1. There are two types of people I hate the most: racists and black people.

It should be a classic.

2. When the millionaire drove his luxurious extended-length "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass to eat on the side of the road. The millionaire stopped the car immediately.

"Why are you eating grass?"

"We really have no money..." replied a beggar.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I still have a wife and two children at home..." a beggar muttered.

"Call them here." The rich man pointed to another beggar. "And you, call your family members here too." ”

“My family has a large population. In addition to my wife, I have five children. "Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, call them all, go quickly1

Just like that, the two beggars and their families got on the car. Fortunately, it was an extended car. . During the ride, a beggar's wife said gratefully: "Boss, you are so kind, you can even invite poor people like us to your home."

The millionaire replied: "It's nothing, I I just came back from abroad. No one has been taking care of the house. The lawn in the yard is probably more than one meter high. You can eat enough.

Xiao Ming saw that if you buy a box of flat fruits, you will get a fruit knife for free. He said to the fruit seller: You are so thoughtful! The fruit buyer said: Yes, there are a lot of rotten things.

The 4-year-old boy kissed the 3-year-old girl, and the 3-year-old girl said : “You have to be responsible for me. The 4-year-old boy smiled and said, "Don't worry, we are not 1 or 2-year-old kids anymore." ”

My mobile phone belongs to Noja. The ring function cannot be set to vibrate when receiving text messages. This is very important, especially during exams.

The eve of the final exam , most people seem to be confident. Of course I know why they are not worried. Their mobile phone text messages can be set to vibrate, and they can receive information without being noticed, unlike the unlucky Noziah in my hand." As soon as the "beep" sounded, all the invigilators in the corridor could be summoned. As the saying goes, it is not as good as heaven.

The final exam has begun, and the examination room of our class is arranged in the east staircase classroom. As soon as my mobile phone entered the examination room, the information index immediately went to zero! Only my Noja, the information index still showed two bars. I quietly reminded the few anxious buddies around me to stay calm, I have everything under control. .

The first subject is English. We have arranged for the master to be in another examination room and promised that as soon as she finishes the exam, she will send her answers on her mobile phone. When the phone beeped, I immediately became energetic. The life-saving text message came! The life-saving text message came, and the invigilator also heard the sound and came over. I took it out from another pocket. The portable alarm clock was placed on the desk. The teacher came over and asked me what was going on. I pointed at the alarm clock and said, "What, teacher, I lost my watch two days ago." "This trick was learned from China's Liberation War and is called "Don't fight an unprepared battle."

The moment the teacher turned around, he had finished copying the answers to the 20 multiple-choice questions.

No At 10 minutes, the phone beeped again. I pretended to be nothing, and when the teacher came closer, I picked up the alarm clock and opened it in person, removed the battery, unscrewed the back cover, looked at it, and said strangely, What's going on, Lao Xiang, maybe it's broken? The teacher knocked on my desk and asked me to pay attention. There is still 1/3 of the multiple-choice questions on the paper. I think it will be done again.

When the phone rang this time, the old lady who was invigilating the exam got angry and rushed towards me angrily. Before I could wait for her to come over, I grabbed the alarm clock angrily and banged it on the table, " What a broken alarm clock! The ringing is not over yet! "When the old lady comes over, I will directly send the alarm clock over. "Teacher, please take the alarm clock away, otherwise it will not disturb the silence of the examination room. The old lady breathed a sigh of relief, took the alarm clock and whispered: "There are still more than forty minutes, so answer the questions carefully." ”

At this time, my roll showed a scene of a great harvest, and I began to pass notes to the brothers and sisters around me. While I was busy, my cell phone rang again! The teacher looked at the wind. As soon as I scanned it, I broke out in a cold sweat! At this time, I couldn't find anything but a roll of toilet paper and not even a coin. The same old lady whispered something to the other proctor with a serious expression.

I was so anxious that I raised my head and asked the people around me, "Do you have an alarm clock?" The buddies around me were all very cooperative, with innocent looks on their faces: "No." I also wondered: "What is that sound?" The old lady came over and shouted: "Don't talk!" I took the opportunity to get up quickly and told the teacher that I would hand in the paper.

Within a few minutes, the comrades came out one after another, high-fiving each other outside the examination room to celebrate, which was a sign of a successful revolution. At this time, someone asked me, who sent the last message? I took out my phone and read the message. Under the green background light, there were seven clear black characters: Wrong answer! Don't copy!

Only after working did I realize that an air-conditioned office is not as good as a noisy classroom.

Only after working did I realize that love in college was a game, but now love is a transaction.

< p>Only after I started working did I realize that sometimes a meal worth thousands of dollars is a necessity.

Only when I started working did I realize that students all pretend to be rich, while real rich people pretend to be poor. < /p>

Only after working did I realize that those who dress like students are all chickens, and those who dress like chickens are all students.

Only after working did I realize that what you wear does not depend on your taste, but on your personality. Occasion.

Only after working did I realize that the school was connected by three points and one line, but now it is a straight line.

Only after working did I realize that buying a house is also a lofty ideal.

Only after working did I realize that the chance of becoming a social elite is the same as winning the lottery.

Only after working did I realize that the elimination of exploitation was just a legend.

Work Only after I got a job did I realize that the price of independence is to lose more freedom.

It was only after I started working that I realized that people who work in computers don’t need grade certificates at all, and those who don’t work in computers, their grade certificates are useless paper.

< p>Only after I started working did I realize that most foreign companies in China also use Chinese.

Only when I started working did I realize that the difference between graduate students and us is that they got 200 yuan more per month when they first started working. < /p>

It’s only after I started working that I realized that all certificates are just stepping stones. If I knock on the door, no one will read it.

I didn’t realize until I started working that people who are really good at English learn it by themselves out of necessity after working.

Only after working did I realize that teachers in schools have a much higher social status than ordinary leaders of enterprises.

Only after working did I realize that as long as those engaged in human resources in China can judge Just make sure your diploma is authentic.

Only after I started working did I realize that my college experience was in vain.

Only after I started working did I realize that I would never have a job without going to college.

p>

It’s only after I started working that I realized that most people live just to live

Compiled and published by Juqiang Jokes (Is it easy for me to score points) It’s good to share the good stuff< /p>

Firefly was detained for being a hooligan. Firefly refused to accept: Who discharged the electricity? Who ran naked? Who has exhibitionism? The bathroom is dark and you are not allowed to light a lamp?

A robber in New York, USA, said a wise saying when robbing a bank: "Don't touch anything. The money belongs to the country, but your life is your own!"

An electrician walked into the operating room. , said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask: Hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need to black out for five minutes!

One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

A patient was lying on the bed singing. He started singing with his face up, and after a while he sang with his back. The dean was puzzled and asked the reason. He replied: Silly, it was side A just now, and now it is side B!

One day, the lion and the bear were in the orchard. . After a few days, the trees near the lion db grew more lush than those near the bear db. So the bear said something philosophical: Lion poop is better than bear poop~! ~!

I told you more than once not to do such a life-threatening job and to take care of your health, but you always said meaningfully: If I don’t roll a few more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in the winter? !

A group of thieves were caught on video robbing a bank. The little thief said: Brother, our movie dream has finally come true! The boss said angrily: Idiot! Can you please use your brain? Wearing a mask, who knows who we are.

Display of "trophies" in the cafeteria of the four-year university: (C_chairman)

(1) An earthworm, lying at the bottom of the spinach soup, turned white and swollen like a little finger;

p>

(2) One ladybug, a seven-star one, I counted it carefully;

(3) One strawberry (a good thing), but I don’t know why it appears in the bean bag;

(4) When ordering a meat dish, I saw a huge piece of meat in the dish (the size of a mouse, people around me were so envious). I turned it over and saw that it was half a pig’s breast, with about an inch of meat growing on it. The black hair! ! !

(5) Steamed buns, you haven’t eaten them in the first bite, but you have already bitten them in the second bite;

(6) Tofu, after eating them for the first time, you will eat them every time in the future. Before a fight, he always goes to the cafeteria to steal a few pieces and use them as bricks;

(7) Others: porridge can take a bath, rice can kill birds, and steamed buns fly to Taiwan Island...

Summary: The cafeteria is a place that can always bring us surprises: today, you think you have eaten the most unpalatable food in the world, but tomorrow, you will always find that you are wrong.

My ideal is a stunning beauty, and one day she will come to marry me riding a fire-breathing dinosaur, but I saw her mount, but not its owner...

One buddy said depressedly: "***, I was rejected by MM!"

The other said: "You can just settle it like this. When I am rejected, It was MM's sisters who told me. "The buddy next to me said: "You are so lucky. The news of my rejection was sent to the boys' dormitory through the girls' dormitory, and then my buddy told me."

The last one said: "Ah, bah, I saw the news about my rejection in our school's BBS's 'Today's Top Ten'!!"

During class, two boys in the back row:

p>

A: "I curse your future girlfriend to be from our class!"

B: "I curse your future girlfriend to be from our class!!!"

Freshman year: Found a worm, and the whole bowl of rice was poured over;

Sophomore year: Found a worm, picked out the worm and continued eating;

Third year When I was a senior: I found a worm, so I ate it as if there were no worms;

When I was a senior: I found there were no worms, so I protested, how could I eat without worms!

When I was studying for graduate school: I found a kind of worm, and I sighed, this style is too simple;

When I was studying for a doctoral degree: I found only worms, and I sighed, the school food has improved...

Oh my God, there are 6 "Xiaoqiang" in 4 taels of rice! ! !

I could no longer hold back the long-pressed anger in my heart, so I angrily came to the lunch window and slammed the one-pound iron lunch box onto the window sill. , in an instant, the noisy cafeteria fell silent. More than a thousand pairs of eyes stared at Master Liu, who was preparing the meal. His face did not change, his heart did not beat, and he calmly pushed my lunch box out: "How many times have I told you, gather 7 Only a cockroach can exchange for a bean bag! "Everyone turned their heads...

The last question of the professional course exam: Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote "Newton". As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. It turned out that everyone wrote the name of the instructor... x, what a world!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the scenery on the balcony and found a beautiful girl in the girls’ dormitory opposite holding a handkerchief and waving to me. I waved to her too; then she ran to another window and followed her. I waved, and I waved back to her; then she left again, and when she waved to me again at the third window, I realized that she was cleaning the window...

MM is looking for Tsinghua University, Unexpectedly, I got lost. Fortunately, I met a gentle professor who held several thick books. "Excuse me, how can I go to Tsinghua University?" The professor thought for a while and said earnestly: "Study, only if you keep studying hard can you go to Tsinghua University."

A student at Tsinghua University said every day He was squatting in a corner of the zoo watching bears with a broken bottle. His mother went to the hospital to ask if the child had any neurological problems. The doctor said that to determine whether he was sick, he must start by understanding him. So the doctor brought a bottle with him to watch the bears every day, and the two of them squatted in silence for a month. Finally one day, he spoke: "Excuse me...are you...are you also planning to throw sulfuric acid at the bear?"

The only girl in the department came to watch the basketball game.

Suddenly, MM's skirt was blown up by the strong wind, and the boys from outside the department shouted: "Oh my god, the beauty is leaked!" The boys from the department said in unison with a sullen face: "Please, it's just a family scandal!"

That day it was still I read this:

A man swore to God to be faithful to his marriage when he got married, but he cheated on his wife soon after the marriage. After a few days of worry, he found that there was no retribution, so he forgot about it.

Until one day when he was sailing and encountered a storm, he suddenly realized that this was God's punishment, so he quickly knelt down and prayed: Please forgive him for the sake of other innocent people.

At this time, a low voice came from the sky: Do you think I have been idle these years? Is it easy to gather this crew of people?