Step one: tell the truth.

To describe the actual situation of the problem, that is, the facts we see, we must be realistic.

Step 2: Talk about feelings.

Tell us about the feelings brought by this problem, which can be positive or negative.

Talking about emotional needs is your feelings in a calm and rational state.

It is not your own feeling of anger and excitement, nor is it a general accusation, reprimand or mistake.

Step 3: Make suggestions.

In view of the problem, speak your own practical opinions and suggestions.

This is the trilogy of parent-child communication. Is it simple?

In order to facilitate your understanding and application, let's do a case study.

Talking about children stealing money from their parents, you found out. How to talk to children in these three steps?

Teaching by heart

How to communicate with parents in three steps?

1. Tell the truth: I saw that there was less money in my wallet, and I heard you personally admit that you took it. I feel shocked, angry and sad. I'm worried about your behavior.

2. Talk about feelings: Mom wants you to talk. Do you feel a little nervous and afraid of stealing money from your parents? If you are worried, we will teach you a lesson by beating and cursing.

3. Suggestion: How do you want to solve this matter? We need to find a solution.

For example: 1, sincerely apologize; 2. Draw up the repayment plan; 3. Write a self-critical book; 4. What should I do if this behavior happens again next time? 5. How much pocket money do you need every month? How to get pocket money is allowed by parents.

The basic skill of effective communication is not to arbitrarily draw conclusions and label children, but to communicate with children and tell the truth.

Don't blame and scold children, but talk to them about their feelings and moods;

Instead of denying the child completely and ordering him to obey himself, it is better to put forward reasonable suggestions and let the child make the right choice by himself.

The second simple and practical communication skill

Ii. 4D 1K communication rules

It is easy to communicate with children by using the communication rule of "4D 1K".

Because only by following the child's brain acceptance model will he go with you and listen to you.

First of all, D, OK ... When communicating with us, whether it is children or family members, whether what they say is right or wrong, we need to reply to each other first: "OK."

This is the first step to communicate with each other.

Let the other party feel that we are listening carefully, which is also the initial reaction to what the other party said.

The other party will think that you are listening carefully to what he said and get initial approval.

I will be very happy and willing to continue to communicate with you.

Second, D, you ... repeat each other's ideas, and let the children and their families reconfirm whether their understanding is correct.

In other words, we must initially agree with each other so that we can continue to communicate.

Third, my ... in a harmonious atmosphere, I put forward my own ideas and opinions and send them to my children.

Fourth, our ... partners listen to and think about the signal that "I" just sent out, and then say "our goal", and send out the signal again to guide the children and their families to consider as a whole and to guide each other to think.

How about the fifth k?

Having described the above four steps, I put forward my own new suggestions.

The children feel fully respected. After careful consideration, they think the suggestions are reasonable, and most of them will be willing to accept and implement them.

This is the communication rule of 4D 1K, have you learned it?

Seemingly simple, the key is to apply it to real life.

There is a saying: useless = useless.

Chairman Mao said: Practice is the only criterion for testing truth.

No matter how good the methods and skills are, if we don't use them, if they don't help our lives.

Then there is no need to study.

Finally, I want to share a short story.

One lock was very strong, and an axe came and said, I can pry it open.

But the lock won't move after a long time of prying.

A small key came over and said, look at me, it opened with a slight twist.

Axes are incomprehensible. I had a hard time trying not to pry it open. You are too young. How did you open it?

The key said a famous saying: because I know its heart! Know your heart and unlock it as easy as blowing off dust.

Isn't it the same for us to educate our children?

Are you going to make an axe or a key?

Every child is a different lock. You need the key to your heart to open this lock.

Education is a "happy door" process. If you "change", the children will "change".

This is the "open door principle", which is the core principle of changing children and one of the most important principles in the process of family education.

If you want to change your children, you must first change yourself.

Use the "three-step parent-child communication method" or "4D 1K communication rule" to communicate with children in depth.