You should be responsible for your own life first

In life, should you be responsible for your own life or the lives of others first? The following is what I recommend to everyone. You must take responsibility for your own life first, and I hope everyone can gain something.

What does it mean to be responsible for one's own life?

This is a trap question, because everyone has a different definition of "responsibility".

Since everyone’s values ??are different, why do we still discuss it? Because many times we think that we are responsible for our own lives, but unfortunately we are not.

1. Are you responsible for other people’s lives, or are you responsible for your own life?

The most interesting thing is that we often think that we are responsible for our own lives, but in fact we You are paying for other people's lives.

I clearly remember a good friend of mine in college who told me when he heard that I was going to change my major in psychology, “Oh my god, I’m so envious that you can live such a free and unrestrained life without having to say anything to me.” Are my parents responsible!?

I was very confused at the time: What does changing my major have to do with being responsible for my parents? Of course, there was a weak voice in my heart asking: Why did my parents live their lives? Should I be responsible?

Later, I finally understood his logic: because changing my major meant giving up the science and engineering knowledge I had learned before, giving up several years of earning opportunities, and these time It could have been used to make good money and improve the quality of life of my parents.

But I want to ask: If I sacrifice my own happiness and do a job that I don’t like, just to improve my parents’ quality of life materially, then who am I doing? Responsible for my life?

More importantly, will such sacrifices last long? If I, as a source of resources, are depleted (for example, I may finally have enough of such sacrifices, I may be at work If I am consumed too much), can my parents' quality of life really be improved in the long run?

Also, if I am unhappy, and the reason for my unhappiness is to give my parents Will my parents feel happy because of the self-sacrifice I made for material rewards? Even if they get faster material rewards, when they think of the sacrifices I made for this, what will they feel? Is happiness still a suffocating burden?

We always say that people must learn to love themselves first before they can have the resources to love others. Similarly, we must learn to take responsibility for ourselves so that we can help others live a better life.

2. Don’t put other people’s lives on your shoulders.

A good friend once told me a story about her. She said that she knew a warm man, who was the type who especially liked to help others and could not bear to see anyone suffer. He was the type of savior in life. Once, Nuan Nan met a very poor girl who had a miserable life experience and had many bad habits. Nuan Nan had sex with her during the trip, and then said to my good friend: "I want to marry her!"

My good friend was very surprised: "Why?"

Nuan Nan said: "Because she is so pitiful. If I don't marry her, no one will marry her!"

This is of course a very extreme story. But many times, we play the role of this "warm man". We are responsible for the lives of our family, friends and loved ones around us, but we forget to be responsible for our own lives.

One thing that happened to me recently is that I was considering asking my parents to come to Beijing to live with me. Because my father's coronary heart disease makes him very anxious, and my mother has a heavy burden on her own, as the only daughter in the family (the two-child policy was introduced too late!), I considered bringing them over to live with me.

To be honest, I was very uneasy myself. After all, it had been 10 years since I last really lived with them. Chinese families generally have no sense of boundaries, and many parents feel that their children's life is their own. My mother is inevitably one of them: she feels she should be involved in giving me advice on everything from dressing, eating, and living, to finding a boyfriend or starting a business, even if I don't follow her advice. ?, she will become angry.

This has always been the button of my life (the so-called button on my body): because my mother has been in charge of everything since I was a child, I am very rebellious. Once I feel that I am being controlled or manipulated, all my previous training is in vain, and my first reaction is rebellion: If you point east, I will go west!

Of course now I can almost Feeling your own rebellion for the first time (but you are still rebelling, right?), but from this awareness to truly being sober and rational in making the choices you really want, it is still a relatively consuming process.

It's like there is a beast in your heart that can only be awakened by certain people. You can tame the beast again the moment it is awakened, but the taming process itself will make you very tired.

So I’m asking myself: By asking my parents to come and live with me, am I putting their lives on my shoulders?

In fact, my original intention is that : Since I have helped many friends with psychology, why can’t I help my own parents? But later I discovered that sometimes this eagerness to save others can actually harm us. Just like the warm man in the story just now, if we deplete our inner resources because we help others, then in the end we may not only be unable to help the person we want to help, but we will blame the other person because of our depletion. This makes the already vulnerable counterparty even more sad.

In the end, I chose to sit down and communicate with my parents about this matter with my greatest sincerity. Living with them for more than a week has indeed been a bit draining for me, and I'm not sure whether we can really respect each other's boundaries if we live together in the future. Ultimately I hope I provide them with strength rather than blame for them dragging me down.

Fortunately, I have extremely liberal parents. We finally decided to live in Beijing, but in separate apartments. We can take care of each other and support each other, but at the same time give each other space to grow and repair ourselves.

Don’t put other people’s lives on your shoulders. You are the greatest resource to help others and love others. At all times, nourishing yourself is your greatest responsibility. Only in this way will you finally be able to continuously give love and resources to others.

3. Being responsible for your own life is the greatest responsibility to others

Many parents cannot bear to watch their children fail or fall (whether figuratively or figuratively) Really), they said to their children with great annoyance: "This is my own painful lesson. I tried my best to persuade you, but why can't you listen?"

But we forgot: Back then, our own parents also tried their best to make us "obedient" and let us not repeat their painful lessons, but many times, don't we only understand the truth after we make mistakes?

If the true wisdom in life can also be inherited, then human beings would have occupied the entire universe just like in science fiction movies! Many times, we understand the truths told to us by our predecessors intellectually, but not necessarily emotionally. Agree. Only what you have truly experienced and experienced can complete the unity of cognition and emotion.

Many parents feel that the best thing they can give their children is to teach their children not to have their own problems. But dear, you have forgotten that children will more often imitate your behavior rather than obey your words.

When you don’t like reading and avoid all possibilities to learn knowledge, how do you convince your children and make them believe that curiosity about knowledge is their most valuable asset? When you are on the phone When you flatter your leader inconsistently, and then start to criticize him again when you put down the phone, how do you educate your children to say: Baby, you have to be sincere and be the same on the outside?

Many times, we Taking responsibility for yourself is the greatest responsibility for others.

If you have one or more hobbies or careers that make you energized and excited, then you should do it at all costs! Fully express all your gifts and talents , is your greatest responsibility to the world!

Howard Thurman once said: Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive ,and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.?(Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what will make you alive, and then do it. Because what the world really needs are people who have come alive!)

When you start to become the person you want to be, when you start living according to your own core values ??(not your parents or anyone else’s values), when you start doing what you truly love, when you fully When you begin to express all your gifts and talents, you have begun to take responsibility for your own life. And just because you take responsibility for your own life, you can inspire countless people around you to do the same.

Just like Gandhi’s wise words: Be the change you want to see in the world. (Be the change you want to see in the world!), in fact, our responsibility is not to change the world, but to change ourselves.

Many times we actually try to avoid responsibility for our own lives by helping others.

When you find that you are very disciplined to exercise every day, you don’t need to persuade your family members to exercise again and again, because after they see your health and happiness, they will definitely want to take the initiative to join. You;

When you find yourself curious to learn to read, you don’t need to tell your children how wonderful it is to read or learn. They see the joy you get from learning and reading. , you will naturally become curious;

When you unswervingly pursue your dreams and the things you love, and become more courageous when encountering setbacks, you don’t need to educate your children to be right. Persevere in your goals and stay optimistic, because all persistence and optimism are written on your face, right?

Each of us has our own mission and responsibility in life, and no one can replace it We live our lives. Likewise, we cannot live a good life for anyone. When we blame others, when we constantly complain about our family of origin and our parents, when we blame ourselves for not being successful at work and being dissatisfied but unwilling to make any efforts and changes, when we feel that our partners are not gentle enough but we raise our voices to scold them. , none of us take responsibility for our own lives and actions.

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