Classic jokes

1. Dig your own grave first, and then bury love.

2. The debt of favor must be paid with flesh. "Dwelling in a Snail"

3. In this life, people not only rely on relationships, but also on their abilities.

4. Time is like a river, it can only run forward and cannot go back. People cannot step into different rivers at the same time, nor can they have all happiness. Now that it is gone, let it go with the wind. "Wang Gui and Anna"

5. It doesn't matter if you get hurt, but it's over if you lose face.

6. Alas! You young people have never suffered. We say there that sweet potatoes must be prepared in the cellar at all times, some old rice must be stored in the granary at all times, and you must look at three steps before taking a step. Not only do you not have children yet, but once you have children, every move will cost you money, so you have to prepare in advance. "Double-sided Tape"

7. The men in this alley are either gambling or whoring. Those who don't gamble or whoring are sissies? "Double-sided Tape"

8. Marriage is, To a certain extent, compete with yourself. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

9. Most Chinese men occasionally get their shoes wet while strolling by the river, but they don't go home barefoot. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

10. Many times, life is like this when you are disappointed in your expectations, and you miss the opportunity inadvertently. "Small House"

11. Then don't have children. When you don't feel burdened by raising children, you can have them later. People must take care of themselves first before they can take care of others. As in the past, if a family wears the same pair of pants and gives birth to children one after another, aren't they looking for fault for themselves? Not only is it hard for adults, but it is also hard for children! When you have a child, you have to be responsible for the child, and you cannot give the child a good life. , it would be better not to give birth. "Double-sided Tape"

12. If you want to win the honor of being sung throughout the ages, you have to die at the right time. In your youth, you have a new favorite, and before you get tired of seeing each other, you have to die. On the right day, I happened to get sick and kicked my legs, leaving behind the most memorable aftertaste. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

13. Singing out of tune and intolerable to listen to.

14. Men are not as reliable as clothes.

15. The capital market is not for ordinary people. "Dwelling in a Dwelling"

16. Exchanging 30 days of tension for one day of relaxation is cruel!

17. When a woman talks, most of it is to herself; you focus on listening. , will be driven insane, and end up with the same unfounded worries as them. "Wang Gui and Anna"

18. A thousand days of kindness to you is not as good as a smile from someone else. My daughter is not well-raised, she is so mean. Go, go, I just hope you don't come back to me crying in the future. Huh, you just haven't suffered from your mother-in-law. If you really have a good life, it's my blessing. Even a smiling tiger won't spit out your bones when it eats you. "Double-sided Tape"

19. The greatness of a person does not mean how much you have contributed to society or how successful you are, but how to give up when you face temptation. "Dwelling in a Snail"

20. When people choose the upward ladder, they have to discard many details. "Dwelling in a Snail"

21. The definition of petty bourgeoisie is that one thinks one is elegant and remains calm in the face of chaos. "Wang Gui and Anna"

22. The girl in the flower season has followed me all the way, from the flowers in full bloom to the current haggard state. Although she has a bad temper, it is not her fault, it is forced by life. It is difficult for a woman to maintain a bad face if she has a car when she goes out and a servant when she enters the house. In such a glamorous city, there is a woman who is willing to follow her with nothing like this. We should be grateful to her, tolerate her, and love her. Make her happy. "Snail House"

23. When I walked to Huaihai Road, I threw a brick at it and hit 10 people. Among them, 5 were foreigners, 4 were group bosses, and one was a countryman. It would be better for you. , why did you find such a country boy? "Double-sided Tape"

24. A woman’s wrinkles are smile lines. The more she smiles, the deeper the lines become. Yours is not deep enough because you smile less. Be happy every day and become an old lady soon. "Wang Gui and Anna"

25. Fitness, what kind of fitness? There are so many tasks at home, filtering them from top to bottom is enough for fitness, and you have to spend money to jump outside. Is there any day when my face is not covered in sweat? I don’t see her extending her hand. It’s weight loss and exercise. Eat less meat, do more work, and you have everything. I think she feels uncomfortable not spending money.

Don't follow behind and protect her! That wife of yours is just what you are used to! She has lost all her style. Tasty, lazy, and arrogant. You don’t care about her! "Double-sided Tape"

26. The difference between people in front and behind: As a wife, you can be coquettish, lazy, and even occasionally slutty, but as a daughter-in-law, you have to behave Show a kind of caution, a kind of junior humility, a kind of trembling, just like you are restrained in front of the leaders of the unit, so as to show the orderliness of society. If your parents are not here, you are at home alone; if your parents are here, you can only sit half-assed on the sofa. "Double-sided Tape"

27. Will possessing material means having spirit?

28. Xiaobei: What is happiness? Happiness is the shreds of meat on the head of chopsticks. "Dwelling in a Snail"

29. This flattery hit the target.

30. What does she mean by eating something? I cut a bowl of braised pork into 28 pieces, you eat 8 pieces, your dad eats 7 pieces, and she eats 13 pieces each! If this pot of meat is at home, it will be eaten. Order carrots and potatoes, and your dad and I can eat them for a week! Calculating this, how much food money will be wasted in a month? This family is not a mountain of gold and silver. Everyone is digging in with their mouths open. No matter how much money they have, they can’t bear it. What a hassle! Not to mention having to dress and buy a house. Look at your closet of clothes! How many bodies does one person have? If you change one outfit in one day, you won’t look the same in a month. Gas, electricity bills, telephone calls, your mobile phones, going out and taking a car, what do you do for free? It looks like you are making a lot of money, but you can’t save a few dollars a month. You don’t have any sense of crisis in your mind. What if someone gets sick one day? What if you have a child? You don’t cry and cry when you need money. Mom is someone who has been through this. Mom will tell you everything you have never experienced in advance. She can’t watch you walking by the river without helping you. Your days were so stressful! "Double-sided Tape"

31. I will impart my life experience to you for free: A man must be capable, not for good looks, but for character! Good looks cause trouble! Character Trouble! Is Napoleon short? King! A beautiful man is like a loser, and a beautiful woman is like a vase. How much can the vase be sold for, but the loser is worth nothing! You know what I’m talking about? "Double-sided Tape"

32. Men with mistresses do blue-collar jobs.

33. Finally entered the ranks of millionaires.

34. I play mahjong with your mother every weekend, and I have to strategically lose no more than 500 yuan to your mother. This is very technical. When the salary is paid every month, I already have a part of my mind that is automatically transferred to your mother. When I get a wife, I pay in installments. "Double-sided Tape"

35. When a woman has her own family, she gets married.

36. Love is a hormone in the early stage, maintained by impulse. In the later stage, it is breathing, which becomes a necessity of life and is maintained by family affection. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

37. In fact, what women care about is just a compliment, but it seems that they have ignored it. "Double-sided Tape"

38. Your wife is the one who nags in your ear all your life.

39. Literature is the coriander on the fish.

40. It makes me seem like a mistress despised by the world. "Dwelling in a Snail House"

41. Marriage is actually a shackles, whether you like it or not, once you are put on it, you will take the initiative to give up your arms and give up your freedom because of the existing commitment. Even the last private area like dreams is monitored by invisible fences. "Wang Gui and Anna"

42. On this day, he was supposed to be a father.

43. I am willing to miss you like this.

44. Wang Gui at least understands a few truths: 1. Cancer is not so easy to get; 2. The more knowledge a woman has, the more reactionary she becomes; 3. It doesn’t matter whether you are knowledgeable or ignorant. Afraid of half-understanding; 4. If a man listens to a woman, half of his time will be wasted; if he reacts, all time will be wasted. "Wang Gui and Anna"

45. To be honest, I am also a man who demands that his wife comes first like the men in Shanghai, and I have worked hard. But during the days after my mother arrived, I discovered that Shanghai men have too high demands on themselves. It feels like Jesus would sacrifice me for who else. This kind of height is really not something that ordinary people can reach. I suddenly found that from the bottom of my heart, I still hope that there is a woman who knows the cold and the hot, asks questions, and makes me feel loved. . Perhaps, choosing a Shanghai woman back then was an essential mistake. Charming can only be used for viewing, not for living.

"Double-sided Tape"

46. People should never do something they are not good at.

47. Working overtime is part of Asian culture.

48. Don’t miss the entire forest for a small profit.

49. The most difficult person to deal with in this world is your wife, and the easiest person to deal with is also your wife. What you think is a simple thing is earth-shattering to your wife. Things that you think are complicated are very clear to your wife. "Double-sided Tape"

50. If you get the multiple-choice question wrong, zero points! "Dwelling in a Dwelling"

51. Be polite when talking to my woman? Don't be so loud! "Dwelling in a Dwelling"< /p>

52. The hardest job in the world is to hold multiple jobs. You can be a good husband or a good son, but you cannot be a good husband and a good son at the same time. Now I finally understand why a series of people including Baoyu, Shunzhi, and Haideng eventually became monks. The main reason is that having a home is not as easy as not having a home. If it can make both my mother and my wife happy, I don't care if I do more work. The pain now has completely exceeded the work. Busy people look forward to being idle. In fact, being idle is not necessarily a good job, nor is it necessarily enjoyment. It is said that Little Japan does not fire employees. If they no longer want you, they will let you sit on the bench, promote you to a nominal manager, leave you alone, and ignore you. "Double-sided tape"? Liuliu Quotes

53. When I lowered my head and smiled, I suddenly returned to my college days.

54. The first strategy in marriage is to retreat before advancing. What is right and wrong between husband and wife? We must focus on the main contradiction. Have you read Mao’s Selections? The first chapter of Mao’s Selections is the magic weapon for defeating the enemy: Who are our enemies and who are our friends? This question is the primary question of the revolution. Don't escalate the conflict with Yaping's mother to the conflict with Yaping. One is the contradiction between ourselves and the enemy, and the other is the contradiction among the people. You need to see this situation clearly. One needs to be severely punished, while the other needs to be spared and spared. "Double-sided Tape"

55. Her house is her tomb.

56. You are the root that is stepped on by me.

57. If you have a boyfriend, be sure not to ask him where to meet. That will be the source of quarrels. Just ask him to pick you up at home. "Wang Gui and Anna"

58. Wounds will heal if they are not rubbed.

59. The joy of fish and water is just a passing thing.

60. This kind of scream of pain? Rejected?

61. 40,000 is still your mother, 60,000 is our mother. If you don’t borrow it, you will probably be fucked. . "Snail House"

62. Marriage is actually similar to bargaining in the vegetable market. Everyone has their own limit. If you have the same desire to make a deal, you will enter. A little, I'll back off a little. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

63. It turns out that softness and hardness are relative. When a woman treats a man as a big tree, she can cling to it like a vine. But if a mother protects a man under an umbrella and calls out to her all day long, a woman will feel that this man is like a slug wearing crotchless pants, causing her to completely lose her admiration for men? "Double-sided Tape"

64. Mom, don’t worry about us. Isn’t there a saying? Children and grandchildren will have their own blessings?. "Double-sided Tape"

65. Marriage It's a bowl of beef noodles. The few slices of beef floating on top are just for the sake of swallowing. "Wang Gui and Anna"

66. I fall in love with you basely.

67. Marriage is just a matter of cents.

68. A person’s life is a curve that fluctuates up and down, sometimes high and sometimes low. You should be happy when it is low, because you will soon reach a high point, but when it is high, it is actually very dangerous, and you cannot see the coming trough. "Dwelling in a Snail House"

69. I haven't thought about you, and I can't even remember you. ?"Double-sided Tape"

70. He is graceful and warm outside, but I am overtired at home. "Dwelling in a Snail"

71. Why do people need presbyopia? It is to make the world become blurrier, more impressionistic, and more beautiful. People spend their whole lives in clarity and fuzzyness. When they are young, their minds are blurred and their eyes are clear. When they are old, their eyes are blurred and their hearts are clear. This can reduce the pain! "Wang Gui and Anna"

72. People cannot help themselves, and their hearts cannot help themselves.

"Dwelling in a Small House"

73. What kind of man determines your fate! "Dwelling in a Small House"

74. Unmarried at the age of 25, the future is bright! "Dwelling in a Small House"

75. There are many ways to the spirit, and material is one of them. "Snail House"

76. The thief has both heart and courage, but the thief is sleeping.

77. People nowadays are afraid of exams and must prepare in advance for everything. Pregnancy is a normal thing, so what should you be prepared for? "Double-sided Tape"

78. Men are for living, not for decoration.

79. Whenever someone says they are willing to protect you, they will basically abandon you in the end, such as your husband. If you can't recognize this reality, how can you still walk around the world? The first rule when walking in the world is: you can only believe in yourself. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

80. Marriage is a mistake, divorce is enlightenment, remarriage is a fallacy, and remarriage is stubbornness. Giving birth to a child is a big mistake. Living alone will not delay anything. "Double-Sided Tape"

81. If a man really loves a woman, don't play with it. If you love this woman, the first thing you want to give her is neither your heart nor your body. , one is to give a stack of money so that women don’t have to worry about the future; the other is to offer a house, so that at least when they can’t have a man, their heart will be lost but their body will still be there. "Dwelling in a Snail House"

82. If you smoke cigarettes all your life, you will burn down half of my house.

83. You still want to get married next year for 8,000 yuan? No way!

84. You are much better than that emperor. At home, you don’t have to worry about being tampered with by someone in the government. You don’t have to worry about whether your son is your biological son. You don’t need to have a military career in your life. You rarely go to the brothel. Well. This person should not be too comfortable. If he is too comfortable, he will easily get sick. "Double-sided Tape"

85. An unmarried woman is a swallow, free and easy. A married woman is like a dove, she will come back when the time comes. A woman who has children is a duck with a string behind her butt. "Wang Gui and Anna"

86. Money comes easily and goes quickly.

87. When a person lives to a state of great transparency, sex and love, mother or child, there is nothing that cannot be ridiculed, that is advanced wisdom. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

88. There is no milk left here, there is a place for milk. "Dwelling in a Snail House"

89. After thirty years of loaning, the interest has gone out of a house. "Dwelling in a Snail"

90. It is better to break up happily than to get married with guilt.

91. The daughter is the father’s former lover.

92. Men, there are so many people who exchange old clothes for new ones, but how many of them have you seen who change their mothers? "Double-sided Tape"

93. Never Become the opposite of your husband's family or you will lose him. You have to correct your position. Your wife will always have a foreign surname. If you want to integrate into a family that has been formed for decades, you have to endure it. Either you don't want this man, or you just tolerate it. There is no second place. There are three ways to go. "Double-Sided Tape"

94. This time, I saw my wife tearing her face apart first, so she simply took off her disguise and sat down on the ground, beating her chest and stamping her feet, shouting at the heavens and the earth. According to Anna, she cried with the same melody as singing, with the original accent of Henan Bangzi, which made Anna suddenly realize that Wang Gui also has artistic inheritance. The specific singing melody is as follows: My damn old man, you committed evil and gave birth to an enemy. When the enemy grew up, his wings became stiff, and when he got a wife, he forgot about his mother. I raised him up by pooping and peeing. I sent him out to the countryside hungry and begging for food. I didn't spend a penny of the money he earned. I came here to help, and I didn’t want to be scolded by the demon. I’m not alive is a very complete narrative poem. Wang Gui and Anna were stunned when they heard it. "Wang Gui and Anna"

95. What Nong said is always wet tissue. It takes 2 kilograms of water to stir up its real weight. "Double-sided Tape"

96. Serve the people who get rich first.

97. People must rely on reason to live comfortably. People rely on extravagant hopes to live happily. A frustrated life is the gap between reason and extravagant hope. People live in despair because you know that this gap may never be bridged. "False Talk and Crazy Talk"

98. The speed of saving money can never keep up with the speed of rising prices.

99. Words like southeast, northwest, are abstract words in women’s brains, juxtaposed with stream of consciousness, postmodernism and nanotechnology. "Wang Gui and Anna"

100. I want to buy a virgin house! ;