1. I pushed the patient to the operating room with my classmates for surgery. There was an orthopedic surgery room next door. The sounds from electric saws, electric drills and other instruments kept coming and going: "dong dong dong", "buzz", "woo~" . The patient asked me: "Doctor, why are there renovations going on next door?" I have black lines all over my head. Should I tell him that he is undergoing surgery...

2. Recently, a certain Keli was attending Xide Hospital My daughter suddenly became depressed within a few days. When asked, he replied: "My daughter's Babinski sign is negative." My father, a neurologist, can't afford to be injured! (Note: Infants' babinski sign seems to be generally positive)

3. During the internship at the hospital the year before last, we admitted n rectal cancer patients in a row. The attending surgeon sighed on the operating table: We are collecting people's money and blowing their anus. ah!

4. On the front of our hospital’s admission certificate, the doctor fills in the patient’s basic information, and on the back, the family members fill in the contact information and contact relationship, etc. One day, we found that the "relationship" column on the back of an admission certificate said: The relationship between husband and wife is in name only.

5. A man brought an unconscious woman to the emergency department of our hospital. When the doctor asked about her medical history, the man vaguely replied that the woman suddenly suffered from epilepsy during ML. The doctor suggested a head CT examination first, and the man replied: "Can we wait until her husband comes?"

6. A private maternal and infant health hospital in Hongkou imported an ultrasound instrument from Europe for prenatal examination. Adjust parameters and follow European standards. As a result, every Chinese mother who went to prenatal check-ups was told that the fetus was not growing well. In order to improve her nutrition, the mother-in-law of one mother ate a baby chicken every day and a hooves every three days. Eventually, her daughter-in-law's blood triglycerides exceeded 100 (the normal value is less than 2), and she developed pancreatitis and was sent to a nearby ICU... …

7. A man accompanied another man to the hospital for medical treatment, and upon examination he was diagnosed with a "urinary tract infection." The patient looked worried, but after he stood up, another man came forward and patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, I will be responsible."

8. Decided to create a new project for Parkinson's patients A knowledge website, in order to take care of patients, I plan to apply for a domain name

"www.pppaaarrrkkkiiinnnsssooonnn…….cc". In this way, even if the patient has severe resting tremor, the URL entry can be completed.

9. I just finished the medical skills test and went to take the entry physical examination. Watching the doctor take my blood pressure, I felt so unprofessional. After thinking about it, I decided to help him and tried to sit up straighter so that my elbows were at the same level as my heart.

10. The city conducts random checks of medical records. The Department of Orthopedics is notorious for organizing graduate students in general medicine to spend all night revising 15 selected medical histories. After handing it in, the hospital read a few pages and returned them all - the one that read "Diagnosis: high paraplegia, physical examination: clear and alert, entering the ward..."

11. Psychiatric examinations mainly rely on questions and answers. One of the regular questions is "What is the difference between chickens and ducks?" A patient once answered: "Chickens are female and ducks are male." What's even more chilling is that the attending doctor turned around and said He said to the hospital resident: "Don't forget to check for HIV on this person."

12. The doctor's famous saying when asking the hospital patient to admit the patient: "Children, bring all the magic weapons and collect him!" "Girls, come out to pick up the guests. La~"

13. Today the respiratory department received a consultation sheet: "The patient has mold in his urine, please invite the respiratory department for consultation."

14. Family member: Director Zhang, the patient is now. If I can’t eat by myself, what should I do with the pain-relieving MexiContin tablets? Director Zhang: It doesn’t matter, you can plug it into the anus. Family member: Ah, this medicine can be inserted into the anus? Director Zhang: This medicine was originally designed for anal plugs. Family members: ...

15. I asked a patient to talk about the surgical risks of radiofrequency ablation of atrial fibrillation, and I explained it in a scripted manner. As a result, the patient stared at me with pity and finally said: "Doctor, I'm not afraid of these risks, so don't be afraid either!"

16. Pediatric surgery, school girl follows the knife .

After taking the stage, he took off the male patient's pants. The boy covered his lower body and shouted: "You bad guys, take off my pants! I want my mother..." The school girl replied: "Little brother, don't make trouble, my sister has seen better than you." Bigger.”

17. Yesterday, an old lady suddenly suffered from a disorder of consciousness in the CCU and requested consultation from a neurologist. The consultant physician from the Department of Neurology looked at me for a long time, his brows almost knitted into knots. Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer and started writing a consultation order. As a result, the "condition" column said "complex condition", and the "handling" column wrote "treat with caution"...

18. A certain cardiologist described the duty situation in their department: "Sit-ups Make sure your abdominal muscles show out.”

19. A friend once served as a medical director at XXXX Hospital in Shanghai. One day, a woman asked: "I'm pregnant, which department should I see?" When my friend was hesitating, a senior nurse nearby replied: "Those who want children should go to the obstetrics department, and those who don't want children should go to the gynecology department."

20. When I was a child, my parents often threatened me that if I didn’t study well, they would make me pick out feces when I grew up. So I studied hard and finally became a general surgeon. However, whenever I faced patients with intestinal obstruction, I always felt that I was still a shit collector...