? Behind Zeng Guofan's success, the support of many mentors and friends is indispensable. But Zeng Guofan, who had just arrived in Beijing, was once a person who "turned against him whenever he disagreed". He did things poorly and often offended his friends. This was related to his previous experience.

Before coming to Beijing, Zeng Guofan passed the scientific examination 6 times and failed 6 times. This result made him feel inferior, but his seventh success made him quickly become "arrogant". Immediately afterwards, at the age of 28, he won the Jinshi again, which made Zeng Guofan lonely and self-admired.

? Before setting off for Beijing, his grandfather Zeng Yuping once warned Zeng Guofan: "You can't do enough as an official, but you are the best... If you are not arrogant, you will be better." It's all better." His grandfather, who had always loved Zeng Guofan, solemnly said these words to him before leaving, which shows that Zeng Guofan's mentality was extremely high at that time.

After entering Beijing, Zeng Guofan also made many friends. However, even his two best friends said that his biggest problem was arrogance. My close friend Chen Yuangun said that he was "pervasive in his air of neglect", and another friend Shao Yichen also said that "slowness means that you cannot make friends for a long time without being respectful", which means that when you first interact with people, you still appear to be very humble, but as time goes by , showing an air of arrogance unconsciously. This arrogance made Zeng Guofan defiant, temperamental, and often in conflict with colleagues.

? Hunan people in ancient times had the characteristics of "stubbornness and tenacity", but they also had the weakness of "closedness and intolerance". At that time, Hunan people will call it "chuhu" when they leave Hunan. For many celebrities in the history of Hunan, only by "going out of the lake" could they shed the narrow-mindedness and bigotry produced in a secluded environment and become more tolerant.

After Zeng Guofan "came out of the lake" and entered Beijing, his horizons were opened and he met "great Confucians" who were completely different from those he had seen before. He said in his letter at home: "In recent years, I have made one or two good friends. I know that there are so-called scholars, economists, and so-called practitioners. It was only then that I realized that Fan and Han came to learn from it..." In other words, when he arrived in Beijing, Only then did he realize that great people like Fan Zhongyan and Han Yu were not unattainable, but we can only reach that height if we work hard.

? Life in the capital broadened Zeng Guofan's horizons. He constantly reflected on his own morality and cultivation, restrained his words and deeds, and changed the way he made friends. Not only did he become a person of noble moral character, he also He made many like-minded friends, which played a major role in his career.

In a letter written to his younger brother, Zeng Guofan once said: "The success or failure of your life is all related to the virtuousness of your friends. You cannot be careless." In Zeng Guofan's view, making friends is related to a person's future. If you know how to make friends, you will be successful. If you don't understand the principles of making friends, you will be unable to make progress.

? Therefore, he has been sincerely making friends all his life, and he also wrote the famous saying "Only the most sincerity in the world can beat the world's most false, only the world's most clumsy can beat the world's most skillful". Not only that, he can also achieve "Everyone comes with hypocrisy, and I go with sincerity. Over time, the hypocrites will also be driven away by sincerity." That is to say, even when I face hypocritical people, I can treat them sincerely. Over time, I can influence them and we can get along with each other sincerely.

Summarizing his life experience, Zeng Guofan summed up his experience in making friends: be close to gentlemen and make eight types of friends. What are the eight types of friends?

1. He who wins over himself. Make friends with people who are better than you in certain aspects and learn from their strengths. This will motivate you and allow you to make continuous progress.

2. Those with great virtue. We should make friends with people who are better than ourselves in virtue, think of others when they see the best, and interact with them. We can constantly reflect on our own shortcomings and improve our personality.

3. Interesting people. Interesting people are often open-minded and optimistic. When you get along with such people, you can constantly gain positive energy, recite poems and compose poems, and have fun doing it.

4. Those who are willing to suffer losses. People who are willing to help others even when they suffer a loss are often kind-hearted and worth making friends with.

5. Outspoken person.

In interpersonal interactions, flatterers are common and outspoken ones are rare. Zeng Guofan praised his outspoken friend like this: I am like a bamboo with a weak foundation. If I am allowed to grow by myself, it will definitely grow crooked. But if I am planted in a group of bamboos that are all around me, I will probably grow straight. As straight as them. He believes that what he sees is narrow after all, and he needs to let onlookers observe and correct him so that his direction does not deviate from his original idea, thus making his goal clearer.

6. Those with broad ambitions. "Three armies can seize commanders, but ordinary men cannot seize ambitions." A person without ambition is destined to live a mediocre life. Making friends with ambitious people can make you full of fighting spirit. Making friends with people with broad-minded interests can give you an extra pair of eyes to see the world, and at the same time broaden your knowledge.

7. Benefit comes from misfortune. The person who gives you trouble in times of trouble has a good friendship, and the person who adds the icing on the cake has a lot of friendship. Those who stay by your side when you are in trouble must be your lifelong friends.

8. Those who are considerate of others. Make friends with people who understand you and think about you from your perspective. These people will become your most caring confidants.

In addition to the wisdom of making friends, Zeng Guofan also paid great attention to identifying villains. He has a clear idea of ??which people are worthy of association and which people must be kept silently away from him. Zeng Guofan valued his friends all his life and had a sharp eye, and he proposed the famous "nine dissociations".

1. Those with different aspirations. Friends who do not work together in different ways will not only part ways, but may also turn against each other.

2. Those who flatter others. If they only say nice things in front of you, or even use lies to promote you, most of these people are talking sweetly and are secretive, and their friendship with you is mostly beneficial to you.

3. Those who reverse grudges. This kind of people lack the sense of right and wrong, have unclear grievances, and have no position. Because they are confused in doing things, sometimes you will not only fail to do well when you help them, but they will bite you back.

4. Those who like to take advantage. People who are short-sighted and selfish tend to take advantage. Moreover, such people are insatiable and never satisfied.

5. Those who have no temper at all. The position is unstable, a typical wallflower, going with the wind, indecisive in doing things, likes to be prudent and self-protective, goes with the flow, and cannot do things together.

6. Those who are unfilial and disloyal. How can a person who is not filial to his parents respect his friends? This kind of person is the most untrustworthy.

7. The pedantic. Pedantic people have narrow vision and are stubborn and extreme. Associating with such people will make your thoughts become negative.

8. Those who add insult to injury. As the old saying goes: Those who commit crimes and violate laws are not necessarily villains, and those who add insult to injury must stay away from them. Associating with such a person will do you no good at all.

9. Those with bad moral character. People without virtue are typical villains who are often capricious. Such people are only interested in profit. Once they finish using their friends, they will kick them away. Therefore, not only should we not make friends with such people, we should also stay away from them.

? Zeng Guofan acted with a clear distinction between love and hate, and deeply hated the above nine types of villains. He said to his brothers in his home letter: To be an upright person who obeys the gods, with a good reputation and integrity, you can do whatever you want. Promise, nothing will happen. Warn your family members to be cautious in making friends and stay away from villains. If you become an upright person, it will be easy to make achievements.

? Zeng Guofan was self-disciplined and cautious in his words and deeds throughout his life. His way of dealing with things and making friends contains great wisdom in life and is worthy of our lifelong learning.