Today is the birthday of Mr. Ji Xianlin. He was born into a peasant family in Qingping County, Shandong Province on August 6, 1911. At that time, his family was in a very poor family.
After the age of 6, Ji Xianlin left home to join his uncle in Jinan and study in a private school. This became a turning point in his academic career: he later studied in Jinan Shandong Provincial First Normal School Attached Primary School and Jinan Xinyu Primary School. After graduating from elementary school, he was admitted to Zhengyi Middle School. After graduating from high school, he was admitted to Tsinghua University. He later studied abroad and was hired as a professor at Peking University after returning to China. He was known as the "Academic Master" and was also known as the "Nan Rao Beiji" with Jao Tsung-i. ".
However, when Ji Xianlin, who had such rich experience and important academic achievements in his life, looked back on his life in his ninth year, he admitted that his most real and unforgettable regret was that he should not have left his hometown. , leaving mother. He lamented: No matter what reputation, status, happiness, or honor in the world, nothing can compare to staying by your mother's side, even if she doesn't know a word.
Endowed with eternal regret
This article is excerpted from "The Enlightenment Book of Life Left to Children by Ji Xianlin"
I have reached the age of nine. In the past seventy or eighty years, from the countryside to the city; from domestic to foreign countries; from primary school, middle school, university to foreign research institute; from "ambitious to learn" to more than "doing what one wants without going beyond the rules", with many twists and turns, The road was full of ups and downs. I walked through Yangguan Avenue and a small single-plank bridge. I passed through "mountains and rivers and there is no doubt about the road", and saw "a village with dark flowers and bright flowers". I felt joy and sadness, disappointment and hope. Fei, I have a lot of experience. When it comes to regrets, it’s easy to find. I have to choose the deepest, truest and most unforgettable regret among them, that is, the eternal regret. It is easily accessible because it has never left my heart for a moment.
My eternal regret is: I should not have left my hometown and my mother.
Ji Xianlin and his wife
I was born in an extremely poor village in northwest Shandong. My grandparents died young, leaving my father and three brothers alone and helpless. The youngest uncle gave it away. My father and uncle Jiu were so hungry that they had no choice but to go to other people's jujube groves to pick up dried jujubes that fell on the ground to satisfy their hunger. This is certainly not a long-term solution. In the end, the brothers were forced to leave their hometown and migrate to Jinan to make a living. At this time, they were only in their teens and twenties. In a big city with no friends, Uncle Jiu must have gone through a lot of hardships and settled in Jinan.
So my father returned to his hometown and said he was a farmer, but he had no land to cultivate. It must be that after all the hardships, Uncle Jiu sometimes sent some money home from Jinan, and his father relied on it to make a living. Somehow, I found a wife, and she is my mother. My mother’s maiden name is Zhao, and she is from the same family. Her family is almost as poor as ours, otherwise we would never get married. Her family doesn't have enough food to eat, so how can she have the money and leisure to go to school? So my mother didn't know a word and lived her whole life without even a name. Her house is on another village, five miles away from our village. This five-mile journey was the longest distance my mother had ever walked in her life.
I was born in such a family and had such a mother.
Later I heard that our family had indeed been "rich" for a while. Around the end of the Qing Dynasty and the beginning of the Republic of China, Uncle Jiu used the last five cents left in his pocket to buy one-tenth of the Hubei flood lottery tickets in the three northeastern provinces and won the prize. The two brothers discussed that they should "return to their hometown rich and noble", raise their eyebrows and exhale when they go home. So he transported the money back home, but Uncle Jiu still stayed in the city, and his father took care of everything in the countryside. He bought bricks and tiles at ridiculous prices and built a house. He also bought a field with a well at a ridiculous price. I will be dripping with emotion and feel really proud. Unfortunately, the good times did not last long, and my father once again used ridiculous and bizarre methods, just like Song Jiang, who was open-minded and generous to entertain friends from all over the world. In the blink of an eye, the tile-roofed house was demolished and the bricks and tiles were sold. The fields with wells also changed owners. The whole family returned to their original situation. It was at this time and under such circumstances that I was born into the human world.
Of course my mother experienced this huge change firsthand.
Unfortunately, when I lived with my mother, I was only a few years old. Tell me, I don't understand. Therefore, our family's sudden rise and sudden decline this time was just like a flash in the pan. I still don't fully understand it. This mystery may become an eternal mystery.
In any case, our family returned to its previous poverty situation. Later, I heard someone say that our family only had more than half an acre of land at that time. I don’t know where this half-acre of land came from. A family of three lives on more than half an acre of land. Of course Uncle Jiu in the city would give him some financial aid, but something like the Hubei Flood Disaster Award was a once-in-a-lifetime event, and Uncle Jiu didn't have much money to support his brother.
I am too young to tell how life is at home. Anyway, I eat very badly, I understand this. According to the standards at that time, eating "white" (meaning wheat noodles) was the highest, followed by millet noodles or corn flour pancakes, and the third highest was red sorghum pancakes, which were red in color, like pork liver. "White" has no connection with our family. "Yellow" (millet noodles or stick noodle pancakes are all yellow in color) have little affinity with us. The only people who stay with each other all day long are "red ones". This "red" is bitter and astringent, which is really hard to swallow. But if I don’t eat, I feel hungry again. I really feel a little “red”.
However, children also have their own ways. My grandfather's cousin is a civil servant, and I call his wife grandma. This group of them has money and land. Although Juren died, his family's financial situation was still very good. My great-grandmother is still alive. Her grandson died young, so she poured all her love into me. She is one of the only people in Guanzhuang who can eat "white food". Not only did she eat it herself, but she also left half or a quarter of a white flour steamed bun for me every day. As soon as I open my eyes every morning, I immediately jump off the kang and run to the village. Our family lives outside the village. I ran up to my grandma and shouted crisply and sweetly: "Grandma!" She immediately laughed so hard that she couldn't close her mouth. She retracted her hands into her thick sleeves, took out a small piece of steamed bun from her pocket, and handed it to me. This is the happiest moment of my day.
In addition, I can occasionally eat some "white food", which I earned through my own labor. When the wheat harvest season comes in the summer, our family has no wheat to harvest at all. My aunt and uncle from the Ning family who lived across the street—their family was also very poor—took me to "gather wheat" in the fields owned by rich people in my own village or in other villages. The so-called "gleaning" means that after the long-term workers of other families have cut the wheat, there will always be a few ears of wheat left. These are not worth picking, so we poor people come to "glean".
Because there will never be much left, we picked it up for a long time, but we only picked up half the basket; however, for us, this is already a treasure. My aunt and uncle must have taken special care of me. Even a four-, five-, or six-year-old child could pick up ten or eight pounds of wheat grains in one summer. These are all made by my mother's own hands. In order to reward me, after the wheat season, my mother would grind the wheat into flour, steam it into steamed buns, or paste it into white flour pancakes to satisfy my craving. So I feasted.
I remember one year, my performance in picking up wheat was perhaps a bit "extraordinary". On the Mid-Autumn Festival - what farmers call "August 15th" - my mother got some moon cakes from somewhere and broke off a piece for me. I squatted next to a stone and ate it. At that time, for me, mooncakes were really magical and good things, dragon liver and phoenix marrow were incomparable. It was rare for me to eat them once. I didn't notice whether my mother was eating too. Looking back now, she didn't even eat a bite. Not only the mooncakes, but also other "white" ones, my mother had never tasted them and left them all for me to eat. She has probably been associated with red sorghum pancakes her whole life. In the Jian Nian, even this is not available, so the only option is to eat wild vegetables.
As for meat, the memory of eating seems to be blank. Next door to my grandma's house is a workshop that sells boiled beef. The old oxen that had worked hard for farmers all their lives were no longer able to plow in their old age, so a few farmers bought them at extremely low prices, killed them in extremely barbaric ways, boiled the meat, and then sold it. Old beef is difficult to cook, and there is really no way to do it. The farmers urinate in the meat pot, so that the meat becomes rotten.
Farmers are kind-hearted. When this happens, they tell their neighbors: "Don't buy any meat today!" My grandma's family is poor. Although she loves my grandson very much, she can only use earthen jars and spend a few coins to fill a jar. Beef soup, better than nothing. I remember one time, there was an extra piece of beef belly in the jar, which became my patent. I couldn't bear to eat it all at once, so I used a small rusty iron knife to cut it piece by piece and eat it slowly. This piece of tripe is really comparable to mooncakes.
"White", moon cakes and tripe are rare, but what about "yellow"? "Yellow" ones are equally rare. But even though I was only a few years old, I figured it out. In the three seasons of spring, summer and autumn, the grass and crops outside the farm grow. I would go outside the village to cut grass, or go to other people's sorghum fields to split sorghum leaves. Splitting sorghum leaves is not only not forbidden by landowners, but also welcomes it; because once the leaves are split, ventilation can be improved, sorghum can grow better, and more grain can be harvested. Both grass and sorghum leaves are used to feed cattle. Our family was poor and had never raised cattle. My second uncle’s family has land and often raises two big cows. The grass and sorghum leaves I prepared are for them. Whenever I, a child less than three pieces of tofu tall, walked into the second uncle's door carrying a large bundle of grass or sorghum leaves, I felt confident and not afraid. I put the grass in the cow pen and refused to leave. , you can always have a "yellow" meal, and you won't be "scrolled" (the local dialect here means "scolded") by the second aunt. When it was time to celebrate the New Year, I felt in my heart that in the past year, I had made a contribution by feeding the cows, and I had the courage to go to the second uncle's house and eat yellow noodle cakes. Yellow noodle cake is made from yellow rice flour and steamed with dates. Although it is yellow in color, it ranks above the "white" ones. Because it is only eaten once a year during the Chinese New Year, and "things are rare and valuable", so yellow noodle cakes are It's become more expensive.
A photo of Ji Xianlin with his siblings and mother
What I talked about above was all about food. Why do we talk about food when we talk about mother? The reason is not complicated. First, as a child I tended to care about what I ate. Second, almost all the delicious things I mentioned above have nothing to do with my mother. Except for "red", she doesn't care about the rest. I only stayed with her until I was six years old. After that, I went home twice for funerals and the time I stayed was also very short. Now that I recall, even my mother's face was blurry, without a clear outline. There is one thing in particular that is difficult for me to understand but easy to understand: I can't recall my mother's smile no matter what. It seems that she has never smiled in her life. Her family is poor, her son is far away, she has suffered so much, where does her smile come from? One time I went home and heard Aunt Ning from across the street tell me: "Your mother often said: 'If I had known that he would never come back after being sent away, I would never let him go no matter what!'" This short sentence contained a lot of meaning. How bitter and sad! The mother didn't know how many days and nights she spent looking into the distance, hoping that her son would come back! However, this son never returned until his mother left this world.
Regarding this situation, I was confused at first and did not understand it deeply. By the time I was in high school, I was a few years older and I gradually understood. But I was dependent on others, unable to be financially independent, and had great ambitions that could not be realized. I secretly made up my mind and made a vow: Once I graduate from college, find a job, and immediately support my mother. However, before I graduated from college, my mother left me, forever and ever. The ancients said: "The tree wants to be quiet but the wind does not stop; the child wants to be nourished but cannot be kissed." This sentence applies to me. I can't bear to imagine how my mother missed her beloved son when she was dying; when I think about it, my heart will break and my eyes will fill with tears.
When I rushed back to Jinan from Peiping, and then back to Qingping from Jinan for the funeral, I saw my mother’s coffin and the simple house. I really wanted to hit my head on the coffin and die with my mother. Underground. I regret, I really regret, I should never have left my mother. No matter what reputation, status, happiness, or honor in the world, nothing can compare to staying by your mother's side, even if she doesn't know a word, even if she eats "red" all day long.
This is my "eternal regret".
My favorite book
This article is excerpted from "The Enlightenment Book of Life Left to Children by Ji Xianlin"
What I introduce below is limited to Chinese literary works. Foreign literary works are not included. My professional books are also not included because they are too obscure.
1. Sima Qian's "Historical Records"
"Historical Records"
Many people think that "Historical Records" is a great historical book. Another great piece of literature. I personally agree with this view. Among the so-called "Twenty-Four Histories", although the level is uneven, none of them can compare with "Historical Records".
The genius of Sima Qian is certainly an important reason why "Historical Records" can reach this level; but his experiences seem to play a greater role. He was castrated for no reason, which caused him to overflow with depression and anger, and he wrote about it, with every sentence full of sadness and anger. He has fully revealed it in "Report to Ren Shaoqing".
2. "New Accounts of the World"
"New Accounts of the World"
This is not a history book, nor is it the work of a particular writer or poet. The collection is just a strange book compiled from many short stories. Some articles only have a few sentences and are not even short stories. Almost every article has a few sentences or a meaningful sentence. The surface is simple and honest, but the content is profound and unusual, which is endlessly memorable. During the Six Dynasties and the period just before, the society was in turmoil, and many people appeared who seemed to have quite eccentric temperaments. They seemed wild on the outside but worried on the inside. Their behavior is different from ordinary people. This book records their words and deeds in just a few sentences, which are vivid and unforgettable.
3. Tao Yuanming's poems
"Collection Notes of Tao Yuanming"
Some people call Tao Yuanming a "pastoral poet". In general terms, this title is appropriate. His poems are indeed pastoral. "Pick chrysanthemums under the eastern fence, and leisurely see the southern mountains" is a famous saying that is almost universally known. From the perspective of ideological content, Tao Yuanming is quite close to Taoism, the center of which is pure letting go of nature. From a stylistic point of view, his poems are simple and simple, without any ornamentation, which is very different from the parallel prose with gold and color that was popular at the time. Therefore, at that time and for a period of time thereafter, his poems were not highly evaluated. In "Poetry", they were only listed as medium-grade. However, as time went by, his evaluation became higher and he eventually became one of the great poets in China.
4. Li Bai’s Poems
"Selected Poems of Li Bai"
Li Bai is one of the greatest geniuses in the history of Chinese literature. This is recognized by everyone. . Du Fu gave the highest praise to his poems: "Bai Ye's poems are invincible, and his thoughts are unparalleled. Fresh and fresh, Yu opened his mansion, handsome and elegant, Bao joined the army." Li Bai's poetic style is elegant and bold. According to my personal feelings, once you start reading his poems, it is difficult to stop and you have to keep reading. I think the reason is that Li Bai's poems are full of energy. This "energy" is irresistible and makes you have to read the poem to the end. This is a phenomenon rarely encountered in the works of other poets. In the Tang Dynasty, and for more than a thousand years after that, Li Bai's poems were almost only praised but not criticized.
5. Du Fu's poems
"Collation and Annotation of the Complete Works of Du Fu"
Du Fu is also a great poet. For more than a thousand years, Li and Du have been known together. However, their creative styles are completely different: Li is elegant and bold, while Du is melancholy and frustrated. The difference between the two can also be seen in the rhythm used. Qilu is relatively rare in Li Bai's collection, but there are many in Du's collection. Freed from the shackles of the Seven Rhythms, Li Bai danced without shackles; Du Fu was good at using the Seven Rhythms, but danced with shackles. Both dances reached a very high level. In the history of literary criticism, Du Fu has been criticized by some people, but Li Bai is unique.
6. Ci poems by Li Yu, the later master of the Southern Tang Dynasty
"Collection of Li Yu's Ci"
There are only more than thirty poems by the latter master, which can be divided into There are two periods: in the early period, he was still a young emperor in Jiangnan, and in the later period, he was surrendered to the Song Dynasty.
There are not many words in the later period, but each chapter is a masterpiece. It is purely drawn in white, without any engravings, and does not use a single allusion. The words are almost all ordinary vernacular, which the old woman can understand; however, the artistic conception is sad and desolate, which has moved thousands of people for thousands of years. The hearts of all. He has become a giant in the history of poetry and has been praised by literary critics. However, I still can't understand Wang Guowei's ambition to praise the late master as a Buddhist nun in "Humanjiancihua".
7. Su Shi's Poems
"Su Shi's Collected Poems"
In ancient China, there were three unique qualities in praising literati. The three masters are those who can reach extremely high levels in all three aspects: poetry, calligraphy and painting. Su Shi can at least be said to have achieved the five unique qualities: poetry, calligraphy, painting, writing and lyrics. Therefore, we can say that Su Shi is the most comprehensive great genius in the history of Chinese literature and art. When it comes to poetry, he is one of the great masters of the Song Dynasty. Thesis, he is one of the Eight Great Masters of Tang and Song Dynasties. The writing is solemn and majestic. In terms of books, he was the leader of the four great writers of the Song Dynasty: Su, Huang, Song and Cai. In terms of poetry, he got rid of the tradition of the graceful school and created the bold school, which is also known as Xin Qiji.
8. Nalan Xingde’s Ci
"Nalan Ci Collection"
After the Song Dynasty, the creation of Chinese Ci set off a new trend in the Qing Dynasty climax. There are many famous artists with different styles, but they are all very wonderful, which is really commendable. Among this group of star poets, I only like Nalan Xingde. He is the son of Mingzhu, a great scholar. He grew up in wealth and wealth in Zhuhua, but he has a sorrowful mind that overflows in Chumo. I still can't get a satisfactory explanation for this. From an artistic point of view, his words can be said to have reached a state of perfection.
9. "The Scholars" by Wu Jingzi
"The Scholars"
Mr. Hu Shizhi gave "The Scholars" a very high evaluation. The poet Feng Zhi also loved this book. I myself also like "The Scholars" very much.
10. "A Dream of Red Mansions" by Cao Xueqin
"A Dream of Red Mansions"
"The Enlightenment Book Left to Children by Ji Xianlin"
Will be released soon. Stay tuned
(The cover is subject to the actual publication)
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