There was once a saying: "Man is the spirit of all things." What does this sentence mean? That is to say, people in the world have the greatest ability, and people can control everything. All kinds of wild animals including wild animals can be tamed. Look, there are lions, tigers and bears in the circus. In fact, this is not absolute. Why? There is a wild animal that no one dares to tame. What kind? No one has seen the wolf trainer. Why? Because wolves are born cruel and cunning. There are many folk idioms to describe wolves, such as "the will of wolves is not poisonous" and so on. Describe a person as bad and say that he is "heartless"; The nickname is very unique, called "baiwenhang". Haven't left the wolf. In addition, there are "Mr. Dong Guo and the Wolf" in ancient fables and so on. All these show that the wildness of wolves is hard to move and cannot be influenced. But one thing you should remember is that wolves are also afraid of people. How can I see it? If a wolf sees a pedestrian, it won't eat at once. It follows the pedestrians first. If people are afraid to run away, then wolves will pounce on them and eat them. It is courage, and you can calm down when you meet a wolf. The wolf is afraid. What is he afraid of? It's afraid of you carrying weapons, and it's also afraid of being beaten. Walking alone on the mountain road for further study, as long as you carry a wooden stick more than two feet long, the wolf will not dare to approach you. But one thing, you have to hide one end of the stick in the sleeve of your coat and expose the other end. Why? Because the wolf is very suspicious, he only sees the outside half of the stick, and he doesn't know how long the inside half is! It would be better if you could take an umbrella with you. You walk in front, the wolf follows, and you squat when you walk, poof! Hold up your umbrella and watch the wolf turn and run away. What is the wolf running? It's amazing. Heart then said: my mother wolf! This man was quite big just now. Why did he suddenly get short by half and suddenly get thicker? It can't run! Stand-up comic dialogue lines
This move scares the wolf, but embarrassment is not terrible. Zhen is the wolf's strategist. It would be terrible if the wolf colluded with the truth! Isn't there an idiom called "collusion between government and business"? That's what it means. Wolves are vicious, but all the bad ideas come out. There used to be such a thing; Once, a carpenter was walking in the mountains and met three wolves. Now he's scared. I said to myself: ouch! If the wolf comes, I'm not afraid. I have an axe here! If three wolves come at me together, I can't stand it. Simply, I will run! It's broken! The more he ran, the more the wolf chased him, and he was about to catch up. It was a close call. What can we do? Look up, hey! I saw a big tree by the road. He's in a hurry, Cheng Cheng! He climbed up the tree. When he climbed the tree, the wolf could do nothing. What are we doing? Wolves can't climb trees! Wolves can't climb trees, but they don't give up. They were anxious to wander around the tree, cursing: "Shit, the cooked duck is in the tree!" " "Then three wolves whisper, leaving two trees, a wolf ran away. It wasn't long before I saw the wolf carrying a wolf. Why do wolves have to carry them? Here's the thing: Bae looks like a wolf, but it's a little different. Bae has long hind legs and short front legs, so he can't walk alone. He can only run if he puts his front legs on the wolf's ass. When I came to the tree, I looked up at the people in the tree and immediately had an idea of eating people. He muttered something to the three wolves, then looked at the three wolves and barked everywhere. The man asked, "How do wolves bark?" Wow! Wolves don't sound good. There is a saying that "ghosts cry and wolves howl", which shows how ugly the wolf's cry is. That said, can you learn the sound of wolves barking at us? Of course. I will learn to bark like a wolf now. Attention, everyone: ... I ... I won't learn. Why? I'll be in trouble as soon as I learn to scare the children! Three wolves shouted: Wow! Just listen for a while, and hoo-more than a hundred wolves are coming. As soon as the wolves arrived, they began to talk: "Brothers and sisters, ladies and wolves, I have a great news for you. There are 100 kilograms of human flesh on the tree, which we can't eat for the time being. Because he is in the tree, we can't reach him. If you want to eat human flesh, you have to do this, this, this. "What should I do? As soon as the wolves finished speaking, they saw these wolves shouting-they all ran away again. After a while, they all came back. I saw each wolf with a few dry branches. They put the branches under the tree and took them away. After a while, the dry branches piled up several feet high. This scared the carpenter in the tree and said to himself, it's broken! It turns out that they want to make ladders out of branches! If you contact me for a while, I'm dead! Suddenly, he used his quick wits to take out a box of matches from his waist, hit it on the box and threw it down. Do you want to dry the branches, but you can't touch the fire? Wolves fear fire most. When they saw the fire here, they all let out a yell and ran away. The wolf escaped, but did not move. We can't run without wolves! The carpenter jumped down from the tree and put out the fire. Then he came to Pei with an axe and said, "This was all your coward's idea. "This is just an axe? stand-up comedy
In fact, wolves are not fierce beasts among all animals. There is a wild animal that even hunters can hardly see. Why? Because this animal is not afraid of guns. Who said that wild animals are not afraid of guns? Yes! What is this? Bear. Bear? Yes! But this bear is no ordinary bear. I'm talking about a bear with armor in the northeast mountainous area. What do you mean, a bear in armor? This kind of bear loves to eat ants. I feel itchy all over after eating it. Itches in the tree when it itches. There are many pine trees in the northeast mountainous area, so it doesn't matter if you brush them. The pine oil on the trees will get all over you. It felt bad and wanted to rub off the pine oil, so it rolled on the hillside. The roll was covered with stones. Over time, its whole body became a cement precast slab! Except for the heart, the place where the bullet hit was white. Do you think this kind of bear can be good? But then again, although the bear is brave and resourceful, the tiger is not as brave as the bear, which means that the tiger can't beat the bear, but the tiger can defeat the bear with ingenuity. How can I see it? There is such a thing; Bear was very dissatisfied when he heard that the tiger claimed to be the king of beasts, so he challenged the tiger. The bear said, "Tiger, what's your skill? How dare you call yourself the king of beasts? Don't you dare compare with me, compare with me, you fucking grandmother! Don't be arrogant today, I want to hit you! " Hearing this, the tiger said, "What, are you going to hit me? You spin (visit) three Liang cotton, my tiger is not easy to mess with! If you want to fight, no problem! You set the time. " The bear said, "Let's make it 8: 30 tomorrow morning." The bear and the tiger made an appointment to set up the battlefield. On the day of the war, the bear was eager to fight and came to the battlefield in advance to wait for the tiger. As soon as the tiger arrived, they began to fight. This tiger is no match for a bear! After playing for a while, the tiger felt at a loss and jumped off the battlefield and said, "Xiong Haizi, don't you dare wait for me here!" " "The tiger said and ran away. The bear said to himself, "You are such an asshole! Waiting for you is waiting for you. "The bear won't leave until the tiger comes. What did the tiger do? It went to look for food. When it is full of food and drink, it sleeps soundly. He perked up and went to fight with the bear again. Fight and fight, and the tiger will lose again. It sighed, jumped out of the battlefield and ran away. The tiger ran away and the bear didn't go, but he said in his heart, tiger, you coward, I won't go if you go. I'm telling you, I won't call a dog when you leave! The tiger, fed and rested, came to fight with the bear again. The battle lasted for three days, but the bear didn't eat, drink or rest for three days! Hitting, the bear looked at the tiger and said, "Hey! How did this tiger become a three-headed man? "What's the matter with his eyes hungry! Do you think it can stop tigers from eating it? Bear, this is stupid. Otherwise, how can there be such a saying among the people: "XX people are more stupid than bears!" This sentence was handed down from here.
So are there any clever animals? Yes What? Monkeys! Describe a person as stupid and compare him to a bear. If you describe a person as smart, there is another metaphor: "Who is stupid? XXX, is he stupid? Wow! He is worse than a monkey. " This shows the cleverness of monkeys. But one thing, no matter how clever the monkey is, it will be tamed in the end. Everyone has seen monkeys playing tricks in the street. Monkeys do whatever they want. The monkey charmer sang, "Open the cabinets and boxes, and put on a hat." The monkey obediently went to the box, picked up his hat and put it on himself. Look how honest this monkey is! Mr. Wang asked, "How was this monkey tamed?" This will not be tamed for a while. The monkey trainer has a magic weapon and can recite spells. One of the most effective ways is called "killing chickens to show monkeys". That's a clever move! What's the matter? The monkey was not tamed at first, but also had a little rebellious spirit and didn't want to be dominated by others. People have a way. What can we do? When I first started training monkeys, I bought a big rooster first. In this way, the chicken was tied and the monkey was pulled over there. The monkey juggler holds a gong in one hand and a kitchen knife in the other. He knocked and sang, "Open the cupboard, open the box and put on a hat." Pick up the hat and put it on the monkey. The monkey didn't want to put it on, so he pulled it with his paw and the hat fell to the ground. As soon as the monkey raised his hand, he played with the monkey. The monkey was not only not afraid, but also angered the monkey. "Son-!" That means: don't give me that, I'm not afraid of you! The monkey charmer knocked on the gong again: "Open the cabinets and boxes and put on a hat." Take a hat and put it on the chicken. Without a chicken, I shook my neck and threw away my hat. The monkey continued to knock the gong: "Open the cabinets and boxes and put on a hat." And put it on the chicken. The chicken is not wearing yet, and the monkey is anxious. Raise the kitchen knife. Poof! Cut off the head of a chicken head and the chicken blood will pop out. Look at that monkey again-put on your hat.