Some people may think it is necessary to keep a proper sense of boundaries and distance from strangers, but is it necessary to keep a sense of distance from people who are very familiar and close? Why is it so formal? In fact, the closer people are, the more they need to leave space and freedom for each other. Otherwise, two people will lead to many contradictions and even hurt each other's relatives because they are too close.
Zheng Banqiao, a writer in the Qing Dynasty, famously said, "It's inseparable." In life, playing the fool properly is not weakness, but a kind of wisdom to get along with others. Especially when dealing with relatives, really smart people know to "play dumb" in these three things.
1, playing dumb in terms of work income
Nowadays, most young people are afraid to attend family gatherings because they are afraid that their aunts and grandmothers will keep asking them about their feelings and income. In the eyes of relatives, they don't really care about whether your work is done well or not, but get some sense of accomplishment through comparison. When they know that your income is lower than that of other children, they will have a sense of superiority. On the contrary, when your income is higher than that of other children, they will be jealous.
I remember when my cousin just graduated and went out to work, my aunts began to ask her about her income. At that time, my cousin was still a fledgling person, and told the real salary honestly and frankly. When the aunts heard about my cousin's monthly salary 1800 yuan, they laughed and "comforted" him to work hard and make great achievements in the future. In fact, it's useless for them to laugh at my cousin in private.
Now, after my cousin becomes a department manager, her monthly salary is more than 20,000 yuan. At a family gathering, do aunts still joke about his better income? Cousin smiled and said nothing, but simply said: nothing, enough to support his wife and children.
My cousin has worked hard in the workplace for many years and realized some truth. When relatives ask about your income and job, you'd better play dumb and don't say too much. After all, there are not many relatives who really want you to live a good life. They will only look down on rich relatives and look down on relatives who have no money. When they know your real income, they will not only be jealous, but also take the opportunity to ask you for money. Whether to borrow money or not is a dilemma.
2. Play dumb in making money.
As the old saying goes, it is true that relatives don't * * get rich, but * * * get rich and break contacts. No matter how close people are, once there is a connection between money and interests, there will be great contradictions, which will directly affect the relationship between relatives. Smart people generally don't reveal their sources of money. On the one hand, they will avoid increasing competitors, on the other hand, they will also avoid disputes between relatives because of interests.
Brother-in-law is a farmer to the core. A few years ago, his family only made a living by farming, which was regarded as a relatively difficult family among relatives. Later, my brother-in-law's farmland was expropriated, and he was forced to work and make a living with a boss. The boss is kind-hearted. Seeing that his brother-in-law is honest and diligent, he introduced him to a business and gave up his minivan to deliver goods to his brother-in-law.
Later, after several years of hard work, my brother-in-law gradually improved, but he still maintained his honest and simple style and kept a low profile. A relative heard that his brother-in-law's business was very profitable and began to approach him slowly, hoping that he could take himself with him. After my brother-in-law's boss knew about it, he told people to speculate so that my brother-in-law could not reveal any business secrets and protect himself.
Finally, the brother-in-law also chose to play the fool, denying that his business was very profitable, just making a living, and politely refused the request of his relatives.
This does not mean that my brother-in-law is heartless and even his relatives are unwilling to help. You know, relatives don't have money, and * * * has money to cut off contacts. Once the interests between relatives are involved, it is easy to cause disputes. Imagine that there are interest disputes between strangers, which can be solved through normal legal channels, while former relatives are not so easy. Once a dispute occurs, even if it is handled properly, it will affect each other's relatives, and in serious cases it will become a state of old age and death.
3. Play dumb in family affairs
As the saying goes, it is difficult for an honest official to break the family. There is a skeleton in the cupboard. We shouldn't interfere in other people's family affairs just because we are relatives. This is the stupidest behavior. Smart people only listen attentively and don't make comments or suggestions.
They all say that they don't suffer others, and they don't persuade others to be good. Every time I hear relatives complaining about family chores, the best way is to listen, share each other's worries, let him speak out and relieve the depression in his heart. Once you interfere in other people's family affairs, others will blame you for sowing dissension, and eventually you will end up in a situation where both sides are unwilling to please.
My newly-married cousin and her husband had a problem and found me crying. When I heard her brother-in-law's bad behavior, I felt very angry. I immediately took my cousin to settle accounts with him. I also told my cousin afterwards that I would teach him a lesson and not forgive such a man. A few days later, I was still worried about my cousin, but I saw my cousin holding her husband's hand in shopping. They talked and laughed, and they were very loving.
At this time, I found myself really carrying coals to Newcastle. Seeing my cousin and husband again, I suddenly want to dig a hole, which is very embarrassing.
Every family has its own problems. It's not that the parties can't feel the same. We might as well listen quietly and explain each other's emotions, but knowing how to play dumb when making suggestions is the most effective solution for the parties, which is beyond our ability as outsiders.
When dealing with relatives, the more intimate you are, the more you should know how to avoid suspicion, especially the above three things. Many times, we see through it is not a matter of self-protection.