. Children's growth. Various behaviors in the process are driven by the motivation to overcome the sense of inferiority and pursue a sense of superiority. There are many reasons for children to have low self-esteem, such as being at a disadvantage compared to adults in size and strength, differences in appearance, physique, and disease between children, competition between siblings, poverty in the family, parents' excessive expectations for their children, etc. wait. (These may cause children to feel inferior and insecure.) At the same time, these feelings will form psychological stimulation, allowing children to take action, strive for equal status, and try to reduce their inferiority complex by gaining a sense of superiority.

The huge risk in this process is that children who feel fragile often use wrong ways to strive for a sense of superiority in order to avoid feeling inferior. Improper guidance from parents may lead children into the misunderstanding of excessive pursuit of superiority.

(My own thoughts - In English, I started while my child was still young, and through my own efforts, I found a scientific method, allowing him to achieve breakthroughs in listening and speaking at the age of 6. And now I, I hope he can use this good method again to learn Japanese, French or Spanish, and be able to speak and speak four languages, Chinese, English, Japanese, French or Spanish, by the age of 12. I have to remind myself at all times that these are just random things. Do it, reason with the child, present the facts, and communicate well. It doesn’t matter whether you can achieve it or not in the end. The important thing is that he and I should use the attitude of enjoyment to find happiness, fulfillment, and confidence in life.)

c. Children troubled by a sense of inferiority often lack courage. In order to reduce their sense of inferiority, some children give up on themselves, while others are disruptive and uncooperative. The biggest thing they have in common is that they firmly believe that they cannot do well what they should accomplish.

In order to avoid being laughed at or criticized for doing something wrong, they would rather do nothing or hide in their own fantasy world and try to distance themselves from the real world. They may develop demanding or avoidant problem children.

In order to cover up their inferiority complex, some children pursue a sense of superiority in overcorrecting ways. Such a child will appear ambitious, and his excessive desire for superiority will make him jealous, showing malice and hatred towards his competitors. In severe cases, he will show some criminal characteristics, such as hurting his opponent and slandering his opponent.

These children may develop dominant personalities.

(2) Parental doting

Doting on children includes both internal and external aspects. They meet the children's needs too much materially and are too submissive to the children mentally.

(This situation is common in only-child families or inter-generational care)

a. Excessive material content to meet the needs of the child - giving the child various gifts and privileges without any restrictions (ji), taking care of the child's needs Everything deprives children of the opportunity to learn to deal with things by themselves, making them like emperors, forming a "self-centered" attitude towards life, ignoring the rights of others, being selfish, lacking the ability to cooperate with others, and being aggressive.

Such children are often a combination of a demanding personality and a dominant personality.

b. This kind of parenting method cannot make children happy, because there is no legitimate way for children to cope with challenges and improve their abilities. Children will become negative, passive, and insensitive in this parasitic life. Boredom and indifference to others. Because we don’t know how to restrain our desires, it is particularly difficult to accept when our desires cannot be satisfied.

(3) Parental neglect, parental rejection and rebuke

a. Attachment theory shows that: parents’ upbringing of their children is not only about providing food and clothing, but also about enabling children to grow up healthily. It is also necessary to provide children with physical touch, emotional communication and companionship, so that children can be sure that their parents can always protect their sense of security.

(My own thoughts - Recently I have been thinking about adding a small tradition and ritual at home. Every family member who comes in from outside should say, "ta da i ma", and members who are at home should say You should step forward immediately, hug and say, "o ka e li na sai."? And those who are going out should take the initiative to say, "i t te ki ma su", and those who stay at home should step forward to hug and say "i t te la shiyai”).

b. It is difficult for children who are neglected in the family to have enough sense of security. When a child cannot be accompanied and cared for, the child feels like a completely worthless person.

These children will make themselves indifferent to everything, wear a mask of passivity and indifference, and refuse to establish close relationships with anyone. When their emotions are intense, they will fly into rages, recklessly, and self-harm. Even suicide.

c. The same goes for children who are rejected by their parents. They are regarded as burdens and burdens by their parents, and they live in fear of being rejected.

These children are prone to resentment and do not trust anyone. All advice to encourage them to improve will be interpreted as restraint and suppression of them. No matter what adults say, they will do their best to resist and be jealous at the same time. Other children who had happy childhoods.

11. Adler believes that in addition to intelligence factors, social and emotional development is the most important factor in personality construction, especially in childhood. What kind of method should be chosen to develop and grow? , determines his survival status in the group as an adult.

Two tasks to be accomplished in this book:

1. How to interpret the psychological motivations behind children’s behavior

2. How to guide children to face problems in the correct way Challenges to growth

1. For children who have obvious inferiority complex, give up on themselves, or use methods such as being disruptive and uncooperative to cover up their inferiority complex -

The first prerequisite for correction is to have sympathy for them and an understanding attitude, by encouraging them and establishing a friendly and trusting relationship with them, allowing them to discover their abilities and talents, and making them believe that they can achieve everything they yearn for through diligence, perseverance, and practice.

We need to explain clearly to our children that progress does not happen overnight (cu) and requires courage and persistence. Avoid losing confidence and giving up efforts when encountering difficulties.

2. For children who are ambitious and have excessive expectations of themselves, it is recommended that parents and teachers should not emphasize the final results of their children’s behavior, but should focus on the process of their children’s efforts. We need to repeatedly emphasize to our children that everything It is meaningless to compare things with others. Guide children to gain happiness from learning itself rather than from competition with others.

Help them see the good in everyone and gradually change their habit of looking down on others.

These children also need understanding and encouragement, so that they can reconcile with the environment and life, and ultimately transfer the power used for competition to cooperate with others.

3. For parents who give their children too high expectations, Adler suggests not to train their children's ambition, but to cultivate their children's tenacity, courage, and self-confidence in the face of difficulties.

4. For children with a combination of demanding and dominant styles, first let them get out of the environment where they were doted on before, and then put them in a new environment (such as transferring to a new school). Start learning independence and self-care. With the help of experienced and patient teachers, (zhu) gradually learns to restrain desires and establish boundaries between yourself and others.

School is a testing area for children’s growth. Once a child goes to school, all the problems he or she has accumulated at home will be revealed in school.

It is difficult to change the family's parenting philosophy. Generally speaking, this type of child can only change if he is lucky enough to meet a teacher or peer who can encourage him and help him become independent.

5. To treat children who grow up in an environment lacking care, what we have to do is still sympathize with them, understand their pain of not receiving care when they need love, and find their potential. Talent, inspire their courage, encourage them to learn to face and solve problems, tell them the appropriate way to get along with others, and develop their social emotions.

6. For some problem children who have gone astray and need help, Adler made clear requirements for educators-the most important task, or sacred duty, of educators is to ensure that each child None of the students lose their courage, and those students who have lost their courage regain their confidence through education.

7. Every child has the life instinct of upward growth. Adler suggested that no matter how self-defeating children appear to be, parents and teachers should never give up on them. Encouraging them to gain confidence and dignity in their areas of expertise is like introducing some children who cannot pick fruits in one orchard to another orchard where they can pick fruits, and let them pick what they can. A child can also achieve his own goals in life.

8. If you want to help children develop good social emotions and form a sound personality, guide them from four aspects: help children develop a positive self-view, develop a positive view of difficulties, and develop a positive outlook on life. View others and develop a positive view of the opposite sex.

(1) Positive self-view: Pay attention to protecting children's self-confidence and self-worth, so that children believe that they are valuable, popular, and can handle their own affairs.

Specific methods:

Parents and teachers should give their children full trust and freedom in daily life. When evaluating their children's behavior, they should affirm their children's strengths from the perspective of encouragement and avoid Too much criticism will cause children to be timid and withdrawn.

Parents and teachers also need to avoid showing too much of their abilities and superiority to avoid children becoming dependent.

(2) Positive view of difficulties: Cultivate and protect children’s courage to face difficulties.

Educators provide children with appropriate challenges and guide them to overcome difficulties and strive for the results they want.

The challenges provided should be in line with the children's mental growth characteristics, neither too difficult nor too easy, so as to stimulate children's enthusiasm and improve their abilities.

(My own thoughts: I think this point was also mentioned when reading "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience", "just jump, you can reach it" Tasks are the ones that can best inspire people’s sense of joy and happiness. )

In the process of solving problems, do not treat children as puppets that can be manipulated, but allow and encourage children to try innovation, even if it means doing so. will fail.

A child who can face difficulties and handle challenges appropriately will definitely develop the advantages of patience, perseverance, tenacity, and meticulousness, and grow into a powerful person.

(3) Positive view of others: Cultivate children's care for society, mankind, and the environment, encourage children to pay attention to and understand others, and guide children to see and think about problems from the perspective of others. , encourage children to help their peers, develop the quality of being willing to share, help children establish fair rules and boundary awareness, teach children how to cooperate with others, be willing to accept their fair share in cooperation, do not provoke competition, and be wary of children Symptoms of selfishness, greed, indifference, and prejudice in the mind.

(4) Positive view of the opposite sex: While children recognize and accept their own gender roles, they can also understand and recognize the opposite sex, have a good impression and closeness to the opposite sex, and do not demean or exclude them. People of the opposite sex should not deliberately distance themselves from the opposite sex.

9. Adler believed that mother is the most important factor in the social and emotional development of children. A child's relationship with his or her mother within the family will form the basis for the child's development of relationships with others.

If the mother adopts a trusting and positive attitude to interact with her children, the children are likely to form good social interests and build a sound personality.

New gains from writing notes:

1. Adler is really the father of self-enlightenment. It can be seen that many theories of "Positive Discipline" come from Adlerian psychology.

2. Various behaviors in children's growth process always have the motivation to overcome the sense of inferiority and pursue excellence. Parents should take good control of the grasp and guidance of the two.

3. It is not punishment, but encouragement and specific help, so that children have the courage to change and gradually grow.

4. It is mentioned many times in the book that children with various problems must first achieve a true understanding and never give up. Believe, encourage, help, and work hard, and you will definitely succeed!