At that time, I especially disagreed with this sentence. I think, when I get married and have children, I must work hard to live for myself.
But then I really got married and found that there was too much helplessness in my life, especially after giving birth to a child. I need to spend more time and energy, and I really have little time for myself.
But I am not a woman who can accept fate. I always hope that when I become XX of XX, I can be myself. Therefore, I will ask myself to drop everything at home occasionally and do what I want to do. I will also buy gifts for my children's husbands, and sometimes I even want to leave them completely to travel, or change to a job that I like but the income is not so high.
All these changes make me feel happy and alive, but I often hear some harsh voices. They said, "You are already a mother. Why are you so headstrong?" They said, "You are a wife, you can't be so selfish."
Willful? Selfish? I really don't understand how to live for myself becomes willful and selfish. Is it true that after a woman gets married and has children, she can only put herself last forever and can't relax occasionally and be herself?
This problem has been bothering me, until I saw Gu Jia's words in Thirty, and suddenly I felt relieved.
"The biggest feeling after becoming a mother is being wronged, being wronged in a title called mother. You know, after I gave birth, I suddenly felt that Gu Jia was dead and Xu Ziyan's mother survived. I often wonder when he will grow up quickly. You can sleep alone, eat alone, manage your emotions and give them back to me. But the truth is, I can't live without him. You want the world to be more tolerant of your children, but you are stronger than before. No matter compromise or peace by force, we don't want any harm to fall on children, and you will stick to fitness because you are afraid of illness and death. Then try to do your best, because you have to catch up with the speed of breaking money. Do you think it's bad to have children? "
Yes, after getting married and having children, which woman is not wronged? Whose life can't be changed at all? But even if we can be as perfect as Gu Jia, we still can't get the life we want.
I want to send my son to an aristocratic school. I climbed Mrs. Wang's line through the girlfriends clock, delivered cakes myself and helped Mrs. Wang carry shoes. She is willing.
She wants to help her husband get an order, buy a luxury bag with a credit card and sell her luxury goods to her son for equestrian lessons. She is very happy.
But her husband can't understand her good intentions. He felt that Gu Jia always wanted to live a life that didn't belong to him, but he had never seen what Gu Jia did all this for.
If you can, Gu Jia, who has the ability to get away from Xu Huanshan for several blocks, why should you put up with humiliation to save customers? Why do you have to squeeze into a circle that doesn't belong to her?
Gu Jia is not a vain woman, she just wants to do her best to protect her home and loved ones.
However, is it worth the effort?
I don't think it's worth it
Especially when I saw a flower, later Xu Huanshan cheated, and Gu Jia left without looking back. I feel sorry for this woman, and also for us women who are wives and mothers.
It is said that men are under great pressure. What about women? Shouldn't you understand?
I didn't write this article today to attack men. I just want to ask you and myself through the story of Gu Jia. After getting married and having children, women should live for themselves. Is there something wrong?
What is right as a wife?
As a wife, Gu Jia is perfect. Xueba, who graduated from Shanghai International Studies University, worked in a foreign company for two years before marriage. Seeing her husband's talent, she encouraged him to start a business and helped him run the company.
After giving birth to the baby, she retired behind the scenes and became a full-time wife, but she never gave up on herself. Instead, she works out, bakes and tries to improve herself. She also changed rooms, renovated, solved the problem of her son going to school, and kept her husband in good order.
On the issue of the company, she helped her husband to establish a network, establish contacts and plan the development of the company. After her husband offended the financier, she secretly stepped forward to save her husband. In order not to embarrass him and tell him about her humiliation, she mortgaged her house to the bank and lowered her posture to protect his self-esteem.
Such a woman subverts our usual cognition of a regular housewife and shapes a brand-new female image of the times. In many people's minds, she is a perfect wife. In my heart, she is indeed a powerful woman, because she has tried her best to balance the relationship between her family and herself, and she has given up a lot in order to satisfy everyone.
But unfortunately, even if she did, she still failed to satisfy everyone.
Husband Xu Huanshan thinks that Gu Jia doesn't understand his artistic dream, and keeping his mouth shut means "cost", "profit" and "company management". He doesn't think it is necessary for Gu Jia to send his son to the best kindergarten to learn equestrian. He wouldn't even appreciate Gu Jia's efforts to squeeze into his wife's circle in order to win orders for him and keep the company, but said sourly, "As long as you don't offend that wife."
When I saw Xu Huanshan cheating and Gu Jia leaving with tears in her eyes, I felt unworthy for her, but I knew that many people would say, "Gu Jia is too strong and demanding. Men can't stand such women. "
But I just want to ask, like Gu Jia, if she has problems with her marriage, you can say that she is wrong, and if she has problems with her marriage, you can say that she is wrong, just like Luo Zijun in my first half. So, as a wife, what should I do right?
Maybe don't think too much about others, just think about yourself, and you can live happier. After all, without paying so much, there would be no oppression. After all, if you only think about yourself, you won't have the pain of losing.
However, how many women can do this?
I admit that no one is easy in marriage, but I just hope that everyone can be more tolerant and understanding of their other half like Xu Huanshan. If he could put down his ridiculous self-esteem and pride and think about how to contribute to this family, maybe he and Gu Jia wouldn't have come this far.
Of course, I also hope that all women like Gu Jia can think about how to protect their families and keep their identity as women. These may be the subjects we need to study.
In short, don't pay too much, learn to let go, live more for yourself and pay less attention to others' pointing fingers. This is probably the best change I can think of now.
What is right as a mother?
At the beginning of "Only Thirty", it is staged to let my son go to a better international bilingual kindergarten, how to borrow money to buy a million luxury houses, and how to lower himself to please Mr. Fu. Many people say that this is wrong and should not be the case, but I can understand it very well.
Every mother who gives birth to a child wants to give her child something better. This is why so many people are rushing to buy school districts, and so many people sacrifice their rest time to accompany their children to cram school every weekend.
Raising children is a one-way street. If you raise a child now, it will be no problem for him to get ahead in the future, but if not, everyone around you, including the child himself, will blame you for not doing well enough.
This is a very realistic problem. There are many around me. I have two neighbors, each with a child. When I was a child, the mother of one family forced her children to learn the piano, which delayed a lot of time to play, while the mother of another family let their children be free every day. The child has a happy childhood.
At that time, many people criticized the mother who forced her children to learn the piano, saying that it was wrong for her to do so, but when the children grew up, the children who learned the piano had a skill, and because they had been practicing the piano very attentively for so many years, their studies were not bad. But children who haven't learned the piano really can't learn it and have no ability to get it.
At this time, everyone is boasting that the mother who forced her children to learn the piano is forward-looking. In fact, she is saying that the mother who did not force her children to learn the piano did not do her duty.
This contrast shows us that all kinds of problems in education are often blamed on mothers, but is it really fair?
Of course, this is just an example. Children who learn these things may not have a good future, and children who don't learn them are worthless. I just want to say that educating children is not a matter for mothers alone, and parents need to participate together. In the future, parents should share the responsibility for their children, no matter whether the children are good or not, instead of everything being their fault. She is just an ordinary woman, not a superman. She is also very uneasy about educating her children, and she also needs support.
So when I was watching Nothing But Thirty, I was very angry with Xu Huanshan. Obviously, he said that he would send his son abroad in the future and let him experience something he had never experienced before. But when Gu Jia worked hard for this, he said, "Don't always think about living in a big house. Your son must go to a top kindergarten. The higher the expectation, the greater the pressure. You are a perfectionist, but the most important thing in raising children is not to pursue perfection, but to let nature take its course. "
I especially like Gu Jia's rhetorical question: "How did this become my plan for my son? If you want to go abroad in the future, you should start working hard now, instead of just talking and not practicing. "
Yes, I just want to see good results, but I don't want to bear the hardships of the process. This is the way many fathers educate their children, but the result can only be that the mother is exhausted and not understood.
So in the process of educating children, don't work hard by yourself, because most of the results can't be understood and respected. Always communicate with your father and let him fully participate in the process of educating your children. No matter how difficult it is, two people will bear it together, no matter whether the result is good or bad.
Because only in this way, children's education will not become a mother's one-man show, and women will not be stupid enough to eat coptis.
Should women live for themselves? How to live for yourself?
Many people ask me, should women live for themselves? My answer is yes, yes.
Then the question comes, how to live for yourself? Is it reckless and arbitrary? Or simply don't get married and have children? I don't think so.
A woman who really lives for herself knows what she wants and is willing to work for it. She has the courage to do her best and the ability to leave decisively.
Just like, she loves her husband, her son and this family, so she is willing to support her husband to realize his dream, please Mrs. Fu for her son, lower herself to take orders to maintain the company, and wash her hands and make soup to maintain the order of the small family.
Because of her efforts, the family is thriving, and her husband Xu Huanshan is protected like a child. She always flinches and loses her temper when things happen. Many people think that Gu Jia is not worth it, but Gu Jia thinks it is. I think that's enough.
Later, when I saw Xu Huanshan cheating in the film, Gu Jia left with a smile. Although I am sad, I am not worried about Gu Jia. I believe she can handle this problem well and get better and better with her son.
Don't stay when you pay, and don't stay when you leave. This should be the emotional principle of women in the new era, and this is also the best way I can think of married women of childbearing age living for themselves.
To tell the truth, I used to read some articles telling women to be strong, independent and not to lose themselves for anyone. Even I wrote it myself. Only after getting married and having children did we find that things are impermanent and helplessness is the normal state of our women.
Then, what we can do is not to go against the sky, let alone shout "My life is up to me". What we can do is to make ourselves better on the basis of making our lives better, and keep our ability to live well no matter who comes or goes.
I believe that a woman like Gu Jia is happy no matter who she marries, because with a strong heart, independent personality and outstanding ability, we don't have to be afraid of the impermanence of the world, not to mention the sudden joys and sorrows.
Finally, I want to tell all the wives and mothers who want to live for themselves: there is nothing wrong with you wanting to live for yourself, but you must first figure out what you want, and then let yourself have this ability, believe in yourself and believe that life will not live up to your efforts. Let's go