In this life, who do you think you can’t live without in your life? Is it a lover? Is it a relative? Is it a teacher? Or a friend? I think these four are probably indispensable.

Lovers and relatives are a relationship where blood is thicker than water; teachers are our guides on the road of life; and friends are the best companions. What do people fear most? It's loneliness. Family can give us warmth, teachers can help us answer our questions, and friends can give us support and companionship at any time.

Friends are actually divided into close and distant friends. For example, the highest level of friends is called a close friend or a close friend. It's hard to find a confidant, and it's hard to find a close friend. This shows that true friends are actually quite rare. There is a saying: The more friends you have, the easier the road will be. When you have new friends, never forget the old ones. So most people think that the more friends the better.

But did you know that thousands of years ago, Zhuangzi told us that the fewer friends the better, especially after middle age, having too many friends is definitely not a good thing. Regardless of whether you agree with this view or not, let’s first take a look at Zhuangzi’s statement. Is it really reasonable?

Zhuangzi has a very famous saying about his understanding of friends: The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water. What is a friend? A true friend is a friendship between gentlemen. The characteristics between gentlemen are that they are as plain as water, not for fame and wealth, and not for vanity.

Many people's understanding of friends is exactly the opposite of Zhuangzi. They believe that friends should be vigorous and vigorous together, and it is best to make a life-and-death alliance with Jinlan.

Zhuangzi had no such friend. His best friend was Huizi. Huizi was in a powerful position, while Zhuangzi was a liberal who did not want to be an official or get rich. Moreover, these two people got together and often quarreled with each other.

For example, one day when they were watching the scenery on the bridge, Zhuangzi said: Look how happy the fish in this water are! Keiko argued with him: You are not a fish, how do you know? Zhuangzi immediately responded: You are not me, how do you know that I don’t know? The two argued back and forth, and in the end they left behind the allusion "A child is not a fish, and he knows the joy of fish", which is the famous "Haoliang Debate".

In addition to arguing with each other, Zhuangzi and Huizi often criticized each other fairly. People who don’t know better think that there is some grudge between the two people, but in fact they can really do it. Zhuangzi never asked Huizi to use his power to help him solve problems, and Huizi never used Zhuangzi's influence. This kind of friendship seems a bit strange today, but this is The highest state of friendship.

The friendship between Zhuangzi and Huizi has several characteristics. The first is that there is no mutual dependence and mutual utilization between friends. The second is that the status does not necessarily match. The third is that his expressions and The position may not necessarily support you, it may even be against you.

Zhuangzi said: People in the secular world like others to be the same as themselves, but hate others to be different from themselves. We usually like to make friends with people who agree and support us, but hate people who disagree with us. Some people insist that making friends must match their identity, and they even must make friends with people who are better than themselves, and define friends as those who are helpful to their development. If you have a lot of personal network resources, then this kind of friendship principle is completely opposite to Zhuangzi.

When people are young, they often choose friends based on their own preferences. If they are more sensible, they will consider whether their friends are helpful to them or whether they are of value. But when a person reaches middle age, From now on, you should understand: the fewer friends you have, the better your life will be. Those who use each other can only be regarded as temporary network resources at best, but they are definitely not friends in the true sense.

If you regard your friends as human resources that you can draw on at any time, you are also just a resource that others can use at any time. Friends at this time are more of a kind of connection to each other. Burden and pressure, once the value of this mutual use disappears, this friendship will gradually drift away.

So when we truly understand the meaning of friends, we will reduce our circle of friends. Friendship between gentlemen must be very few, but when we are lonely, he can quarrel with you or argue with you. , when he makes a mistake, he will bluntly criticize and correct him. When there are difficulties, they can face them together, but they will not think of taking advantage of each other...

In this kind of friendship, there is no pressure and no There is only tacit understanding and understanding between each other. Maybe there are only one or two such friends along the way, but they will make your life better and better. Therefore, the inspiration given to us by "Zhuangzi" is: there are fewer and fewer friends. Life will get better and better.